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Parenting might not be a competition, but no matter how you look at it, some people are far more responsible when raising kids than others. Aside from the basics like food, clothing, a good home, and education, kids also need love, support, structure, trust, and openness to thrive.
Unfortunately, not every parent can provide this. Recently, the members of the r/AskReddit online community opened up about some very sensitive things from their past. They shared the moments from their childhoods that they didn’t realize were extremely messed up until much later, when they grew up. Scroll down to see what challenges they faced when they were kids.
Bored Panda got in touch with the person who sparked the viral discussion, u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, to talk about parenting red and green flags, as well as healing from trauma. You'll find our full interview with them below.
Warning: some of these posts can be very uncomfortable to read for anyone who had a troubled upbringing or a traumatic past.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Still processing it because you dont hear much about a mom sexually abusing their daughter and trafficking them across state lines during roadtrips.
I called a childhelp line once and they told me “moms dont r*pe their daughters”. I was 12. We had just gone over a lesson in school about abuse. I trashed my room and she beat the hell out of me, I dont remember what happened after.
I told some friends of mine after I got into college. I call them my big brothers. One encouraged me to press charges but only if I wanted to. Theres a case file out there but its not like active or whatever cause I chickened out.
F**k that was a lot harder than i thought.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago
I know of instances of crisis lines that have some bad seeds manning them. I am very sorry.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
Talking about it hurts because you live through it again, but it starts the process of healing.
Justin Rogers 1 year ago
Same but baby sitter and her daughter. They say boys can't be SA'd either. Sorry you had that happen to you. Nobody deserves to be violated by anyone especially a parent/guardian
Eliza May 1 year ago (edited)
Huh?? Whoever 'they" are, are idiots. Boys are raped and abused, and often grow up to do the same, heartbeakingly.
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NannernomminNanaPanda 1 year ago
I wish I could just give you a good Nana hug and take all that pain from you! My God!! You are so brave!! I can understand you chickening out, but don't call it that. You've just put it to the side for now, you can pick it up and look at it again when you are stronger. I pray that you surround yourself with people like the "big brothers" you opened up to and begin healing. Lots of love from my soul to yours!!
CBolt 1 year ago
How horrifying that you had to go through that, then be rebuffed when you called a crisis line. I wish there had been someone else you trusted enough to confide in - note, I'm not telling you what you should have done, just regretting that you had nowhere else to turn. I hope you're getting help to learn how to cope with the past. You're so brave.
We asked the author of the thread for their thoughts about some of the red flags that someone is probably not ready to be a parent yet. From their perspective, one sign is that the grownup believes that their wants come before their child's needs.
"When you bring a child into the world and you decide to raise it, it’s your responsibility to provide for that child. The same goes for adopted children, you made a decision to raise that kid, so making sure they have what they need is the top priority. Also, if you are in an unstable relationship before your child is born, chances are it won’t improve because you had a child," u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 shared their thoughts with Bored Panda.
The author of the thread pointed out that they don't believe that it's ever possible to be fully ready to be a parent. That being said, "You can at least look at your circumstances objectively and think about how your priorities in life will drastically change with a child in the mix."
RELATED:
#2
My dad used to like to go hunt for antiques in abandoned houses. He took me with him a couple of times. Turns out the houses were only abandoned between 8-5pm M-F.
EDIT: my top comment ever is about being a 4th grade B&E man!
Bored Sailor 1 year ago
Well if you consider the post before you can also look at it the light at least the dad spent time with him and showed him attention.
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Corvus 1 year ago
"My dad helped people fall asleep by tickling them with a knife to the chest." - the possible sequel to this post
#3
Not showing physical affection to your children. I don't remember being hugged, kissed, or told "I love you". I probably needed it. I make sure to do that with my daughter every day. I don't care if we've had a bad day, that kid is going to know how loved she is.
Alexia 1 year ago
Same here. Even worse, I received some crumbles of so-called affection only when I "obeyed", or when I had very good results at school. I never heard "I love you". I did, however, hear countless time that I was stupid, unworthy, lazy b***h etc.
longlivethequeen554 1 year ago
Same here. Was never told I was loved or had any affection shown, but was always told I was fat, lazy and worthless. You never get over that s**t, even when you cut those people out.
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Papa 1 year ago
Please keep in mind that for some people, actions speak louder than words. My mother often told me she loved me, but I'm not at all sure she did. I don't remember my father ever telling me, but I never doubted it. His actions showed it.
Dilly Millandry 1 year ago
Also, if you say it too regularly it can just end up meaningless. Not saying that's always the case but I do hear some parents auto-saying it. I'm glad you had a loving father.
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Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Usually I was made to feel like I was in the way all the time. Still happens actually!
On the flip side, for u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, some of the biggest parenting green flags include a sense of personal responsibility, honesty, and good communication. Being involved in their lives is a must! "Go to their games, school open houses, plays, recitals. If you can’t be there, communicate to your children why. If you have limited resources financially, consider your child’s needs, as in absolutely need this, before you consider your own wants and desires," they said.
"Tell your kids you are proud of them, build them up instead of tearing them down. Do this from a young age. I say this all from personal experience. Finally, be honest with your children. From a young age all the way to adulthood, kids are smarter than you might think. They can figure out if you’re lying because they likely know you better than you know yourself. If you lie to them, and they find out, they’ll keep that in their minds and it can create distrust in your relationship."
#4
My dad once took me into downtown LA to make me sit next to some homeless guys while berating me for getting a bad grade. He said I was gonna grow up to be just like them, lazy, poor, and stupid. A random guy in a business suit had to pull him to the side to tell him that what he was doing was abusive and would not give him the result he was looking for.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
And I hope that kid got some help because that is no way to be raised
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Cat Chat 1 year ago
Agree. So many homeless are in the situation because of bad circumstances not under their control. Having nothing to do with being stupid or lazy. Being poor is something nobody should be shamed for.
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Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Those poor damn homeless people. As if they don't have a hard enough time as it is.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Homeless in USA often means "didn't have public healthcare". Blame your government, not their education levels.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
"From a deluxe apartment to a knife on the A train - it's not that far."
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
It is not right considering a lot of homeless ppl actually DO work and have incomes and don't meet the stereotype. Sometimes all it takes is 1 unfortunate unexpected bad event to set up a domino effect and a path to homelessness. You don't always have control over it. What that dad did was messed up. Also in some cases his comments become a self fulfilling prophecy. I've seen it happen to a girl. She had a bunch of stuff drilled into her head and she became everything her parents said. Parents who talk like that to anyone are terrible people
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
Unless you want to go to University or take a college course, your grades will not matter after later in life. Now, passing High School does make things a lot easier, but lately I've notice Grade 12 completion is not much better than no diploma. Even then, who's going to really know unless they look at your transcripts. I have yet had an employer ask to see my transcripts and proof of graduation.
#5
My mother would forget to pick me up from school. They would sit down at the dinner table and realize they had forgotten.
My father never had an actual conversation with me until I was about to graduate from college. Yes, he would get on me about stuff. Yes, he would tell me what to do. But have an actual conversation? Nope.
When I was in the high school play, on stage delivering lines, they got up and left to meet friends for dinner.
I have three happy, well-adjusted children in their twenties. They all have jobs, places to live, and health care. Just as importantly, they like coming by and hanging out with the folks. Part of it is because their mother is an amazing woman. But part of it is because, in any given situation while raising them, I'd ask myself, "What would my parents do here?" And then I'd do the opposite.
Tina Girard 1 year ago
Just because your reproductive organs work doesn't mean you should put them to practice
Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
I don’t think it’s awful? I think it’s really funny, but also sad at the same time because it is true. How many people have become parents through lack of education, just because they thought they had to, or coerced into, and probably hundreds of other more nuanced reasons that I could list here. We have to pass tests to drive cars, motorbikes, lorries, fill in paperwork for passports etc, but nothing to bring another human being into the world.
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Bex 1 year ago
My parents both grew up in families where they were pretty much ignored by their parents while their siblings were doted on. So my parents vowed to never treat their kids the way they were treated. I don't think I've ever gone to bed (while living at home), hung up the phone, or left their house (even as an adult) without us exchanging "I love you's". Knowing how much our parents love us made it so my sis and I felt we could do to them for anything at anytime, and Mom and Dad are still my best friends.
Alexia 1 year ago
My mother told me several times how she wanted to have additional abortions, instead of having me and my brother. Sometimes I wish she had.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Abortion should be legal and accessible for all women. Some people were not meant to be parents
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Spring Fisk 1 year ago
Yes! My mom learned what not to do from her parents and decided to hug us every day and tell us she loved us even if it felt awkward for her at first. It made all the difference.
robin aldrich 1 year ago (edited)
I am so impressed that the OP managed to get through that and not continue the cycle... that is an accomplishment to be proud of
Garth 1 year ago (edited)
Middle child ...and same here.... birthdays were the worst....I turn 70 next year and I (single now) am going to treat myself to an exotic island getaway...I am thinking Tahiti/Bora Bora and buy me a nice Harley... something extravagant because all my friends are dead, my Fakebook friends would just put emojis on my page and my family would only send text messages. I have no one to throw me a party.
