Couple Of 4 Years Find Out Their Parents Are Dating, The Daughter Gets Called A Jerk For Embarrassing Her Mom In Front Of Family
A divorce isn’t fun, neither for the parents nor the children, but when the parents find someone new, they are usually happier than the children, who don’t feel that the other parent can be replaced by a stranger.
But maybe it’s even worse when the person is not a stranger: when they actually are your boyfriend’s dad. It is a situation that Reddit user riassma is dealing with right now and she is not taking it well. She got in a huge fight with her mom and the whole family except for one cousin is siding with the mom.
More info: Reddit
Woman is not happy about her mom dating her boyfriend’s dad and expresses her thoughts in front of the whole family
Image credits: Wyatt Fisher (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and they started dating when they both were in school. But their friendship has lasted even longer than that as they live near one another and went to kindergarten together.
Their parents know about their relationship and their history, so the OP was truly shocked when she came home and found her mom and her boyfriend’s dad kissing. The boyfriend’s dad had been a single parent for a long time and OP’s mom divorced 3 years ago, but the daughter was still disgusted.
The narrator of the story has been dating her boyfriend for 4 years but has known him for practically her whole life
Image credits: u/riassma
She called her boyfriend and they both confronted their parents and found out that they are 5 months into their relationship and are planning to get married. The problem that the OP sees here is that she would be her boyfriend’s stepsister and she feels weird about it.
Many people in the comments advised the OP to get over it and just ignore it, because it doesn’t mean they can’t continue dating. Also, they are adults, so they won’t need to live together as siblings, and she shouldn’t dictate to her mother who she can marry.
Their parents know their history and about their relationship, so the 19 Y.O. wasn’t expecting to see what she saw when she came home one day
Image credits: u/riassma
Image credits: Pabak Sarkar (not the actual photo)
However, the thing that made OP blow up at her mom and make the family think that she’s being a jerk was when the mom told her that her love is young, so it won’t last, despite the fact that the OP and her boyfriend have known each other since childhood and became a couple 4 years ago.
The mom said straight to her daughter’s face that her love is more important and more real because she is older and young people can’t have long-lasting relationships, which was understandably a hurtful thing to say.
She stumbled upon her mom kissing her boyfriend’s dad and found out that not only it has lasted for 5 months already, but they plan to get married
Image credits: u/riassma
Redditors had an opinion on that too. They believed the mom is wrong for thinking that her new relationship can outlast her daughter’s and many agreed that dating your stepsibling is weird because of all the explaining one will have to do.
They also pointed out that if the OP’s relationship does actually end, how weird it will be to have your ex-boyfriend as a stepsibling that you have to spend the family holidays with.
The news surfaced during a family dinner and the daughter was quite upset so she didn’t watch her mouth
Image credits: u/riassma
April Maccario, who gives women struggling with relationships her advice, says that dating a stepsibling is not a big deal and it’s not illegal as long as you are not related by blood. She admits that it is weird, but legally nothing is stopping you from it: “There is no actual law against this type of relationship, most of the resistance you’ll get is from society.”
Although legally, it’s not a big deal and you’re not actual blood siblings, April admits that it can get complicated if you split. “You will see them at family gatherings or even worse, every day if you both live at home with mom and dad.”
The mom replied that she won’t be ruining her love life for her kids’ because they are still young, which caused a strong reaction
Image credits: u/riassma
Image credits: Taz (not the actual image)
Do you think the mom dating OP’s boyfriend’s dad is weird? Do you think the mom deserves to be happy as well? Is the OP reacting too sensitively to the news? Did the mom’s reaction saying that young love doesn’t last change your mind about how you felt while reading the story? Let us know your reactions in the comments!
The family thought that the daughter was too cruel and though some people didn’t understand what the big deal was, others believed the mom was out of line
I guess I don't see the issue. They aren't in any way related, and it's not like they were raised as step-siblings. Let your mom have some happiness too!
I agree. I remember a co- worker (store clerk) who is around 17 asking about my opinion (35 y/o) when he found out his mom is dating again. Older brother is furiuos but I reminded him about the many sacrifices her mom made raising them as a single parent and those times she must have been lonely too. The same with OP’s mom. Honestly if the BF’s father is a good person she should be happy for her mom.
