“She Hasn’t Stopped Crying”: Man Cancels Honeymoon After Wife Edited His Son Out Of Wedding Pics
A marriage is a union between more than just two people. It binds together their relatives as well. So when Reddit user JeffJeffery02 noticed what he interpreted as a sign of his wife trying to exclude one-of-if-not-the closest person to him, the man was furious.
In a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk?]’, he explained that during their honeymoon, he noticed his son (who he had with his previous partner) was cut out from many of the wedding photos. The man shared this with his wife, and she told him that it was her idea.
When this man saw his wedding photos, he couldn’t believe that his son was cut out from many of them
Image credits: Leo Foureaux (not the actual image)
However, when he brought this up with his wife, he learned that it was actually her idea
Image credits: Orhan Pergel (not the actual image)
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual image)
Image credits: JeffJeffery02
Contemporary stepfamily dynamics can be difficult to navigate
Women died in childbirth and men died working; stepfamilies have been around virtually as long as families have.
Life was brutal and short, and in order to survive, parents tried to find another partner pretty quickly.
According to Lawrence Ganong, an emeritus professor of human development at the University of Missouri who has studied stepfamilies for decades, for most of human history, stepparents functioned as replacement parents—not necessarily in children’s affections, but in assuming the duties of the deceased mother or father.
In the 1970s, however, Ganong says the number of post-divorce stepfamilies began to outnumber post-bereavement stepfamilies, and with both biological parents in the picture, the stepparent role became less cut-and-dried.
What that looks like varies from family to family, but typically it means that although the stepparent might offer advice or compassion to their stepkids or spouse as needed, they stay out of big decisions, such as where the child will attend school or whether they are allowed to get a smartphone. The stepparent might help the stepchild with their homework or some other task upon request, but probably won’t nag the child to focus if they get distracted. And while the stepparent always looks out for the child’s physical safety, they usually don’t monitor screen time or hygiene or otherwise manage their well-being—that’s the bio parent’s responsibility.
In reality, the lines are often blurry and while it might be not as drastic as in this Reddit post, building a functioning and healthy stepfamily takes time and effort.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
Some people wanted the original poster (OP) to share more details
And while many thought he did nothing wrong here
Others believed he overreacted
I agree with the comments, this reeks of "buttering up the son to get to the father". Read it again and pay attention to OP's description of the wife's "love" for her stepson. ALL of the things he lists are connected to money or spending money on the son. She didn't really "do" anything to earn his love, she threw money at him. I'm sorry to say this, but "Natalie" will most likely not care a lot about OP's son now that they are legally married.
But you’re only getting his biased story here, painting himself in a good light & demonising his new wife, I don’t think he’s giving the whole story about the photos, she wasn’t editing his son out of them all , just some, & she kept all the originals with his son still in them . All she wanted was some photos with just the two of them looking at the camera, which can be difficult, out of my 200 wedding photos my husband & I were alone & looking at the same camera at the same time in maybe 10 of them ( the photographer lost the best roll of film.)
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Going to the original source makes it a bit clearer. It sounds like OP tried to put the kid in every photo when it wouldn't have been appropriate and the wife wanted a few that had the normal separated groups. The details that explain that the wife hasn't removed him from all of them and that some of those instead included certain groups like grandparents is a big clue. It's fair enough that the dad is a bit over the top with the kid, but people shouldn't be so quick to blast the wife as an abuser just because she wanted a few traditional photos.
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Those who said the father is the AH is blind and have never experienced the ugly side of manipulative spouses. Allowance is nothing. Painting a room is nothing. Did she stay up with him when he was sick? Is she the one providing care? Your son comes as a priority and should always be one. He was already in the photos. Why edit him out....
No, but I have been the kid is the situation of manipulative step spouses and I do like to read the full context before branding someone with that strong a term. It's a common thing for people to attach their own experiences to their opinion on outside situations, but that doesn't mean that they can't be wrong. Ultimately no one knows what the answer here is except for the wife. Reading the original post and comments does strongly hint that OP has massively over reacted though, and it sounds like he is very much '100% my kid 100% all the time' with him. That's nice for the parent/child relationship but that's a bit of a red flag itself for the husband/wife relationship.
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I’m a little bit confused as to how one of the commenters divide their wedding photos up into 125%. 50% of the couple, 50% of family, 25% of wedding party lol
I think out of the 50% family, half of those should be of the wedding party is what they meant. But that doesn’t change the fact that even if others shouldn’t have been in the picture, only the son was edited out
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A list of desired photos/ groups of people is always discussed with the photographer ahead of time. Wife had plenty of opportunity prior to the wedding to ensure she got photos she wanted. This is highly manipulative, not to mention way more expensive with all the editing. She is full of s**t.
