Man Refuses To Support Pregnant Ex Until She Does A Paternity Test, Gets Support Online
Some folks have a gambler-like belief that they will simply remain lucky every time they do something with negligible risk. From bad bets to unwanted pregnancies, the world is littered with reminders that a person’s luck can and will run out at some point. But what matters is how a person approaches misfortune.
One netizen wondered if he was in the wrong for demanding a paternity test from his ex before giving her any money to raise the child. While he was willing to help with his own child, he refused to give money to another man’s kid. Netizens debated the responsibility of both parties and the societal norms around it.
Raising a child with an ex can be a daunting task
Image credits: Ömürden Cengiz (not the actual photo)
But one man decided that he needed to see a paternity test before helping out financially
Image credits: Louis Reed (not the actual photo)
Image source: exandmoney
Paternity tests have come a long way in the last century
Image credits: Mufid Majnun (not the actual photo)
Modern humans are blessed with considerably more accurate paternity tests than what our ancestors had in the early 20th century. While now we have all sorts of sophisticated DNA technology, people in the 1920s would rely on blood tests and match blood types. In other words, since doctors at the time knew that a human’s blood type is inherited, they would simply see if the child’s type was a consistent “mix” of both parent’s blood.
It’s pretty easy to see how it’s entirely possible that the child has a different father with the same blood type as the other man. The O blood type added its own difficulties, leading to about 30% of the population simply being excluded from the test. It wouldn’t be until the 1960s that more advanced methods were developed, which had an 80% accuracy rate. This number, while high, still leaves enough of a margin for error that might leave some parents wondering, late at night.
However, by the 1990s, PCR tests were developed that are considered to be 99.9% accurate, which no doubt alleviated a lot of concern over the test’s accuracy. Even so, paternity testing isn’t necessarily as widely available as one might think. In France, private paternity tests are illegal and carry a €15,000 fine and a year in prison. The only way to get a test is through the order of a judge. The idea behind this law almost sounds stranger than fiction, it exists to “preserve peace in families” and, to a lesser degree, to allow the French to continue their cultural habit of extramarital relations.
OP is right to be hesitant about sending money before a test
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Of course, OP isn’t restricted by this particular law and is within his rights to ask for a test. He states a willingness to help with the kid, if it’s his, which is entirely reasonable. Indeed, if it is his child, he would probably have to help with it, given his higher level of income. He is also correct that helping now would create a link between him and the child, which might mean he could be ordered to continue paying. In legal terms, this is related to the concept of estoppel, where a court can order a person to not go back on their word or responsibilities. By giving the mother money, he would have established a relationship with the child, regardless of marital status or even kinship with the baby.
Of course, as some comments point out, the ex might be cautious about allowing a paternity test since she might not exactly herself know which man is the father. Once the test is taken, it’s like a genie let out of the bottle. If OP is not the father, he is forever off the hook, particularly if he has not made any payments previously. Perhaps it’s cruel to leave a single mom with a part-time job alone with a baby, but this is simply the way of the world. As the saying goes, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
OP answered some user questions in the comments
Others gave some advice and sided with OP
I can't click on links in comments, so I went searching. Why do people post links and not give any indication of what the link says??? NOT the father, for all you other Pandas.
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OP said he used a condom and she was on birth control. My first thought was, “how does he know she’s using birth control?” Given they were seeing others, it seemed more likely that she wasn’t using protection with another rather than she got pregnant with both of them presumably on birth control. I know there isn’t any protection that’s 100% safe, but her sketchiness with not being willing to get the paternity test calls into question her honesty about being on birth control.
If she's so sure you're the father, she should want a paternity test to clinch it for legal purposes. And how is she so sure?
I can't click on links in comments, so I went searching. Why do people post links and not give any indication of what the link says??? NOT the father, for all you other Pandas.
Load More Replies... OP said he used a condom and she was on birth control. My first thought was, “how does he know she’s using birth control?” Given they were seeing others, it seemed more likely that she wasn’t using protection with another rather than she got pregnant with both of them presumably on birth control. I know there isn’t any protection that’s 100% safe, but her sketchiness with not being willing to get the paternity test calls into question her honesty about being on birth control.
If she's so sure you're the father, she should want a paternity test to clinch it for legal purposes. And how is she so sure?
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