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37 Inspiring Comebacks From Folks That Prove Thriving Is The Sweetest Form Of Revenge
In 2006, UCLA running back Maurice Jones-Drew was selected in the second round of the NFL Draft after all 32 teams passed on him in the first round, fearing his lack of height would be a red flag. In honor of this, Jones-Drew took jersey number 32, which he wore for nine seasons in the pros.
He certainly didn’t become a superstar, but he finished his career as a three-time Pro Bowler and a first-team All-Pro. And the number on his jersey served as a wonderful reminder to general managers throughout those nine years that achieving success is perhaps the best way to get revenge. So here’s a whole collection of such stories for you!
More info: Reddit
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#1
My ex and I broke up a few years ago and I was pretty devastated. Since then, I've bought a condo, got a dog, got promoted, traveled, and am generally living an awesome life. He got a one night stand (that he didn't even like) pregnant and now lives with her and their son and is unemployed. I think I won.
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#2
My husband got another woman pregnant in the middle of a planned move across country prompted by a job offer for him. My job transfer came first and I packed our 18 years of combined stuff into boxes, ordered a pod and set off 2200 miles away leaving him to just pack our stuff into the box. 2 weeks into my new job and new house he signed the lease on, he calls me up and tells me he fell in love with another woman. (Not the pregnant part.)
He then sells literally everything I packed on ebay, Facebook, and Craigslist before I could get back. He even tried to sell my dog and 3 cats but my friends stopped him. I managed to salvage 10 boxes of family heirlooms and my pets. Everything else was gone, to pay for his new life.
He sued me for alimony and the house and my retirement. I had no money for a lawyer, so I answered my divorce pro se. I got tipped off on the baby and that ended the alimony/retirement piece of my divorce. He did get the house. I got my freedom, but I was nearly homeless by the end. No money and 4 months in my job laid me off and eventually closed. I was a mess.
Decided to go back to school with loans. Managed to get by for 2.5 years until I graduated, with the highest distinction. Got picked up by a lot of companies but ended up following my heart and moved across country with my new BF to a house by the beach where I joke that I have become a trophy girlfriend at 46. I'm currently looking at going back to school to finish my PhD and cross off another bucket list item. Life is more than good, it's plush. I've managed to be a breadwinner for 18 years and now I don't need to work, so I volunteer and do gig work on occasion. I grow artisanal plants and started to paint as hobbies to keep myself busy. Far better than working for corporate America, which I did for most of my life.
My ex? He married his baby momma and had a son less than 2 months after my divorce was final. He exclaimed that he finally met "the love of his life" on Facebook. I wondered why he stayed with me for 18 years if I wasn't. Lol
She left him less than a year later with his son. He's now a single dad at 50. No real career. Alone. Living paycheck to paycheck. She's already remarried.
And that's what happens when you just move on and live your best self instead of worrying about the baggage you left behind.
#3
I have a disability that is aggravated by repetitive motions like typing. I asked my work to accommodate my disability, but they did not, and my condition deteriorated until I could no longer work.
Fast forward 8 years: I now receive worker’s compensation, SSDI and have a disability retirement. In addition, I sued them for discrimination- and won. Big time - 8 years back pay with interest too. My boss and HR got punished.
So now, instead of working my 40+ hours for a bunch of discriminating dickwads - I work on me. I lost 30 lbs, took the $ and went on a nice long vacay, and read reddit. Granted, I have to deal with my disability- but I had that even before then, and now worker’s compensation has to pay for my medical bills and prescriptions because they made it worse. Laugh is on them!
**Edit** - Thanks for the love and award! Those 8 years of waiting for justice were hard - staying Optimistic in a time of Crisis is just plain Hard...but not impossible! What I learned was that Hope takes Courage, and the unfailing belief that things Will Get Better. Stay Optimistic, and keep on Keepin’ On!
Most of the personal stories in this collection concern people who were dumped in relationships or marriages. While it’s sometimes tempting to simply shut out the world and do nothing, this approach is actually completely unconstructive. And numerous expert opinions only confirm this.
#4
After my ex dumped me I decided I’m going to do everything I want to do (and can afford).
I lost 20 pounds because I climb mountains, I travel all the time, and anytime a friend wants to meet up for a social event I say yes.
Honest to God, I look at photos of him and he looks miserable and every single time, it just makes me smile.
The best revenge in the world is fulfilling your own dreams and living the life you always wanted to live.
#5
One of my best friends since middle school was a super high achiever growing up, and her mom *hated* me. My family is much lower-class than hers, and while my friend was being offered whatever she needed in terms of push to succeed, I was being left home alone while my parents both worked and partied from a young age.
At one point when I was 12, my friend's mom told me to my face that she didn't like me, thought I was disrespectful, I was going nowhere in life, and that I was going to be a bad influence on her daughter.
Friend and I still stayed close through high school and wound up going to the same university. We both had our struggles in the first couple years - I had a violent relationship, she got into illegal substances. Both of us took a hit in terms of grades from that stuff.