Honestly, it sounds more like she was trying to get on the kids good side to keep Dad. When u truly love others kids, money doesn't come into it. It's about doing the little things one would do for their own kids. Sitting up and taking care of them when they r sick, driving them around, making family time, etc. and I am SO TIRED of people tiptoe'ing around Bridezilla's. There is NO excuse for the things many of these brides so, ESPECIALLY something like this. And it doesn't matter whether or not the kids cares, his dad does. And he may not NOW, but doesn't mean he won't in the future. Had she stuck with just 1 or 2, I could have been ok with it. But it doesn't sound like she did. She could have also talked to OP about it and get his thoughts, instead of going behind his back, hiding it and then crying when he finds out and isn't happy
That's what stuck with me too. I had parents who looked great from the outside. Bought all the toys, great vacations, they threw a lot of money on me. But I had no emotional support whatsoever. My whole youth was just either being told they'd wish they had my problems and not being so dramatic (I was bullied and tried to end myself) or to be more grateful for all the great things they did for me (after they denied school tutoring because they'd have to drive me there twice a week). Giving time is caring, giving money is pretending to.
Load More Replies... Wanting a nice photo of just the two of you to hang over the fireplace is fair enough, but then make sure that such a photo is taken at the wedding day.... and even if you forgot due to the massive amount of other stuff that was going on, a good wedding photographer should guide you remind you to have that staged. Editing the photos and creating a false reality by removing someone from the pictures afterwards is to send a really strong signal to that person, that the are not welcome. The world is not perfect, and no matter how much planning your are doing, there is simply something that is out of your control and can sneak up on you, even on your "perfect day". So the sooner you realise and acccept this, the happier you will be. Playing pretend like this, will just cause you a lot of trouble, and it is not worth the hassle. People should prioritise their relationship with the people around them over a fake image that does not reflect what actually happened.
My stepkids were always part of the package. When we separated for a couple months before getting married, I still took them to school, did homework, made dinner, spent time with them... you make a commitment to them that is just as important as the one you make to the parent. What Natalie did was show w how she truly was... and my stepkids were front and center in our wedding and the photos. As it should be.
For anyone who thinks the OP is in the wrong, is in the wrong themselves. The Bride & Groom give the photographer a list of photos they want. Had the bride wanted specific photos without the stepson, then she should have included them on the list. And no, the son should not be consulted. He is a child and the burden of being okay with this shouldn't be his burden. The bride lost her mind and in the process may have lost her marriage - she was the AH.
Honestly, going from his description only, NTA. But how many photos are we really talking about? There are photos with the son and other people in there, are the people in the background and the son is in the centre of attention? Then maybe her actions make sense. Is he on photos with only her side of the family or her close friends and she doesn't want that? There isn't enough information for me personally to decide on NTA or YTA.
She's a BIG ol' a*shole there. My sister is getting remarried and has a 9 year old daughter, and my future brother in law realizes that he isn't just marrying my sister, he's creating a new family with my niece as well. This is JUST as big a deal for her as it is for my sister and her fiance, maybe even bigger, and he fully recognizes that. I won't be surprised if she's in 90% of the photos, and he will love them even more for that. Everyone saying YTA in the comments is treating this like it's a first wedding for a couple with no kids. The son is a central part of this new family, and this is just as big a day for him as it is for the new husband and wife. The fact that she did it without talking to her new husband beforehand shows that she knew she was doing something shady, and just thought it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
The only things that OP mentioned his wife doing for his son involved spending money on him. Just a note 📝
She pulled the “cancel stepkid” move. Not ok. Hope it’s not to tear up the wedding papers before the officiant can file it. And turn that honeymoon trip into a vacation for him and his son.
For some people, a love interest's kid(s) are just baggage and like many others posted, it's not at all uncommon for such people to pamper the kid as a way of courting the love interest, until they have achieved enough power and influence in the relationship to not have to anymore. Hence the "wicked stepmother" trope. At least this dad is a good father and put his son whom he created, first. What's really heinous (and also sadly not uncommon) is when the parent transfers all their attention and energy to their new love at the expense of the child(ren)
Another year old post from reddit. SIGH BP you running out of material?
Imma say NAH. If all she wanted to do was be extra nice to her stepson just to manipulate the OP into marrying her, it’s just way too obvious and dumb. I think ‘Natalie’ was nice to her stepson because she’s nice to her stepson. And while the OP kind of overreacted, he sort of has his own suspicions. Plus, the person wasn’t edited out of every single photo or maybe even the majority of photos he’s in.
