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Rich Grandparents Promise Grandkid Inheritance With A Condition Mom Just Can’t Approve Of
Rich Grandparents Promise Grandkid Inheritance With A Condition Mom Just Can’t Approve Of
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Rich Grandparents Promise Grandkid Inheritance With A Condition Mom Just Can’t Approve Of

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It can be incredibly painful to learn that one of your biological parents doesn’t want anything to do with you. But other relatives may step up and want to forge a genuine relationship with you. However, questions about money and inheritance may make things uncomfortable for some. One mom, u/GeorgeMcMinty, turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask for advice on a delicate situation.

She shared how her son’s estranged father had passed away, and the child’s grandparents wanted him to become their primary heir. On one condition: he would have to take their surname. This was a chance for generational wealth, but the mom seemed to be strongly against it. Scroll down for the full story, as well as to see what tips the net gave the OP.

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    Family members want what’s best for their smallest relatives. However, sometimes, they have very different opinions

    Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)

    One mom shared how she’s considering not changing her son’s surname, however, that may come at the cost of him inheriting generational wealth

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    Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: GeorgeMcMinty

    The author felt conflicted about the situation and turned to the net for some advice

    Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)

    The mom argued that money isn’t the only thing that matters and her own family seems to be doing fairly well financially. However, her primary concern seems to be the fact that her son would take the surname of a man “who didn’t want him, see him, or love him.”

    Some of the people in the redditor’s social circle pointed out that she would be wrong to give up “this kind of money” for her son, which is why she turned to the AITA community in the first place. According to the mom, the question is best left for later, when her son is 16 and “old enough to understand the implications but young enough not to be tied professionally to his last name.”

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    The mom’s feelings are perfectly valid here. But so is the desire for financial stability. Many parents would leap at the chance to secure generational wealth for their child given the chance. And that’s the sentiment reigning in the AITA thread.

    There were mixed reactions to the post. Many readers thought that u/GeorgeMcMinty would be a jerk if she passed on this opportunity. Not only that, this may lead to greater friction not just with the grandparents, but with her son as well, when he fully understands what she did on his behalf.

    Some Reddit users phrased it spot on that the child’s grandparents appear to want a genuine relationship with him. So much so that they’re making him their primary heir. Others noted that it’s important to remember that the surname isn’t just the boy’s father’s, but his grandparents’, too. So the surname has a positive connotation, not just a negative one.

    Meanwhile, other readers pointed out that the mom was right to teach her son that changing oneself for the sake of money doesn’t send the right message, and that nobody should have to get a new surname just for the sake of an inheritance.

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    Strong relationships tend to be far more important than money when it comes to happiness and health

    Image credits:  Jordan Whitt (not the actual photo)

    At the end of the day, money is important in that it provides stability and opportunities, and also saves you time and energy. However, it isn’t the only factor that leads to happiness and isn’t the only measure of success. Your health, sense of purpose, and social connections all play huge roles. The latter is especially important and impacts your daily life.

    An 85-year Harvard study unequivocally found that positive relationships keep people happier, healthier, and help them live longer. So it makes sense to develop and strengthen the relationships that you have in your life with the people you care about most.

    And there are no real shortcuts here. At the core of any solid relationship lies a simple fact: people need to spend quality time together, regularly. Sometimes, physical distance or busy schedules get in the way. So carving out a few hours whenever you can is well worth it.

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    At the end of the day, a lot depends on your priorities. A lot of people say that family and friends are the most important thing in their lives… and then they continue prioritizing work, their hobbies, and other things. Deep social connections require practical commitments—namely, meeting up, physically, and being present.

    You can’t fake interest in someone else because it’s very obvious when someone’s only making a superficial effort for show. When you do spend time with the people you care about, try to focus on them and them alone. That means not checking your phone every few minutes. That means actively listening to the other person so you can bond over shared activities.

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    And it’s only natural that we want to support and protect our nearest and dearest. Any grandparent worth their salt is going to want to provide their grandchildren with as much financial stability as they can. It’s just important to raise your kids to understand that it’s not money alone that makes life worth living.

    The story received mixed reactions on the internet. Some people thought the mom was in the wrong

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    Others, however, believed that the grandparents could have approached things very differently

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    Jonas Grinevičius

    Jonas Grinevičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Read more »

    Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

    Read less »
    Jonas Grinevičius

    Jonas Grinevičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

    What do you think ?
    Anyone-for-tea?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, I’m surprised at the YTA, if they really loved him, they wouldn’t care what name he has. Leave it to the son, then let him choose his last name, and whether he wants to carry on their “legacy” or whatever they are so precious about. I can’t imagine inheritance is legally based on a surname over bloodline.

