This Woman Breaks Up With Her Fiancé Because He’s In Love With Her Sister, Finds Out That Her Mom Wants To Attend Their Wedding

The problem would be if the cheated on the sister before calling the relation off. Thats terrible.

This is a whole family of aholes. It is always narcissits whi say "the past is rhe past you have to work with me now." No, I don't. Contrary to what old people say forgiveness is not about opening communication. You can close a chapter and move on, which embracing that person in to your life.

If that couple had an ounce of shame or a gram of consideration, they would elope.

I'm not quite following your last sentence. Yes, that relationship will be permanently damaged by her missing the wedding, but attending the wedding will permanently damage the relationship with her other daughter. Even if she meets someone else and is happy there, the issue with her mother is clearly much more long-standing than that.

You're torn? She's taking the side of the sister who caused the hurt, not the sister who got betrayed. This seems to be a running theme in the family.

She's narcissistic

I disagree. Haleigh is marrying a dirtbag and is a dirtbag herself, as she either cheated with her sister's BF or dated her sister's ex knowing exactly what kind of problems that would cause. If you love your children unconditionally, you don't cut them off when they're being total dirtbags, but you don't condone their behavior and you sure as hell don't urge the party they've injured to forgive in the name of family harmony. She isn't urging Jennifer to forgive because Haleigh's actions were condonable, she's urging Haleigh to forgive because it's the only way the mother can pretend everything is okay.

Totally disagree. She's is not allowing Jennifer to be heard or even have her own feelings. "STOP FEELING BAD SO I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD" <-- not great parenting there.

Nope, it is for herself , she wants to be a united unit and is probably more excited about the fact that one of her daughters is at least having a wedding. As an "older person" you know this marriage is also doomed.

I 100% disagree with you. She is doing everything possible to make it appear that they have a happy family, she clearly cares more about what other people think of them than she does about her daughters feelings. Coming from a father who has ALWAYS put up a "we are a perfect family" front to the entire world I know exactly how hurtful it is behind the scenes. She seriously expects her daughter to just get over it and what? Spend the rest of her life at family functions pretending she never had an intimate relationship with her brother-in-law who then decided he'd rather sleep with the other sister? Not sure how anyone can think supporting this makes someone a great parent.

I agree, but only up to a point. I wouldn't fault her for going to the wedding. It's not Jennifer's place to dictate her mother's relationship with her sister, and I don't think a mother should cut her daughter off because of questionable relationship decisions. However, she uses some phrases that make me think she might have brought Hayleigh up to be the golden child. Saying Hayleigh did Jennifer a favour (even if it were true) is absolutely NOT something Jennifer needs to hear, especially not from her. Then she's speaking so much about the value of forgiveness: but it's easy to talk about it when you're not the one who's been wronged. She's not really acknowledging that Jennifer has been terribly hurt, talking dismissively about her dating life (as if not having a new stable relationship less than a year after breaking off an engagement is so strange) and focusing on how sad she is that she didn't have a perfect Christmas. All of this makes me disinclined to fully side with her.

I feel bad for the mother. She loves both her daughters. Hayleigh has put her in a terrible situation. They seem to want to play this like they're terribly sorry but their love was just so undeniable. If she actually cared how much she hurt her sister, she should not have a wedding celebration at all. If she insists on marrying this guy, then she should elope and not put anyone in her family in the position of having to make this kind of choice. She clearly has zero shame if she thinks it's fine to ask her family to come toast her, give her presents, dance, and wish her well. I can see why her mother wants to be unconditionally loving and supporting to both her daughters, but I think she could set a boundary here where she is kind and supportive to Hayleigh but doesn't go actually celebrate this. Celebrating this is a kick in the teeth to Jennifer.

I agree that it´s not all black and white here, but still think the mother does her older daughter wrong: Instead of asking her to move past it, she should ask her younger daughter to acknowledge the harm she has/they have done and MAKE AMENDS. Such as for example not celebrating that big dream wedding with all those photos and her mum but maybe leave it to a small ceremony with only a couple of friends and have her sister to spend holidays with their parents as a rule for now, like really trying hard to make the situation as bearable as possible for her sister, earning her forgiveness rather than just expecting it. Seems like the sister hasn´t even gone past "but love justifies everything!" yet...

I agree, I think she's doing the right thing for both of her daughters BUT Sam is a wrecking ball through that family and the new couple should accept that their actions will have consequences. I wouldn't expect Sam to be welcome at the dinner table until Jennifer has herself back together again, which could be years. I also think it's fair for the husband to step back from the wedding. In his shoes, I might attend and wish them well but there's no way it would get my 'blessing.' I think the best solution to all of this is TIME. If it's meant to be, then they can get married in 3 years, when she is Jennifer's age and everyone has had a chance to settle into place. Hopefully mom and Jennifer can address the resentment/jealousy thing that's gone on long before this.

You're probably a bad mom too tbh.

I agree. As much as I hate cheating and as horrible as it was I understand to not want to cut ties with your daighter and miss her wedding. Like the mother said it wont be the first wedding where the parents don't approve. I also get how hurt is the older sister and I understand why she is overreacting. But she needs to understand that it is not a matter of "taking sides" but of not losing a daughter. I hope that they make peace.

Unconditionally? There's your mistake. Unconditionally = I will forgive you under any condition possible The mother's an embarrassment

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I agree. She's trying to make the most of a bad situation. It's shitty that the parents are being put into the middle of it but Jen shouldn't have to feel like it's somehow her fault the family is in this--it's her sister's. And there needs to be an acknowlegment of that. I think the circumstances being what they were, it was really in bad taste to have some big wedding and someone should point it out so Jen doesn't have to feel like the bad guy here. I think it's key that Jen doesn't feel like this was all just okay and that seems to be the bigger issue. H+S should really be the ones to bend over backwards to make it easier for everyone involved. As for Jen, this was a horrible betrayal and she shouldn't have to pretend it wasn't. However at some point she needs to decide if her family stability is more important than her anger. And if she can't, then she needs to decide what HER own response to that is going to be- not to place it on her family to choose between them.

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@Jo Choto: I completely agree with your view of the situation! There only can be losers no matter how you turn it. But the mother has the foresight to be a mother for both of her daughters. And this also includes that being present at her (maybe cheating daughter and to be husband) daughter wedding. It will for sure hurt the other, but who could tell with whom she will fall in love with (maybe also a man that is currently in a relationship...). I admire the objective view if this mother in this absolutely messed relationship. (However, mentioning that the sisters have a past is not included, as I can't judge how worse their relationship is. Maybe it was just the usually quarreling or maybe the younger sister really is a heartless brat, determined to have things (men) only to make her sister feel miserable... which might change my view).

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I think NTA too, I just can't understand why they think she is. It seems like she just wants both of them to be happy, and she has made it clear to me at least she isn't taking sides. I know that the oldest is upset but they should really try to see it from the other persons POV