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“My MIL Was Kind Of Guarding My Baby From Me”: Grandma’s Strange Actions Puzzle This New Mom
Of all the stories that can be characterized as “family drama,” a special place is occupied by the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In fact, not every married woman can boast that she gets along well with the mother of her spouse. Rather, it is the opposite—and even folklore emphasizes this more than once.
The user u/AssumptionOwn7651, author of today’s story, is a new mom, and what is definitely darkening her joy of motherhood today is her difficult relationship with her boyfriend’s mother. And the birth of a granddaughter, unfortunately, didn’t improve the grandma’s attitude toward our heroine at all…
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post is a new mom, and is happy—but her mother-in-law, alas, doesn’t get along with her
Image credits: koldunova_anna / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The lady was almost happy when the couple broke up some time ago, until they reconciled
Image credits: AssumptionOwn7651
Image credits: Kenneth Surillo / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Recently, the mother-in-law was holding her newborn grandkid, and wouldn’t hand her over to the mom—just the dad
Image credits: AssumptionOwn7651
The author was baffled by this behavior since it wasn’t the first time, and decided to seek support online
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that she recently gave birth to a daughter, and since then, she cannot understand which motives drive her mother-in-law when communicating with her. Previously, when the author and her boyfriend temporarily broke up, she kept telling him how bad his ex was, but the couple reconciled, and now everything is fine in their relationship.
However, the first time the grandma saw her newborn granddaughter, she took her in her arms, and then didn’t want to give her to her mom, instead handing her over to the dad. That surprised the OP quite a bit, but she kept quiet. And now, just recently, the MIL took the baby girl in her arms again, and held her until she cried because she was hungry.
The author was sitting on the couch next to her MIL, but she again wouldn’t give her the baby—and only when the original poster directly stated that the baby was hungry, she handed her over… but, as you can guess, again into the hands of her son! And he, also quite surprised by such behavior, handed the daughter to her mom.
Our heroine says that she has always been interested in psychology and the reasons that underlie this or that behavior. And now, it seems to her that her MIL, most likely, simply hates her, and thus denies the unpleasant person the right to be a decent mom in her eyes. So the author decided to seek advice online. What is the best way to act in this particular situation?
Image credits: nappy/ Pexels (not the actual photo)
Well, the relationship between MIL and DIL often leaves much to be desired, and so it has been, alas, since ancient times. Older women, seeing in their daughter-in-law a competitor for the attention of their son, automatically begin to dislike them. They see only shortcomings and turn a blind eye to any advantages. As a result, such a reaction from the MIL often only harms the family life of their son.
“If the mother-in-law, as this woman says, has never loved her, then it’s not surprising that she does not consider her parenting expertise worthwhile,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this case. “This may simply be a subconscious reaction, and she may not be aware of her own actions.”
“But no matter how much experience this lady has, this is not her child, but her daughter-in-law’s, and she is fully responsible for the baby. And it’s important to realize this. Therefore, it would be worth talking to her in detail, trying to resolve all the omissions and conflicts. It’s very important for the partner to be on her side.
“If all of the above doesn’t help, then it goes either counseling or further distancing from each other. The mother must understand that her son has grown up, he has his own life, and she’s no longer the main person in it. And the sooner she realizes this, the better,” Irina summarizes.
By the way, both experts and commenters on the original post also agree with this point of view. “The critical advice I can give on the mother-in-law/daughter in law relationship is don’t assume that because you think it, it is true,” Janet Quinlan, a life coach, says on her blog. Many responders fully supported the author, admitting that she is not alone in her problems with her MIL.
And what do you, our dear readers, think about this tale? Please feel free to share your thoughts and maybe your own similar tell-tale stories in the comments below this post.
Most commenters unanimously sided with the new mom, claiming that they have similar problems with own mothers-in-law
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When it comes to family dynamics, developing a bond with pets can play a significant role in parenting experiences. Just as there can be challenges in human relationships, like those with a mother-in-law, the unconditional affection from a pet can provide comfort and support.
In the case of Panda, a devoted feline companion, her attachment to her human family brings a heartwarming twist to the idea of familial bonds.
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What do you think ?
Surly Scot 1 year ago
Usual MIL nonsense, MIL can't accept she's no longer the star of the show, and majority of women in their age group were raised with the life goal of being breeding cattle. When they get old and their kids have grown, they want to be back in the spotlight again, so they bulldoze the DIL, and act like they birthed the kid themselves and that it's THEIR baby. It also has a bit of an oedipal lean-over where it's almost like the MIL's want to be having the baby with their son. This ties into my theory that most MIL's use emotional incest on their sons, using the son to fill the emotional and mental needs the FIL isn't providing. Whole thing is gross and is a generational habit that needs broken. Want something to do in your old age? Take up knitting, don't try to steal others kids, they're human beings, not a hobby. OP needs to find her spine and put MIL in her place, and OP should remind the husband to stand up to his mother more.
Orange Panda 1 year ago
I've dealt with this kind of MIL several times, and the son needs to say something. However, mama's boys seldom do. I'm finally with someone who's mom isn't insane, and it's a breath of fresh air.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 1 year ago (edited)
I hope OP speaks to her BF + explains he *needs* to call out his mom for her behavior. OP should go into GREAT detail about the objectionable behavior + what OP expects him to do when mom's being a hoarding c**t with the baby! Being the petty b***h that I am, I'd start pinching TF all of mom's sensitive places, until she unhands my child! (NOT the arms, cuz - don't drop my baby!)