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Ok, am I just weird for not understanding all the NTA?? The mother is an adult and can choose who she likes to date. I'm sorry the daughter found out in a such a harsh way, and the mum handled it badly, but the daughter has absolutely no right to tell her mum who she can be with.
I was expecting a wave of YTA responses cause that's absolutely how I would respond. Adults can date any other adult they want, it's not like their parents getting married is going to force an end to their relationship. The daughter just sounds very immature imo.
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I get the feeling all the NAH replies are coming from young people the same age or near the OP. So many people willing to deny the mum the right to find love just because it upsets her daughter's sensibilities is weird. There are no blood relations or incest going on here and the 2 parents have found each other through having things in common that matter to them and give them good reasons see each other as more than just a fling, that's how most people find love, by getting to really know another and discovering they like them a lot. It's how the OP and her boyfriend found love too going to school together etc. You can't expect the parents to walk back their feelings without cheapening the feelings of being in love in the first place for everyone. Arbitrary rules that keep 2 consenting adults apart are just wrong and even cruel. Love is rare and either of the adults could be alone and heart sore the rest of their lives because of their adult kids behaviour.
Im closer in age to the mother of the OP but I agree with the daughter. It's one thing if the parents started dating AFTER the OP and her boyfriend got married but before no way. The mother and father both knew this to be true or they wouldn't have been hiding it, which is what they did. The sensible thing to do would have been to discuss it with their children first. They could date anyone they wanted but THEY caused the problem not the OP. They are the ones who are supposed to be more mature but they don't behave as such.
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Technically both couples are adults, right? No issue. I can see some awkward family dinners for a bit, but there's no "seniority" in relationships. If they both marry their chosen, fine. If either divorce, fine. Life has plenty of bumps. It's how you shoulder them that matters. My suggestion: take the high road. You'll feel better.
But the mother chose they were the better couple by yelling the young love wouldn't last anyway. Which is wrong to say whether she turns out right or not
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I gotta laugh at the person who said the mom could've dated a billion other dudes. That is definitely not the reality of divorced single parent dating. It's rough out there. That said, kind of a jerk move prioritizing a 5 month relationship over a 4 year one just because the daughter and her boyfriend are young.
whatis the issue? It is not allowed or what? Yes. I understand making angry for some time. Like a few days. But..even young adult, she is an adult now. She should talk to her mother, express herself and let the mother express herself too. Silent treatment never solved anything anywhere.
ESH...mom should not voice doubt about a 4 year relationship, daughter could have sucked it up. As someone who had to deal with her mom dating/marrying her former BIL: It can suck to see a constellation that you FEEL is weird, but it's not your business.
Reddit is weird in that they reflexively empathize with OP without any rational thought. OP's mom is entitled to her personal life, and it's none of OPs business. OP is the a*****e, although her mom's attitude about OP's relationship is not fair. So ETAH?
Yea I'd say both aswell for the same reason. The mother can date who she wants but she didn't have to be so demeaning about the daughters relationship
Load More Replies... And I thought love is love nowadays. No issue for me and definitely with the drama involved OP has a lot of growing up to do too. Is it really necessary for you to yell at your mother infront of company? Way to go about emotional maturity.
As opposed to her mother saying that because she's young her relationship essentially doesn't matter?? She's 19; her emotional maturity is still developing. It's a natural reaction to have for OP; she needs time and understanding on her mother's part to work through this.
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My niece's father married a nice woman - not my sister. When my niece was old enough, she was looking for a husband and her father said that she should meet his wife's son (he lived in a different city) because he thought they would make a nice pair. They ended up going on a blind date, they really liked each other, got married, got a kid. I don't see a problem here. They were not brought up together, never lived in the same house and they are not blood related. Why the fuss about this one? A shock, maybe at first, but keeping a grudge and embarrassing them for being together weren't the greatest ideas. The mother, on the other hand, should not have belittled their children's relationship; it's been 4 years.
