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Woman Demands SIL’s Kids Do Chores Around The House They Don’t Even Live In, Drama Ensues
Family is there to help each other when the going gets tough. Or at the very least, not make everything worse. But when Reddit user u/LogicalSky6901 and her family started staying at her husband’s sister’s place, their arrangement quickly became too much for them to handle.
In a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’, the woman explained that they paid her sister-in-law campground prices for using her property to park and live in their camper, but that eventually wasn’t enough for her.
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This woman and her husband paid his sister for a chance to temporarily park their camper on her property
Image credits: Stephen Ellis (not the actual photo)
But after they began living there, she quickly demanded they contribute in other ways too
Image credits: energepic.com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nicola Barts (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Yulia Khlebnikova (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tirachard (not the actual photo)
Image credits: David Levêque (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anton (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LogicalSky6901
In-law conflicts are quite common
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Popular culture and real-life examples often feed us the assumption that conflicts between in-laws are normal. And quite often it seems that they are unavoidable.
Part of the reason why navigating these relationships can be tricky is the fact that there is no rulebook for them. For example, how close people should live to their in-laws, how often should they see each other, and what responsibilities might they share?
In a 2020 study from the US, both men and women reported having more conflict with their mothers-in-law than their mothers, and mothers indicated having more conflict with their daughters-in-law than their daughters.
Especially between women
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Terri Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge University, who conducted more than two decades of research in the field, found that 60% of women admitted the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress. Two-thirds of daughters-in-law believed that their husband’s mother frequently exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their son. Seventy-five percent of couples reported having problems with an in-law, but only 15% of mother-in-law/son-in-law relationships were described as tense.
One possible factor that could contribute to the prevalence of female in-law tension is child-rearing and the impact it has on women, which could potentially compound any pre-existing disagreements.
In a Finnish study, researchers discovered that compared to child-free couples, mothers and fathers were as likely to report conflict with their own parents, but more likely to report individual conflict with their in-laws.
Many young adults found in-law conflict increased after the birth of their first child, with the shared interest of a grandchild providing fresh reasons for grandparents to “influence and interfere in the lives of other family members.”
Of course, we don’t have the full context about the situation in OP’s family, but who knows, maybe it’s easier for her sister-in-law to risk a fight by demanding her kids help with the chores than to parent her own daughter?
Either way, children and parenting in general seem to only add fuel to the fire that is in-law relationships.
After reading her story, people unanimously said that the woman did nothing wrong and that it’s the sister-in-law who needs to rethink her approach
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What do you think ?
The Mom 2 years ago
My question is why she would want to live across the road from SIL. Unless the property was free I'd flee.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Always someone thinking they're clever at getting something free at another's expense. SIL knows damned well her husband contributes nothing; she's been living with him all along. She knows, too (unless she's an imbecile) that the extra trashing of her home started with the holidays - her kids being home and having friends over- or this would have been brought up sooner. What she wants is free labor. She's not going to take her child or husband to task. She wants to skive the extra work off OP's children and she's used to domineering over her brother. He's a POS for not standing up for his children and wife.
Meash Goodrow 2 years ago
She knows her kids and husband aren't going to do it, so she figured she could bully her brothers kids in to doing it cause at the comments of OPs husband saying maybe let one or two chores to keep the peace says to me that she's been bullying him his whole life and now she going to bully his wife and children, or try to anyway. Good on OP for having a backbone
Load More Replies...
StumblingThroughLife 2 years ago
IMO (and experience), families take the michael (for example, babysitting, for one - esp using older kids, be it their own or nearby relatives, also sisters, retired grandparents or aunts, etc) much more so than non-related peeps. The idea that blood is more important than decency or respect- and usually FREE, which is the most important aspect. It is particularly strong when they feel you 'owe' them, regardless if you pay your way. Let the kids clean the rooms that they're using - after use, but otherwise, wth?! The sooner they can get their bathroom built, the quicker they can move onto their own land. I bet the SIL will miss that weekly $180. ;-)
Carey Truitt 2 years ago
Heck I was doing monthly at the rv park 500+ elec I didn’t have to clean the park or the bathrooms at the park. That girls lost her marbles
Load More Replies...
Ima Manimal 2 years ago (edited)
Just go to a real campground. Voila….problem solved. And remember…… don’t do business with family.
Parriah 2 years ago
I could see a weekly chore if your family actually lived under the same roof, slept, ate, kept a bunch of stuff in the house but this isn’t that. Kinda a bummer you saw her propensity for stupid s**t like this AFTER y’all bought a lot within spitting distance of her front porch. After you move in to your house is she going to make them trim the grass or pick her weeds if they drink from her hose or sit under her tree? What a nutter.
Karen 2 years ago
Totally agree! If I am a guest in your home, you should not have to pick up after me; it's not a hotel! I have been a guest several times in the homes of relatives. I clear dining table, I either load the dishwasher or handwash depending on the amount of stuff, as well as ensuring countertops and floor are clean. I do my own laundry and I have done my hosts own if I notice the hamper is full. I clean the guest bedroom and the bathroom as well. If someone is gracious enough to allow you to stay in their home, especially for an extended period it's the least one can do. This is NOT one of those times! She should do whatever it takes to speed up the construction of the bathroom and her husband should not allow his sister to get away with enforcing rules on his kids. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a family dynamic, stretching back to childhood with this sister.
Load More Replies...