I pulled out of my slump, finished my degree, and started working. Friend took an academic break. I saved up some money and went back to grad school. Friend returned to working on her BA while living in a trailer her uncle owns from the 80s. I got a job in my new field post-grad school. Friend quit school again and started working full-time at a bar, then got a DUI.
Pre-covid, I got invited to Friend's wedding, so I flew back home for the occasion. In addition to getting to support one of my oldest friends in a huge life milestone (she's mostly sober these days, and that's worth celebrating even if I do secretly hate her choice of husband), I got to see the look on her mom's face when she finally recognized who I was, then got to tell her about everything I've done since finishing high school: the master's degree, the six-figure job, the move across the country, my own marriage, and on top of that I got into fitness and I'm a full 5 dress sizes smaller than I was at age 17.
Michael Largey 15 minutes ago
But mom probably still blames all her daughter's problems on the "bad influence" of the OP.
#6
Found out my (ex)boyfriend of five years was cheating on me for months and got the girl pregnant. Needless to say, I left.
I stayed working my dream job in ICU at one of the top hospitals in the area, lived with my parents and so I was able to pay off all my undergrad loans and save a ton of money. I ended up traveling all around the world without him guilting me for “leaving him”. I made new friends because before it used to be just me and him and no one else. I started horse back riding and doing yoga, things he used to say were a waste of time and laugh at me for showing interest in. I lost a bunch of weight, got some new piercings that I LOVE. I also went back for my masters degree.
He on the other hand. He’d always said he couldn’t find a job that he was passionate about so he’d stayed on his mom’s couch for well over a year searching for him dream job. But when the baby was en route, he had to suck it up and got a job working at a local hardware store (I don’t think there’s any problem with working retail, but I know he looked down on it so it makes me giggle thinking of him working in a smock) His mom let him stay until the baby was born and then kicked him out and made him live with the girl and baby. He used to pride himself on his athletic ability. But he definitely let himself go and gained a LOT of weight. He had such a close relationship with his family (as did I) but once they found out what he did, his relationship with his mother and younger brother definitely changed. But the best part was that I went to see his mom a couple months after the baby was born and we talked for a while. She told me she wants all the best for me, and that she wished I could have been her daughter(in law), but she understood why I couldn’t stay. Then, she told me how before he moved out, he would just lay on the floor crying some days. Not gonna lie. That made me smile.
In psychology, “revenge through personal growth” has its own scientific name: posttraumatic growth (PTG). A study published in Behavioral Health News shows that if a person doesn’t give in to resentment but works through it, it most often leads to positive changes in life.
Firstly, the person begins to value their own life more; secondly, subsequent relationships are often of higher quality. Personal mental strength, spiritual growth, and, accordingly, new development opportunities often manifest themselves.
#7
He dumped me for being poor (living within my means) and said I could never afford to live in a luxury apt with him.
He was right about the luxury apt. **BUT** I ended up getting a gorgeous apt in the same city we were looking at, with zero roommates (he has 3), parking for my new car (he was giving me a hard time that my previous car was a junk), and a deck! **A full. size. deck.** It's unheard of for my part of the city (none of the luxury apts he looked at, in his price range, even included a balcony).
If he could see me now driving through town on my way to sunbathe on my deck lol.
#8
When I was 15 I had a boyfriend who was 17 and more experienced than me. I ended up being intimate with him for the first time, and once we had intimate relations he pretty much ghosted me. As in, he literally stood me up on all plans, barely responded to my texts, and stopped talking to me altogether outside of school. Literally, the only time I could even see him was at school, and there he would basically gaslight me about whether or not he was ignoring me and made me out to be overly needy. A friend of mine from youth group (lol) told me that she saw him making out with some other girl in the school library, which he denied, then broke up with me when I didn't believe him. Later, he and library girl officially started dating. I was totally devastated because I was so naive and attached so much of my worth to having him as a boyfriend (older, lacrosse player, handsome, etc.), and of course since I was involved in church stuff at the time I thought that it was my fault for being "easy" and that if I had held out longer he wouldn't have dumped me like he did. I spent the next few months dealing with one of the worst depressive episodes I've had to this day.
10 years later, I had finished my second year at a tier-1 law school and visited my home town for a few days over the summer on my break. My mom and I went to a cafe for lunch and I saw him walk in with his mom. He looked *rough*, like massive beer belly, greasy hair and skin, receding hairline and was wearing a ripped t-shirt with nasty shorts. It was the lunch hour during the work week, so unemployed/underemployed, and his mom paid for his sandwich. We made eye contact and he promptly looked away. Honestly, I hadn't thought about him much in a long time at that point, but part of me wishes that 15 year old me had better guidance and role models growing up so that I wouldn't have gone so long genuinely believing that I lost part of my value as a person for having slept with this person who turned out being such a jerk.
#9
I had a boyfriend who dumped me because he thought I was only using him for his car because I didn't have a license. He never talked about it just ghosted me (on Valentines Day, of all days). He was the roommate of a supervisor at my job so she had to be the one to tell me he wasn't going to call back. It hurt, but whatever.
