Man Adopts Late BFF’s Daughter, Gets Handed DNA Results Years Later By Snooping SIL

IF this happened as told, and if I were in OP's shoes, my reaction would have been different. When psycho-woman came out with the bit about testing Lily's DNA against my brother's and there was no match, I'd have gone with 'I know, and as you're marrying my brother you're going to be a part of this family, so you need to know the family secret. My brother isn't really my brother. The baby my mum gave birth to was really, REALLY ugly so she switched him with a cuter one in the hospital. Don't tell anybody, though, 'cos the last two people who learned of it mysteriously vanished. Now, can I get you a coffee?"

(I promised I wouldn’t again tell my long winded history here in the comments, but it’s in previous ones) I’ve a similar stitch. Best friends hubby was KIA while she was in her 1st trimester, she was terminal & died shortly after childbirth. My husband & I went through the foster/adopt classes/process & have a beautiful 10yo son we took home from the hospital. We’re both men, so that’s a public challenge *daily* (given men with kids are often treated with suspicion) and we’ve completely different melanin levels than he. There’s no way he could have biologically been either of ours. You’d be amazed at how many people simply can’t mind their own business. You’d be frighteningly shocked with how many people, including law enforcement, believe that two men with a child is so suspect that it’s enough probable cause to suspend our constitutional and civil rights. We carry all his documents, because we’re questioned so often. We now are no longer detained since we carry the docs.

Oooh my! I would not be letting such a nasty person around my child unsupervised.

Why did the brother let this go on? He said his siblings knew he had adopted her, unless she did the test without his knowledge too. Brother and SIL are in the wrong.

We can't just roll past the fact that she obtained a child's DNA without parental permission, AND, when she got the results back she exposed all of this IN FRONT OF THE CHILD! Of course you're NTA! Your brother and his nosy, messy b**ch of a fiancée are firmly ensconced in a**holeville, and I would never speak to either of them again. Count me out of the wedding. I won't be at family gatherings if they are there. I'd make the same rule for brother that Michael made for Fredo: "When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance so I won't be home." BTW, she is lucky that her little stunt in front of the child didn't get her a single-handed facial applause.

The fact that she did it in front of the child, is child abuse. It's already horrible that she did it in the first place and not in a "I'm so sorry to tell you, but I need you to know that your wife was cheating" way, but in a way that suggests she wants to hurt him or she wants to be right. That's already horrible. But the fact that she did it in front of the child in question, is downright emotional abuse and she should never be around the child again.

Good grief. Since when is it wrong to laugh at clowns?

She went way out of her way to supposedly save you from the misconception that Lily is your biological daughter. She clearly did it without any conversations with your own brother because aha...check me out, the only hero in your life that has your back (in her mind). Not considering the child or even the brother who she should have shared everything with, she went ahead with her heroic scene..... brother would have told her the facts if she ever bothered to ask, Get it? She wants you and is manipulating her way into position of trust in your life, regardless of anyone she hurts in the process. I hope the brother does the maths before it's too late.

SIL might be having her own affair.

The brother has got a shock awaiting him; this will not be the last time she does a petty disgusting thing that's none of her business in order to deliberately cause hurt and chaos. Imagine if that little girl hadn't known she was adopted? That woman is evil

Performing a DNA test on anyone without their permission is illegal, as is doing so on someone else's child. That was an assault on a child and Op should involve the police. SIL should be arrested and charged with assaulting the child.

SIL could’ve simply asked about the picture of OP with Lily’s parents, and how he ended up as Lily’s dad/guardian. She would’ve gotten logical answers that should’ve been enough. It almost sounds like Lily’s parents had made OP her godfather, or he simply took on that role, so he would take care of her if something happened to both of them. What’s so damned difficult to understand about that? Life is not like some crappy soap opera or staged Reality TV show, ffs. There aren’t elaborate and unrealistic storylines, there’s just s**t that happens and we just have to improvise how to deal with it and hope it all turns out OK, because we’re not living a story that was created with issues that have solutions already pre-planned. We’re experiencing real life. So there’s no need for soap opera or spy story type of espionage to secretly obtain someone’s DNA without their knowledge (cops do it with a search warrant, regular people don’t have such authority) and have it tested to find out a child’s paternity. SIL is living in la-la land if she thinks this is proper behavior in real life. Bro is just stuck in the middle. He probably agrees with OP that it was really out of line for his fiancée to do that, but he also has to live with her, or at least spend a lot of time with her, while she rants about OP’s reaction to her unwanted and improper sleuthing. He’s just trying to juggle living with both sides and maintaining some semblance of peace, while being the poor monkey in the middle of a situation he didn’t create.

There is an update about the post on Reddit. The mans brother tricked SIL into believing that he was in a relationship with the girls mother, and that he truely believed the girl was his own biological child. Long story, here's the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1f5zjc9/update_my_brother_lied_to_my_sil_about_everything/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

She's a FIANCE not a SIL, ffs. I'd keep her far away from my family, what a cow

You're brother & his fiance will have a VERY TOXIC relationship. Call it off! Congrats to you for a adopting this precious child. God bless. 💗

Please, the woman is a trouble maker with a big T! What if you both were married and you and Lily's mom had to use doner sperms to conceive? Being a outsider to the family the fiance' would not have been party to that. She was out to make herself the center of attention to prove your daughter was not blood. I cannot imagine if she and your brother have children hoe soon before she insists her children benefit from family generosity becouse they are "blood " related..Her children should always come first with the grandparents. She is a real witch and future loose cannon. What bussiness is it of hers how Lily became your daughter. The fact that she and your brother do not see what she has done is wrong would signal to me someone to be avoided at all costs.she is poison!