DarkViolet 2 years ago (edited)
NTA. SIL thinks she's getting a sweet deal here--charge family members for staying on her property, AND using her in-laws' kids as free labor. Uh, no. OP is right on for calling out this nonsense. It's sad that SIL and BIL'S parenting skills are so poor that they can't handle a 12-year-old. It also isn't OP'S problem to deal with. However, she needs to sit down with her husband and lay down the law. 1) Their kids are not to be in the house except to use the restroom. 2) His family is not allowed to try and recruit their kids for housecleaning jobs ever again (emphasize that last part). 3) Either getting the bathroom set up is a priority, or finding somewhere else to reside until the house is completed. It's a sure bet that if the situation were reversed, BIL and SIL and daughter would have trashed the house from top to bottom and side to side, then pitched an Oscar-worthy fit when presented with the bill for damages and cleaning (after all, "fa-a-a-a-mily!")
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
IMHO NTA. Their family should definitely help with cleaning the bathroom since that is the room they use. SIL can get over doing it herself. Which is total BS! Husband should stick up for his children.
DarkViolet 2 years ago
The only reason SIL insists on cleaning the bathroom herself is because she KNOWS that she's not entitled to ask for anything beyond that. I hope she NEVER becomes a foster parent; those kids would be used and abused.
Load More Replies...
Bahama Mama 2 years ago
I would be rethinking about living across the street from SIL for sure!
Jeannette Thomas 2 years ago
If they paying campground fees, then they should rather go live in a campground. Its stressful having extra people use your bathroom, the sil is obviously cracking.
The Mom 2 years ago
My question is why she would want to live across the road from SIL. Unless the property was free I'd flee.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Always someone thinking they're clever at getting something free at another's expense. SIL knows damned well her husband contributes nothing; she's been living with him all along. She knows, too (unless she's an imbecile) that the extra trashing of her home started with the holidays - her kids being home and having friends over- or this would have been brought up sooner. What she wants is free labor. She's not going to take her child or husband to task. She wants to skive the extra work off OP's children and she's used to domineering over her brother. He's a POS for not standing up for his children and wife.
Meash Goodrow 2 years ago
She knows her kids and husband aren't going to do it, so she figured she could bully her brothers kids in to doing it cause at the comments of OPs husband saying maybe let one or two chores to keep the peace says to me that she's been bullying him his whole life and now she going to bully his wife and children, or try to anyway. Good on OP for having a backbone
Load More Replies... StumblingThroughLife 2 years ago
IMO (and experience), families take the michael (for example, babysitting, for one - esp using older kids, be it their own or nearby relatives, also sisters, retired grandparents or aunts, etc) much more so than non-related peeps. The idea that blood is more important than decency or respect- and usually FREE, which is the most important aspect. It is particularly strong when they feel you 'owe' them, regardless if you pay your way. Let the kids clean the rooms that they're using - after use, but otherwise, wth?! The sooner they can get their bathroom built, the quicker they can move onto their own land. I bet the SIL will miss that weekly $180. ;-)
Carey Truitt 2 years ago
Heck I was doing monthly at the rv park 500+ elec I didn’t have to clean the park or the bathrooms at the park. That girls lost her marbles
Load More Replies... Ima Manimal 2 years ago (edited)
Just go to a real campground. Voila….problem solved. And remember…… don’t do business with family.
Parriah 2 years ago
I could see a weekly chore if your family actually lived under the same roof, slept, ate, kept a bunch of stuff in the house but this isn’t that. Kinda a bummer you saw her propensity for stupid s**t like this AFTER y’all bought a lot within spitting distance of her front porch. After you move in to your house is she going to make them trim the grass or pick her weeds if they drink from her hose or sit under her tree? What a nutter.
Karen 2 years ago
Totally agree! If I am a guest in your home, you should not have to pick up after me; it's not a hotel! I have been a guest several times in the homes of relatives. I clear dining table, I either load the dishwasher or handwash depending on the amount of stuff, as well as ensuring countertops and floor are clean. I do my own laundry and I have done my hosts own if I notice the hamper is full. I clean the guest bedroom and the bathroom as well. If someone is gracious enough to allow you to stay in their home, especially for an extended period it's the least one can do. This is NOT one of those times! She should do whatever it takes to speed up the construction of the bathroom and her husband should not allow his sister to get away with enforcing rules on his kids. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a family dynamic, stretching back to childhood with this sister.
Load More Replies... DarkViolet 2 years ago (edited)
NTA. SIL thinks she's getting a sweet deal here--charge family members for staying on her property, AND using her in-laws' kids as free labor. Uh, no. OP is right on for calling out this nonsense. It's sad that SIL and BIL'S parenting skills are so poor that they can't handle a 12-year-old. It also isn't OP'S problem to deal with. However, she needs to sit down with her husband and lay down the law. 1) Their kids are not to be in the house except to use the restroom. 2) His family is not allowed to try and recruit their kids for housecleaning jobs ever again (emphasize that last part). 3) Either getting the bathroom set up is a priority, or finding somewhere else to reside until the house is completed. It's a sure bet that if the situation were reversed, BIL and SIL and daughter would have trashed the house from top to bottom and side to side, then pitched an Oscar-worthy fit when presented with the bill for damages and cleaning (after all, "fa-a-a-a-mily!")
tabithapaquette98 2 years ago
IMHO NTA. Their family should definitely help with cleaning the bathroom since that is the room they use. SIL can get over doing it herself. Which is total BS! Husband should stick up for his children.
DarkViolet 2 years ago
The only reason SIL insists on cleaning the bathroom herself is because she KNOWS that she's not entitled to ask for anything beyond that. I hope she NEVER becomes a foster parent; those kids would be used and abused.
Load More Replies... Bahama Mama 2 years ago
I would be rethinking about living across the street from SIL for sure!
Jeannette Thomas 2 years ago
If they paying campground fees, then they should rather go live in a campground. Its stressful having extra people use your bathroom, the sil is obviously cracking.
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