Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Would you like to read this article? I’ll assume that you’re nodding along and that I have your consent because you opened it up. Always a touchy subject that gets both sides of the debate fired up, consent is nonetheless a very important concept. To put it bluntly, consent is what helps people maintain their freedom of will and help them stay, well, human. With their dignity and autonomy intact.
And one mother from Chicago is taking the concept to a whole other level with her toddler and baby. She’s teaching her children about consent and body autonomy in a very radical way: by introducing the concepts in every task that they do together every single day. From asking whether they want their hair brushed to gently nudging them to say whether he wants to brush his teeth now or in five minutes.
You’ll find 32-year-old teacher Alissa’s TikTok videos where she introduces her unique and emotionally intelligent style of parenting to the internet below.
RELATED:
Mom Alissa from Chicago teaches her kids consent through small everyday tasks. You can watch the full video here
@once.upon.a.mamaJust a few examples ✨ IG: once.upon.a.mama #momsoftiktok#momtok#parent#parenting#fyp#momlife#toddler#dadsoftiktok#mom#momsover30#momhack♬ Send Me on My Way – Vibe Street
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Consent isn’t just about protecting one’s autonomy, however. It’s also an important part of justifying someone’s actions in various fields. “In standard cases, a person’s consent to another person’s acts removes moral or legal objections to or liability for the performance of those acts,” the Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy explains.
“Thus, in medical practice, the informed consent of a patient to a procedure can justify the physician’s actions. In law, the maxim ‘volenti non fit injuria’ (the willing person is not wronged) governs a wide range of acts and transactions, from the economic to the sexual. And in politics, it is often supposed that it is ‘the consent of the governed’ that justifies or makes permissible both governmental policies and the use of official coercion to compel obedience to law.”
The Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy explains the obvious fact that consent can be given in a variety of ways, ranging from very direct to less direct forms. However, its “binding force” always has to fulfill certain conditions, including “knowledge, intention, competence, voluntariness, and acceptability of content.”
In another video, the single mom shows how she explains what she’s doing aloud while changing diapers, a task that small children can’t consent to
@once.upon.a.mamaBuilding body autonomy & consent in babies & tots! #momsoftiktok#fyp#momlife#parent#parenting#momtok#dadsoftiktok#momsover30#momhack♬ Send Me on My Way – Vibe Street
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Image credits: once.upon.a.mama
Of course, not all tasks can have a child’s consent because they simply don’t understand its importance. One of these is changing diapers. However, Alissa walks her younger child through the entire process to make him feel involved and to make sure that he understands what’s going on.
Alissa told PopSugar that teaching kids consent teaches them that their body is theirs and that other people’s bodies belong to those people.
“It helps to protect children from future abuse and teaches them to respect the boundaries of others. Even parents can make children feel uncomfortable when the touch is not wanted. My videos are geared toward parents and future parents to help them understand the importance of not only respecting their children’s boundaries but doing so in a way that parenting can still be done as well.”
Here’s how some people on social media have been reacting to the Chicago-based mom’s TikTok videos
What do you think of Alissa’s parenting style, dear Pandas? Is it the right way to move forward or does it change parent-child relationships too much? Is there anything that you’d improve? How important do you think it is to teach kids body autonomy and consent from an early age? Share your thoughts (and experiences with parenting!) in the comment section below.
71Kviews
Share on Facebook What do you think ?
Hans 4 years ago
I would generalize this even further. This is about respect, not limited to consent. Many people believe that children below a certain age have no opinion, and "do not really know what they want". Babies may not be able to discern what is good for them, but from day one on they know what they want. This does not mean that they are the ones to give the commands...but they deserve respect, from day one on. And they deserve that we look for the cues to understand this. When I changed my newborn's first diaper, I explained what I was doing. I have in the meantime changed many diapers while facing resistance (particularly funny with a barrel role performed with a half-opened, completely full diaper) but never have I used my superior strength to simply enforce it. That is tiring sometimes, but I believe that if we want adults to embrace "my body, my choice" we need to give children the assurance that their body also means their choice.
Hans 4 years ago
This also resonates in the thinking about "Give aunty a kiss". If the child does not want, this is to be respected and never to be questioned. The baby turns away when the grandparents want to caress it? Shelter it instead of "providing" it to the grandparents! Even giving love requires consent from the receiving side – although it seldom will be a "yes" or "no" from a small child, but they very well can express their concept of consent if we only look for it.
Load More Replies...
Aliquid A 4 years ago
I think tickling is a major one. So many adults continue tickling a kid when the child is asking them to stop... once my kids said "stop" I immediately stopped. I remember when my daughter was young she asked me "why doesn't ___ stop when I tell him to stop tickling me?", because she was used to being respected in our house. I had to really think on how to strategically answer that one.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago (edited)
When I was 7, my uncle tickled me so much that it really hurt me. I vividly remember the pain and how he wouldn’t stop, thinking I was enjoying it. I can picture it clear as day. And the relief when I was able to run away. I love my uncle. He’s like one of my favorite people and I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He just didn’t know any better. And now as an adult almost 30 years later, I am so intensely ticklish that i can’t even be touched or caressed gently in certain areas. I don’t know what happened but it just broke something in me and I’m possibly the most ticklish person on planet earth. I hate it so much. I miss out on certain things because of how ticklish I am.