Androgyny Lunacy 1 year ago
I'm glad the school is more likely to get CPS involved now if children aren't being picked up.
LovePsychos 1 year ago
I don't remember having an actual conversation with my family as well. Maybe that's why I am socially anxious and having troubles of starting a conversation.
#6
Anti-vax. I seriously had my 8yo foot impaled by a 4 inch rusty nail and didn’t even go to the doctor. Bitten by spiders, fallen from roofs, gotten various infections, no doctors. Ever. Colloidal Silver was a cure all tonic, I gargled vinegar, and ate “fortifying foods”… veggies. A lot of them. That’s not medicine. As an adult I’m missing all but 5 shots, but no one knows which because my medical records are all kinds of f****d and I don’t remember what I got. I got four childhood vaccines when I was 17 and had run away from home, and one later on as an adult because I was getting my kid vaccinated and they offered me a jab. Yes, my kids have regular doctor visits, a PcP, are completely vaccinated, and healthy. I’m on a mission to be a better dad.
Sweet Taurus 1 year ago
My ex is an anti vaxer. I wasn't aware of this until we had a kid together. We fought about it a lot. When she turned one I took her to her pediatrician while he was at work and got her caught up on the shots she missed from the time she was born to current. He was furious. We fought about it. I refuse to risk my child's health because you read an article with someone's opinion about something. Idiot.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
When I was growing up we weren't allowed in school unless Mom provided up to date Vaccination Records. I remember every summer before school started Mom would take us to the Doctor and we would get the jab for anything my Siblings and I needed in order to enroll in school that year. I wish to God they still made it mandatory so all of the Anti-Vax parents would have to get their kids vaccinated whether they liked it or not. No Vax, No School.
Karen Krause 1 year ago
Many diseases that were just about gone are now making a comeback because of anti-vaxers.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
This is a picture from back when the Salk vaccine was new. The kid on crutches never got immunized against polio, and is watching his friends who did. Salk_Shots...e020c.jpeg 
WolfMoon 1 year ago
You can get a titer test done. It tests your blood for antibodies from vaccinations so you can tell what you have and what you need.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
This isn't just being anti-vax ( which is crazy). It neglectful and abusive. Failure to provide medical attention is a form of abuse.
goldenwood_cottage 1 year ago
a family member of mine wanted to hire a young lady as a nanny. found out she had grown up in a family who religiously didn't believe in vaccines. They helped the 18yo girl go to the county health department and get started on all the vaccines she missed. It took 8 months to get the doses she needed of all the normal stuff. Her mom found out, and was pissed. The young lady was their nanny for over three years before she moved on.
Al Padilla 1 year ago
I (human, MD, endocrinologist) helped my wife in her veterinary office from time to time (holding animals, not giving vet care). She insisted that I, like her employees, get a rabies vaccination. So now, if I bite somebody, they don't have to send my head to Albany (NY State Capital, Health department).
We asked u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 what advice they'd give someone who has suffered a traumatic childhood, to help them heal, recover, and move on. They were kind enough to share their thoughts on this. "Things that happened to you in childhood might leave both physical and mental wounds. Wounds can heal, but sometimes they leave scars. You are not the same person as you were before you got scarred. And just like physically, some mental wounds never fully heal," they said.
"You may suffer from these issues for the rest of your life. There may not be such a thing as 'closure' or resolution. Some things just go on. But you have to realize that you survived something traumatic and have to celebrate the battles you win when you can. It’s a harsh truth to realize, but some things will never get easier over time. You simply have to accept it, live with it, and endure."
#7
My mom using me as a confidant/therapist from the age of 12 to 21. When I told her at 13 that I was depressed, all I got in response was "what do you want me to do about it?" Then proceeded to scream at me and call me lazy whenever I was having a depressive episode. Even now as an adult, I feel guilty for sitting around and not doing anything. I constantly feel like I have to do or clean something in order to feel productive. Took me years to let my brain and body rest when it needs it.
David Fox 1 year ago
Somethings you can complain to a kid that irk you: Messy room, homework, that tap that won't stop leaking. Things you can't complain about to a kid: Money, relationships, housing needs/problems.....
BeesEelsAndPups 1 year ago
Depends a bit on the age of the kids. But I agree that a basic level kids should feel secure. I have told my kids that I cannot afford to buy them a specific toy, but I won't tell them things like rent is too expensive, or food. They should know that while I won't guarantee they will get anything they want, I will guarantee that they will be fed and housed. I am divorced, but as a general rule I don't talk about their mother unless it is to say something positive. My therapist is my therapist. I don't need my kids for that.
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Alexia 1 year ago (edited)
It's like you're describing my mother. Bonus for me: savage beatings for any trifle (like, I had forgotten to buy bread or I had spilled some water on the floor). My teacher told me once I should shower more often, and the class laughed. But the black-brown spots on my legs were not dirt; there were bruises from the beatings. I was 10 y.o. when I had my first suicide attempt (1 out of 2).
Sue Denham 1 year ago
I had a similar relationship with my mother. Hope you get through the guilt/pain.
Caramala99 1 year ago
My mom flat out told me everyone is depressed. (Pretty much to suck it up)
Tam 1 year ago
The behavior being described is emotional incest. It's emotional abuse and absolutely unfair to child. It's a predominant behavior in borderline personality disorder and narcissism. They are unable to form or maintain friendships because of their disorder. So they use their children as confidants.
Sinnsyk Jakte 1 year ago
Yep. Female progenitor believed I was a literal angel specifically sent to protect and guide her. There's a lot more to this, but it would be an actual book... But I wasn't raised by a mother--I was kept by a madwoman.
#8
As a teenager my family had a cat that loved me but was hesitant with everyone else. My parents put him down while I was on vacation with a friend. I had no idea. I never got a chance to say goodbye.
Worst part is that I was called a disappointment when I got furious at them for what they did.
BoredPossum 1 year ago
I...this list is just getting more horrible... that such people still draw breath is...
#9
My parents were always pretty abusive. Mentally and physically. One particular instance sticks out in my head.
My dad beating my a*s when I was in grade 2 or 3 (i said 4 originally but that was a different a*s whooping also with a hockey stick). Made me kneel on tile for hrs and beat me with an aluminum hockey stick for close to 2hrs (i only know the time interval because of my friends). I screamed so loud, my friends all sat outside the side of my house crying.
After my dad went to bed, he told me to not move so I stayed kneeling on the hard tile floors all night crying. No sleep that night.
The next day, both my legs from my hips to my ankles were completely black and blue. I couldn't walk for several days after.
It was just normal for me and I didn't realize the extent of all the a*s whoopings until I was a teenager.
I tell my wife some of them and she cries every time lol I only laugh because man, to be raised where child abuse wasn't normal is literally unbelievable.
Schnitzel 1 year ago
I hope poster doesn't feel bad for laughing! It's a normal response for some when brain can't handle the information/situation in other ways.
Lene 1 year ago
When I was pregnant with my first kid I saw a psychologist at the hospital and we talked about some of my childhood trauma and I laughed about some of it. She was shocked "do you find it funny? Why are you laughing?". And I was shocked because she didn't know (as a trained psychologist) that humans have many types of smiles and laughters that are not about being happy... I never went to see her again.
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that's sick, you can easily kill someone with a hockey stick. That man needs to be put down.
Lorrie Rothstein 1 year ago
I can never understand child abuse. The parents made that child. It’s a part of them .
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Some people weren’t meant to be parents. Not excusing by any means. This is messed up
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Granny's Thoughts 1 year ago
Glad you survived. Hope your father had something very bad happen to him.
Lyoness 1 year ago
Dead AND suffering would be better, should you believe in that sort of thing.
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Divyansha Shukla 1 year ago
I know hitting others is bad but I just want to smack the s****y parents!
Children naturally look to the authority figures in their lives to get a sense of what’s right or wrong. However, someone who grows up in a dysfunctional household might not fully be aligned with societal and cultural values. In other words, what they think is completely ‘normal’ at home would shock others if they ever found out.
Both over-involvement and under-involvement can have very negative consequences. Helicopter parents who never let their kids off their (metaphorical) leash can hurt their confidence and independence in the future. On the other hand, absent parents can make their munchkins feel isolated, unsupported, and as though they are worth less than others.
#10
Well, there’s a lot but when I was 6 I got hit by a man speeding in a Firebird. Thankfully I was okay physically (got tossed to the other side of the road and hurt my wrists/knees.) A nice man in a work truck saw what happened and took me home. My mom opened the door, said thank you to the man and that was it. No visit to a doctor, no hugs, no comforting. It wasn’t a big deal to her so it wasn’t a big deal to me. It was like, yeah I got hit by a car. who hasn’t?
I’m 43 now and I’m healing my traumas one by one. I processed this event in trauma therapy (emdr) late last year. The entire week after felt like I got hit by a bus. My body finally released the trauma of that event. I’m living my best life now. Without her.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
The story and others are absolutely crushing... how parents can do that to their children
Monosyllabicgirl 1 year ago
What's worse is this was the normal for us. No insurance, no doctor for injuries. I have all my vaccinations but also have fingers and toes sticking in weird directions from random childhood injuries that probably just required a splint to fix. I had to walk to school on a probably broken foot because I was the one who "made the choice" to fall out a second story window. That ankle now randomly tips over all the way to ground if I slip on it. I always just joked about these stories until recently it clicked that it wasn't just poverty but abuse. Now I use my more obvious badly healed injuries as a cautionary tale to people not sure about whether something is doctor worthy.