    Me.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The grandparents are AH's, but she still chose to not give him the money

    Load More Replies...
    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sell out, OP. Are the parents wrong for proposing this? Yes. Are you doing your son a huge disservice by not taking them up on it? Also yes. The logic about waiting until 16 can work both ways: change his name now, and at 16 you can explain why, saying you support him changing it back if he wants. In the meantime, you’ve cast the widest set of options possible for him in the event his grandparents pass away in the next decade.

    Ms.GB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Absolutely, a lot of people saying money isn't everything must have at least enough money to live comfortably.

    Load More Replies...
    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t change his name - they want you to dance for this inheritance and this will not be the final demand. Your future will consist of things like “he has to stay with us for a month every summer to be the heir” and “he has to go to the school of our choice near us etc.”. Tell them no and they can do what they want with their money. But tell them that you want him to have a good relationship with them and that he can change his name at 18 if he so chooses and you will support it.

    Roland Nijveld
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People are so naive and only see dollar signs in their eyes

    Load More Replies...
    Jaya
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a difficult situation. Yes, she is making him lose out on money (potentially, the grandparents might change their mind later and give it to him anyway). On the other hand, you don't know where their manipulation will end. Next year, it might be "we haven't had time to arrange the inheritance yet. By the way, your kid should spend the whole summer with us. You don't want him to? Guess he's not really our grandson then, so maybe we shouldn't leave him our inheritance". And then the next year they're going to blackmail her into moving closer to them? Blackmailing her into spending every holiday together? Blackmailing her into them choosing where to go to college? We don't know, but we all decided she's the AH for not be willing to take that risk?

    Jessie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s not a risk though. The grandparents made clear that this is the one condition, changing a name is not a big deal. If they add any other conditions after she can just change the name back & limit contact.

    Load More Replies...
    Gonzalo Terán
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One big thing here missing is the grandparent´s country of origin. The laws are different everywhere. In my country, Argentina, unless you give away anything you want in life legally, spending big bucks on a notary, everything goes to the closest family, even if the owners of the money want that or not. And if they don´t have anyone, everything goes to the state. Wills don´t exists here. If that´s the case, OP is the a*****e... If that´s not the case, the grandparents could be a******s, but the last word must be the kid´s, when he´s legally able to do so.

    LNB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe this is just a way for them to feel involved in their grandsons life? Have a talk about it with them. And ah dad doesn't mean the grandparents are bad, and he could go on to have a wonderful relationship with them

    Khall Khall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can change my last name to BigDumboHead if you give me "generational wealth". People who have never struggled baffle me. A last name is functionally meaningless. It separates you from all the other Johns and Daves. It doesn't define you. Being set for life though? Yeah. The grandparents are definitely AHs. Idc. They'll be gone someday and he'll be able to do anything he wants. Including changing his name. Wtf.

    Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A last name is NOT meaningless! It's not about defining you, it's about who it connects you too. I CHOSE to change my last name to my husband's name when I got married because my maiden name connects me to my PARENTS who I want NOTHING to do with. Wouldn't it be better for this child to be connected to his MOTHER? The parent that raised him while his father wasn't in the picture even when he was alive? Imagine people asking this kid why his last name is different from his mother's. "Oh, it's because I have to have my deadbeat father's last name in order for his parents to consider me their real grandchild and want to provide for my future." Dumb as hell. Not everything is about money. Wtf is wrong with you?

    Load More Replies...
    Sandor M
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She talked with family, she talked with internet but didn't talk with the most important person: a bloody lawyer

    Kathryn Baylis
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just hyphenate his last name and be done with it. Everyone gets a mention. Paternal grandparents are happy, maternal grandparents are happy, you’re happy, kid’s happy. Kid can do whatever he wants with it after his paternal grandparents die and leave him the money. A life changing decision that is based on such a minor adjustment. Just do it.

    R Dennis
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The child's father was TA, not the grandparents or OP... so NAH. The father definitely should have done better, but the grandparents are trying. The son will know he has a father that he doesn't even share a name with; the grandparents who, it seems to me, stepped up in place of their ne'er-do-well son lose their family name (I know, "down with the patriarchy", but to a lot of people it matters - don't hate); and she gets what exactly? To prove a point that she already had and will have to anyway... that she can do it without him?

    JB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to agree. Seems to me the grandparents want to continue their family name, not surprising if they have generational wealth. Maybe they want it as a way to honour their dead son? Yes, he was douchey to the OP but 1. He was probably brought up to protect himself from gold diggers (NOT saying that’s OP! I’m saying he would probably have insisted on proof of paternity for any child if he wasn’t married to the mother). 2. If parents are supposed to love their kids unconditionally, welp, he was their son. I like that she’s proposing to suggest to the grandparents that it should be his choice. He should be old enough to understand and make the decision for himself. Because rn, she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Anyone-for-tea?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, I’m surprised at the YTA, if they really loved him, they wouldn’t care what name he has. Leave it to the son, then let him choose his last name, and whether he wants to carry on their “legacy” or whatever they are so precious about. I can’t imagine inheritance is legally based on a surname over bloodline.

