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Hidden In Plain Sight: Everyday Examples Of Subtle Sexism
Being treated unfairly, or at least differently just based on one's gender is a supremely annoying experience. The most blatant examples of it are just that, blatant and easy to notice. But what about more insidious, little versions of it?
So someone asked “What's one “little” form of sexism you notice all the time, but most people don't even realize it's sexist?” and people shared their thoughts. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote the most important examples and be sure to add your own thoughts and stories in the comments section down below.
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#1
Doctor addressed my fiance about MY diagnoses at MY doctor appointment and then shushed me when I spoke up to answer.
I put in a complaint to clinic and found a new doctor immediately. Also didn't pay the bill.
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#2
Car safety. Women are in general shorter and lighter than the default ‘safest’ position. Crash test dummies are not set up to test drivers who are ‘out of position’ - which is how many women have to drive because of their height. So when a woman is involved in a car crash, she is 47% more likely to be seriously injured, and 71% more likely to be moderately injured, even when researchers control for factors such as height, weight, seatbelt usage, and crash intensity. She is also 17% more likely to [be unalived]. And it’s all to do with how the car is designed – and for whom.
#3
My husband notices this more than I do... I guess I've just gotten used to it. In any sales, or official situation, the person we are dealing with, whether it is a sales person, police, or any other person, most of them address him and barely glance at me.
We once witnessed a minor car accident. An older man hit a car a woman was driving. When the police arrived, the man was saying how the woman was speeding down the street. I tried to give my account of the accident, the cop completely ignored me and asked my spouse what happened. Fortunately, for the woman, my husband gave the same account I tried to give, that the woman's speed did not seem excessive and it appeared the man pulled out without looking. I could tell the cop was looking for a reason to blame the woman.
It was my husband that mentioned to me, later, how rude it was for the cop to ignore me. Life had taught me to expect that treatment.
#4
People seeing a father with his kids and making comments like "oh you're babysitting" or implying that he can't handle it without mom. It's called parenting and dads can parent too. These kinds of comments are derogatory toward fathers.
#5
When we go to a formal event or check into a pretty nice Hotel, and the person looks at me (the man) and addresses me as “Doctor So and So”. I look at them and point to my wife. “That would be her, I barely graduated with a Bachelor’s degree”.
#6
Television commercials typically portray the husband or boyfriend as inept or dumb while the woman is portrayed as clear-thinking, wise, and competent.
#7
Just a little one I've seen as a teacher: when faced with the prospect of contacting a child's family, most teachers I know will just automatically call the mother. We do have contact forms on file with the primary contact listed, but not everyone has access to it. And even with the primary designated, there are still some who will start with mom without even checking who is the preferring contact person. Imo it's sexist to assume that all child-rearing duties are managed by the mother - the father is just as much a parent as the mother. Realistically, most of the time it really is the mom who is managing these things, but not all of the time. Don't assume, and contact the designated primary contact!
#8
When there’s something in the news, let’s say a person is injured, the headlines often say “mother of 2 injured” or “grandmother injured” or similar. If it’s a man, it just says “man injured.”
With women the thing that makes it important is that they have offspring. With men, they’re important enough on their own. Once you notice it, you will see it a LOT.
#9
I was trying to get a roof estimate a few years ago- the rep said I’d have to have my husband there for the estimate. I said, “I don’t have one of those”. Then he said well, your father then. “Well, that’s a tough one since I don’t have one of those available either. He past several years ago”
I go so [angry] that I said I wouldn’t deal with your company after this conversation anyways.
#10
When I first started volunteering at church dinners, women thought they had to explain to me how to wash dishes by hand. None of the apartments I've had in the last 28 years had dishwashers in them. I wash dishes all the time. Also, it's not that hard to figure out.
One time when I brought homemade cookies to work, I had this conversation with a woman:
Her: Oh did your wife bake those?
Me: I don't have a wife. I baked them.
Her: Oh, so you bought a roll of cookie dough, sliced it up and put it in the oven?
Me: No, I made them from scratch with a Betty Crocker recipe.