I think it’s the way it was communicated (or not), plus the insult about “young love”, that hurt and upset OP. And that is fair. The parents acted with disregard to the emotions of their nearly-adult kids. The comment about which relationship is valuable based on age - that’s downright cruel and abusive.
I can understand it's not wrong, but it doesn't exactly feel right either. Let's imagine for a minute the parents' relationship outlasts the children's. I'd sure as heck hate to have special events with my ex first love forever. Especially if it ends roughly. And if the parents have a child, we have the same half sibling. The potential here for a mess is pretty high. That being said, the daughter was really disrespectful in her handling of it.
In some countries it's illegal for step siblings to get married, so OP's mom deciding after five months to get married to the father of OP's bf may be ruining their chances of getting married. Either way, OP's mother did not go about things the right way, and just because she's older does not make her five month relationship more valid than her own child's four year relationship. Yes, it's good that the mom found love again, but at the expense of the happiness of her own child? That's kind of a low blow. And again, deciding to get married after dating for five months? That's moving a bit too quickly to be healthy.
The correct answer is ETA. EVERYONE. A. I think perfectly fine the parents are dating. They're single. Who cares! B. Mommy dearest is the A for dismissing their now-4-years relationship. C. OP is the A for flipping out and embarrassing mom needlessly. Everyone needs to take a chill pill and be a grown up.
So, a similar thing happened to a friend of mine. He's in the services and had been dating a girl local to his base for quite a while. He proposed, she said yes and they both invited their parents to an engagement party. They were both dreading it because both of them had separated parents that didn't exactly get on, but felt it right that they should all meet. The party was a success, no arguments between ex-spouses and they all seemed to get along really well. Well, my mate got sent to Afghanistan for a few years so the wedding was on hold. After he got back he found that his father had moved in with his fiancés mother, that they were engaged and were waiting for him to get back so that they could marry and have him as best man! Needless to say he wasn't thrilled by the idea but after a few talks they worked things out and he accepted their happiness. The following year he married his now stepsister.
I think OP over reacted, they are two consenting adults. Also a 5 month relationship is more than just f*****g.
I morally could not except it either but with some people it is ok. I would just let it pass with I wish you all the happiness in the world mom. Congrats and the marriage and leave she made her choice.
It's a little different and you may need to move to West Virginia (sarcasm/joke) but what can you do? Your mother is the AH for denigrating your relationship.
I guess both are TA. The mom for disrespecting her daughter's relationship and saying that they are not going to last because they are young. And the daughter for thinking she has any say on her mom's date life. Maybe if any of the couples ends the relationship it can get a little bit awkward. Im surprised that in the end she was voted as NTA...
We only have the OP's side here and I take it with a heaping of salt. She sounds a bit immature, even for being 19. I wonder how many comments she made before her mom made the comment about their "young" love. Sure, she probably shouldn't have said it but few modern high school sweethearts make it to marriage or through the early 20s. I probably wouldn't have said that but from my experience of mine and my sister's teen years, I'm sure there was a lot of instigating. They all handled that situation poorly, the daughter didn't make her case very well with her behavior. If everyone around you is siding against you than you are either being an AH or are dealing with a toxic person who has tricked everyone else.
to all the YTA : the mother is going to have a child that is related to both OP and OP’s BF. and she is saying that a 4 year relationship won’t last. she seems narcissistic hope OP cuts contact
Really? Where does it say the mum is pregnant OR even wants to be? The OP sounds like a selfish little brat to be really honest, even shared private details in an attempt to get back at her mum and deliberately embarrass her. Maybe her mum's right in terms of their relationship as the girl seems to have no maturity at all. I can't believe anyone thinks she (the OP) is NOT the a*****e here.
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Who cares? OP is an adult, time to act like it. Unless her boyfriend is abusive or something, who cares if OP breaks up with him and has to see him occasionally? That's literally every divorced parents reality.
Load More Replies... I guess I don't see the issue. They aren't in any way related, and it's not like they were raised as step-siblings. Let your mom have some happiness too!