A few years later he messages me because we had seen each other in a different town than we had dated in. I had seen his car and asked what he was doing and he lived out there with his current girlfriend, still working at the same sort of job he had worked at when we were dating. I told him I was glad he'd found someone who made him happy. No hard feelings or anything. He asked me if I was seeing someone.
Well, I was. I was married!. I was on that street at that time because we were updating a property I had been renting out so I could sell it before I moved. Since he'd dumped me I had gotten a better job, learned how to drive, started ballet (and as a result looked amazing), and at that point I was wrapping up my life stateside to move overseas to be with my husband. Just tying up loose ends and all!
His response was "Wow, you seem to be doing well in life." I was. I still am! Life is great.
Incidentally, statistics clearly show that women experience more PTG (with an average score of 72.64 versus 58.15 for men). So, it’s not surprising that most of the stories told here are told by ladies who rose like a phoenix from the ashes after some traumatic experience. Personal success in such cases is truly “perfect revenge” through resilience and self-improvement.
Well, if successful remarriage is considered a form of “personal revenge” after a painful breakup, statistics also emphasize that it works. According to GitNux, remarriage rates in the US and other developed countries have increased by almost 20% over the past decade. Meanwhile, another interesting nuance: higher income correlates with a 25% higher likelihood of remarriage.
#10
I was with a terrible guy for about 5 years. He was taking advantage of me by refusing to work more than part time because the room we rented in a house was really cheap if we split it, so he didn't have to work a lot to afford his share of the rent. The house was a slum and I was miserable there but he refused to work more than a part time job to make more money so we could get our own place. He just straight up did not want to work more than part time in a retail store because he wanted to spend more time playing video games and working full time was too hard. He was 30.
I got a promotion and a raise at work so I could finally make enough to get out. I told him I was moving out whether or not he was coming and it was up to him to decide. He sort of hemmed and hawed and said I was being unreasonable asking him to work more so that we wouldn't have to live in a bug infested house with no AC, roommates that threw parties and had screaming matches every week to find a place of our own. So I left.
That was 3 years ago. Since then, I graduated college and I now have my own place but my current boyfriend is moving in shortly. We are currently creating a financial plan to move to our dream city and get married within the next year. I have a new car, I've lost 50 pounds, and I have a job where I make twice as much money as I did when I left my ex. I'm on medication now and have been in therapy for anxiety and trauma. I am so, so happy as a person now.
Also, once I dumped my ex and moved out, he had to pay the full price of the bedroom we shared and split the rent for, which means he ended up having to work more ANYWAY.
#11
From what I can tell via social media, at least one of my former bullies has been unsuccessful with MLMs.
#12
When I finally broke up with a very controlling and toxic boyfriend. His last words to me were something along the lines of you will always be stuck as a single mother without the same freedom as me or any chance to be successful.
Fast forward 6 years later: he’s contacted me numerous times to hook up even though he’s with another person he shares a baby with, told me how unhappy he is in the relationship and feels stuck. Still works for the company/same position, I had gotten him into and lives with about 4 other family members in a less than desirable area.
Myself: I moved 800 miles up north to pursue my educational and career goals he did not support which is also a much more desirable place to live (less pollution, lower cost of living, beautiful scenery, and less people). I am in a committed relationship with an amazing and supportive man i currently have two kids with.
Indeed, while ordinary, “traditional” revenge very often harms our mental health and reputation, focusing on personal success actually restores our balance and effectively returns us to control of our lives.
After all, this way we don’t waste our precious life energy on negativity, which is critically important. “Negativity breeds more negativity. Scornful people who publicly break trust and ‘air out their dirty laundry’ usually invite more backlash into their lives,” notes Joanne Broder, Ph.D., the author of this dedicated article for Psychology Today.
Incidentally, according to the author of the article herself, after a painful breakup, focusing on her own life, well-being, and achieving career success became a truly key healing factor for her. In fact, this has been true not only for her but for thousands of people around the world at different times.
#13
I was in a toxic relationship for 8 years, from 19-27. Things weren’t always bad, but it was definitely a situation where we both were in denial about our compatibility.
There were points in the relationship where he made me feel unsuccessful in life. By my mid-twenties, I didn’t really have a long term path forward. I finally started going to night classes and working full time. I lost my job, but continued schooling. He offered to contribute more towards our expenses in support of me bettering myself, but he would also berate me for not contributing more. I did finally land a job in my chosen field, but I had a long financial recovery in front of me.
I was already really stressed about finances and my future, as well as being the heaviest weight I’ve ever been, when I had a family member pass away. At this point, I knew things were bad in my relationship, but I wanted to talk it over when I was in a better head space. I didn’t get that chance, because while I was in another state mourning, he was packing up his things and moving out. I received an email from him saying it was over. 8 years, and an email is all I got.