Load More Replies... Zann 1 year ago
I finally got some help a few years ago but it did bring a lot of other scrappy stuff they did into focus..I'm glad I did but it was traumatic its intensity once again..really once is enough but sometimes we have to face the fire directly to see the rest of the smoke filled room..and I sometimes think it's all the rest that did as much damage as the direct physical confrontations that happened regularly..most scary was being winded by the bast. d 3 times in my life before I was 7 years old..first time I was. 3..spose that set the scene for the next 13 years before I could legally leave their house..and I ran away a lot..to be dragged back time and time again..obviously didn't run far enough I realised once I was older..wish I had been a braver child..that's impossible with shi. Y parents to start with.. you havent got a hope in hell..no direction to turn for help back then..it was normal for some of us..
#11
That's it's not normal for moms to leave on vacation for 2 weeks and leave their 12 year old in charge of their 9 year old at home alone.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Those are not mothers; those are women who had children. In this case, the children survived. In other cases, children just starved to death because the women who gave birth to them thought having a holiday is more important than taking care of their child. For my part, any parent who lets their child starve and rot in their cradle should be incarcerated for life on an island with similar offenders.
Kate C 1 year ago
No, put them in the general population in prison where they will get what they deserve from inmates who hate child abusers, not an an island with like minded people who all think each other did nothing wrong.
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Nikki Gross 1 year ago
One of my friends growing up was an only child, but his parents would only leave him enough food for a few days. They would take off for 2 or 3 weeks at a time during the Summer and leave him with no money, so he could buy more food. Since he lived a few doors down, Mom noticed on her days off that he was home alone. She grilled the hell out of him until he finally told her what his parents were doing. So, Mom made sure there were sandwiches for him to have for lunch and told him that she expected him for Supper, every single day and "Boy, don't make me have to come down there and get you." There is a reason that part of her obit was "She was a Surrogate Mom to many in the community" and some days our friends out numbered her biological children, but that NEVER stopped her from taking care them. Mom wasn't perfect, but there is a reason she will ALWAYS be my HERO.
Chewie Baron 1 year ago
I went through this but I was 5, and my sister was. 3. I remember trying to open a bottle of sterilised milk (now known as UHT), but it had a metal cap and I didn’t know how to get it off. So we survived on sugar butties for a week.
●Fool● 1 year ago
There was a case of a woman who left her infant home alone for weeks resulting in its passing. She was on vacation during those weeks then she denied leaving her child but sje had pictures from her vacation
Spacey Stacey 1 year ago
I can very much relate and I'd like to give you a viral hug ((((HUGS)))). Also, check out the word "parentification"
Nykky 1 year ago
My brother would often babysit me when I was young. But he was...........about 6 feet tall at 12? And always had a "I will break your finger and hand if you touch me" look on his face, sooooooo lol he also knew how to cook a little bit, knew emergency fixes, when to call when it got too bad, and so on. I wish he could have understood I was just a very lonely kid, and didn't hate me for being annoying...but we're close now, so whoop
Susan Raskin 1 year ago
Why have children then? Did you not know they require 24/7 attention? Geeeez
#12
The drinking. I remember them telling me so many times how they wanted me to get my license to be the DD. I remember my dad being drunk and talking bad about me. I remember the time my mom was drunk as f**k and fell into a pile of trash bags. I remember my dad taking me golfing and always stopping by the gas station on the way to get a soda cup and a beer and drink it on the drive to the golf course and continue to drink there(then obviously drive me home. I remember thinking it was normal, but thinking back... pretty sure that is how I became and alcoholic. But oh well, I'm 17 days sober now, hopefully for good.
Edit: Thanks for the support guys. If anyone is struggling with alcohol or questioning its role in your life, take a look at the subreddit "stopdrinking" (on mobile and forgot how to link it). If you have any questions or need someone to talk to about it, or anything really, my DMs are always open. Alcohol doesn't have to run your life.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago
Yep, had to call ambulances twice for my dad before the age of 8. Both times he was hammered and tried to walk upstairs with his hands in his pockets then fell, going backwards headfirst through our front window. Chap is dying of cirrhosis of the liver, still can't admit he's an alcoholic.
Cat Chat 1 year ago
I was only 4 at the time, but I remember when they had to call an ambulance for my drunk grandma. I swore I would never take a drink, and I never did. Which was my guardian angel looking out for me. At 27 I found out I have a defect in my pancreas and just one drink could set off a potentially fatal attack.
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Nikki Gross 1 year ago
I remember when I was little my Dad would be drunk and challenge us kids to see who had enough balls to come take a drink of his Coors. I was little, but I ALWAYS made sure that I would take a drink so Dad would be proud of me. Turns out, I was the ONLY one that ever did it, not even my much older Siblings would take a drink of his beer. Yeah, there is a reason that I still HATE the taste of beer and f*****g DESPISE Coors beer.
Amberlie Mikelsen 1 year ago
I fully realized that I had become an alcoholic at the age of 23 when I went through a fifth of PeachTree and a gallon of OJ in the form of Fuzzy Navels in less than 24 hours. I went cold turkey the next morning and haven't knowingly had a drop of alcohol (that wasn't NyQuil, and I only take a half-dose of that when I absolutely can't breathe due to sinus issues) in over 21 years.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
My dad gave up drinking the night he shot a hole in the lounge ceiling. My mother gave up the first time when she literally died and got resuscitated due to lying about her drinking and being cold turkey. Lucky for her she was in hospital at the time for the holy trinity of cirrhosis, hepatitis and jaundice. The second time was when she called an ambulance because she woke up with chest pain. Turns out it was broken ribs from being so drunk she fell over and knocked herself out.
Gabel Rollaux 1 year ago
Strange: I know a Lot of people, who did become absolute Non-alk because of alcoholic patents. It is not a nice sight, so no that you can not blame on them. You decide what you do. But there is a genetic affinity you could have inherited, as did they. Alcoholism is an illness not primarily a Charakter flaw. - Stay strong! Congrats on your new sober. Keep it up!
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
Congrats on your sobriety! Both my parents were raging alcoholics, too, and I still wonder how they made it to work the next day. I would come home from school and sat on our apartment stairs until midnight or 2am waiting for them to come home. Eventually, they gave me a key so I could go inside.
Never Snarky 1 year ago
Being 23 years sober, I congratulate you on your sobriety and wish you well. It is so worth it, hard as it can be.
Healthline warns that parents who provide no discipline at home leave their kids to fend for themselves. This, in turn, eventually creates adults who don’t understand boundaries.
On the flip side, parents who are overly enthusiastic about discipline at home can make their children feel fearful or rebellious.
Something that no parent should ever do is withdraw their affection or attention. It’s harmful for kids if they believe that their parents’ love is conditional.
#13
Being punished with isolation for having negative emotions.
Cat Chat 1 year ago
I remember that. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about". Then sent to my bedroom until the crying was done. Luckily Mom divorced dad when we were all pretty young.
Alexia 1 year ago
I've been through that. I got beaten and punished with isolation if I ever showed any negative emotion. I internalized the abuse and developed severe bruxism and skin rashes (as a result of high cortisol levels for prolonged periods of time). Currently struggling with that in therapy, and also with the dental treatment invoices :)
JJ 1 year ago
I never considered bruxism as a result of that but it just makes so much sense clenching your teeth when you're not allowed to express what you feel. Great, another part of my "awesome" childhood I forgot about ...till now.
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Littlemiss 1 year ago
I got screamed at for hours and told I was just too negative, overly emotional and sensitive. That everybody got sad and depressed but I was milking it. I was being molested and neglected on top of it.Yay c-ptsd, the gift that keeps on giving!
Nykky 1 year ago
I f*****g hate the term "negative" emotions. They are heightened. That's f*****g it. They are not negative, bad, or anything else. The actions connected to them may be bad (such as punching someone who makes you mad), but the emotions themselves are not bad. They're normal, and need to be accepted.
#14
I was born with cerebral palsy and used a walker as a child, this required me to hold on the walker to stand up and walk. All the way up till the 7th grade, they made me play all the sports in gym class (basketball, volleyball, badminton, etc). I was never told of wheelchair sports, nor was I ever offered an alternative to the sport we were practicing that week. As a consequence I have hated most sports until I became an adult and found that I could just watch on the sidelines far away from the ball and most harm that could befall me and enjoy the spectical. As an adult, I've come to realize that this means multiple gym teachers over the span of 6 years set me up to fail over and over and over again.
TribbleThinking 1 year ago (edited)
That's sick. And they dare call themselves human, let alone educators.
Melanie Wicinski 1 year ago
I don't have a disability, but my experience is that most PE teachers set their students up for failure.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
In my experience, most PE teachers are supportive and encouraging to those kids who are Good At Sports (TM), and dismissive and callous to the rest of us.