I agree. I remember a co- worker (store clerk) who is around 17 asking about my opinion (35 y/o) when he found out his mom is dating again. Older brother is furiuos but I reminded him about the many sacrifices her mom made raising them as a single parent and those times she must have been lonely too. The same with OP’s mom. Honestly if the BF’s father is a good person she should be happy for her mom.
Load More Replies... Ok, am I just weird for not understanding all the NTA?? The mother is an adult and can choose who she likes to date. I'm sorry the daughter found out in a such a harsh way, and the mum handled it badly, but the daughter has absolutely no right to tell her mum who she can be with.
I was expecting a wave of YTA responses cause that's absolutely how I would respond. Adults can date any other adult they want, it's not like their parents getting married is going to force an end to their relationship. The daughter just sounds very immature imo.
Load More Replies... I get the feeling all the NAH replies are coming from young people the same age or near the OP. So many people willing to deny the mum the right to find love just because it upsets her daughter's sensibilities is weird. There are no blood relations or incest going on here and the 2 parents have found each other through having things in common that matter to them and give them good reasons see each other as more than just a fling, that's how most people find love, by getting to really know another and discovering they like them a lot. It's how the OP and her boyfriend found love too going to school together etc. You can't expect the parents to walk back their feelings without cheapening the feelings of being in love in the first place for everyone. Arbitrary rules that keep 2 consenting adults apart are just wrong and even cruel. Love is rare and either of the adults could be alone and heart sore the rest of their lives because of their adult kids behaviour.
Im closer in age to the mother of the OP but I agree with the daughter. It's one thing if the parents started dating AFTER the OP and her boyfriend got married but before no way. The mother and father both knew this to be true or they wouldn't have been hiding it, which is what they did. The sensible thing to do would have been to discuss it with their children first. They could date anyone they wanted but THEY caused the problem not the OP. They are the ones who are supposed to be more mature but they don't behave as such.
Load More Replies... Technically both couples are adults, right? No issue. I can see some awkward family dinners for a bit, but there's no "seniority" in relationships. If they both marry their chosen, fine. If either divorce, fine. Life has plenty of bumps. It's how you shoulder them that matters. My suggestion: take the high road. You'll feel better.
But the mother chose they were the better couple by yelling the young love wouldn't last anyway. Which is wrong to say whether she turns out right or not
Load More Replies... I gotta laugh at the person who said the mom could've dated a billion other dudes. That is definitely not the reality of divorced single parent dating. It's rough out there. That said, kind of a jerk move prioritizing a 5 month relationship over a 4 year one just because the daughter and her boyfriend are young.
whatis the issue? It is not allowed or what? Yes. I understand making angry for some time. Like a few days. But..even young adult, she is an adult now. She should talk to her mother, express herself and let the mother express herself too. Silent treatment never solved anything anywhere.
ESH...mom should not voice doubt about a 4 year relationship, daughter could have sucked it up. As someone who had to deal with her mom dating/marrying her former BIL: It can suck to see a constellation that you FEEL is weird, but it's not your business.
Reddit is weird in that they reflexively empathize with OP without any rational thought. OP's mom is entitled to her personal life, and it's none of OPs business. OP is the a*****e, although her mom's attitude about OP's relationship is not fair. So ETAH?
Yea I'd say both aswell for the same reason. The mother can date who she wants but she didn't have to be so demeaning about the daughters relationship
Load More Replies... And I thought love is love nowadays. No issue for me and definitely with the drama involved OP has a lot of growing up to do too. Is it really necessary for you to yell at your mother infront of company? Way to go about emotional maturity.
As opposed to her mother saying that because she's young her relationship essentially doesn't matter?? She's 19; her emotional maturity is still developing. It's a natural reaction to have for OP; she needs time and understanding on her mother's part to work through this.
Load More Replies... My niece's father married a nice woman - not my sister. When my niece was old enough, she was looking for a husband and her father said that she should meet his wife's son (he lived in a different city) because he thought they would make a nice pair. They ended up going on a blind date, they really liked each other, got married, got a kid. I don't see a problem here. They were not brought up together, never lived in the same house and they are not blood related. Why the fuss about this one? A shock, maybe at first, but keeping a grudge and embarrassing them for being together weren't the greatest ideas. The mother, on the other hand, should not have belittled their children's relationship; it's been 4 years.