I was even more of a mess when I got back home, and wallowed in sadness for about a month. I had to move out and into a shared house, the first time I had roommates outside of a relationship. I ended up saving a lot of money that way, and was finally able to travel. In the first year post-breakup, I went on 5 international trips and 4 national trips. I lost all the weight I gained over the time we were together. I found myself in a new, respectful relationship. Traveling has slowed down over the years, but I still manage to do it a few times a year. The last I heard about my ex, he has not been in a relationship since, overweight, and still blaming everyone else for his misery. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s only getting better.
#14
My ex (who was really, spectacularly mean and awful to me) found out I was dating somebody new through internet stalking me. He showed up to my apartment one day, walked inside, and began to ask if the new guy had pretty much everything he was self conscious about not having.
“Is he tall?” “Yep” “Does he have a beard?” “Yep” “Does he have a good job?” “Yep” “Does he treat you better?” “Exponentially” “Is his private part bigger??” “Yes, actually”
After all that, he asked me to marry him... I turned that offer down, hard.
Then I told him he had to leave, because I was having people over to rehearse a play I wrote that had recently won a ton of awards, so... That was a good day.
#15
5 years ago I referred someone for a job. She was hired then asked me why I wasn’t buying her lunch with my referral bonus Figured her getting a new job with better pay, etc was something that she’d be thrilled with. Besides, it was my bonus. First red flag for her. Fast forward 3 years and she quit the job she had and I ended up transferring to it as I was making my way out of the company and industry (entertainment) which never really worked for me and held me back from further growth as I’m a fairly out member of the LGBT community. This “friend” sent me a text asking me how it felt to go “backwards” when I took her former role which, by title only, was a step down (my pay never changed). I used that text for motivation as I continued on my job search out of the industry. A few short months later I was picked up by a great Tech Company where I’m doing work that I love with a great team and have been acknowledged for my efforts with 2 raises, 2 bonuses, and 2 promotions. Last I heard, that “friend” was laid off... 🤣.
Success stories amidst profound resentment actually take very different forms. Just think of the greatest football player of all time, Tom Brady, drafted 199th overall, or, say, former “Mr. Irrelevant” Brock Purdy, who has already played in the Super Bowl by now.
Or, for example, one of the best French soccer players ever, Antoine Griezmann, who, by the way, will be coming to MLS this summer. Due to poor health and a substandard frame, he was rejected by the youth teams of nearly all of France’s top clubs, so he had to begin his career in Spain.
But perhaps the most telling example here is Michael Jordan, for whom any resentment, even one he made up himself, could serve as a great motivator to achieve success. Yes, Jordan’s attitude toward his young teammates might be considered quite toxic today, but we must remember that he was always the most ruthless toward himself. That’s why he achieved such incredible success.
#16
Last year I moved to LA to work for an arts nonprofit that's well known in my industry (in the space of two weeks I quit my job and moved 1,000 miles to a city I'd never been to for this job). It was awful, my boss was such a jerk that all my family was telling me, "We'll help you stay in Cali and look for a job for a while, just don't stay at this job!" He truly was the worst boss I've ever had, and I've worked at call centers. I walked out after five weeks.
I spent five months scouring for work, and the day I was driving home wondering what the hell I was going to do I get a call from a previous client offering me a three month contract where I rose to be lead animator working on a Jurassic Park project. Except for some rough times when the pandemic hit earlier this year I've been working steadily, and was even hired for a project that, except for provided scenarios and some direction, I got to create completely from start to finish.
I'm keeping my story in my back pocket while my career stabilizes, but I'm also eager to prevent anyone else from being used by this guy. It's a tough position to be in, but in the meantime I'm doing my best to flourish, partially out of spite.
#17
My ex’s family didn’t like me because I was low income, and had a low status job while living at my grandma’s. His mom and sister thought I was lazy for living at my grandmas, even though I was a single mom, working part time, and caring for my grandma with advanced Alzheimer’s. After we broke up, my grandma was moved to a nursing home, and I was working several part time jobs when I finally landed an amazing position with a highly regarded government entity. Now I make a decent salary, benefits, and a pension. No one can call me poor white trash ever again. I never got to show off my success to them but living well is indeed the best revenge. He would be so jealous of my awesome job .... 😁😁😁.
#18
I was with a guy who was emotionally violent for 13 years. Tried to leave multiple times but he would stalk me and threaten to sue me claiming I owed him money for things he purchased for the joint household while we were together. I ended up back with him out of fear because I couldn't afford a lawyer to defend myself. I was absolutely miserable and so was my daughter but I felt really trapped by his manipulations. I finally had enough when my daughter got pregnant and he said she had to get an abortion or get out of his house (she was 15). We found some friends for her to go stay with and another set for me to go stay with (no one had room for both of us and it was hard for a bit but temporary) and we both left. He tried insisting that I wasn't serious and we were still together right up until about a year later when I met someone new and started dating him, then he claimed he was breaking up with me for cheating on him and tried to sue me. I just ignored him and no lawyer would take his case. He then tried to make up with my daughter to spite me. Destroyed all the things my children had made me in elementary school (my son is gone and he knew that would hurt) ... but no matter what he tried to do to force me back, I kept ignoring him and focused on my daughter and granddaughter. It's now been 4 years and I married an amazing man this weekend. I hear my ex is depressed about it, I don't care.