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robin aldrich 1 year ago
Forced to play Sports when you're using a walker?? oh my God! I'd like to b**** slap those teachers
JBRyu 1 year ago
I feel like they should offer an alternative for students with disabilities, that's crazy
Susan Reid Smith 1 year ago
Sometimes or some places they do. Where I live and when I grew up it was called Adaptive PE.
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Bec 1 year ago
Poster child for Equality is not Equity. They couldn't think of some reasonable accommodations?
clairebear 1 year ago
Probably thought they were being kind by treating you like everyone else.
Eunice Bentley 1 year ago
That is so terribly wrong. My gym teachers always had alternative activities for me. Even if it was just walking laps around the gym while everyone else did sprints. I did any activity that didn't require running. All of high school my sports participation was as the score keeper. Basketball, volleyball, baseball attended all the tournaments with all the teams.
Nykky 1 year ago
Well that's not surprising. Way too many coaches and such are muscleheads, the stereotype of them. I was lucky to have a f*****g fantastic coach in high school, and he was one of the best teachers I had. Coach Kerri. Wonderful man. I'm sorry you never had any, but maybe you can enjoy your sport time now since you understand where the disdain came from
Pheline 1 year ago
The popularity contest of choosing team “captains” who then choose “team” members. How fun it was to be chosen last or close to it! I could dance, do gymnastics (at the events the heavily coached, again popular girls weren't doing), and climb ropes, but hit or catch a softball? Run? No way. Before cancer, I danced six days/week, raced my bike as an undergrad, I’ve often swam a few miles/per week so it was never about fitness..
#15
When I was about 7, my mom didn’t let me in the apartment one day after school. She just opened the door a few inches and stuck her head out. She had me give her my violin and book sack and told me to go play. She shut the door and I went and played.
I always thought it was weird, but I never gave it more than two thoughts. One day, my much older brother casually said “don’t you remember when Mom was a prostitute?”
Yeah, that was a little bit of a shock. Almost up there with her wanting me to take a nude photo of her with my birthday present, the newly released Polaroid One Step camera.
I guess you could say there were signs.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
Depends how desperate they were for money. The camera thing really wasn’t great though
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Monosyllabicgirl 1 year ago (edited)
People do what they have to do. Shrug. Involving the kid in it was not OK though. My sister...um...dabbled in the world's oldest profession for a bit after her son was born and the dad and her roommate who was supposed to do childcare ran off. I did what I could but worked 2 full time jobs at 7.25 an hour (in like 2002). I was actually a bit jealous bc she made hundreds an hour and only had to work a few hours a week while I worked 80+ hrs. It never bothered her, she said anything is worth what someone is willing to pay for it. If someone is willing to hand her $300 for an hour of her faked interest so be it.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. The adults in kids’ lives set the example for what is and isn’t acceptable. If done wrong, your kids can grow up anxious, depressed, aggressive, struggling at school and work, facing problems connecting with others, and dealing with serious self-esteem issues.
That’s why authoritative parenting is so powerful. Parents who communicate clearly, take their kids’ feelings into account, are emotionally available, and provide clear consequences for misbehavior are doing things right.
When your children have a good balance of support and structure in their lives, they grow up to be confident, independent adults who excel in their studies, build strong relationships, and are healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
#16
Apparently the naked tickle game my aunt liked to play when she baby sat me wasn't something that was that common with other folks.
#17
Apparently, when my parents would make me stay in extremely uncomfortable/painful positions for hours on end, that is called “stress positions” and was a torture technique utilized by the CIA on terrorists after 9/11.
Michael Danhauer 1 year ago
I got frozen peas once. I quickly confessed to a misdeed I did not commit to avoid prolonging it. Torture does not illicit accurate results.
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Chewie Baron 1 year ago
I also had this done to me by my father. He would make me stand in the middle of my bedroom all the time.
Amberlie Mikelsen 1 year ago
It's been a torture/abuse technique since ancient China, and has been labeled by Geneva as a War Crime (regardless of the situation). It's been used by parents to "disobedient" or "disrespectful" children, government agencies against just about anyone they think they can get away with, and anyone else looking to exert control over another person.
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
More sick people. German word for this is untermensch. It applies to a lot of people mentioned in this post, in my opinion. go and look it up.
Susan Raskin 1 year ago
these people are beyond horrible. How does someone think this stuff u?. Sick, sick people.
DogsAreLife 1 year ago
How horrible! I can't imagine even thinking about doing any of this harmful stuff to my child! I'd die for him!
#18
My Dad left shortly after I was born. I’d sometimes see him at weekends if he was sober enough to turn up. When I was 11 he told me he didn’t want to come see me anymore as that means driving and that means being sober (or not getting caught drink driving) He told me he would pay for train tickets and I could go to see him. So from age 11 I used to catch the train on a Friday afternoon from Nottingham into London then get the under ground then another train out to Essex. Where my dad would encourage me to drink and send me home drunk on a Sunday evening. At the time I just thought I was cool and independent.
Sonia J-Coffee 1 year ago
My dad had so many lovers and 4 out of marriage children . All my friends knew about his behavior
The author of the thread revealed to us that they never expected their question to leave such a huge impact online. They were very surprised by how quickly it got popular.
"I watch a lot of AskReddit videos on YouTube, and most of them lean towards horror or weird things people have seen. It got me thinking about if I’d ever witnessed anything creepy or messed up, and I realized that some of my childhood memories are a bit 'traumatic' as some people have told me! This example was just one of those things that I had completely forgotten about until watching those videos on YouTube," u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 explained how they got the inspiration to create the thread in the first place.
#19
In October 2001, my fam and I went to Disneyworld. I was 6 years old, my brother was 1. One night, we’re at some restaurant in the park, and I get chicken fingers and fries. For whatever reason, I didn’t finish my dinner. My dad was b*tching to my mom about how I wasn’t finishing the expensive chicken fingers (I have no idea how much the chicken fingers and fries cost on the kids menu, but it can’t be more than $30 in 2001 I’m guessing).
Anyway, my dad leaves the table for about 5 minutes, comes back and whispers to me “hey [name], I just saw a little boy sitting outside the kitchen missing his fingers. They were all bloody. I asked him what happened, and he said the chef cut’s off little boy’s fingers if they don’t eat their chicken fingers.” He then said that the chef told him that they turn little boy’s fingers into chicken fingers.
I was absolutely terrified. I didn’t want to have my fingers cut off. We left the restaurant, and I wouldn’t let go of my last chicken finger. I held onto that damn thing during the nightly fireworks over the castle, it was all I could think about. I refused to let my mom take the chicken finger out of my hand, I thought if I threw it away that the chef was gonna come cut off my fingers in the night.
Finally I had to go to the bathroom that night and my mom threw away the chicken tender. I completely forgot about that until last week and it just hit me with that feeling of “wtf.”
P.S., my brother and I haven’t had a relationship with our dad for several years (not because of the chicken tenders lol) but because he wasn’t really that great of a dad and has a 2nd family. Is it any wonder I’ve had chronic anxiety since I was around 5?
Susan Raskin 1 year ago
control through fear. What an a*****e your dad is. I hate people who terrorize children with c**p like this. It is a form of bullying by someone who should be supportive and protective of their child. I feel the same about adults tease kids in a hurtful way and make the child cry. How weak is your ego that you have to pretend to tease a child in a fun way yet you turn it on them and make them cry.
#20
Having an older brother that emotionally and physically abused me. My family was very much ‘all siblings fight it’s normal’ about all of the things he would do. He’s now 23 and recently diagnosed as having antisocial personality disorder.
27RatsStackedInATrenchcoat 1 year ago
This was my younger brother, can still remember my parents going "that's just how sibling love works"
Justin Rogers 1 year ago
Same. Used to cut Xmas light to shock me, kicked me in the junk so many times I had a hernia at 7, broke and melted all my favorite toys, break my fingers and help my father abuse me. He's dead now and I am not sorry
DE Ray 1 year ago
My oldest brother was an honest-to-God sociopath. Thankfully, he was also 13 years older and by the time I was becoming aware of my surroundings authorities were no longer giving him a pass because of his youth. One of my earliest memories is my mother crying because he was sent to prison - he had run away from home, broke into a gun store and had a shootout with the police when they showed up. With decades of hindsight, I'm fairly certain he was poisoning our middle brother. I know he had stabbed my father, attacked a girl who lived down the street, and did in several neighbors' pets.
Andrea Wylie 1 year ago (edited)
I tense up when hear the phrase "be the bigger person." I guess it means,*let your brother do and say anything he wants, why are you complaining, you're such a crybaby."
J C 1 year ago
yes my parents completely ignored the torture that they put me through. I have swung a little bit too far the other way and I hate when my kids fight but recently I have realized that its okay to let them, as long as there is no name calling and it doesn't cause physical injury. I was constantly physically and emotionally abused.
