Guy Gets Shamed By Girlfriend’s Parents for Not Being A ‘Real Man,’ Plays Along To Teach Her A Lesson
Nobody’s perfect. Life is just too complex to be good at everything. Heck, even one skill is difficult to master. But some people just don’t get it.
A few days ago, a man submitted a heartfelt story to the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ subreddit, asking its members to share their thoughts on a conflict between him and his girlfriend.
The root of the dispute goes back to a time when the author of the post invited a friend to help him change a door hinge because he lacks the experience to do it on his own.
Fast forward a few weeks and the guy’s partner is shaming him for not being man enough in front of her parents.
This guy needed a friend to change a door hinge
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya
And his girlfriend not only thought it made him less of a man, but she also ridiculed him for it in front of her parents
Image credits: Alex Green
It’s easy to understand why the original poster (OP) felt bad about the whole thing. Mutual support is necessary for a healthy relationship.
“I think it’s absolutely OK to look for and expect [emotional support] from your partner and I think most people do, whether or not they think that they should or they allow themselves to,” Dr. Wendy Zhao, a clinical psychologist at the Clinic on Dupont in Toronto told CBC.
But as this story shows, expecting support doesn’t necessarily translate to receiving it.
But we shouldn’t judge OP for entering a committed relationship with a person who might be on a different page than him on this topic. It’s not something that’s crystal clear right after you meet someone, as you need to factor in the complexities of the person’s emotional development, which varies with aspects like cultural influences and the unspoken rules learned within families. Because of this, how each person operates in a relationship can be vastly different.
Not all people in loving relationships desire the same things from their significant others. They might have shared interests and enjoy activities together while not really turning to one another for comfort or reassurance, which is relatively common. Just think of the “best friend-companion” marriage model.
People may, for example, seek support from friends and family instead of their partner. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Where conflict often arises, however, is when there’s a mismatch: one partner requires a lot of emotional support, and the other partner is incapable of providing it.
Zhao suggested couples communicate mutual expectations early in a relationship so they don’t find themselves feeling disappointed years down the road when their needs are not being met. And she said a couple’s therapist can assist with learning how to communicate needs respectfully. “So then, our partner won’t feel blamed or won’t reject our request or won’t feel their request as threatening for their own personal reasons,” she said.
Also keep in mind that the level of emotional support can fluctuate depending on life circumstances: a partner who is having a bad day may not be capable of having your back at that very moment. Couples can also take each other for granted, which may diminish support, particularly when they’ve been in the relationship for a long time. But it doesn’t mean they can’t come back from that, said Zhao.
Of course, openly making fun of your partner is a completely different thing…
People had a lot to say after reading what happened
443Kviews
Share on Facebook
My husband is a real man. And not for any stupid reason like he knows how to fix the lawnmower. He's a real man because he cried with me when our pet died. When he gets home, first thing he does greets me and each of our kids individually, asking us about our day. He is still patiently and encouragingly trying to teach our 12 year old autistic son to ride a bicycle, without judgement and celebrating each small moment of victory. That's what a loving person does, man or woman. That's why we're still together after 16 years.
I have neuro issues myself, and I couldn't ride a bike w/o training wheels until I was 10.5 yo. It's hard to find training wheels to fit taller bikes. I was riding one day, I was still a ways from home, and one of my training wheels fell off. I started crying because I didn't know what to do. We lived near a Catholic rectory, the church was behind our house. One of the priests saw me crying and asked what was wrong. When I told him, and showed him the training wheel, he happily fixed it for me. Made my day.
Load More Replies...
Classic example of "gender roles".....he would be perfect for me....I'm a woman and I HATE doing house work, but enjoy working on my car and fixing things. It's funny sometimes because when men pass by and I'm jacking up my car and they're like "oh you shouldn't be changing your own tire let me get that" like Capt. Save-A-Hoe...and I'm like "thanks but I'm not changing the tire, I'm changing the oil and fixing the power steering line, you know how to do that?....oh no?....bye"
Everyone should learn how to change a tire. When I got my first car, my dad showed me how to change a tire the first thing. I know how to check the fluids but not change them. Kudos to you!
Load More Replies...
A "real man" needs to know where the water shut off valve is. So does a "real" woman, and any other home occupant regardless of their identified gender. Beyond that, it's a case of sticking with your strengths and preferences. If your strengths do not include fixing door hinges (and it sounds like the fix required more than wielding a screwdriver), and you have the funds or friend network to get someone in, that's what you do.
That fixes the door problem. That WON'T ever fix HER problem which is feeling good by humiliating people and making them feel small and hurt. And doing so in company of others, like a little gang of sorts. He's in an unloving relationship. Time to meet some new people, outside his home. Maybe at a class or DIY mini clinic. He needs his confidence restored to feel good about his choices, whether in "manly" projects where he meets others learning skills or via psychotherapists who can help him evaluate the disrespecting relationship he's in and whether or not it's even worth his time, much less try to earn respect from a mean-mouthed gf and family. Which will NEVER happen unless they get help.
Load More Replies...
My husband is a real man. And not for any stupid reason like he knows how to fix the lawnmower. He's a real man because he cried with me when our pet died. When he gets home, first thing he does greets me and each of our kids individually, asking us about our day. He is still patiently and encouragingly trying to teach our 12 year old autistic son to ride a bicycle, without judgement and celebrating each small moment of victory. That's what a loving person does, man or woman. That's why we're still together after 16 years.
I have neuro issues myself, and I couldn't ride a bike w/o training wheels until I was 10.5 yo. It's hard to find training wheels to fit taller bikes. I was riding one day, I was still a ways from home, and one of my training wheels fell off. I started crying because I didn't know what to do. We lived near a Catholic rectory, the church was behind our house. One of the priests saw me crying and asked what was wrong. When I told him, and showed him the training wheel, he happily fixed it for me. Made my day.
Load More Replies... Classic example of "gender roles".....he would be perfect for me....I'm a woman and I HATE doing house work, but enjoy working on my car and fixing things. It's funny sometimes because when men pass by and I'm jacking up my car and they're like "oh you shouldn't be changing your own tire let me get that" like Capt. Save-A-Hoe...and I'm like "thanks but I'm not changing the tire, I'm changing the oil and fixing the power steering line, you know how to do that?....oh no?....bye"
Everyone should learn how to change a tire. When I got my first car, my dad showed me how to change a tire the first thing. I know how to check the fluids but not change them. Kudos to you!
Load More Replies... A "real man" needs to know where the water shut off valve is. So does a "real" woman, and any other home occupant regardless of their identified gender. Beyond that, it's a case of sticking with your strengths and preferences. If your strengths do not include fixing door hinges (and it sounds like the fix required more than wielding a screwdriver), and you have the funds or friend network to get someone in, that's what you do.
That fixes the door problem. That WON'T ever fix HER problem which is feeling good by humiliating people and making them feel small and hurt. And doing so in company of others, like a little gang of sorts. He's in an unloving relationship. Time to meet some new people, outside his home. Maybe at a class or DIY mini clinic. He needs his confidence restored to feel good about his choices, whether in "manly" projects where he meets others learning skills or via psychotherapists who can help him evaluate the disrespecting relationship he's in and whether or not it's even worth his time, much less try to earn respect from a mean-mouthed gf and family. Which will NEVER happen unless they get help.
Load More Replies...
116
91