164 Corny Love Jokes That Are Right On Time For Valentine’s Day
If every song is inherently about love, then finding a joke dedicated to this chemical brain reaction is far rarer. But we did it! We have scoured the Internet, checked every thread and every post, and found enough funny material to dedicate a complete list to adorable love jokes. And you know what, it’s right on time for Valentine’s day, so you might just have the perfect source for greeting card inspiration in front of your very own eyes.
So, the things you are about to find on this list are: the cutest jokes on bees meeting their honey, the silliest pick-up lines, the most adorable puns on doctors having crushes, and, of course, some healthy satire on the institution of marriage. So really, a love joke for any occasion, any Valentine’s Day plans, and even for those who aren’t paired up at this instant. Alas, with the help of these silly jokes, who knows, you might just attract someone’s attention!
And while we know that some of you cringe the very hardest upon seeing anything sweet or cute, we can bet that these love jokes will make even the iciest heart thaw at least a tiny bit. If you are still determined to prove us wrong, though, try and read this article without uttering any ‘awwws’ and ‘oooohs’ even in the solitude of your cranium. If you honestly succeed, our bows are deserved, but if not - a ‘we told you so’ might be issued. Well, anyway, let’s just go to the silly jokes and check them out for ourselves, shall we? Of course, don’t forget to vote for the love jokes that made you squeal with joy and share this article with your loved ones (even if it’s a cat).
My friends laughed at me when I said I had a hot date and said that she was imaginary.
The joke is on them, though. They’re imaginary, too.
If I ever have a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s.
It’s never been used.
I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.
A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games.
When one satellite dish falls in love with another, what’s the best part of the wedding?
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
The T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much” as he stretched out his arms as far as he could.
His girlfriend said, “That’s not very much.”
What do you call two ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?
What happens when you fall in love with an encyclopedia?
You get in-fact-uated.
My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.
Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
He'll dessert you.
Did you hear about the porcupine who was near-sighted?
He fell in love with a pincushion.
What did the volcano say to express his love to his girlfriend?
He said, “I lava you so much!”
Don't break anybody's heart; they only have one. Break their bones; they have 206.
Why did the soccer player dislike Valentine’s Day?
He hated getting red cards.
Had a nice long chat with my husband today after our WI-FI went down.
He seems like a nice guy.
How do tightrope walkers find romance?
What did the octopus say to its octopus crush?
“I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.”
My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough. At least, that’s what it says in her diary.
Do you like vegetables because I love you from my head tomatoes.
I'm trying to date a philosophy professor, but she doesn't even know if I exist or not.
Let's commit the perfect crime together. I'll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
Spouse #1: "I love you."
Spouse #2: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Spouse #1: "It's me. Talking to the wine."
They say that when you meet the right person, you know immediately. So how come when you meet the wrong person it takes a year and a half?!
Being in a relationship is just yelling "WHAT?" from different rooms for thirty years and then you die.
They keep saying the right person will come along.
I think mine got lost.
My girlfriend just told me that she didn’t care what she got for Christmas, as long as it had diamonds in it.
Looks like somebody’s getting a pack of cards.
Why is Spider-Man the perfect boyfriend?
Because he’ll always stick beside you.
Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!
What happens when your boyfriend pokes you in the eye?
You stop seeing him for a while.
What did the light bulb say to the switch?
“You turn me on.”
What do you get when you kiss a dragon?
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
The secret to a successful long-term relationship is the ability to laugh at the same joke 3,682,000 times.
What did one little flame say to the other?
“We’re a perfect match.”
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!
Why is it annoying to date a chef?
Because you get roasted too much!
What is it like to date a dentist?
They’ll always make you smile.
Owl always love you!
What do you call a pair of spiders that just tied the knot?
Never laugh at your girlfriend's choices. You're one of them.
How do you make a crush notice you if they don't believe in love at first sight? You pass by them again.
What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?
Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
I like to show my girlfriend who's the boss in our house. I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.
What happens when you date a girl whose ex-boyfriend was a clown?
You get some big shoes to fill.
Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.
Just went on a date with a welder.
Man, were the sparks flying!
I just saw two zombies on a date.
And they say romance is dead.
What did the snake say to his girlfriend?
“Give me a little hiss.”
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why is it difficult to impress the police? Because they don’t like anyone who steals hearts.
Confucius says "Love one another. If it doesn’t work, just interchange the last two words."
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels. She didn’t know I existed.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
Which song do sunflowers listen to when their girlfriend goes to work?
“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.”
Why is it risky to date a photographer?
Because you might get shot.
Why shouldn’t you date a poet?
Because they might go from bad to verse.
What is the worst thing about dating astronauts?
They don’t like to give you any space.
I'm single by choice. Unfortunately, it's not my choice.
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
LOVE stands for Loss Of Valuable Energy.