Ursula Mehlmann 1 year ago
i hope when this parents will go to a elderly home, this bro will take care of them, enjoy
#21
Apparently most parents don't just have a stick lying around somewhere on every floor that they primarily use to beat their kids with.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago (edited)
My Dad had a leather belt that he ALWAYS wore no matter what. We all knew that any little thing could set him off and off came the belt. One of the first things we did after he was killed was tear it up and throw it into the trash. If setting on fire was an option, we would have burned that damn thing up. I had an incredibly complicated relationship with my Dad and learning after I had grown up about his life, I realized he NEVER stood a chance. It in no way justified his actions, but at least I understand what led him to being the person that he turned out to be as an Adult.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
The sound the belt made clearing his belt loops was enough to make us start crying. Then came the really loud "thwap" sound when he snapped it together. Then came the bare-butt whipping with the belt. Until I was 12.
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Gingergirl 1 year ago
Father would often beat us with the cord from electrical appliances. Mother switched from wooden to plastic spoons, when she broke too many on us.
Brenda 1 year ago
My sperm donor had a solid oak paddle/board with the words "Board of Education." The words were burned into the paddle, along with the names of all 5 of their kids, including my 2 younger half sisters. I was visiting at 9 years old, having just recently been told this man was actually my father, not my uncle. For some reason, my 5yo sister was anxious to show me the paddle. My name had been added. And we could hear him in the kitchen bragging about making it himself and wanting to break it in.i didn't even bother to call my mom to come get me, I just left. Iy took me like an hou to walk all the way across town to get home. It took considerably onsiderably longer for him to realize I wasn't there. Like 3 or so hours. This was the story I told the judge as to why I did want visitation 3 years later (during which he never asked to see me ). That paddle: solid oak w/ drilled holes, leather wrapped handle, & a stray to go around the wrist. I had nightmares about and the whist.ing sounds it made right someone screamed.
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Louisa Spoke 1 year ago
We had to got and cut a newly growing shoot off a prunus tree. It was like a whip. I was hit with electrical cord and punched in the face. My father was a WWII veteran and was psychotic and hated me with a passion. I’m calling him my father but I don’t know if he actually was.
Which of the stories shared in this list left the biggest impact on you, dear Pandas? What are some childhood experiences that left a deeply negative effect on you? Were there any experiences that you saw with fresh eyes once you grew up?
There's absolutely no pressure, but if you have a moment and want to open up, feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
#22
That I was expected to care for my little brother who was 8 years younger than me and my grandma with dementia. My dad worked long hours and my mom worked in the basement all day. During the summer I cooked, cleaned and took care of everything while they worked. Even gave my grandma insulin shots and changed her adult diapers. This started at age 12 and went until I was 15. That’s f****d up.
Jan Feline 1 year ago
My mom was treated like that by her mother. She swore she'd never treat her own kids like that, and I am lucky, my mom is a wonderful person, and even better mom
Nikole 1 year ago
Same. My mom was the oldest of seven and never wanted me to have the experience she did.
Load More Replies... BitchinintheBurgh' 1 year ago
This sounds awful. Did your parents do it out of spite or laziness or was it "just the way life was"? I don't mean to sound callused, but sometimes, parents have to do whatever it takes to keep a roof over their head and food on the table.
Alpha 1 Solace 1 year ago
These days will see more of this as both parents need to work a lot to survive as a family. Ive seen large families where the eldest siblings end up being babysitters. It happens a lot, but i do believe as much qs possible, kids need to be kids and enjoy few responsibilities. At least this person learnt a lot of real life stuff, i suppose. Society loves lazy rich people getting a free pass but hard working families dont even get to see their kids.
Ursula Mehlmann 1 year ago
anyway, you did a great job, sometimes families are dependent on the weakest members.
#23
Does being a teen count as being part of my childhood? Being 14 and men in their 20s driving slowly behind me and asking me out or waiting outside my school and following me after school. I was so flattered back then. I know how gross it is now. Or when I was 16 and we were in a community picnic of hundreds of people and a group of guys in their early 20s thinking it was funny when they waited outside the bathroom for me and my friend and one of them hugging me from behind and grabbing my breasts while the the rest of the group laughed. Some of these guys I’ve known for a while too. And honestly I didn’t realize how much sexual abuse I went through until I was an adult. Some of the abuse was as early as maybe 3 or 4 years old.
Kari Panda 1 year ago
This is sadly very much normal for many women/girls. I can name three similar or worse incidents without even thinking, ages ~5/10/14.
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Kyra Noelle 1 year ago
Why do men, I know women can do it too, but the majority are men, think they have the right to touch anyone?!?!?
Bex 1 year ago
Because they've been told, over hundreds of centuries, that they can and do own everything in the world, including women, because women are not people, we are objects that are meant to be owned.
Load More Replies... Alpha 1 Solace 1 year ago (edited)
What eerks me to the core is the way bystanders are so complicit and do nothing. Makes them all just as guilty imo. And cowardly as well. When stuff like that happens and everyone is fine with it... Thanks for the way the world is and damn feels lonely. I'd lose it and be telling them off very loudly :p
Laura Lawson 1 year ago
My first instance of sexual abuse was when I was 8 or 9. I was at a playground by myself when 2 boys my age turned up. No big deal to me. We were on the swings when one of the boys put his hands up my shirt & grabbed me, shouting 'I touched her boobs'. I had no breasts, I was a child. I had no idea of what to do so I just stayed for a while longer then went home. What I was doing alone at that age took me a years to process, finally coming to the realisation that my mother was neglectful & didn't care where we were during the day. The thought of telling her what happened also never crossed my mind. So double whammy of abuses on 1 day.
Nykky 1 year ago
May they all burn, but not die, needing to deal with the horrid repercussions of losing any physical beauty they may have had and deal with the mental and physical pains for the rest of their lives. And may it be in their homes with absolutely nothing else catching fire. Only their bodies and faces.
Puppy Dancing! 1 year ago
This is why I wanted my hair short as a child,, starting in kindergarten , less sexual abuse.
Load More Replies... #24
Apparently, not everyone was babysat by bar staff every night. My mother used to distract me by giving my quarters to play on the touch screen bar top games. Staff used to give me free cherry cokes. While she drank and danced and talked to guys.
The Big Bad 1 year ago
Jeez... My first thought was that the mom needed to work and maybe had no other option then to bring her kid. But at the end it becomes clear that she just wanted to party... :(
Alexa Saltz 1 year ago
Maybe she was working. Bills need paying, kid needs to eat.
Load More Replies... Lew k 1 year ago
I grew up in a bar too but mom worked there. Played a lot of pool. Drank a lot of sprite with cherries.
Amberlie Mikelsen 1 year ago
This is (IMHO) ONLY acceptable if the parent is employed by said establishment and has literally ZERO other options for childcare! Otherwise it's abuse and abandonment!
Alpha 1 Solace 1 year ago
What the, why'd no one think to tell her off. Oh wait, i know. You get told you're "moral policing". Ive copped that sort of put down a lot - but I'd still tell her to raise her child and grow up.
Hassel Davidhoff 1 year ago
I partied pretty hard back in the day. Spent many a night sauced and having a good time. I was just smart enough to not have kids.
#25
That every time I left the house I smelled like an ashtray because my parents were such heavy smokers. I’m 75 and never smoked. They died at 55/70 from emphysema. Don’t smoke! Or at the very least, not around your kids.
Roger9er 1 year ago
I quit smoking when I wanted to have children, 19 years ago. I thought it was a no-go combination. Smoked for about 20 years though, a pack a day. Although I quit, I regret I ever started.
Sweetie Dahling 1 year ago
My mom stopped smoking for me as well (over 30 yrs ago). She still misses it. Though we have a deal that she can start smoking again when she's 100 😄
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Saphyre Fyre 1 year ago
Unfortunately, op suffered all those years of 2nd hand smoke, also 3rd hand from what was on walls, clothing, everything.
Doodles1983 1 year ago
Yup. I loathed it so much. My mum never realised any and every time she lit up I'd move away. When I was a teenager and went to the pub (before indoor public bans) after she, quit... She used to accuse me of smoking! I've, at 40, and second hand smoke notwithstanding, never taken even one drag. She didn't believe me.
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Andy Frobig 1 year ago
My sisters tell me that when they turned 16, Mom told them "ok, you can smoke now." They were like "why would we want to do that?" When I was 16, I was running 40 miles a week so I guess she didn't feel the need to give me permission, but we all thought our parents' smoking was disgusting
Bookworm 1 year ago
Nobody ever had to tell me not to smoke; I can't stand the smell. I was about 10 when indoor smoking bans came in in my state. Before that, I used to hold my breath walking to the restroom at the local diner because you had to walk through the smoking section and it reeked.
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EJN 1 year ago
Both of my parents died of lung cancer from smoking. My mother denied that it was the cause of the cancer all the way to the end. Dad was a scientist and Mom was a medical technologist, unbelievably.
RosaTheWitch 1 year ago
Smokers who are scientists will automatically hang on to the genuine-but-miniscule chance that the cause is anything but smoking. Sure, anyone can get lung cancer, but in your parents' cases, focusing on the miniscule probably meant less feeling guilty and/or being proved wrong.
