Mom Asks Daughter To Choose Another Restaurant Because Her Brother Can’t Eat There, Gets Slammed
Reddit user Lanky-Medium4473 and her husband promised their daughter that she could choose any restaurant for her 17th birthday dinner.
However, when the teenager picked out the one she wanted, the mother realized that it would be a bad place to dine for her son due to the boy’s allergies.
So the woman told the birthday girl that it was off limits, causing her to feel hurt and disappointed, as she believed her parents were dismissing her and reneging on their prior agreement.
This woman told her daughter that she could pick any restaurant for her birthday dinner
Image credits: Stephanie McCabe / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But when the teenager did, the mom took back her words
Image credits: Durenne Loris / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Lanky-Medium4473
The teenager’s sadness is understandable
“To keep your promise shows that you have acted as you said you would, that you have kept your pledge, and that your word is good,” psychologist Carl E Pickhardt, Ph.D., wrote. “The power of a promise kept is that it creates reliability, predictability, and security to be counted on, thus engendering trust in the relationship.”
Therefore, to break a promise is to become unreliable, unpredictable, and untrustworthy, meaning that the Redditor’s daughter is completely entitled to her feelings. “Receivers and believers in the promise can feel surprised, disappointed, and betrayed [if it fails due to the other party,” explained Pickhardt, who is also the author of Holding On While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence.
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto / envato (not the actual photo)
“If parents want to encourage promise-keeping in their teenager, they have to model promise-keeping, which consistent parents tend to do, but which inconsistent parents often do not.”
Given that everyone else was ok with the dinner arrangement, it’s difficult to understand why the Redditor was so adamant about changing the venue and wasn’t ready to compromise.
Pickhardt said that promises the adolescent wants include:
- You will hang in there with me during hard times;
- You will listen when we disagree;
- You won’t laugh when I am being serious;
- You will let me earn more freedom as I grow;
- You will welcome my friends;
- You won’t hold past mistakes against me;
- You won’t tease when it’s not funny;
- You will tell me what you believe I need to know;
- You will appreciate what I am doing well;
- You will help me when I can’t help myself;
- You will love me when I do not like myself.
After the mom promised her daughter more freedom, she took it away. Which is a shame, because, according to Pickhardt, “if a parent can rear a teenager who mostly keeps promises to them, and mostly tells them the truth, and the parent mostly does the same as well, then together they can mostly stay communicatively and influentially connected.”
The mother’s post has received a lot of strong reactions
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the kid is 15, even if he wasn't allergic to shellfish I bet he would have still preferred staying home alone with pizza over dinner with the family at a restaurant. Also, the 17 yr old obviously knew about the shellfish allergy but still picked the fish restaurant. My guess is she didn't want the brother there anyway. And 17 year olds would probably prefer to do a birthday thing with their friends over dinner with the family. So while I think the dinner is a nice idea, I think OP needs to acknowledge that the kids are not 10 anymore, they are getting older, and while they still love their parents, the last thing they probably want to do at 15 and 17 is spend time together as a family at a fancy restaurant. So do something to celebrate sure, but maybe not a fancy dinner.
As soon as I read the part that said the son didn’t mind staying home and having a pizza so the daughter could enjoy a meal at the restaurant of her choice, I thought “problem solved!” Mum is kinda TA for insisting. As long as daughter was ok having a meal without her brother then I think mum was kinda TA, but I have empathy for what she was saying about not having the family together for restaurant meals very often. Mum just wanted a nice meal with her family but ended up kind of going against birthday girl’s wishes to try to make that happen.
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YTA.OP’s son did not have a problem.It was only her who made her daughter’s birthday about what she wants instead of listening to what her daughter wanted.
Her daughter would have been so happy eating seafood, which she clearly never gets to eat. Her son was perfectly happy with the pizza solution. There were so many “I” comments in that post so it is obviously only about what OP wants. It wasn’t a birthday dinner. It was a family dinner which they can have any day at home.
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the kid is 15, even if he wasn't allergic to shellfish I bet he would have still preferred staying home alone with pizza over dinner with the family at a restaurant. Also, the 17 yr old obviously knew about the shellfish allergy but still picked the fish restaurant. My guess is she didn't want the brother there anyway. And 17 year olds would probably prefer to do a birthday thing with their friends over dinner with the family. So while I think the dinner is a nice idea, I think OP needs to acknowledge that the kids are not 10 anymore, they are getting older, and while they still love their parents, the last thing they probably want to do at 15 and 17 is spend time together as a family at a fancy restaurant. So do something to celebrate sure, but maybe not a fancy dinner.
As soon as I read the part that said the son didn’t mind staying home and having a pizza so the daughter could enjoy a meal at the restaurant of her choice, I thought “problem solved!” Mum is kinda TA for insisting. As long as daughter was ok having a meal without her brother then I think mum was kinda TA, but I have empathy for what she was saying about not having the family together for restaurant meals very often. Mum just wanted a nice meal with her family but ended up kind of going against birthday girl’s wishes to try to make that happen.
Load More Replies... YTA.OP’s son did not have a problem.It was only her who made her daughter’s birthday about what she wants instead of listening to what her daughter wanted.
Her daughter would have been so happy eating seafood, which she clearly never gets to eat. Her son was perfectly happy with the pizza solution. There were so many “I” comments in that post so it is obviously only about what OP wants. It wasn’t a birthday dinner. It was a family dinner which they can have any day at home.
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