Frankly speaking, we do hope this collection of stories will not only be an interesting read for you, but also serve as inspiration and motivation for some to succeed in life after painful breakups or losses.
After all, as the famous song goes, "At the end of the storm there's a golden sky, and the swift silver song of a lark…" So please enjoy reading these tales, and maybe add your own in the comments below if you, too, have something to share.
#19
My ex boyfriend said my art wasn’t good. He said there was no point in me going to university and I would never sell/show my art anywhere.
Well, I’ve won many awards for my artwork. Excelled in university and on my way to becoming an art teacher. And my work is hanging in multiple local galleries. I also do commissions and have sold original work.
The hell with him. The jealous loser jerk.
Michael Largey 4 minutes ago
It's ok to feel someone is untalented at something. It's also ok to guide them away from an unpromising career choice if you encourage them to live their dream but not rely on it. I had a student, a good oboe player, who wanted to major in vocal music in college. She was, frankly, a terrible singer, resulting in her being rejected by many college music programs after auditioning. When she was finally admitted to one, I advised her to double major in music and business, so she would be able to handle her own finances if she became a big success. She never made it as a singer, but the music-business major sure worked out for her. She's now with a symphony - as their business manager.
#20
Ex broke up with me because he “didn’t like my face” and even if I lost the weight I’d put on I just wasn’t his type. After dating for two years. Got my IUD out, immediately lost 25 lbs (cause my body hates BC), then went ahead and traveled to 12 countries in the following year and change. Hit a bunch of “our” bucket list items. Then I saw him with my revenge body and my revenge passport and he called me Babe and said he wished he could go to Japan too. But his new girlfriend (who he met while we were together) isn’t interested in traveling. But she is more his type.
He’s the kind of guy who thinks with his private parts. Bullet dodged on that one.
Now I’m fat again and single but I have a gorgeous house and pretty nice life in a big city without him trying to convince me evolution is made up on a weekly basis. Also he voted for Trump. (He wanted Bernie initially but wouldn’t vote for Hillary).
#21
My ex had me move states and quit my job to move into the house he built for us. I took a job in a field I wanted but with shift work (private sector intelligence) and left my job at the FBI for him. I moved into the house while he was out of the country visiting his family (weird time - job happened quick, he’d had this trip planned, and it was during the five week government shutdown) to discover he was cheating. Moved my stuff into the guest room.
He started mistreating me after I broke up with him because I VERY politely told him we aren’t having intimate relations anymore when he tried to initiate. I put a deposit on a new house two days after the violence started. My friends from my home state came out to help me move in the middle of the night and I disappeared.
I now live in a cute house (with amazing roommates), found a job that pays better with better hours and way less stress, and found myself an upgraded man who appreciates me way more. My ex was so broken by compound PTSD from Iraq and Afghanistan he was barely functional. I e heard through the grapevine that he has alienated everyone around him and he is in a bad spot in his job and looking for an out but can’t get hired. He has no one in his life and is super lonely it a big house he can’t really afford by himself. My life is super full and super fun, especially without the crushing weight of someone struggling with PTSD who refuses to do anything to work on it. My new man is a whole man who doesn’t carry around all his baggage like an anchor dragging him to the depths. I’m so glad I left.
#22
A girl I was best friends with all through high school “dumped” me the summer after our freshman year of college. She made it extremely obvious that she was excluding me from things and turned what I thought would be a fun summer reunited with friends into one of the lowest points of my life. I still don’t know what happened because I don’t think I did anything to prompt her behavior and she never offered an explanation.
Instead of spending those months with her as I originally planned, I spent the summer formulating a plan for my education/career and got much closer to my boyfriend.
10 years later - I’m an attorney, married to that boyfriend, own a home, and generally doing pretty well for myself. She’s an unemployed (former) waitress living with several roommates. I ran into her a few years ago and after five minutes the differences between our lives were pretty apparent.
#23
My ex from right out of college. We lived together for two years. He made significantly more money than me and kind of made me financially dependent on him. He wasn’t exactly a catch (couldn’t function without substances, ignored me for a board game, and had some red-pill tendencies) but I had like negative self esteem and figured he was the best I was going to do. I made dinner every single night, went for a 5k run every morning, did all the cleaning. His family loved me. We all expected a proposal at some point. Instead I got home from work and he told me he didn’t love me. Called my best friend, she picked up me and my dog (who he never warmed up to) and all my stuff and I never looked back.
After that break up I started living my best life. Got my first apartment on my own, I became so much closer with the friends I had lost touch with, did things for me, always down for an adventure. I also decided I was done settling. Fast forward 3 years and I’m living on the other side of the country, the love of my life proposed to me in the French alps in December and we’re planning our wedding for this December, he loves my dog and we even got another puppy together , and I might be chubby now but I’m so loved and supported and accepted.
He still makes significantly more money but somethings are priceless.