#11
Medical personnel dismissing the complaints of women, dismissing their pain. An obese acquaintance kept fainting and she was told to lose weight. She dropped dead from some kind of cardiac event, I wasn’t given the details. Drs do uterine biopsies, where they use a medical hole punch. No anesthetic, no pain meds.
#12
Not to be dismissive of the other comments here, but I have a less mainstream list from a masculine perspective . Apologies to OP who only asked for one…
1. Expected to hold doors but criticized as sexist if they do.
2. Expected to pay for dates; judged if they don’t.
3. Expected to compliment women’s looks but dismissed when they want compliments themselves.
4. Assumed to be incompetent with cooking, cleaning, or childcare (“bumbling dad” stereotype).
5. Expected to give up seats, walk on the curb side, or take physical risks for women.
6. Pressured to suppress emotions due to “toxic masculinity” (a sexist label all by itself), but also mocked when they show vulnerability.
7. Men’s struggles with body image or objectification often minimized or laughed at.
8. Male victims of domestic violence or harassment are less likely to be taken seriously.
9. Success or ambition in men sometimes framed as “toxic” when the same traits in women are praised as empowerment.
10. Expected to provide financial security, but criticized if they expect appreciation for it.
11. Male friendships often mocked if they’re too physically or emotionally close (“no [intimate]” pressure).
12. Criticized for being short, balding, or not muscular, while body shaming of women is more heavily condemned.
13. Mocked if they enjoy hobbies considered “feminine” (baking, fashion, dance).
14. Less social acceptance of men wearing makeup, skincare, or aesthetic self-care compared to women (“trans” labeling).
#13
The way people gush over how “lucky” I am that I have a husband who pulls his weight caregiving our kids and keeping our household running. But he never hears about how “lucky” he is to have a wife who contributes a significant portion of our income by working.
#15
I used to do point of sale and sometimes a programming call was actually hardware, so I learned hardware too so I could serve the customers better. Once I got out my soldering iron and a WOMAN of all people asked if I knew what I was doing. I wanted to tell her to take a few steps closer and find out for herself! I was the best person at soldering in my small company. Never a cold solder joint. Never a sloppy job, and a lot of the men did very sloppy work.
When my husband accidentally clipped a data wire to our a/c unit and was on the phone with the company, I was out there splicing and reinforcing with shrink tubing and electrical wire. The man at the a/c yelled at my husband, "Don't let your WIFE fix it!" My husband stood up for me and said I knew what I was doing. My splice held even during a hurricane. I stand by all my splice and solder work.
And don't even get me started on how often men would tell me to smile. I'm not a d**n cheerleader. No one tells men to smile when out for a run. No one tells a man to smile when they're programming a computer or doing some tricky task that requires concentration. But there's a certain type of man who thinks every woman should be smiling at all times. I would never commit an act of violence, but they've sorely tempted me.
#17
Servers would usually place my and my ex-boyfriend’s drinks in the wrong place. They would put my beer in front of him and his fruity drink in front of me 😂.
#18
The way men simply…take up space. Women are always expected to walk around them, give way to them, give them room. Men just expect it without giving any thought to it whatsoever. Women do it without any thought. It’s kind of fascinating , actually, and sometimes I just experiment in the grocery store. Men will walk right in to you! Women never will. I became aware of this when a trans FTM was asked about the changes they noticed after their transition, and this was one of the most puzzling to them.
#19
When all the male doctors get referred to by their title and last name while us female doctors get referred to by our first names. It’s absolutely incredible to see how often this happens on conference panels or in news reports that reference multiple physicians. It happens at work all the time too.
I honestly really don’t care about using my title when I’m talking to other healthcare workers, but in a formal setting, it is a bit of [annoying] to be detitled while all the men get the full formal style.
#20
General conversation equity with most men. Taking way too many turns speaking without letting a woman get a word in, talking over/ interrupting women, not acknowledging them as people who are engaged equally in an interaction, be it personal or professional.
I'm not talking about people who do this to everyone, generally speaking. Im talking about men who do this disproportionately or exclusively to women. We can see the discrepancies in how we are treated.