Load More Replies... Pheline 1 year ago
My father would do his contemptuous closed-mouth laugh while looking in the rearview mirror at me when I'd ask him not to smoke in the car. I couldn't eat sandwiches for years because we’d have sandwiches for lunch and then head off to go shopping and to my grandma's or uncle's while he smoked multiple cigarettes during a half-hour drive. Here’s another cool thing they did- but it was mostly my dad. He and my mom would head into stores and make us wait in the car in the parking lot. We always had to go with them even if we weren’t visiting anyone. I loathed that man and didn't give a d*mn when he finally died … of lung cancer!!
Hassel Davidhoff 1 year ago
I only smoked for 3 or 4 years. Not terribly bad. However, I still regret it every day.
#26
It took me until I was 37 to understand how unhealthy my relationship was with my mother. My whole life she treated me as a friend not her child. My counselor called it parental emotional molestation. The woman is an alcoholic. I feel like I was never a kid. I became a mother at 15.
Midoribird Aoi 1 year ago
Wait...how is acting like your kid's friend molestation? I don't understand?
Bookworm 1 year ago
Emotional molestation. Dumping your own feelings and needs on your child.
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#27
My parents fighting all the time. Like yelling-level fighting.
My parents thinking it was super normal to raise me in a cult. They showed me pictures of Armageddon with fireballs coming down from the sky and killing everyone that wasn’t in our specific, tiny meaningless religion. Even all my friends from school.
My dad having no interest in spending time with us. He would purposefully work as much as possible so he didn’t have to be home. We tried getting into mustangs and Led Zeppelin just so we’d have something to talk to him about.
Alexia 1 year ago (edited)
Yelling and insulting each other all the time, slamming doors at 6 A.M., then involving the child in their fights: "You are a lazy b***h, like your father!" "This idiotic behavior is something you learn from your b****y mother!" I used to think this was normal. Later I spent a few days at some friends' house and I thought "they must be fighting and yelling like everybody else, but now they are just pretending all is good".
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
My parents, also, fought all the time and were drunk most of the time. When I was young and went to a friend's house, I noticed that their parents didn't fight. My mother said they just didn't fight in front of me, but I shouldn't stay long because they were waiting for me to leave so they could fight. After I left home for my last two years at university, I would never stay long when a friend's parents invited me over for dinner. It took me years to realize that they weren't waiting to fight.
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Roger9er 1 year ago (edited)
Downvoted why? Because that's not a cult? I'm sorry, but it is. As far as I'm concerned, all religions are.
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Kirsten Sundin 1 year ago
Exjw here…my parents were also extremely abusive and still are. They’ll never change as long as they’re stuck in their cult. Hope you’re doing okay and big hugs 💕
Ursula Mehlmann 1 year ago
o yes, i was like an alien at school, because i thought all families would be like mine. great mistake,
#28
I had no idea it's not normal to bring your mom to bed, who was crying uncontrollaby the whole day, when I was 14. Threatening with suicide. At the same time my dad was making extra money with dealing and he had a stash in my rooms ceiling..I would lie awake, acting like I was sleeping and watch him sneak around in my room.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
Another one who I hope got some help to rebuild the self-esteem that the OP never had nurtured
Nikole 1 year ago
My mom used to cry a lot, because my dad was a jerk. She tried to keep it away from my brother and I though and would go cry kind of silently on the porch. Which led to the “joke” my dad started… “Hey, where’s your mom?” Me: “Probably crying on the porch again.” And then we’d laugh. Fùuuuuuck…
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#29
My father making me choose if I would stay with him or my mom. When I was 5. I normally stayed with him and would visit my mom on the weekends. This is after our place burned down and I was sent to live with my grandparents for a while. When my dad came back to pick me up, he and my mom were no longer together and I got no explanation, just a statement of fact.
I’m a father myself, and both my parents died last year. I’ve gotten more details over the years and the realization that I chose the wrong parent so many years ago is one of those things that can just make you think….
Cat Chat 1 year ago
That's definitely too young to understand what's being asked of them. I don't think any child should choose (maybe near adult teens who are moving out on their own might be an exception). I had friends who had to choose and feel guilty for not having as close of a relationship with the one they didn't pick.
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officerripley 1 year ago
In a way, the opposite can be a problem: supposedly where I lived at the time, starting at the age of 12, children can choose which parent to live with. Which I wanted to do; the custodial parent who got us kids was not the one I wanted to live with. But I wasn't allowed to do so.
Z D 1 year ago
This was me at 5. Taken to live with my grandparents. Mom n dad not getting their c**p together. Dad allowing his lawyer to put me on the stand and being asked who do you want to live with. Knowing if I said mom my dad's wife would beat me. Saying dad would hurt mom. That is a torment.
#30
I don’t think mine is as messed up as others but when my parents got divorced my parents split me and my siblings up. Dad got my older siblings and my mom got me and my brother. My mom moved to a state over and I didn’t really meet my dad until I was 5? I always thought my stepdad was my dad lol (we aren’t the same ethnicity either) I always thought all divorced parents split their kids up and couldn’t live in the same state lol.
Cat Chat 1 year ago
*/s fixed it for you to avoid any downvotes or lecture replies
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Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago (edited)
when my parents separated, father took the oldest girl, mother took the youngest two. sister and I in the middle came home from school to an empty house. Neighbour found us on the doorstep and we ended up in foster care. We were 5 & 6 at the time.
nancthetank 1 year ago
Hope you are in a better situation now. Sorry for your pain.
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Kikikaboom 1 year ago
My brother eventually moved back with my dad and step-mom (5 hours away), when I was 13. But it was his choice (I think), so I suppose it's not unheard of for some to split siblings up after divorce
#31
My dad keeping our dog outside, connected to a tree by a length of chain. Never playing with him. Just leaving him out there all the time, in misery.
Other kids who visited the house must have thought we were monsters.
The dog died when I was 9. On the one hand, I was just a child, and didn’t know any better. But on the other hand, I wish I had advocated for the dog. At minimum, we could have gotten a pen built so he could run around somewhat.
That dog deserved so much better, and we failed him.
Natalie Kelsey 1 year ago
When I was a kid, my aunt and cousins got a wonderful puppy from a litter their friends had. Someone else in their neighborhood got another puppy from the same litter. Their neighbor's puppy was always outside in the yard, when they took their puppy for walks, no food or water, and sometimes the Dad of the family would be yelling at the puppy. That summer, when the puppies were only a few months old, the neighbor family chained their dog up outside and went on vacation. My aunt found it unconscious, no food or water, and climbed the fence, cut the chain and stole the dog. She brought him to the vet, and when he was okay, she brought him to our house. Best dog we ever had. The neighbors never asked around about what happened to their puppy.
Ms. Mack 1 year ago
My dog was a tied to a tree for the first two and half years of his life. He was rescued and I adopted him. He is very food motivated, very much glued to my every move and a very, very good boy!
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Natasha Arruda 1 year ago
My dad was this way with animals. I remember me and my mom crying because my dog was out in the cold, literally with icicles on him, but my dad wouldn't let him in and if we tried at the very least my mother would have been beaten, possibly me as well. His reasoning is "They're animals. They like it outside."
robin aldrich 1 year ago
A lot of families evidently feel that dogs should remain outside, not really loved or cared for... it's a real issue in the South it seems.... I never understood that
Happy to be a wallflower 1 year ago
I understand letting a dog run around in a (fenced) backyard for the afternoon with supervision, but it's definitely abuse to keep them out there 24/7, especially with no training or easy access to water
Load More Replies... B 1 year ago (edited)
My neighbor had a dog on a very heavy chain next door & would throw paper plates of food to him. My Dad would call the town once a week about this. This dog was outside in Rain, snow etc. I have a soft spot for animals & would try to talk to him but if you got close he would growl. The neighbor would laugh. The town said well he feeds him nothing we can do. That dog died at just a few years old. I'm sorry you had such a sad life King , we tried to help you. We had a dog at the same time she lived to be 18 and died of old age.
#32
Getting yelled awake by parents for something extremely minor like not picking up a empty soda can from the coffee table.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
My dad will be like that when he’s in one of his moods. He’s not a bad guy at all, he just struggles with some stuff and doesn’t want to take medication (probably because he doesn’t want to admit weakness)
#33
Also, more ranting about my dad, he used to f*****g lie about being in the military for the service discounts lol. My old man was a pharmaceutical sales rep until ‘08 when the recession hit. He said he got laid off, but I think he just got fired. Anyways, for years after, he would be unemployed for a few years, grift off welfare, wouldn’t take a job because he got more in food stamps than he would have working.
He got big into vaping when it first became a thing in like 2011, 2012. When vape shops popped up, he used to just hang out at them all day. He wore this wristband with the American flag and wore fatigues or half fatigues. Naturally, people at shops and restaurants would assume he was a vet, and say “thanks for your service” and give him discounts. Never once corrected them.
By the time I hit 15, I was straight up done with that s**t. One time we were in a vape shop (again), guy asks my dad “oh were you in the service? You’ve got a camo bag and fatigues”. Dad goes “yep”. Guy goes where did you serve, dad goes “Iraq”.
I was so sick of his s**t, I turned to the guy at the counter and said “he did not serve in the military. He has never been outside of the states. He’s lying” and my dad goes real red and says “oh he’s just upset, you know, I had to do a lot of bad things over there and he doesn’t like when I talk about it so he says I wasn’t in the military.”