Load More Replies...
Brendan 4 years ago
Each to their own, but this isn't the method that my wife and I teach our kid about consent. We take a more direct approach by explaining (in a way he understands) that you shouldn't force anyone to do anything, and that "no" means "no".
Hans 4 years ago
I do not think you are so far off from what is discussed here then. Quite a number of parents do not ask and do not explain.
Load More Replies...
Virgil Sanders 4 years ago
i hope so. whenever my mom takes a picture of me, she likes to post it sometimes, but she never asks me first. annoys the hell out of me
Load More Replies...
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
And if you hug/ tickle/ .... them, please stop right away when the child says stop/ enough/ .... Children have rights too and they have feelings too. Same goes for feelings. When a child says something hurts, then it hurts, no matter if it would hurt you too or not. Everyone has different feelings and different pain barriers. Acknowledge your childs feelings and wishes. Respect them!
Leodavinci 4 years ago
This works great... until the child catches on that they can get mom/dad to do a lot of things for them that they are quite capable of (and should be) doing themselves, or they stop doing things they should do, but don't want to... by simply saying no when the parent gives them a choice. Then there's a basic life lesson that all children learn eventually... there are things in your life you have no choice or control over, and therefore no consent is asked or given.
OJ 4 years ago
I think this concept is more about bodily autonomy in relation to consent. there’s a difference between saying no to a hug or letting someone change your clothes than saying no to doing your homework. There’s never a time when saying no to having someone touch you would be unacceptable and I think this is more what this mom is teaching her children.
Load More Replies...
Hans 4 years ago
I would generalize this even further. This is about respect, not limited to consent. Many people believe that children below a certain age have no opinion, and "do not really know what they want". Babies may not be able to discern what is good for them, but from day one on they know what they want. This does not mean that they are the ones to give the commands...but they deserve respect, from day one on. And they deserve that we look for the cues to understand this. When I changed my newborn's first diaper, I explained what I was doing. I have in the meantime changed many diapers while facing resistance (particularly funny with a barrel role performed with a half-opened, completely full diaper) but never have I used my superior strength to simply enforce it. That is tiring sometimes, but I believe that if we want adults to embrace "my body, my choice" we need to give children the assurance that their body also means their choice.
Hans 4 years ago
This also resonates in the thinking about "Give aunty a kiss". If the child does not want, this is to be respected and never to be questioned. The baby turns away when the grandparents want to caress it? Shelter it instead of "providing" it to the grandparents! Even giving love requires consent from the receiving side – although it seldom will be a "yes" or "no" from a small child, but they very well can express their concept of consent if we only look for it.
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 4 years ago
I think tickling is a major one. So many adults continue tickling a kid when the child is asking them to stop... once my kids said "stop" I immediately stopped. I remember when my daughter was young she asked me "why doesn't ___ stop when I tell him to stop tickling me?", because she was used to being respected in our house. I had to really think on how to strategically answer that one.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago (edited)
When I was 7, my uncle tickled me so much that it really hurt me. I vividly remember the pain and how he wouldn’t stop, thinking I was enjoying it. I can picture it clear as day. And the relief when I was able to run away. I love my uncle. He’s like one of my favorite people and I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He just didn’t know any better. And now as an adult almost 30 years later, I am so intensely ticklish that i can’t even be touched or caressed gently in certain areas. I don’t know what happened but it just broke something in me and I’m possibly the most ticklish person on planet earth. I hate it so much. I miss out on certain things because of how ticklish I am.
Load More Replies... Brendan 4 years ago
Each to their own, but this isn't the method that my wife and I teach our kid about consent. We take a more direct approach by explaining (in a way he understands) that you shouldn't force anyone to do anything, and that "no" means "no".
Hans 4 years ago
I do not think you are so far off from what is discussed here then. Quite a number of parents do not ask and do not explain.
Load More Replies... Virgil Sanders 4 years ago
i hope so. whenever my mom takes a picture of me, she likes to post it sometimes, but she never asks me first. annoys the hell out of me
Load More Replies... Vicky Zar 4 years ago
And if you hug/ tickle/ .... them, please stop right away when the child says stop/ enough/ .... Children have rights too and they have feelings too. Same goes for feelings. When a child says something hurts, then it hurts, no matter if it would hurt you too or not. Everyone has different feelings and different pain barriers. Acknowledge your childs feelings and wishes. Respect them!
Leodavinci 4 years ago
This works great... until the child catches on that they can get mom/dad to do a lot of things for them that they are quite capable of (and should be) doing themselves, or they stop doing things they should do, but don't want to... by simply saying no when the parent gives them a choice. Then there's a basic life lesson that all children learn eventually... there are things in your life you have no choice or control over, and therefore no consent is asked or given.
OJ 4 years ago
I think this concept is more about bodily autonomy in relation to consent. there’s a difference between saying no to a hug or letting someone change your clothes than saying no to doing your homework. There’s never a time when saying no to having someone touch you would be unacceptable and I think this is more what this mom is teaching her children.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman ‘Gently Reminds’ Baby’s Grandma Not To Kiss Him, Sparks Huge Discussion About Consent Mom Freaks Out Over Teacher’s Harmless Note To Her Son, Mad As Husband Defends The Teacher
Rugilė Žemaitytė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Related on Bored Panda
201
82