Woman Never Realized She Had Pretty Privilege Until She Lost It And It Made Her Life Harder

People are biased, and even if you deny it, they tend to judge others based on their appearance. The so-called ‘pretty privilege’ and halo effect have a real, tangible impact on people’s lives. Often, it’s only after losing the privileges that you had that you realize they existed in the first place.

Redditor u/Cool-Wear-8826 opened up on the ‘Confession’ subreddit about how she became better when she lost her pretty privilege and later regained it. Her honest post went viral, and many internet users found it relatable. You’ll find the whole story as you scroll down. We contacted the story’s author, u/Cool-Wear-8826, and she was kind enough to answer our questions and shed some light on the sensitive topic. Read on for Bored Panda’s full interview with her.

Pretty privilege is a cognitive bias where attractive people get preferential treatment from others

Woman with thoughtful expression sitting indoors, reflecting on life after losing her pretty privilege.

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)

A woman shared how her perspective about life changed after she lost and then regained her pretty privilege

Text excerpt about a woman realizing she had pretty privilege, noting perks like drinks and extra attention before losing it.

Alt text: Woman shares experience and how things changed after losing her pretty privilege, reflecting on the positive impact.

Text about a woman's experience losing her pretty privilege after a health issue caused weight gain and slowed metabolism.

Woman reveals how life changed after losing her pretty privilege, facing invisibility and reduced attention from others.

Text image showing a quote about how life changed after losing pretty privilege, describing it as strange then humbling.

Text image showing a woman revealing how things changed after she lost her pretty privilege and what she learned.

Alt text: Woman reveals how life changed after losing pretty privilege, embracing empathy and personal growth for the best

Text excerpt discussing a woman’s experience after losing her pretty privilege and the impact on her life.

Woman medical professional holding pills and writing notes, illustrating change after losing pretty privilege concept.

Image credits: Ahmed/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Woman reveals how life changed after losing and regaining her pretty privilege, sharing positive personal experiences.

Text on a white background describing a woman’s experience after losing her pretty privilege and feeling valued again.

Text excerpt about a woman revealing how things changed after she lost her pretty privilege and what she learned.

Text about a woman reflecting on how losing her pretty privilege changed her perspective and gratitude in life.

Text on a white background discussing feeling guilty after regaining pretty privilege through a medication change.

Text graphic showing a quote about smiling back when someone looks and smiles, related to losing pretty privilege.

The author shared a small update as her story started getting more and more attention online

Woman reveals how life and perspective changed after losing her pretty privilege, sharing insights for the best outcomes.

Text excerpt from a woman revealing how things changed after losing her pretty privilege and appreciating shared stories.

Text excerpt showing a woman reflecting on experiencing discrimination after losing her pretty privilege and valuing chosen family and friends.

Image credits: Cool-Wear-8826

“We need more empathy and kindness in our lives, and it’s important to treat each and every person as if they matter, because they truly do”

The author opened up to Bored Panda that she had no idea that her post would get so incredibly popular. “I was just trying to get something off my chest and it turns out that quite a lot of people identified with my experience,” u/Cool-Wear-8826 said.

“I think it resonated with so many people for a couple of reasons; deep down we all know there is a difference between the ‘pretty people’ and the ‘ordinary’ people, from the history of Helen of Troy to Hollywood’s beloved privileged stars. Also, so many of us have been discriminated against or for any number of reasons, but especially for the way we look, that it’s almost universal,” she shared her thoughts.

“One of the things that struck me was the sheer amount of similar stories that people shared with me online in response to my post. Some said that they had experienced the same thing, and it was good to know they weren’t alone. Some said they even were moved to tears and felt as if they had been seen. And some shared their struggles with accepting becoming less seen as they age and how it has affected them. I appreciated all of these stories and want to let them know how much they meant to me.”

We asked the author for her thoughts about what could help anyone with pretty privilege become better, kinder, more empathetic people.