    Me.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The grandparents are AH's, but she still chose to not give him the money

    Load More Replies...
    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sell out, OP. Are the parents wrong for proposing this? Yes. Are you doing your son a huge disservice by not taking them up on it? Also yes. The logic about waiting until 16 can work both ways: change his name now, and at 16 you can explain why, saying you support him changing it back if he wants. In the meantime, you’ve cast the widest set of options possible for him in the event his grandparents pass away in the next decade.

    Ms.GB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Absolutely, a lot of people saying money isn't everything must have at least enough money to live comfortably.

    Load More Replies...
    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t change his name - they want you to dance for this inheritance and this will not be the final demand. Your future will consist of things like “he has to stay with us for a month every summer to be the heir” and “he has to go to the school of our choice near us etc.”. Tell them no and they can do what they want with their money. But tell them that you want him to have a good relationship with them and that he can change his name at 18 if he so chooses and you will support it.

    Roland Nijveld
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People are so naive and only see dollar signs in their eyes

    Load More Replies...
    Jaya
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a difficult situation. Yes, she is making him lose out on money (potentially, the grandparents might change their mind later and give it to him anyway). On the other hand, you don't know where their manipulation will end. Next year, it might be "we haven't had time to arrange the inheritance yet. By the way, your kid should spend the whole summer with us. You don't want him to? Guess he's not really our grandson then, so maybe we shouldn't leave him our inheritance". And then the next year they're going to blackmail her into moving closer to them? Blackmailing her into spending every holiday together? Blackmailing her into them choosing where to go to college? We don't know, but we all decided she's the AH for not be willing to take that risk?

    Jessie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s not a risk though. The grandparents made clear that this is the one condition, changing a name is not a big deal. If they add any other conditions after she can just change the name back & limit contact.

    Load More Replies...
    Gonzalo Terán
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One big thing here missing is the grandparent´s country of origin. The laws are different everywhere. In my country, Argentina, unless you give away anything you want in life legally, spending big bucks on a notary, everything goes to the closest family, even if the owners of the money want that or not. And if they don´t have anyone, everything goes to the state. Wills don´t exists here. If that´s the case, OP is the a*****e... If that´s not the case, the grandparents could be a******s, but the last word must be the kid´s, when he´s legally able to do so.

    LNB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe this is just a way for them to feel involved in their grandsons life? Have a talk about it with them. And ah dad doesn't mean the grandparents are bad, and he could go on to have a wonderful relationship with them

    Khall Khall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can change my last name to BigDumboHead if you give me "generational wealth". People who have never struggled baffle me. A last name is functionally meaningless. It separates you from all the other Johns and Daves. It doesn't define you. Being set for life though? Yeah. The grandparents are definitely AHs. Idc. They'll be gone someday and he'll be able to do anything he wants. Including changing his name. Wtf.

    Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A last name is NOT meaningless! It's not about defining you, it's about who it connects you too. I CHOSE to change my last name to my husband's name when I got married because my maiden name connects me to my PARENTS who I want NOTHING to do with. Wouldn't it be better for this child to be connected to his MOTHER? The parent that raised him while his father wasn't in the picture even when he was alive? Imagine people asking this kid why his last name is different from his mother's. "Oh, it's because I have to have my deadbeat father's last name in order for his parents to consider me their real grandchild and want to provide for my future." Dumb as hell. Not everything is about money. Wtf is wrong with you?

    Load More Replies...
    Sandor M
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She talked with family, she talked with internet but didn't talk with the most important person: a bloody lawyer

    Kathryn Baylis
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just hyphenate his last name and be done with it. Everyone gets a mention. Paternal grandparents are happy, maternal grandparents are happy, you’re happy, kid’s happy. Kid can do whatever he wants with it after his paternal grandparents die and leave him the money. A life changing decision that is based on such a minor adjustment. Just do it.

    R Dennis
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The child's father was TA, not the grandparents or OP... so NAH. The father definitely should have done better, but the grandparents are trying. The son will know he has a father that he doesn't even share a name with; the grandparents who, it seems to me, stepped up in place of their ne'er-do-well son lose their family name (I know, "down with the patriarchy", but to a lot of people it matters - don't hate); and she gets what exactly? To prove a point that she already had and will have to anyway... that she can do it without him?

    JB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to agree. Seems to me the grandparents want to continue their family name, not surprising if they have generational wealth. Maybe they want it as a way to honour their dead son? Yes, he was douchey to the OP but 1. He was probably brought up to protect himself from gold diggers (NOT saying that’s OP! I’m saying he would probably have insisted on proof of paternity for any child if he wasn’t married to the mother). 2. If parents are supposed to love their kids unconditionally, welp, he was their son. I like that she’s proposing to suggest to the grandparents that it should be his choice. He should be old enough to understand and make the decision for himself. Because rn, she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.

    Load More Replies...
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