For being just a measly piece of paper, money sure does have immense power attached to it. What’s funny, though, is that it was exactly us who gave it value, and it was us who somehow decided to trade goods for colorful pieces of linen and cotton. Don’t you think it is time we scale down the power that currency has over us…? And while this is an interesting question, pondering on it isn’t exactly why we’ve gathered here today. In fact, the purpose of this summit is the exact opposite - not to contemplate deep questions but rather lightheartedly laugh at them. So, let us present to you our compendium of only the most hilarious money jokes. While laughing at them won’t make us richer in the literal sense, the laughter itself might enrich your day and lift up your spirits.
So, these currency jokes will definitely laugh at the preposterous power money holds over us, and these silly jokes will spare no coin with their clever wordplays. Some of them will gently mock the owner’s spending habits, while others will adore money’s buying capacity. No grind will be left uninsulted, and no unfair earning unmentioned. Basically, these cool jokes will do everything to make money seem like the thing it actually is - just a piece of paper or a coin. Also, a nice material for comedy gold!
Are you ready for these ground-breaking, laughter-inducing, and cliche-smashing money jokes? If so, then scroll on down below to meet them! Once you are there, give the best jokes your vote and share this article with your friends.
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If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it." – Bob Hope
But only if you can prove who you are in the UK by, passport from any country, immigration papers, refugee status etc...
What would you name it if you took an exam about bad puns on how to scam money from people? It'd be called a pun-ching con-test.
Did you hear about an ATM that got addicted to money? Heard it was suffering from withdrawals.
Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
Money talks... but all mine ever says is goodbye.
What did one penny say to the other penny? Let’s get together and make some cents.
Money isn’t everything, but it definitely keeps you in touch with your children.
Why did the woman put her money in her freezer? Because she wanted some cold hard cash.
What type of money do crabs pay their bills with? Sand dollars.
I don't think Mr. Krabs takes those at the Krusty Krab. I could be wrong
Nothing says 'I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather.
"Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money." – Jackie Mason
Why do people say that if we want to get rich, we should keep our mouths shut? Probably because silence is supposed to be gold.
Why did the robbers take a bath before they were going to steal from the bank? Because they wanted to make clean getaway.
Why did everyone warn the man when he said he wanted to invest all his money into a whipped cream factory? Because they all thought it was a huge whisk.
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can't really talk about it.
"The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream." – Bill Murray
"I’m actually not sure how much money I have. But I do know how many pounds of money I have." – Ron Swanson
What did the man say when his landlord told him that he'd come to talk to him about his high heating bill? The man told him, "Sure, my door's always open."
What was the football coach yelling to the vending machine that ate his money? He was saying "Give me my quarterback".
Why shouldn't you ask for money from the leprechauns? It's because they can never help. They are always a little short.
Why did the one student swallow all her pennies? It's because the teacher told her that she needed more cents.
What would a stockbroker say to another stockbroker when they wanted the other person to stop talking? They'd probably say, "Put a stock in it".
What would you call a man that had a head full of change? He'd probably be called Headquarters.
What would you call it if you invested a huge amount of money into a corn farm? You could call it a major stalk investment.
Why wasn't the criminal able to steal all the money alone? Because she was banking on her friends to help her.
What would you call it if a bunch of crows started gathering money? It'd be called Crowdfunding.
What did the flutist do when she found out that she was not making as much money as the cellist was making? She asked the cellist what her bass salary was.
The stock market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.
My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it’s a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
There's nothing I've learned from being a parent that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. An old man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.
The boy that used to bully me at school is still taking my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.
"My dad is so cheap that when he dies, he’s going to walk toward the light and turn it off." — Comedian Matin Atrushi
If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract—teach him to deduct.
"Acquaintance - a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to." – Ambrose Bierce
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be." – Rita Rudner
"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need." – Will Rogers
"There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can." – Mark Twain
An investor to his advisor: Is really all my money gone? No, of course not. It’s just with somebody else!
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Why didn't the man report it to the police when his credit card got stolen? Because the kind thief was spending less than the man.
What's the similarity between a dollar and the moon? It's that both of them have 4 quarters.
In England, what would you be called if you had to pay money to live inside a toilet? You'd probably be called a loo tenant.
Why did the man get caught just for accidentally dropping some money inside his washing machine? Probably because the police thought that he was laundering money.
What would you say if you became exhausted filling forms and calculating the amount of money you had to pay to your country? It had been a taxing day.
Why should you invest all your money in yeast? Because it has the ability to make your dough rise.
How much money do professional ice skaters usually make in a year? They make eight figures but they, unfortunately, can't access that because all their accounts are frozen.
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.
I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does, however, put you in a good position to bargain.
I’ve never understood the concept of the gift certificate, because for the same 50 bucks, my friend could’ve gotten me 50 bucks.
"People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." – Doug Larson
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? ... No Pockets." – Jerry Seinfeld
"Wealth is not without its advantages, and the case to the contrary, although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive." – J. K. Galbraith
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." – Groucho Marx
“Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown
What would a duck say to the cashier after he was done shopping? He'd probably say, "Put it all on my bill".
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.