#21
Hey OP. 49 year old married father of two here. My wife is experiencing perimenopause. It’s *brutal*.
The sexism I’ve seen is from medical staff. She is simply not believed when she explains that her symptoms are dressing and she wants relief, particularly from (surprise surprise) older male doctors.
#22
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor where he weighed in quite substantially over weight so the doctor turned his angry glaring eyes to the wife and demanded to know "What have you been feeding him?".
#23
Toddler girls crop tops with tiny shorts, vs toddler boys t-shirts and knee length shorts.
-worryaboutyourself-:
This is my biggest issue. I have daughters. Why does my 10 year old have the option to buy a crop top?? And the popular shorts right now are cute and the legs are shaped kinda like flower petals BUT they’re so [darn] short I get frustrated! And don’t get me started on the homecoming dresses the girls wear. When they can’t even sit down without their legs and b**t cheeks touching the chair it’s ridiculous.
#24
I used to sell electronic equipment and use it frequently for work. Whenever there's a malfunction, the men around me want to tell me what the problem is, and they are always wrong. I know how to troubleshoot my own gear, but thanks anyway.
#25
1. Referring to female politicians by their first names (Hillary, Kamala, etc) and male politicians by their last names (Trump, Bush, Obama).
2. If a guy hit on me he wouldn’t leave me alone until I said I was already in a relationship. Then, suddenly, it was all good and he apologized for bothering me. Like it only mattered once he knew I was someone else’s territory.
3. Making any major purchase, like a car or mortgage, and the salespeople or financial people spend the whole time talking to my husband, even if I initiated the interaction. Or the tone of their voice becomes condescending when explaining a contract. Like I can’t handle math?
4. Any man who is not a board-certified gynecologist thinking they know more about my body than I do. I’ve seen a guy online try to explain to a group of women what mammograms are.
5. I’m supposed to use overpriced art supplies to create an optical illusion on my eyes and face to make them appear a different shape or color. I’m supposed to use overpriced magic potions to make it look like time does not affect me. If I don’t do this, then I don’t look “professional”. On the flip side, god forbid a man wants to have fun playing with colors of eyeshadow or nail polish. Now he’s the unprofessional one. My husband gets frustrated that women’s shirts come in all kinds of fun colors and patterns, but clothing manufacturers assume that men can only wear black, navy, dark green, gray, white, or a different shade of gray. He bought a women’s rash guard just so he could have a light blue one with butterflies.
#27
Pink tool boxes at Home Depot for girls.
'Saw the same thing with garden tools at a local nursery.
A tool box should be gender neutral. Same with garden tools.
#28
A group of guys apologizing to the woman in the group about their "swearing" and stuff like that. Inappropriate language for a laaaaaady.
I'm filthier than y'all, bring it.
#29
Male cops, doctors, pilots, etc… are called cops, doctors and pilots, but if they’re women, some men will always call them female cop, woman doctor, female pilot…. completely unnecessary.
Same goes for models and nurses who are men. A male nurse or model will even introduce themselves as male models and male nurses. Thanks. We couldn’t tell.
#30
Unsolicited advice on parenting and relationships. Very annoying, especially because I’m single and have zero kids. Because I’m a woman those should be “a given” or a “first priority” apparently.
Also when I tell those people I’m single with no kids they look at me with a sad face and something about “I’m so sorry” or “keep trying, you will find your husband soon”. Like???
#32
Womens sports. Why do women have to have their [behinds] hanging out to play volleyball or just about every other sport? They have to be eye candy to get anyone to bother to watch apparently?
#33
Somehow the women in our office are always tasked with organizing office parties- never the men.
#34
The entire cosmetics industry. The idea that the natural color of a womans lips, cheeks, eyebrows, eye lids somehow needs to be corrected for them to look "complete".
#35
On certain so-called news networks, the women wear short skirts and have exposed arms while men are in suits and ties. I recall finding this bizarre when there was a blizzard. Men were in sweaters and women were dressed like it was a heat wave.