A husband was throwing knives at his wife’s photo and missing the target. All of a sudden, she called to ask what he was doing. His reply was, “I am missing you.”
My partner asked to play doctor…
So I kept him waiting outside the bedroom for three hours!
What's the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
I must be a snowflake because I've fallen for you.
What happens when you fall in love with a chef?
You get buttered up.
What did the squirrel say to his lover?
“I’m nuts about you!”
Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend?
He was losing interest.
My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
What do you call it when two nachos fall for each other?
Do you know what happened when one girl fell in love with a mechanic? Their relationship had a breakdown.
How does it feel to date a deep-sea diver?
You drown in their love.
What did the mobile phone say to the Wi-Fi router?
“I think I feel a special connection between us.”
Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
Husband: “I don’t know. What are my choices?”
Wife: “Yes or no.”
When you are in love, it is the most glorious two and a half days of one’s entire life.
Your name must be Autumn, because I’m fall-ing hard for you.
The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.
Why should you never marry a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them!
How do you tell your boyfriend that your relationship isn’t working out?
You stop going to the gym with him.
What's common between a girlfriend and an X-ray machine?
Both can see right through you.
What do you call your girlfriend if she doesn’t text you when she gets home?
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th.
My husband is of the opinion that I am absolutely crazy. But if he is the one who decided to get married to me, then that makes him even crazier than I am.
Love is in the air? What about the Oxygen!
When do bees like to get married?
When they find their honey.
You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper.
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date?
It was love at first bite.
What do you call two birds in love?
Eyesore do love you a lot.
If I were a transplant surgeon, I'd give you my heart.
Which is the best season for bed bugs to get married?
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
What did one light bulb say to the other?
I love you watts and watts.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and me together.
Do you know why the Queen of Hearts married the King of Hearts?
Because they were utterly suited for each other.
Why did the baseball player have trouble dating?
He always had a hard time getting to first base.
What did the astronaut’s girlfriend say to him when he proposed in outer-space?
“I can’t breathe!”
What was the stamp’s way of confessing his love for the envelope? He said, “I’m stuck on you!”
My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD.
I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
What kind of architecture makes people fall in love?
Why did the man accuse his wife of robbery?
She stole his heart.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But, I laugh more.
What did the Australian zoologist do with his sweetheart?
Spend koala-ty time together.
Why did the square break up with the circle?
She wasn’t edgy enough.
What do you call two rabbits in bed?
What do you call a pair of fish?
You’re like asthma because you take my breath away.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?
That's your common sense leaving your body.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
What did the lung say to his girlfriend?
“You take my breath away!”
A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more than twice a week.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
I had a one night stand last year that went horribly wrong.
We’re married now.
My wife keeps telling me that I’m the cheapest person she has ever met in her life. I’m not buying it.
What type of ship has two mates but no captain?
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!
I think my girlfriend has a blind fetish. Last night she said we should stop seeing each other.
The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was the icing on the cake.
Are you from Starbucks?
Because I like you a latte.
Juno that you're the love of my life?
Are you a banana?
Because I find you a peeling.
Love is not having to hold in your gas anymore.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?
Why did she fall for the high-fat, low-carb diet?
Because it was the keto her heart the whole time.
Why is Elvis Presley sentimental?
Because he can’t help falling in love with you.
I used to date a girl that reported the weather. We’d have a stormy relationship.
Are you a florist? Because ever since I met you, my life has been rosy.
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you’re disconnected.
Love is a very complex matter of chemistry. And that is why my partner treats me like toxic waste!
How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
What does the ghost call his true love?
What did the hopeless romantic baker say to his dough?
I knead you!
What happened when the candle went dating?
It found the perfect match.
Why did the melons get married in a church?
The funniest joke of all time is my love life.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Why do men believe in love at first sight?
It saves them a ton of money.
How do you get a banker to fall in love with you?
Pique their interest.
My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.
What happens when two ropes fall head over heels for each other?
They tie the knot.
What do you call two raindrops who have fallen for each other? Rain-beaus.
What’s the best thing about dating an architect?
The foundation of the relationship is strong!
How do you ask a foodie out on a date?
You say, “Lettuce meat for dinner.”
How do atoms know that they are falling in love?
They feel a strong force between each other.
What would the earth say to the sun if they started dating?
“My entire world revolves around you.”
What did Mr. Broom say to his wife?
“You absolutely swept me off my feet!”
I have been happily and blissfully married for 5 years… out of a total of 20.
Why are artichokes so beloved?
They're known for their hearts.
Love is when I walk to the other side of the classroom to sharpen my pen just so I can see her. And then I realize that I am holding a pen.
I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you.
Why did the bartender get back with her boyfriend?
Because he kept asking for one more shot.
Why do brides cry at their wedding?
Because they can’t marry the best man.
Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.