#24
A decade ago, my toxic, ex-fiance hurt me and turned all of our friends against me via lies (naturally). I left him for my now-husband (I didn't cheat and conducted the breakup slowly over 8 months). We moved to the city and we literally went from baseline poor to extremely wealthy through getting degrees, investments, etc. My ex ended up getting someone we knew pregnant. They both tried to sabotage my relationship and were generally just the trashiest people (criminal records, evictions, no basic life skills, etc). He messaged me on Facebook about 8 years later complaining that she had left him, he never got over me, is still in love with me, etc. It felt so good to tell him how successful I am and married to the guy he hurt and gave PTSD to me over. It is still a challenge to deal with the long-term detriments of violence so letting him know of my tremendous power and control over my life was gratifying beyond words. It was not elating but the feeling of closing a door.
#25
Grew up in a very misogynistic household. Step-father would regularly forbid me to study, tried to sabotage my university plans and once told me that my brothers’ educations were more important than mine because they were going to be the future breadwinners of their families. Ended up leaving at 19 and never looked back. Fast forward to now and I have my PhD viva in two days (fingers crossed!) and teach at the university. He on the other hand is six years into a thirteen year prison sentence.
#26
MULTIPLE parents of friends of mine growing up thought I was a bad kid and judged me and would say stuff to their kids, other parents, and even to my face about what a failure was going to be. Fast forward to now, we’re all in our 20s. Friends all grew up and had kids either in high school or right after, work for MLMs, no education, users, divorced, etc. I’m in a healthy, long-term relationship, no kids, obtained a bachelors degree with a 4.0. I hope the parents see me being successful and regret judging me. Because if I was anything less they would have said “see, I knew it.”
PS there’s nothing “wrong” with being divorced/working for MLMs and all that, but that’s just some of the stuff I would hear them bashing growing up so it’s ironic.
#27
I used to work in a retail store, which right there wasn't exactly my end-goal in life. What made it worse was having a boss that constantly berated the team, made us feel worthless, never acknowledged anything we did. Personal attacks and backhanded comments were common place.
My husband, on the other hand, had a pretty decent atmosphere at his job. There was an opening, and I went for it. It was a set schedule with weekends off, not A LOT more money but more than I made even with bonuses. The people were much nicer and there was opportunity for growth.
I got the job. When I put my two weeks in, my boss laughed and said I'd be back. Basically, there was no way I could make it in another job and I'd come crawling back because presumably I would lose this one.
I'm now approaching three years at my current company. My husband and I have both grown in our positions here. I don't always have the best time (who does), but compared to my previous job it's pretty fantastic. My boss doesn't berate me, and they actually give credit where credit is due. I've learned so much and my confidence has grown tremendously.
My previous boss is still in the same position, that's really all I know because I'm not really interested in keeping up. I know I'm facing some risk with the current economic/pandemic situation, but even if I lost my job I would do every possible thing I could to not go back to that environment.
#28
I’m employed as an aerial photography pilot of a small aircraft (Cessna 206) & I flew over my garbage ex boyfriends hellhole of a town last week. Thriving.
#29
I got married, live in a beautiful apartment, immigrated to a new country, and am now trying to have a baby.
My violent ex has been doing a two year program for four years now, moved back home to live with his mom in a small town where everyone has cut him out because of what he did to me and his other exes, and is about to enter his thirties with not much to show for it.
I am rooting for him though. He’s talented with big dreams. He just needs to follow through. But me? I’m following through because no one is waiting at home to hit me for having too much fun or working late or seeing friends.
#30
My bf (Kyle) of 3 years developed a relationship with my best friend (Kathy) during our fresh yr college. Kathy was dating Kyles best friend (joe) at the time, which worked out great bc we’d go on double dates all the time, and Joe and I were very close friends since middle school.
After learning of Kyle and Kathy’s relationship, they lost all their friends from our hometown, joe started visiting the college I went to more often.
After they cheated with each other they started dating, and did I mention Kyle lived across the street from my parents and it was fantastic seeing kathys car there during college breaks? They broke up after about 6 months (shocker), and the next year (2012) Joe and I started dating. We’re now engaged and Kyle and Kathy still have no friends.
#31
Two of my high school classmates said women shouldn't join the military. I just got out of the Marine Corps. They both joined the Chair Force.
(No actual hate toward the Air Force. They have a different mission and are far more focused on academics than physical strength. But both those boys were firmly convinced that no woman ever could be stronger than any single man (exact words from them). I had to do three pull-ups to *qualify* and I can do seven. The Air Force doesn't require pull-ups at all).
LakotaWolf (she/her) 59 minutes ago
Well, conversely, Marines are sometimes (good-naturedly) referred to as "crayon-eaters", and everyone knows that "Marine" actually stands for "Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential"... XD (My dad was in the Air Force, I might be biased)
#32
I (half-black F) dated my ex (white M) for about 2 years before we moved in together, where we lived for another 2 years almost. I had some trust issues from him cheating early in the relationship, and after a while of built up resentment and mistrust (he was relying on me financially for a lot while not contributing hardly anything to our relationship) I read his journal one morning.