The wife is a manipulative c**t, she was playing nice until the wedding, now you know how she really feels about your son, so its on you now, do you continue this marriage based on fraud, or stay and let your son know he is not wanted...I would leave.
Awedding is about the couple, not the family. She should have pictures of just him and her; the kid was in plenty of others plus the ones she had edited. Husband a jerk.
NTA. One of my uncles went through this. She was the sweetest thing when he was dating her. Once he put a ring on it and married, the mask came off.
Before my mom & her second husband had me come live with them, he played the affable "not your dad, but your friend" game. Mind you, he'd been my mom's boss and he'd said unkind things about my weight & appearance many times, enough that her coworkers tried to tell her, but she didn't listen. Fast-forward to 15+ years of constant physical, mental & emotional abuse (just me, nobody else), when my doctor confronted him, even then my mother stayed married until he finally died. Please don't let your son go through the same thing.
I can't speak for all wedding photographers, of course, but the one we had spent so much time taking pics of just me & my partner that we had to ask him to take some of the family members, too. One wedding I attended, the guests were kept waiting at the reception without so much as a glass of ice water for at least an hour & a half while the happy couple were getting their "first photos as man and wife" taken. It's not difficult to get wedding photos of just the married couple. Also, I find it suspicious that she didn't discuss photoshopping the son out of the pictures with OP first; almost as if she knew he'd put the kibosh on it and went with the cop-out of "easier to get forgiveness than permission." And of course as others have pointed out, money =/= love. None of the "proof" OP gave of Natalie's love for his son were actual indicative of love. I was expecting things like going to his school play, cheering hin on if he's on a sports team, etc.
Just because she spent money on the kid doesn't mean she loves him. What has she done for the kid that has not cost anything?
Am I missing something here? I thought her mom passed away? How is she contacting him?
Thought her mom was deceased, so why did he say the bride wanted to call his MIL?
1) I'm confused about his mother-in-law. First he said she's deceased, then he said his wife called her. It doesn't seem like both can be true. 2) it's not clear if the originals were still included, that would make it slightly better. 3) why were either of them dealing with wedding photos during the honeymoon? That can wait a week or two for the honeymoon to be over. 4) she was TA first by not talking to OP about her concerns and plans for the photos. She did it without telling him out of selfishness and self-centeredness.
All the YTA people are morons and stretching their logic past the point of reality
Calling a one sided story reality is also a bit of a stretch. I'm not saying our guy here is the AH (if we believe him he actually is NTA), but maybe she cut the son out in only a handful of pictures and those were maybe with her own family side and friends? In the original Reddit post it's stated that our guy here put the child in every single picture.
Load More Replies... I do question whether those answering YTA might view the story differently if it had been a stepfather and not a stepmother editing the kid out of pictures. If the wife had had a problem, she could have spoken to the OP, rather than unilaterally cutting the kid out of pics. Huge red flag.
YTA, A wedding is a very special day to most women and I could understand her wanting photos that were just ABOUT YOU TWO, and that didn't remind her of the fact that there was a previous marriage involved here. YTA
SORRY!!! I posted this in the wrong place!!! I did post it in the correct spot, though. OOOOOOOPPPS!!!
Load More Replies... I agree with the comments, this reeks of "buttering up the son to get to the father". Read it again and pay attention to OP's description of the wife's "love" for her stepson. ALL of the things he lists are connected to money or spending money on the son. She didn't really "do" anything to earn his love, she threw money at him. I'm sorry to say this, but "Natalie" will most likely not care a lot about OP's son now that they are legally married.
But you’re only getting his biased story here, painting himself in a good light & demonising his new wife, I don’t think he’s giving the whole story about the photos, she wasn’t editing his son out of them all , just some, & she kept all the originals with his son still in them . All she wanted was some photos with just the two of them looking at the camera, which can be difficult, out of my 200 wedding photos my husband & I were alone & looking at the same camera at the same time in maybe 10 of them ( the photographer lost the best roll of film.)
Load More Replies... Going to the original source makes it a bit clearer. It sounds like OP tried to put the kid in every photo when it wouldn't have been appropriate and the wife wanted a few that had the normal separated groups. The details that explain that the wife hasn't removed him from all of them and that some of those instead included certain groups like grandparents is a big clue. It's fair enough that the dad is a bit over the top with the kid, but people shouldn't be so quick to blast the wife as an abuser just because she wanted a few traditional photos.