I think it’s the way it was communicated (or not), plus the insult about “young love”, that hurt and upset OP. And that is fair. The parents acted with disregard to the emotions of their nearly-adult kids. The comment about which relationship is valuable based on age - that’s downright cruel and abusive.
I can understand it's not wrong, but it doesn't exactly feel right either. Let's imagine for a minute the parents' relationship outlasts the children's. I'd sure as heck hate to have special events with my ex first love forever. Especially if it ends roughly. And if the parents have a child, we have the same half sibling. The potential here for a mess is pretty high. That being said, the daughter was really disrespectful in her handling of it.
In some countries it's illegal for step siblings to get married, so OP's mom deciding after five months to get married to the father of OP's bf may be ruining their chances of getting married. Either way, OP's mother did not go about things the right way, and just because she's older does not make her five month relationship more valid than her own child's four year relationship. Yes, it's good that the mom found love again, but at the expense of the happiness of her own child? That's kind of a low blow. And again, deciding to get married after dating for five months? That's moving a bit too quickly to be healthy.
The correct answer is ETA. EVERYONE. A. I think perfectly fine the parents are dating. They're single. Who cares! B. Mommy dearest is the A for dismissing their now-4-years relationship. C. OP is the A for flipping out and embarrassing mom needlessly. Everyone needs to take a chill pill and be a grown up.
So, a similar thing happened to a friend of mine. He's in the services and had been dating a girl local to his base for quite a while. He proposed, she said yes and they both invited their parents to an engagement party. They were both dreading it because both of them had separated parents that didn't exactly get on, but felt it right that they should all meet. The party was a success, no arguments between ex-spouses and they all seemed to get along really well. Well, my mate got sent to Afghanistan for a few years so the wedding was on hold. After he got back he found that his father had moved in with his fiancés mother, that they were engaged and were waiting for him to get back so that they could marry and have him as best man! Needless to say he wasn't thrilled by the idea but after a few talks they worked things out and he accepted their happiness. The following year he married his now stepsister.
I think OP over reacted, they are two consenting adults. Also a 5 month relationship is more than just f*****g.
I morally could not except it either but with some people it is ok. I would just let it pass with I wish you all the happiness in the world mom. Congrats and the marriage and leave she made her choice.
It's a little different and you may need to move to West Virginia (sarcasm/joke) but what can you do? Your mother is the AH for denigrating your relationship.
I guess both are TA. The mom for disrespecting her daughter's relationship and saying that they are not going to last because they are young. And the daughter for thinking she has any say on her mom's date life. Maybe if any of the couples ends the relationship it can get a little bit awkward. Im surprised that in the end she was voted as NTA...
We only have the OP's side here and I take it with a heaping of salt. She sounds a bit immature, even for being 19. I wonder how many comments she made before her mom made the comment about their "young" love. Sure, she probably shouldn't have said it but few modern high school sweethearts make it to marriage or through the early 20s. I probably wouldn't have said that but from my experience of mine and my sister's teen years, I'm sure there was a lot of instigating. They all handled that situation poorly, the daughter didn't make her case very well with her behavior. If everyone around you is siding against you than you are either being an AH or are dealing with a toxic person who has tricked everyone else.
to all the YTA : the mother is going to have a child that is related to both OP and OP’s BF. and she is saying that a 4 year relationship won’t last. she seems narcissistic hope OP cuts contact
Really? Where does it say the mum is pregnant OR even wants to be? The OP sounds like a selfish little brat to be really honest, even shared private details in an attempt to get back at her mum and deliberately embarrass her. Maybe her mum's right in terms of their relationship as the girl seems to have no maturity at all. I can't believe anyone thinks she (the OP) is NOT the a*****e here.
Load More Replies... Who cares? OP is an adult, time to act like it. Unless her boyfriend is abusive or something, who cares if OP breaks up with him and has to see him occasionally? That's literally every divorced parents reality.
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