I would have gone off on her. Firstly, you can press charges for her illegal actions. She had no right, period. Had she asked , you would have stated the details assuming you wanted to do so. Regardless, you can call Lily your daughter no one has the right to tell you who , what ,where, when, or how. That's your prerogative. You are her guardian and your job is to protect that innocent child from, who so ever is a threat, mentally, emotionally, physically, and any other way you feel the need to protect her.

This is evil wicked behavior,. I'm thinking she is a self righteous, gossip hungry bully at heart. The viler the gossip she can be a part of the better, and probably no problem dispensing what she knows to be out right slander. She wants to be the biggest part of any information exchange but rarely, if ever, is.She knows the true story after 2 years with your brother, but considered it a cover-up and was polishing her halo by exposing the truth??huhn ?? It sounds like you've missed a salient point, she wasn't telling you, she was purposely telling your daughter, hoping to hurt her, I'd say she firmly believes in the sins of the parent ( with her as upright purveyor of truth). You embarrassed her by being on the hearing end of her vitriolic behavior and countering it with said already spoken well known truth?? If your brother is defending her in this he may already be lost to you, cuz I'm sure after 2 years he's got to be fairly well acquainted with this poisonous predilection.

Your one in a million by adopting this sweet child. That makes you a decent human being ..no matter circumstances. The SIL and brother ...well not so much . Your brother allowed his girl to use his DNA and steal a child's DNA . He's not the brightest tool in the shed. By her confronting you in front of child was the lowest, sickest , depraved, jealous thing a low based human can do. Sounds like she wants drama and you. Was she hoping you would give up child and be open to an affair behind brothers back? Seems her intention. If not she's still a drama seeking pos. Do not allow her around your daughter and tell brother he better be watching his girlfriend for chrating...cause she has to have a drama filled life and she's bored.

Busy body, needs to mind her own business and maybe now she's learned a good lesson

The brother isn't that kind either by the looks of it. It even states "My parents and siblings know that my daughter is not my biological daughter". So the brother knew the situation and instead of saying anything, let his fiance look like an idiot. So let's be real. The brother and fiance are probably perfect for each other

Holy Cow! This is some no contact territory. She dropped her mask. He cannot have that woman around his child.

The only person there when she was embarrassed, was the daughter, who she was trying to embarrass

There's an update link on the Reddit story. The brother put her up to it. OP's brother thought OP had been having an affair with Lily's mom and thought OP was Lily's bio dad. He tricked SIL into believing that nonsense. She got the DNA test out of her own suspicions, and OP's brother helped her with it because he thought it would reveal that OP was actually Lily's bio dad. He manipulated her into thinking that it would clear the air of suspicion when he was just trying to prove that OP was really Lily's bio dad and lying about the reasons for adoption.

Yikes.

The brother was as bad as his girlfriend for going along with it by giving her his DNA. I would steer clear of them in the future. She’s probably the type who will make constant jibes towards your daughter. Evil bstrd is what she is and your brother isn’t much better

Brother is a wussy to think she did no wrong. Cut ties from both.

Since she was studying the portrait of you, Lily's parents and then somehow decided she needed to test the child and HER HUSBAND, I think she saw some form of family resemblance to him, not to you. Probably hoped her hunch about her husband not being the father would trigger you being the father. Sometimes drama queens get too deep into their own lies. She was most likely looking for answers she hoped wasn't true and then decided to go the way of hey, your daughter isn't yours! (Thank goodness my husband isn't her father either!) Type of stuff. But sounds like this woman has some very deep seated issues overall! I'd for sure not allow my daughter around her anymore.

The SIL is the kind of woman who would commit escalating levels of abuse against any child of her husband born with another woman for having the "audacity" to exist!

I think you posted this for click bait and haven't read the follow-up post.

I've had experience with this type of person. They think it's their right to broadcast people's private business/problems, and then expect a pat on the back for "fixing" said private business for them, but never take responsibility for ruining people's lives or marriages. Did she want you to abandon a little girl? Did she want her to remember the label "affair baby? Did she want to diminish your little girl's place in your family? I would tell my brother that she will never be allowed in my daughter's presence again.

9/10 when she has kids they won't be by the brother in law. She is cheating and deflecting. Sees it everywhere she goes because she is doing it or will do it. Brother needs to run.

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The girl will remember what said and may confuse her years later. People always told my husband that my youngest wasn’t his, right in front of her. She remembers to this day and always wondered. She is a white skinned 1/2 Mexican! Uhm…… I found out that his genetic makeup from his last name came from the same island in the Archipelago of the Faroe Islands in Sweden than my Swedish Ancestors!

A threatening letter from a lawyer describing all the laws thre Sil broke getting Lily's DNA needs to be sent to her. She needs to be afraid and think twice about doing something like this ever again.