#36
The other day I realized no one has asked me, if I wanted kids, and it’s a disappointment if I don’t have any. Or told me my life isn't complete without kids. Or anything like that. But my sister, my female cousins and last few gfs have all heard it…. Why is my gf's life incomplete until she has kids.. but it doesn’t matter about my life?
#38
People assume that my husband handles financial things. He doesn’t. I do the taxes. I read all legal paperwork for mortgages and house buying/selling. I pay the bills. And so forth. And yet, he is getting email reminders about our mortgage despite not having his info anywhere on the online account. Because he’s the guy and clearly must be the person handling it. Grr.
#39
Academic publications under married names.
I hadn't even thought about this, but when a friend was doing his postdoc in astrophysics, he'd found some great papers by a woman, but it only spanned a few years. He wondered whether she'd left the field, or passed away. Later, he found out she'd actually continued to publish, but under her married name, so it seemed like someone else's research. Not only did her research lose continuity, which makes it harder for others to search for them, I can imagine all the opportunities she and others lose when they change their names and aren't known for their full body of work.
And no, you can't always choose under which name you publish. Example : in certain countries of citizenship, you automatically take the husband's name, which is the used for things like study or work visas, and that was far more common in the recent past.
#40
I have watched my pretty wife smile her way out of three speeding tickets. Obviously, women have to put up with a million [bad] things men don’t, but … double standard!
#41
This post makes me feel better as I am overlooked and ignored all the time even when it is my business not my husband’s. I was returning something to a hardware store and the salesperson asks my husband if I plugged it in? He wasn’t kidding. I laughed and told him that I not only plugged it in, but I determined that I need a bigger model. But I wasn’t going to trade it in like I originally had thought, but now I decided I’m going to buy another one somewhere else. My husband looked at me on the way out said good for you, that was rude since the salesperson wasn’t joking..It happens all the time.
#42
Not being able to get a hysterectomy young, Pap smears and iuds with no pain management, h**l- birth control in general being only the woman’s responsibility (generally).
#43
My neighbor’s wife.
No, she’s just your neighbor.
Lakelover25:
I always refer to “my neighbor’s husband” because I am friends with the wife.
#44
When I cut off all my hair and other women at work are impressed my husband is cool with it.
#45
I’m the handy one in the relationship. Oh, and the wife, to a husband, kinda helps the context! The car, the floor, the computer, I can fix that! I generally enjoy doing it and I get excited when we have to go to the hardware store or the auto parts store, especially if I need a new tool.
Anyway, we go to one of my favorite stores, and we go around and collect whatever I need. I usually bring the husband to help with heavy lifting, push around the cart while I grab things that he didn’t know existed until today. Then we get to the register and it’s time for small talk.
9/10 times the cashier looks right at my husband and asks “oh, dry wall repair?” “ABS sensor? Should be simple enough! You have a *thing husband doesn’t know what is* right?” Then I step in and say that I do have all the tools and parts now with this purchase, thanks! Or he looks at them in utter confusion and says he has no idea, ask her (me). Mostly they just quietly finish the transaction after that, but sometimes they look at us like we’re a couple of weirdos.
It’s really frustrating because I don’t really see being able to fix things as a woman/man thing at all. It’s just something I like to do and am good at. I was also raised in a “fix it” family, so I have a lot of experience. My husband was not. We’re working on his anxiety around trying to figure out how to fix things with YouTube and such, but I’ve realized over the years that he’s fully lacking in a knowledge base that I was just given throughout my younger years. I can’t teach him decades of repair knowledge, and the confidence that goes with it in the handful of years we’ve been married. It’s just how we were raised and nothing to do with being a man or woman.
Plus, I did learn most of what I know from my dad, or at least gain the confidence to build on what he taught me to do other things with a YouTube video and a prayer, and it feels hurtful towards that relationship in some way. Like he wasn’t supposed to teach me those things because I’m a woman, which is obviously preposterous, but still hurtful to me. I love that he sent me into the world being able to fix a leaky toilet, change my tires, hang drywall, whittle, and all sorts of things that I honestly took for granted for a long time.
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