Load More Replies... Those who said the father is the AH is blind and have never experienced the ugly side of manipulative spouses. Allowance is nothing. Painting a room is nothing. Did she stay up with him when he was sick? Is she the one providing care? Your son comes as a priority and should always be one. He was already in the photos. Why edit him out....
No, but I have been the kid is the situation of manipulative step spouses and I do like to read the full context before branding someone with that strong a term. It's a common thing for people to attach their own experiences to their opinion on outside situations, but that doesn't mean that they can't be wrong. Ultimately no one knows what the answer here is except for the wife. Reading the original post and comments does strongly hint that OP has massively over reacted though, and it sounds like he is very much '100% my kid 100% all the time' with him. That's nice for the parent/child relationship but that's a bit of a red flag itself for the husband/wife relationship.
Load More Replies... I’m a little bit confused as to how one of the commenters divide their wedding photos up into 125%. 50% of the couple, 50% of family, 25% of wedding party lol
I think out of the 50% family, half of those should be of the wedding party is what they meant. But that doesn’t change the fact that even if others shouldn’t have been in the picture, only the son was edited out
Load More Replies... A list of desired photos/ groups of people is always discussed with the photographer ahead of time. Wife had plenty of opportunity prior to the wedding to ensure she got photos she wanted. This is highly manipulative, not to mention way more expensive with all the editing. She is full of s**t.
Honestly, it sounds more like she was trying to get on the kids good side to keep Dad. When u truly love others kids, money doesn't come into it. It's about doing the little things one would do for their own kids. Sitting up and taking care of them when they r sick, driving them around, making family time, etc. and I am SO TIRED of people tiptoe'ing around Bridezilla's. There is NO excuse for the things many of these brides so, ESPECIALLY something like this. And it doesn't matter whether or not the kids cares, his dad does. And he may not NOW, but doesn't mean he won't in the future. Had she stuck with just 1 or 2, I could have been ok with it. But it doesn't sound like she did. She could have also talked to OP about it and get his thoughts, instead of going behind his back, hiding it and then crying when he finds out and isn't happy
That's what stuck with me too. I had parents who looked great from the outside. Bought all the toys, great vacations, they threw a lot of money on me. But I had no emotional support whatsoever. My whole youth was just either being told they'd wish they had my problems and not being so dramatic (I was bullied and tried to end myself) or to be more grateful for all the great things they did for me (after they denied school tutoring because they'd have to drive me there twice a week). Giving time is caring, giving money is pretending to.
Load More Replies... Wanting a nice photo of just the two of you to hang over the fireplace is fair enough, but then make sure that such a photo is taken at the wedding day.... and even if you forgot due to the massive amount of other stuff that was going on, a good wedding photographer should guide you remind you to have that staged. Editing the photos and creating a false reality by removing someone from the pictures afterwards is to send a really strong signal to that person, that the are not welcome. The world is not perfect, and no matter how much planning your are doing, there is simply something that is out of your control and can sneak up on you, even on your "perfect day". So the sooner you realise and acccept this, the happier you will be. Playing pretend like this, will just cause you a lot of trouble, and it is not worth the hassle. People should prioritise their relationship with the people around them over a fake image that does not reflect what actually happened.
My stepkids were always part of the package. When we separated for a couple months before getting married, I still took them to school, did homework, made dinner, spent time with them... you make a commitment to them that is just as important as the one you make to the parent. What Natalie did was show w how she truly was... and my stepkids were front and center in our wedding and the photos. As it should be.
For anyone who thinks the OP is in the wrong, is in the wrong themselves. The Bride & Groom give the photographer a list of photos they want. Had the bride wanted specific photos without the stepson, then she should have included them on the list. And no, the son should not be consulted. He is a child and the burden of being okay with this shouldn't be his burden. The bride lost her mind and in the process may have lost her marriage - she was the AH.
Honestly, going from his description only, NTA. But how many photos are we really talking about? There are photos with the son and other people in there, are the people in the background and the son is in the centre of attention? Then maybe her actions make sense. Is he on photos with only her side of the family or her close friends and she doesn't want that? There isn't enough information for me personally to decide on NTA or YTA.