Lee Gilliland 1 year ago
This reminds me of Cersie suddenly becoming aware that since she wed her son to somebody, she was no longer Queen, only Queen Dowager.
MotherRobinson 1 year ago
And Margery was already on to her s**t. Some of the stuff Margery did was comic gold!
Load More Replies...
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago
The biggest problem here isn't the Monster-in-Law, it's the boyfriend. He's seeing what's going on, yet is doing absolutely nothing to shut it down. OP, somebody has to have a set, and it's painfully obvious that your boyfriend's are in his mother's apron pocket. It looks like you'll have to take the lead on this. If you're not longer allowed over to her house, she's no longer allowed at yours. He can visit his mother at his leisure, but the baby stays home. If Boyfriend doesn't like that, sit him down and let him have it with both barrels. Tell him that his passiveness is enabling his mother's behavior towards her and her baby, and will no longer be tolerated. He needs to be reminded that OP is the baby's mother, and will have the last word on how she is raised and with whom she will associate and bond. If his mother wants ANYTHING to do with her grandchild, she WILL respect boundaries; failure to do so will result in immediate and permanent NC.
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago
Couples counseling wouldn't be a bad idea, either. Boyfriend needs to learn how to set boundaries with his mother where this relationship is concerned (why hasn't he said anything to his mother about her banning his girlfriend, the mother of his child, from her home?) If the situation doesn't change for the best, OP may want to rethink this relationship. She shouldn't be trapped between an obnoxious grandparent and a weak-willed SO.
Load More Replies...
Panda Panda Bo Banda 1 year ago
MIL doesn't like being told what to do by her DIL. Simple as that.
Trillian 1 year ago
I am interested in the psychology of a grown woman who needs her boyfriend to tell his mother to hand the baby back instead of just telling her herself.
G A 1 year ago
Probably trying not to cause conflict as clearly MIL already hates her
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 1 year ago
Usual MIL nonsense, MIL can't accept she's no longer the star of the show, and majority of women in their age group were raised with the life goal of being breeding cattle. When they get old and their kids have grown, they want to be back in the spotlight again, so they bulldoze the DIL, and act like they birthed the kid themselves and that it's THEIR baby. It also has a bit of an oedipal lean-over where it's almost like the MIL's want to be having the baby with their son. This ties into my theory that most MIL's use emotional incest on their sons, using the son to fill the emotional and mental needs the FIL isn't providing. Whole thing is gross and is a generational habit that needs broken. Want something to do in your old age? Take up knitting, don't try to steal others kids, they're human beings, not a hobby. OP needs to find her spine and put MIL in her place, and OP should remind the husband to stand up to his mother more.
Orange Panda 1 year ago
I've dealt with this kind of MIL several times, and the son needs to say something. However, mama's boys seldom do. I'm finally with someone who's mom isn't insane, and it's a breath of fresh air.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 1 year ago (edited)
I hope OP speaks to her BF + explains he *needs* to call out his mom for her behavior. OP should go into GREAT detail about the objectionable behavior + what OP expects him to do when mom's being a hoarding c**t with the baby! Being the petty b***h that I am, I'd start pinching TF all of mom's sensitive places, until she unhands my child! (NOT the arms, cuz - don't drop my baby!)
Lee Gilliland 1 year ago
This reminds me of Cersie suddenly becoming aware that since she wed her son to somebody, she was no longer Queen, only Queen Dowager.
MotherRobinson 1 year ago
And Margery was already on to her s**t. Some of the stuff Margery did was comic gold!
Load More Replies... BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago
The biggest problem here isn't the Monster-in-Law, it's the boyfriend. He's seeing what's going on, yet is doing absolutely nothing to shut it down. OP, somebody has to have a set, and it's painfully obvious that your boyfriend's are in his mother's apron pocket. It looks like you'll have to take the lead on this. If you're not longer allowed over to her house, she's no longer allowed at yours. He can visit his mother at his leisure, but the baby stays home. If Boyfriend doesn't like that, sit him down and let him have it with both barrels. Tell him that his passiveness is enabling his mother's behavior towards her and her baby, and will no longer be tolerated. He needs to be reminded that OP is the baby's mother, and will have the last word on how she is raised and with whom she will associate and bond. If his mother wants ANYTHING to do with her grandchild, she WILL respect boundaries; failure to do so will result in immediate and permanent NC.
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago
Couples counseling wouldn't be a bad idea, either. Boyfriend needs to learn how to set boundaries with his mother where this relationship is concerned (why hasn't he said anything to his mother about her banning his girlfriend, the mother of his child, from her home?) If the situation doesn't change for the best, OP may want to rethink this relationship. She shouldn't be trapped between an obnoxious grandparent and a weak-willed SO.
Load More Replies... Panda Panda Bo Banda 1 year ago
MIL doesn't like being told what to do by her DIL. Simple as that.
Trillian 1 year ago
I am interested in the psychology of a grown woman who needs her boyfriend to tell his mother to hand the baby back instead of just telling her herself.
G A 1 year ago
Probably trying not to cause conflict as clearly MIL already hates her
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