Woman showing support during conversation, illustrating changes after losing her pretty privilege in a thoughtful setting

Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

“I think the first thing for anyone with pretty privilege to do is to make an effort to notice when this is happening. Then one can realize that they are being treated differently, preferentially, to others for the simple reason of looking a certain way at a certain age. This isn’t fair, and it isn’t right, but that’s the way our society is,” u/Cool-Wear-8826 told us.

“It might help to think, how can I change this? Sometimes it’s by simply treating everyone equally, or it could mean going out of your way to acknowledge and be kind to people not conventionally pretty, someone with a visible disability, or an elderly person, all kinds of people that are regularly discriminated against.”

The author recommends studying mindfulness, “which helps allow one to be aware of the world around us and how we interact with it. This can allow us to be more aware of the privileges we have. Also, the next time you receive special treatment, as yourself, why? And, what can I do to help make this world more fair?”

According to u/Cool-Wear-8826, everyone will experience the loss of this privilege as they age, “whether we like it or not.” It’s unavoidable.

“This isn’t fair or right either, but it exists. I know I’m going to experience this discrimination again as I get older, and I think I’m ok with that. As long as I have my chosen family and good friends, that’s what really matters. I guess I’ll end with the fact that the world isn’t fair, and that is unfortunate,” she said.

“We need more empathy and kindness in our lives, and it’s important to treat each and every person as if they matter, because they truly do.”

Human beings tend to assume that someone attractive is also more intelligent, capable, and confident, even if they aren’t

Pretty privilege is a form of cognitive bias. According to Verywell Mind, it gives “unearned advantages and preferential treatment to those perceived as attractive, according to societal norms.”

Someone who is constantly exposed to this stereotyping and discrimination can make excluded individuals feel like they need to ‘fix’ something about themselves through dieting, medication, treatments, or surgeries. This, in turn, “perpetuates the cycle of pretty privilege, making it harder for us to recognize diverse beauty and personal worth beyond physical appearance.”

Pretty privilege is, in essence, rooted in the halo effect. The latter refers to human beings having more positive initial impressions about an entire individual based on a single attribute, such as physical appearance.

In a nutshell, people tend to assume that someone who is beautiful is also smart, skilled, capable, kind, virtuous, ethical, etc., even if they aren’t.

Young woman with long brown hair and pearl jewelry sitting indoors near green plants, reflecting on losing pretty privilege

Image credits: Ilana Blankitny/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Verywell Mind notes that people are more likely to view those who have symmetrical faces as more attractive, healthy, intelligent, friendly, and confident. Meanwhile, individuals with asymmetric faces are seen as more anxious.

People who have pretty privilege can have an easier life and are given access to more opportunities in life. For example, they may find it easier to make friends, get invitations to events, and take part in various activities.

Furthermore, conventionally attractive human beings tend to get a boost to their self-esteem and confidence because they often get compliments and positive reinforcement. The opposite is also true: if you don’t have pretty privilege, your self-esteem may suffer, and you might feel inadequate because you get less positive feedback.

Individuals who constantly compare themselves to others (for example, celebrities or strangers) damage their self-image and self-esteem, leading to serious issues such as social isolation, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression.

That being said, people who have pretty privilege can start doubting their abilities and worth if their successes are often linked to their appearance, rather than their effort, skills, or intelligence.

Pretty privilege is so widespread and ingrained in society that it can even affect your job opportunities

There’s another aspect to pretty privilege. If you look good, then it’s easier to get opportunities, but if you don’t match the standards that society expects of you, it can negatively affect even something as sensitive as your career.

For example, not wearing makeup can make it harder to get a job. During an earlier interview, New Yorker Melissa Weaver shared her thoughts on this with Bored Panda. She mentioned that pretty privilege has always existed.

“People’s preconceived notions about appearance stem from what they grew up hearing and what society says is ‘acceptable’. I don’t think anyone would say skills aren’t important, but there are people who think for someone to be the ‘full package’ employee, they need to have skills and meet a certain standard of appearance,” she said.