She's a BIG ol' a*shole there. My sister is getting remarried and has a 9 year old daughter, and my future brother in law realizes that he isn't just marrying my sister, he's creating a new family with my niece as well. This is JUST as big a deal for her as it is for my sister and her fiance, maybe even bigger, and he fully recognizes that. I won't be surprised if she's in 90% of the photos, and he will love them even more for that. Everyone saying YTA in the comments is treating this like it's a first wedding for a couple with no kids. The son is a central part of this new family, and this is just as big a day for him as it is for the new husband and wife. The fact that she did it without talking to her new husband beforehand shows that she knew she was doing something shady, and just thought it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
The only things that OP mentioned his wife doing for his son involved spending money on him. Just a note 📝
She pulled the “cancel stepkid” move. Not ok. Hope it’s not to tear up the wedding papers before the officiant can file it. And turn that honeymoon trip into a vacation for him and his son.
For some people, a love interest's kid(s) are just baggage and like many others posted, it's not at all uncommon for such people to pamper the kid as a way of courting the love interest, until they have achieved enough power and influence in the relationship to not have to anymore. Hence the "wicked stepmother" trope. At least this dad is a good father and put his son whom he created, first. What's really heinous (and also sadly not uncommon) is when the parent transfers all their attention and energy to their new love at the expense of the child(ren)
Another year old post from reddit. SIGH BP you running out of material?
Imma say NAH. If all she wanted to do was be extra nice to her stepson just to manipulate the OP into marrying her, it’s just way too obvious and dumb. I think ‘Natalie’ was nice to her stepson because she’s nice to her stepson. And while the OP kind of overreacted, he sort of has his own suspicions. Plus, the person wasn’t edited out of every single photo or maybe even the majority of photos he’s in.
The wife is a manipulative c**t, she was playing nice until the wedding, now you know how she really feels about your son, so its on you now, do you continue this marriage based on fraud, or stay and let your son know he is not wanted...I would leave.
Awedding is about the couple, not the family. She should have pictures of just him and her; the kid was in plenty of others plus the ones she had edited. Husband a jerk.
NTA. One of my uncles went through this. She was the sweetest thing when he was dating her. Once he put a ring on it and married, the mask came off.
Before my mom & her second husband had me come live with them, he played the affable "not your dad, but your friend" game. Mind you, he'd been my mom's boss and he'd said unkind things about my weight & appearance many times, enough that her coworkers tried to tell her, but she didn't listen. Fast-forward to 15+ years of constant physical, mental & emotional abuse (just me, nobody else), when my doctor confronted him, even then my mother stayed married until he finally died. Please don't let your son go through the same thing.
I can't speak for all wedding photographers, of course, but the one we had spent so much time taking pics of just me & my partner that we had to ask him to take some of the family members, too. One wedding I attended, the guests were kept waiting at the reception without so much as a glass of ice water for at least an hour & a half while the happy couple were getting their "first photos as man and wife" taken. It's not difficult to get wedding photos of just the married couple. Also, I find it suspicious that she didn't discuss photoshopping the son out of the pictures with OP first; almost as if she knew he'd put the kibosh on it and went with the cop-out of "easier to get forgiveness than permission." And of course as others have pointed out, money =/= love. None of the "proof" OP gave of Natalie's love for his son were actual indicative of love. I was expecting things like going to his school play, cheering hin on if he's on a sports team, etc.
Just because she spent money on the kid doesn't mean she loves him. What has she done for the kid that has not cost anything?
Am I missing something here? I thought her mom passed away? How is she contacting him?
Thought her mom was deceased, so why did he say the bride wanted to call his MIL?
1) I'm confused about his mother-in-law. First he said she's deceased, then he said his wife called her. It doesn't seem like both can be true. 2) it's not clear if the originals were still included, that would make it slightly better. 3) why were either of them dealing with wedding photos during the honeymoon? That can wait a week or two for the honeymoon to be over. 4) she was TA first by not talking to OP about her concerns and plans for the photos. She did it without telling him out of selfishness and self-centeredness.
All the YTA people are morons and stretching their logic past the point of reality
Calling a one sided story reality is also a bit of a stretch. I'm not saying our guy here is the AH (if we believe him he actually is NTA), but maybe she cut the son out in only a handful of pictures and those were maybe with her own family side and friends? In the original Reddit post it's stated that our guy here put the child in every single picture.
Load More Replies... I do question whether those answering YTA might view the story differently if it had been a stepfather and not a stepmother editing the kid out of pictures. If the wife had had a problem, she could have spoken to the OP, rather than unilaterally cutting the kid out of pics. Huge red flag.
YTA, A wedding is a very special day to most women and I could understand her wanting photos that were just ABOUT YOU TWO, and that didn't remind her of the fact that there was a previous marriage involved here. YTA
SORRY!!! I posted this in the wrong place!!! I did post it in the correct spot, though. OOOOOOOPPPS!!!
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