I read, word for word, “I seriously feel that I would not still be with her if I could afford it. And all because I’m convinced I should continue my white heritage. Am I wrong?” which he had written a few weeks prior. But there were entries of him questioning the “future race of our children” as early as 8 months before that. I dumped him like a hot potato when he got home.
I got my own apartment and put a lot more energy into the side hustle I had started up a few months before we broke up. I cut off all contact with my ex after we broke up, but I know he was working part-time retail and couldn’t afford his own place, so he had to move back in with his parents. The breakup was about as amicable as it could be (mostly because he was probs afraid of what I’d do with the info but I didn’t want to waste any more energy than I had to so I wasn’t mean about it), and I think we were still friends on FB for a awhile. A few months after we broke up I met a wonderful man who I’m now engaged to. My ex deleted me soon after that was public knowledge and idk what the hell he’s doing now but wow am I in a way better place than I ever was while I was with him.
#33
I got divorced at 21 because ex cheated on me multiple times throughout the marriage and then blamed me for making his life so stressful because I pushed him to do well in his classes. LOL if it weren't for me he wouldn't even go to college because he thinks he's smarter than everyone else who went and that he doesn't need a degree to excel at his job (how can he expect to compete with people with advanced degrees in a competitive field like cybersecurity is beyond me). He was also salty that he never had enough money to spend because he had to pay for both of our expenses, although my parents helped with many many things and I never called him out on that. He refused to see that the problem was actually his spending habit, and he was actually spending even more when he moved out to live by himself and was always in debt.
I got a job offer shortly after we separated, moved to a different state, and just got a promotion after 1 year of working. Had my first research article published and in the process of publishing another. I make way more money than he ever did, and since I'm very frugal I don't have to worry about living paycheck-to-paycheck at all even in a HCOL area. I don't even know how he's doing anymore, but I heard from my friends that he has checked on me several times. Him leaving me was the best thing that ever happened, because I used to make all these sacrifices just for his sake. I'd never do that again.
#34
My ex spent years emotionally mistreating me. Gaslighting me to make me believe I was the problem the whole time. In reality he was a manipulative man child.
When I finally had enough and left I was out within a week. He kept trying to keep me on a line but eventually I was strong enough to keep him away from my life. He responded to this by refusing to let me collect the rest of my belongings. Eventually I just wrote them off. Theyre just things.
3 years later he contacted me saying I need to get my stuff because he had a roommate moving back in. I said "we" would be there to collect it soon. Remaining civil of course. He however went on a rant about my husband being a piece of garbage and blah blah blah. I remained civil despite my desire to say hurtful things.
When I finally show up to get my things (which he dumped on his cousins driveway and conveniently forgot to let me know just how much there was) I couldn't even fit it all in the car we brought. So I ended up having a polite convo with his cousin and leaving him some cash to get rid of the rest of it for us. I finally got my things back. They only thing that really mattered was the needlepoint owl that my mom had made for me. I cried when my husband found it in the boxes.
All in all, I have moved on with my life and grown as a person to the point that I didn't return the hatred he spewed at my husband and I got my things back.
It is really just sad how little personal growth he had gone through in the 3 years since we broke up. I wasn't surprised though. Part of our issue was that he could never ever let things go or move on.
Here I am happier than I've ever been and completely at peace knowing that I deserved so much better and will never have someone accusing me of "forcing them to put up with me for years while neglecting me emotionally and physically. My husband proudly displays all my owl figurines and is excited to find places to put them. He is happy to see me excited as i buy an absurd amount of coffee mugs because I like picking unique ones from the thrift store every so often. He never misses a chance to say how happy he is, how much he appreciates me, or look at me lovingly.
I am truly blessed. However, I also understand that I would not be the person I am today and the person I needed to be for my new husband without the experiences I went through in that relationship. So I guess I can thank him for that!
#35
I was told by the cult that divorce was a sin. That being miserable and unhappy everyday in this world, was much better than being tormented for all of eternity. I was told that my 12 years of infertility was either due to my lack of faith, or God's will. I was also told that I needed to stop "usurping authority" and let my husband be the leader of the house. (The fact that he refused to get a job, or make any sort of decision was apparently irrelevant).
I left the cult. It took me 18 months to deprogram myself enough to file for divorce. It took me 18 more months before I agreed to go on a date. 7 Months later, I married an Atheist, while 2 months pregnant. The bride wore crimson.
I've now been married to my 'new" husband for longer than my first husband. We have a wonderful daughter, and I couldn't be happier.
I talked to my ex a few years back, (I had promised to let him know when the dog we had together, but I kept, was gone.) the whole time I was trying to make polite conversation, he kept complaining about his wife, spewing right-wing fundie clap-trap, and even threw in a racist comment or two. The Racism was new, but otherwise, he hadn't changed a bit.
I was so glad I will never have to speak to him again!
#36
My parents were very neglectful, emotionally violent, and sometimes physically violent. I was the third girl they had and they only ever wanted boys. My mom told me this. I was told the doctor said I was gonna be a boy, but he was wrong. Apparently that's when their life went downhill cause girls are just "bad" and all become "easy women".