I was f*****g 15 years old. Not 7. The guy could tell he was full of s**t and I think my dad got pissed as we left because he knew he couldn’t come back to that store. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to tell your friends that your dad was not in the military and just wore fatigues and was unemployed by choice? It was a slap in the face to those that served our country. Just once I wish a real vet had heard him.
john doe 1 year ago
That stolen valor stuff is way too common, just an FYI most vets don't walk around in old fatigues and try and get discounts everywhere, if you see someone doing that it's almost certainly stolen valor, myself and my veteran buddies never and I mean never ask for discounts.
Nikki Gross 1 year ago (edited)
I come from a Military family, so a HUGE Thank You for your service. The first thing that popped into my head was stolen valor, considering what members of my family have went through it INFURIATES me when I see or hear someone pulling that b******t. I've lost 5 members of my family due to PTSD that served in WWII, Vietnam and Iraq/Afghanistan, so seeing people lying and claiming service again pisses me the f**k off.
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#34
Thanksgiving when I was 7. My parents were getting a divorce and it was supposed to be the first time we did a holiday at two separate houses. Instead, my father took my sister and I up to the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park Colorado for 4 nights where we hung out at the bar (they had Pac Man that was in the table!), played on the lawn in the snow, and read a lot of books. It is still one of my favorite Thanksgivings ever. Or.....
My parents were in a contentious custody battle and my mother was losing her mind. She threatened him with the old "If I can't have them nobody will," so he kidnapped us for the weekend. My now-stepmother was the only one who knew where we were, and this was the 80s so tracking people down was a lot more difficult than it is today. The police were actively looking for us back home, but nobody knew where we'd gone. We arrive back in town on Monday morning because that's when the courts opened back up and his attorney could get it sorted out. He did a bang up job hiding this all from us for decades.
Dragon mama 1 year ago
I see this as a parent protecting his children. Messed up for sure but it's possible this choice by the dad protected them from far worse harm. And he kept it from them means he didn't trash talk his ex to them and d**g them into the drama. The fact that it was the best thanksgiving ever says a lot,
Bookworm 1 year ago
Yeah, usually the non-custodial parent taking off with the kids is a hard no, but 'if I can't have them nobody will' is a straight up murder threat. Genuine fear for the kid's lives is one of the few instances where this is the right move.
Load More Replies...
#35
When I was 16 I went to my mom because I was so anxious and experiencing near constant panic attacks. I couldn’t focus at school, could barely breathe at home. I lost 12 pounds in two weeks.
She told me I was just having a stomachache and I better get over it soon.
Experiences like this were common and only now, at 27, am I really starting to unpack it all.
#36
In a friends grandparent’s basement when we were 6-7, he picks up a hunting rifle, says “oh look it’s my grandpas old gun!” Points it at my chest and pulled the trigger. He had no way of knowing, but thank f**k it wasn’t loaded. It did make a loud click from being dry fired that haunts me on occasion to this day.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
Okay, this is like a crime right? This can't be an okay ting to do.
Donald 1 year ago
If it was loaded and OP had died grandpa would be charged for leaving a firearm somewhere children could get to it (not sure what they would charge him with, maybe manslaughter). Unfortunately there is no law regarding where you keep your gun in your home, only laws for the consequences of stupid decisions.
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#37
I had to tell my co-workers that somebody was smoking m*th right outside of the back door. They asked how I know it's m*th, and I was like "I could smell it? It smelled like m*th." And the look that they gave me made me realize it probably isn't normal that I can identify d***s based on smell because of the environment I was raised in.
Didn't fully sink in how f****d it was until I smacked a friend's vape out of their hand when they almost vaped next to my daughter. Can't imagine my kid in the situations I was in as a kid.
#38
There is a chance you'll be close to a sex offender. One of my parents mutual friends was who paid particular attention to me from the age of 7-14/15. Thankfully, they never left me there unsupervised but didn't really say anything when he'd tell me he wanted to marry me.
Sleepy children love Moon 1 year ago
my uncle is a pedophile. he got caught by texting an undercover cop who was posing as 11 and sending naughty pictures as well as asking to meet up. he used to work in a daycare.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
F**k, because of people like him I've lost trust in any man who wants to work with kids. It's unfair and f****d up, but I really don't want to play Russian Roulette with my little girl trying to find out which man can be trusted and who can't
Load More Replies... #39
When I was like 5 getting in trouble deeply distressed me. My family, thinking this was funny would trick me into writing or saying swear words and then pretend I was in trouble until I cried 🙃.
#40
Apparently a single near death experience is enough to cause a phobia or something.
I thought having them was natural!
robin aldrich 1 year ago
I would say that kind of experiences MORE than enough to cause a phobia
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
I still have a phobia about deep water and I NEVER learned to swim because of it. I'm okay around pools because I can see the bottom and stay in the shallow end. I'm 5'3" so that's enough for me anyways. When I was little one of my Brothers who is the next closest in age ALWAYS picked on me really bad. He thought it was funny to throw me in the deep end of a pool and pulled that s**t twice. Both times thankfully I was saved by an adult and the 2nd time he did it a very pissed off biker cannonballed onto him as payback. I'm terrified of heights and deep water so I had an intense phobia of bridges of ANY kind. Now that I'm an Adult I'm much better, especially when I'm driving but I still get uneasy whenever I have to go over long or tall ones.
#41
Giving your kids edibles when they're sick and not telling them why they are freaking the f**k out.
robin aldrich 1 year ago
What king of f****d up person thinks Edibles are a treatment for an illness?
#42
My mum and the guy she was having an affair with "confiding" to my 5-year-old self that we would be moving to England with him for a new life. Thirty-seven years later I can still see them, off their faces with me in some motel room eating chips and drinking cans of coke.
My parents had a rocky marriage that ended in divorce when I was about 10. My dad was no saint, but the older I get the more I feel like that was a really scummy thing to do. To him and me.
My parents are both dead now and I wish I could talk to them about a lot of things. Guess that's the way it goes eh.
RIP MUM AND DAD.
#43
My parents and their friends getting belligerently drunk around me as an extremely young child. Having giant parties (200+ people) at our house with massive amounts of alcohol and presumably d***s. My parents taking me to bars with them on school nights when I was too young to stay home on my own- sometimes we'd be out until midnight, and then they'd drive us home drunk.
Oh and also after going deer hunting with my dad he'd let me watch him gut the deer. Watching intestines fall out of an animal you saw alive just an hour before really does something to a 8 year old.
john doe 1 year ago
The drinking and partying thing is not good definitely, but I was raised hunting and still hunt, never had a problem with gutting the deer, I guess if he was an idiot and did it poorly it could be a little more gory than necessary but at least he was trying to teach you something.
Sandra Campos 1 year ago
Some kids are wwwvery sensitive to this kind of stuuff. Let them choose if they want to practice hunting when they can make tehir own decissions. I personally hate hunting, it mqkew me sik tonsee those magestic crratures killed
Load More Replies... #44
Sexual abuse, seeing my first line of c*ke at the age of four or five (and knowing what it was), my stepdad punching a hole in the wall next to my mums head, stepdad stamping on our cat as it’s trying to get in the door pinning it down to the floor. Stepdad allowing and encouraging me to shoot an air rifle indoors at the age of six, it had a scope on it which I put my eye socket directly onto before shooting it and giving myself my first black eye. My stepdad actively encouraging my little sister to be racist and teaching her to say monkey whenever she sees a black person and the n word.
As a side note my stepdad is s**t scared of dogs of any size even puppies due to a chihuahua bite he suffered when he was young and it’s hilarious to watch him in my black aunts house. She has gollywogs and two f*****g giant pit bulls.
#45
When I was around 13 or so, Mum confided in me and my sister about how unhappy she was with her marriage to our Dad, and that she had fallen in love with someone else. She convinced us to not tell our Dad about any of it, as she couldn’t afford to leave him until her affair partner could move to our area. So we had to keep the secret from him and carry on like normal for nearly a year I think.
She didn’t have any friends or family to talk about it with, so we ended up being kind of her therapists when she drank too much and needed to vent about all the problems that had gone on between her and our Dad. She told me things about her sex life that I had absolutely no business hearing about at that age.
It seemed entirely reasonable at the time, and it literally is only within the last year or so (am 37 now) that I’ve started to understand how unfair and unhealthy it was to put us into that situation.
She always made her behaviour seem so justified, and made Dad seem like he deserved it. He wasn’t perfect by any means, he did some stupid selfish things, but he didn’t deserve to be lied to by his own kids. We’ve never really talked about how he felt about how any of it went down. I tried once or twice but it seemed like something he really didn’t want to open up about and I can’t blame him.
Mum did end up marrying her affair partner and they’ve been together over 20 years now. She’s happier with him than she ever was with Dad. But still. S**t was f****d up.
Chaotictomybone 1 year ago
This reminds me of the time I found not-so-appropriate photos of my mum nd her boss. Wen I confronted her she told me the same, how sad and unhappy she was with her marriage becoz my dad was diagnosed with ESRD nd made me swear not to tell anyone. But eventually, my dad found out nd I was the first one questioned bt I lied to him coz I knew hw much he loved mum. After my dad confronted my mum she blamed me for ruining her marriage and so on, she still does. Btw she is still in contact with her AP I just gave up on her.
