Mom Says Parents Should Let Their Kids Do Things That Mean A Lot To Them Even If They Don’t Seem Like A Big Deal, 20 Parents Respond
Remember that old yet great Jim Carrey movie “Yes Man”? Well, the one where the main character promises to say “Yes” to all questions and agree with everyone, and the way his life changes for the better after this particular decision?
We don’t know if all parents have watched this film, but it often turns out that when small kids ask their parents for something – no, not gifts, but simply come to them with some idea, they often receive a “No” in response. Maybe the parents just have no time, or probably they don’t think the toddler’s idea is worth considering. But is it right?
American journalist Lucy Huber decided it was wrong, especially when her two-year-old son one day asked his mother to take his Hot Wheels ramp into the bath with him. “Why not?”: Mom thought – and agreed. We must say, everyone was delighted, and a tweet about this, written by Lucy, collected more than 216.4K likes and 9.1k enthusiastic retweets as well.
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The original poster decided to agree with her toddler’s ideas, even if they seem a bit weird
Image credits: Julie Girard (not the actual photo)
The author of one of the retweets wrote to Lucy that she also tries to say “Yes” to her teenagers. This actually makes her ex-husband angry, because, on the contrary, he constantly says “No”, thereby starting a constant negotiating process with his children.
Image credits: clhubes
Image credits: clhubes
Image credits: clhubes
In fact, the idea of agreeing to many, sometimes even the strangest, kids’ requests is far from new. It is part of the concept of gentle parenting, which is now very popular all over the world. Bored Panda has written about this concept before, talking about the amazing success that parents have with practicing it.
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Major words to describe the gentle parenting concept are empathy, understanding, and respect
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, parenting expert and the author of The Gentle Parenting Book, first published in 2016, sums up gentle parenting in three basic words: empathy, understanding, and respect. Actually encouraging a partnership between the parent and the child is the main goal of Sarah’s approach.
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Indeed, toddler time is perhaps the most important in terms of developing a child’s creativity. And why not limit it to different ideas? For example, one of the tweeters in a thread started by Lucy Huber admits to agreeing with many of her little nephew’s ideas, saying that he came up with a great plan.
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Saying “no” to small kids can, in fact, often negatively affect them
“When we say ‘No’ to a small child, it often negatively affects them,” says Irina Matveeva, Ukrainian psychologist and certified NLP specialist who Bored Panda contacted for comments. “If an adult can logically explain the reason for almost any refusal, then the toddler may well perceive that they are being refused because they’re either bad or doing something wrong.”
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“Some parents and teachers believe that agreeing with the child in everything means spoiling them. Of course, there is such a risk, so it is important to stay on the edge, not fall into coaxing the kid,” says Irina. “But in any case, don’t be afraid to approve of their ideas – when they grow up, they will perfectly learn to restrain themselves when it’s important. For now, you just develop their creativity. And if the child offers something outstandingly weird – yes, it happens too, maybe just try to switch their attention to something no less interesting.”
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Image credits: Nora’s Photo (not the actual photo)
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People in the comments really admire the OP’s advice – even those who hate parenting advice
“I hate most parenting advice, but this one is huge for me. When you can, say yes,” writes Romper journalist Megan St-Esprit, who also retweeted the original post. Indeed, one of the best ways to find rapport with a child is to agree with them, or better yet, share the adventure together.
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We’re pretty sure you too have your own opinion on gentle parenting, or better yet, your story of how you said “Yes” to your kids and what came of it. We’d love to hear from you, so feel free to say “Yes” to our call to comment on this post!
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When I was a kid I brought home a praying mantis and asked if I could keep it as a pet. Because my parents said 'why not?' I now (8 years later) raise and breed exotic praying mantids, own two snakes, two geckos, two Dart frogs, and a tarantula, and have found my passion for biology, which is the career I want to go into.
My 6 year old daughter may be starting on that honorable path. She is now keeping three snails and three pill bugs as pets. I wonder what form this passion will take as she grows.
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As they get older, add in "What could go wrong?" and "How much will that cost?" and give them a voice in the decision making process. As kids we were allowed to save our money and buy almost anything with it. I don't remember ever getting a 'No'. I think my brother got a no when he wanted to save up for an air gun when he was 8, and then my dad ended up buying one for us all to use for supervised target shooting. We had a family entertainment budget we could 'save' and use for family trips to amusement parks and Pizza Hut. We also got a clothing allowance in our teens - parents paid school uniform and one 'dressed up' and one 'smart casual' outfit they approved, (so they could be sure we had appropriate options for weddings, church etc) the rest of our clothing we chose and paid for out of our clothing allowance. Making choices, including bad choices, and experiencing the consequences, and learning from them, is an important part of growing up.
My mom wouldn't say no. She would say let me think about it. Most of the time it was no. But if I came with a plan I'd likely get a yes. Can I go to the mall? (Prob a no because she thinks she would have to drive, give me money, either go home then come back when I was done or hang around wasting her day til I got done.) Can I go to the mall, I got some money saved up and was going to get a ride with x and her mom, and she's getting y, then we would get picked back up by y's mom. I can be home by dinner or eat at the mall? There's a plan and I'm with two parents and two kids and have my own money. That usually got a yes.
I do this too, but to the point of unhealthiness. "Mom, can I go to the mall?" "Sure, but only if you tell me your plan." She's a good mom. I'm just an anxious wreck who hates surprises and changes in routine.
Load More Replies... When I was a kid I brought home a praying mantis and asked if I could keep it as a pet. Because my parents said 'why not?' I now (8 years later) raise and breed exotic praying mantids, own two snakes, two geckos, two Dart frogs, and a tarantula, and have found my passion for biology, which is the career I want to go into.
My 6 year old daughter may be starting on that honorable path. She is now keeping three snails and three pill bugs as pets. I wonder what form this passion will take as she grows.
Load More Replies... As they get older, add in "What could go wrong?" and "How much will that cost?" and give them a voice in the decision making process. As kids we were allowed to save our money and buy almost anything with it. I don't remember ever getting a 'No'. I think my brother got a no when he wanted to save up for an air gun when he was 8, and then my dad ended up buying one for us all to use for supervised target shooting. We had a family entertainment budget we could 'save' and use for family trips to amusement parks and Pizza Hut. We also got a clothing allowance in our teens - parents paid school uniform and one 'dressed up' and one 'smart casual' outfit they approved, (so they could be sure we had appropriate options for weddings, church etc) the rest of our clothing we chose and paid for out of our clothing allowance. Making choices, including bad choices, and experiencing the consequences, and learning from them, is an important part of growing up.
My mom wouldn't say no. She would say let me think about it. Most of the time it was no. But if I came with a plan I'd likely get a yes. Can I go to the mall? (Prob a no because she thinks she would have to drive, give me money, either go home then come back when I was done or hang around wasting her day til I got done.) Can I go to the mall, I got some money saved up and was going to get a ride with x and her mom, and she's getting y, then we would get picked back up by y's mom. I can be home by dinner or eat at the mall? There's a plan and I'm with two parents and two kids and have my own money. That usually got a yes.
I do this too, but to the point of unhealthiness. "Mom, can I go to the mall?" "Sure, but only if you tell me your plan." She's a good mom. I'm just an anxious wreck who hates surprises and changes in routine.
Load More Replies...
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