I lost respect for my parents very young. I believe it was around the time I started going to Pre-K. I was a very independent thinker. I had to be. My mother had herself convinced that all I wanted to do with my life was get pregnant and make myself even more of a burden. She started calling me names around the time I was 8. Because of this, I literally never asked for anything other than food and shelter. I put myself in a corner and tried my best to be quiet. I was taught I was just wasted space.
She never allowed me to play or go to parks. She kept me locked in the house until I was a teen. I'd spend summers isolated from society. It was really depressing. Books kept me alive, literally. By the time I was 16, I figured out how to sneak out without getting caught. I used to walk miles just to see my secret friends.
I was always told I was stupid and wouldn't do anything with my life with my little woman brain. I was shamed for needing to shave and when I got my period. My dad never cared enough to comment on how my sisters and I were treated.
By the way, I was an honor student and athletic. None of it mattered to them. They tried to force me to quit sports cause they didn't believe I was actually in sports. They thought I was hanging out with boys having intimate relations. (I didn't even do it until I was 17 and it was with a long term boyfriend I had in secret.) At this point they were beating me when I'd come home after practice. I was supposed to be home by 3pm every day and never out on weekdays even though I was in high school.
I spent my whole childhood taking care of myself and making sure I didn't cross paths with my mother. I was severely depressed most of the time. I remember once contemplating hurting myself and telling my friend through the internet. I'll never forget he told me "The best revenge is to live a happy life the way you want it and proving them wrong." He probably doesn't know I never to this day forgot that and it literally fueled me for the next few years.
I did great in the SATs and graduated in the top 10% and in a championship varsity team. I quietly applied to engineering school come senior year. I did everything myself. I even found their tax returns and filled out the FAFSA myself so I could get grants.
I got 3 prestigious internships. The Christmas before graduation, I let them know how awful they were to me and that they did nothing to help me grow or teach me how to be an adult. They definitely didn't teach me self-worth. I let them know I owe them nothing and was moving on. I graduated with a job in one of the best engineering companies in the world. I moved to the city and found the love of my life. I moved out of the city due to covid and now have my own place. I'm the only one in my family with their stuff together really.
They still deny everything done to me and claim they never beat or called me names. It's not even a factor in my life. I know that I've been strong enough to make it through anything from the time I was born. I was born to survive and thrive.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 53 minutes ago
OP "lost respect" for her parents when she was 3 years old?
#37
I was obsessed with this guy on college. I thought he was so smart, and interesting and read all the right books and watched all the right movies and he was an engineering student... I pined after him, we were "best friends" and FWB, everyone thought we were dating but he'd never hold my hand - just sleep with me and act like I was embarrassing. after college he turned to me one day and said "you know we're dating now, right?" Sometime after that he told me he didnt love me and never would but he liked me a lot! He told me my friends didn't like me that much either, he was isolating and had anger problems. (One time we played in a tournament together and when I beat him he ignored me for the next FOUR HOURS. Everyone knew we were dating and thought it was weird he acted like he couldn't see me! It was so embarrassing) He had no control over his emotions and thought that was "natural" and the way he was! I struggled with depression and couldn't talk about it because if I did I made him feel bad and has to comfort him. Everything was so exhausting and everything was about him. He shamed me about my body; he was always right, I was wrong, I was weird, I was embarrassing, I needed to change, I needed to cancel my plans for him, etc etc.
One day I realized he wasn't smart. Basically at all? And that paradigm shift made him make so much more sense! I told him I thought we should break up; he almost immediately proposed. I said "maybe" but realized I had to make up my mind and I had to leave. I was so afraid there was no one else in the world for me, not even friends. We broke up - he threatened multiple times to k**l himself.
My ex moved away, and he owes me enough money he now has me blocked everywhere. It turns out that was a boon for my recovery... Never having to worry about running into him! Never seeing any of his social media! We had the same hobby but he dropped it, and that's where I met my now husband. He loves my weirdness. I have all new friends who aren't mean "but as a joke!" I'm seeing a therapist for my depression and have a psychiatrist as well. My husband supports me while I sort out my issues and he reassures me I have intrinsic value and he loves me and I make him happy and it's ok for me to take some time to figure out what I want and what I can do. The rest of my life is filled with potential!
My last contact with my ex he told me he couldn't pay me back because he tried to move out from his parents but the new place had mold and he was drowning in debt. Where he lives there's not many job opportunities. Maybe I'm bitter for holding onto this grudge, but I spent 5 years following this a*s hole and trying to change who I was for him and never doing it right - and now my life is so much better than I ever realized it could be.
Also, in hind sight, I totally did have some good friends who loved me and worried about me. I hid a lot of his bad behavior out of embarrassment, but I couldn't hide it all. I should have reached out - I should have asked for help. His actions were embarrassing for HIM and not for me! For anyone who felt as trapped as I did, I hope you realize there are so many people out there and starting with nothing is better than continuing while poisoning yourself.
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