Woman discussing experiences and how things changed after losing her pretty privilege during a professional meeting.

Image credits: Ahmet Kurt/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

According to Weaver, many people, especially women, have been treated differently due to their appearance.

There is an “unspoken, unconscious bias,” and some individuals have even voiced their opinions that “makeup is expected for a woman to look professional.”

Have you ever had pretty privilege, dear Pandas? If so, how did it affect your life? How did things change if you temporarily lost it and regained it like the author of the viral story did? Do you think that pretty privilege is a cognitive bias that affects you personally, or do you find ways to see a person’s worth beyond just their appearance? What other privileges do you think you have?

It’s an important topic, so if you have some opinions or experiences that you’d like to share, scroll down to the bottom of this post to leave a comment.

The story went viral. Many people wanted to share their thoughts about and personal experiences with pretty privilege

Woman discussing changes and challenges after losing her pretty privilege, sharing how it was for the best.

Reddit user discusses losing pretty privilege with age, sharing insights on changes and appreciation beyond appearance.

Conversation screenshot showing a woman discussing how losing her pretty privilege changed how people treat her and impacted job opportunities.

Screenshot of an online discussion where a woman reveals how life changed after losing her pretty privilege.

Screenshot of a Reddit post where a woman shares how losing her pretty privilege changed how men treat her.

Woman reveals how life and social attention changed after losing her pretty privilege and why it was for the best.

Screenshot of a personal story about how a woman’s experiences changed after losing her pretty privilege.

Text post describing a man’s life transformation and impact after losing his pretty privilege and embracing hard work.

Alt text: Screenshot of a comment discussing changes in social treatment after losing pretty privilege due to cancer and hair loss.

Screenshot of a social media comment reflecting on changes after losing pretty privilege and personal experiences with weight.

Comment expressing how a woman’s experience changed after losing her pretty privilege due to PCOS affecting her appearance.

Middle-aged woman sharing her experience of losing her pretty privilege and how it changed her life for the better.

Comment sharing personal experience about how losing pretty privilege changed her self-view and relationships.

User reflection on how losing pretty privilege after weight loss changed treatment by others and self-perception.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing changes after losing pretty privilege and its impact on appearance and opportunities.

Comment describing loss of pretty privilege effects on social interactions, depression, and recovery after medication change.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing changes experienced after losing pretty privilege and its impact on opportunities.

Comment about noticing changes after losing pretty privilege, questioning the authenticity of past friendly interactions.

Woman sharing how her life changed after losing pretty privilege, reflecting on challenges and personal growth.

Comment discussing the impact of losing pretty privilege and the role of fatphobia in societal treatment of appearance.

Alt text: Reddit user sharing how losing her pretty privilege changed how people treat her and affected her daily interactions.

Screenshot of a forum post discussing how losing pretty privilege after menopause changed perceptions of middle-aged women.

Text post discussing personal experience with body changes and social challenges after losing pretty privilege.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing skinny privilege and society's views after losing pretty privilege.

Comment from woman sharing how things changed after losing her pretty privilege and gaining new self-confidence.

Woman sharing experience of how life changed after losing her pretty privilege, explaining why it was for the best.

Woman sharing her experience and how things changed after losing her pretty privilege, reflecting on the positive outcomes.

Alt text: Woman shares perspective on changes after losing pretty privilege and benefits of shifting attractiveness perception

Woman sharing her experience and how things changed after losing her pretty privilege, reflecting on positive outcomes.

Comment discussing how losing pretty privilege changed personal experiences and self-worth after weight loss.

Screenshot of a woman sharing her experience losing pretty privilege after changing her style and appearance online.

Woman shares how her life changed after losing pretty privilege and why she believes it was for the best.

Screenshot of a social media comment where a user shares personal experience about changes after losing pretty privilege.

Alt text: Woman reveals how life changed after losing pretty privilege, reflecting on self-acceptance and societal perceptions.

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