#46
My parents were holistic heath freaks who didn’t believe in western medicine. I’m 31 and my life is f****d up because of what I think is undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety and severe depression.
Oh and im viscerally uncomfortable with going to the doctor because hahaha conditioning.
#47
I used to sleep with my parents up until I was around 6 years old thanks to having night terrors as a kid. During that time they had sex every weekend around the same time I would get up in the morning during the school week, 7:00 am ish. I didn’t know what they were doing so I always pretended to be asleep so I wouldn’t have to talk to them about it?
They both always slept naked so I didn’t really think anything of it anyways. Safe to say though after some time I felt weird about the whole situation and moved back into my own bed.
They were good parents tho lol.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
Used to happen all the time in poor houses, they only had one bedroom. Not okay now though.
Load More Replies... #48
I lost my virginity at 13 to a 20 year old💀.
Dee Rutherford 1 year ago
I hear you!! Lost mine at 12to a 23yo. Told my mom. She said it was my own fault. 😳
#49
Every week my father (who was a psychologist) would have a "meeting" with me in his office where he would take notes on a legal pad.
He would ask me all sorts of questions about my life, how school was going, personal relationships, etc.
I honestly didn't think much of it until I was in my teens and learned more about psychology, but my dad was properly psychoanalyzing me in a more clinical format. Only confirmed by the fact that my brother got prescribed psychoactive medication despite never visiting a psychiatrist (my father's psychiatrist friend prescribed it).
In my early 20s I discovered that my father had submitted all the notes he had taken on me over the years to a class of clinical psychology psychology students to review.
Then after he passed away I discovered the cases (actual cases) of legal pads filled with notes in a formal clinical manner of his interviews with myself and my brother.
My father was always a workaholic, working often 12+ hours a day. But I didn't realize the severity of it until I found his notes after his passing. He wasn't a bad father, but he definitely conducted appointments with my brother and I from a psychologist perspective - while having access to our phones and being able to punish us if he found we were being untruthful.
What do you think ?
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
What I'm getting from these is abuse is way more common than we are willing to admit. This should be part of the school curriculum, to help kids work out if abuse is happening in their home and what they should do if something is happening and support systems are there and strong enough to help those kids. It's hard for kids to recognize abuse at home, it's a case of nit seeing the wood for all the trees
similarly 1 year ago
I think that's really important. I was whipped with a belt as a kid, but it was the 70s, and pretty much every boy I knew was spanked, paddled, whipped or switched, and quite a few got slaps. We knew punching and kicking was crossing a line, but we also knew it happened. I knew kids who blamed themselves: "Well, he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't ..." And other kinds of abuse were just too shameful to talk about. We knew it was wrong, but I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about it. It would help a lot of kids if adults started the conversation.
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago
I think the people who can share their stories are strong and brave. I'm old now, and all those things are decades behind me, but I just can't talk about it, even now.
Tiny Dancer 1 year ago
I'm 60. Went to my first therapy session last week. It's never too late!
Load More Replies...
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
I have nothing that compares to any of this. This is all absolutely awful and vile behaviour from who are supposed to be these children's role models and caregivers
Thom Serveaux 1 year ago
Mine is positive, or at least my memories of it are. My mom and I would often "sleepover" at her female friends' homes, sometimes for weeks at a time. They were all neat ladies and I actually loved it. Looking back, we were homeless--but my mom and her friends made sure I always had a safe place to stay. Many parts of my childhood were awful but I always 100% knew my parents loved me and wanted to take care of me.
laura lee 1 year ago
That's the difference between an unfortunate situation and good parents vs same situation and having bad parents. Thankfully you got a good one 😊
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 1 year ago
That everyone in my family was so busy with themselves that they didn't notice their youngest daughter battling depression, an eating disorder and severe anxiety for years from a very early age on.
Nikole 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, my depression and anxiety pretty much got ignored, because I was “usually fine” and I got great grades. Then I discovered self-medicating with alcohol and suddenly I was in the center ring of the circus.
Load More Replies...
salena258 1 year ago (edited)
Not my story. My husband. I noticed he acted like a 10 year old around his mom. That was the first red flag. He was also very low contact. Then, after we were married I discovered he would grab leftovers from the fridge and quickly eat them standing up. In the beginning I never saw him sit to eat leftover food. I eventually asked him about this behavior. He explained that he learned as a kids if his mom saw him sitting at the table she would beat him. So he learned to grab the food and leave or would hide under the table to eat. She would beat him with a fly swatter when he was trying to take a shower. He later learned to jump into the middle of their backyard pool to escape her. Even when the water was only 40 degrees F. He would make his bed look like someone was sleeping on it then sleep under his bed, because she would occasionally come in and start beating him. He could not mess up the vacuum lines without getting another beating. Now we are NC with her, and she says it is our fault. LOL
Kristel Pugh 1 year ago
Making the deaf 6 year old kid play instruments in music class. :( This went on until 5th grade.
laura lee 1 year ago
I hate I can read most of these and think, naw I'm still in the running for gold here and my "family" still tries the gaslight tf out of me it's crazy. I'm not NC for nothing, guess that's why I check up here, give me perspective so I can go, oh no I'm 100% right on this...
Insomniac 1 year ago
Yelling at and insulting someone and calling it a "joke." Allowing other adults to berate and insult your daughter for being fat, for crying too much, for being clumsy, to the point where the child cries, then tell the child it's their own fault for reacting. My mother still claims that the problem isn't that my dad is emotionally abusive; my problem is that I react to it. That's what's wrong.
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
What I'm getting from these is abuse is way more common than we are willing to admit. This should be part of the school curriculum, to help kids work out if abuse is happening in their home and what they should do if something is happening and support systems are there and strong enough to help those kids. It's hard for kids to recognize abuse at home, it's a case of nit seeing the wood for all the trees
similarly 1 year ago
I think that's really important. I was whipped with a belt as a kid, but it was the 70s, and pretty much every boy I knew was spanked, paddled, whipped or switched, and quite a few got slaps. We knew punching and kicking was crossing a line, but we also knew it happened. I knew kids who blamed themselves: "Well, he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't ..." And other kinds of abuse were just too shameful to talk about. We knew it was wrong, but I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about it. It would help a lot of kids if adults started the conversation.
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago
I think the people who can share their stories are strong and brave. I'm old now, and all those things are decades behind me, but I just can't talk about it, even now.
Tiny Dancer 1 year ago
I'm 60. Went to my first therapy session last week. It's never too late!
Load More Replies... Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
I have nothing that compares to any of this. This is all absolutely awful and vile behaviour from who are supposed to be these children's role models and caregivers
Thom Serveaux 1 year ago
Mine is positive, or at least my memories of it are. My mom and I would often "sleepover" at her female friends' homes, sometimes for weeks at a time. They were all neat ladies and I actually loved it. Looking back, we were homeless--but my mom and her friends made sure I always had a safe place to stay. Many parts of my childhood were awful but I always 100% knew my parents loved me and wanted to take care of me.
laura lee 1 year ago
That's the difference between an unfortunate situation and good parents vs same situation and having bad parents. Thankfully you got a good one 😊
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 1 year ago
That everyone in my family was so busy with themselves that they didn't notice their youngest daughter battling depression, an eating disorder and severe anxiety for years from a very early age on.
Nikole 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, my depression and anxiety pretty much got ignored, because I was “usually fine” and I got great grades. Then I discovered self-medicating with alcohol and suddenly I was in the center ring of the circus.
Load More Replies... salena258 1 year ago (edited)
Not my story. My husband. I noticed he acted like a 10 year old around his mom. That was the first red flag. He was also very low contact. Then, after we were married I discovered he would grab leftovers from the fridge and quickly eat them standing up. In the beginning I never saw him sit to eat leftover food. I eventually asked him about this behavior. He explained that he learned as a kids if his mom saw him sitting at the table she would beat him. So he learned to grab the food and leave or would hide under the table to eat. She would beat him with a fly swatter when he was trying to take a shower. He later learned to jump into the middle of their backyard pool to escape her. Even when the water was only 40 degrees F. He would make his bed look like someone was sleeping on it then sleep under his bed, because she would occasionally come in and start beating him. He could not mess up the vacuum lines without getting another beating. Now we are NC with her, and she says it is our fault. LOL
Kristel Pugh 1 year ago
Making the deaf 6 year old kid play instruments in music class. :( This went on until 5th grade.
laura lee 1 year ago
I hate I can read most of these and think, naw I'm still in the running for gold here and my "family" still tries the gaslight tf out of me it's crazy. I'm not NC for nothing, guess that's why I check up here, give me perspective so I can go, oh no I'm 100% right on this...
Insomniac 1 year ago
Yelling at and insulting someone and calling it a "joke." Allowing other adults to berate and insult your daughter for being fat, for crying too much, for being clumsy, to the point where the child cries, then tell the child it's their own fault for reacting. My mother still claims that the problem isn't that my dad is emotionally abusive; my problem is that I react to it. That's what's wrong.
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