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39 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread
Misogyny is all around us. But as writer Nina Renata Aron pointed out in The New York Times, the word, which conventionally means hatred of women and was once a radical accusation has become like a synonym to the gentler "s*xism" and "chauvinism" in popular use, and with the term's popularity comes a better understanding of what it encompasses.
And one Reddit user found a way to illustrate it. On Friday, u/horridhollowhead made a post on the subreddit r/AskWomen saying, "What is some internalized misogyny you have to continuously remind yourself to unlearn?" And many ladies came through with their experiences and realizations. From the language they use to the way they look at themselves, here are some of the things that stood out in the comments.
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#1
Sayin « son of a b**** » to insult a guy. Like seriously if i want to hurt him why I’m insulting his mother If i say « b****** » well it means that his mom cheated on his father Crazy how so much slurs are related to women Have to stop sayin that
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#2
Assuming prestigious positions (judge, CEO, etc) are men before I know their gender. Caught myself doing it when my attorney referred to the judge who would be at our hearing as "her" and I was surprised. It's scary how subtle it can be, and how it can pop up without you even realizing those things were internalized.
#4
That intimacy is not something women give to men, but something BOTH parties (should) enjoy.
#5
That my worth and existence as a woman isn't entirely decided by my appearance. That I don't need to achieve a standard of prettiness before I'm worthy of respect, love and self-confidence That my value as a human being won't suddenly disappear the second I turn 30. Even though on average women spend 65 years of our lives as an adult, we're only considered "young enough" for 12 of them. For the remaining 53 years, or 82% of our adult lives, we're made to feel like old hags by society. It s****
#6
I don't have to dye my greying hair if I don't want to. On the flip side, I can have it rainbow coloured if I feel like it.
#8
That I don't have to have a husband or kids to live a fulfilling existence. (Totally cool that some women do though!)
#9
I was downtown one day and saw this woman in leggings, boots, and a jacket. She had a pony tail and Starbucks. I thought "Ha, look at this basic bi-" and had to stop myself. I then thought "No, she looks comfy and caffeinated, and that pony tail looks great!" I often catch myself judging stereotypes for no darn reason.
#13
The hatred of hairy armpits in pictures. Idk if I’ll ever unlearn this one. I just hate how it looks (particularly on me).
#14
That women who do make up, nails, or pay attention to the way they look are not shallow or self-conceited. “Girly” should not be an insult.
#15
That i dont owe prettiness to anyone here’s a qoute by Erin Mckean about it: “You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.”
#16
That it's not my job to monitor everyone's emotional status, and take care of their feelings and mental health.
#19
I can wear whatever length skirt or pants I want. I’m not a w***e for wearing ones that end anywhere above my knee.
#20
"Girls s***." As a 90s kid, this was the theme and in order to not s***, you had to be "not like other girls." And as soon as you realize they don't s***, you're pitted against each other and aren't able to enjoy how awesome they are. Turns out, girls are the s*** and their virtues don't detract from yours! Sometimes when I'm out and about I still feel this vibe coming at me from other women and I understand that where they're coming from has nothing to do with me. Now, I just give them a nice, big smile. 9 times out of 10 they break into the sweetest smile you can imagine and I love that moment. We friends, y'all.
#21
That I don't have to listen to men. I can't count how many times random men I barely knew started telling me deeply personal c*** like it's my job to listen/care about their problems.
#25
I don’t owe my partner intimacy. For my whole life I’ve operated off this notion that my role as girlfriend is to give my boyfriend intimacy and if I say no too many times it’s legitimate cause for him to want out of the relationship.
#26
That when the house is dirty/messy it is not because I am a failure. Chores are not divided by gender and self worth doesn’t come from the outward appearance of perfection.
#27
Being "girly" is not wrong. The disrespect shown towards "typical" female interests, i.e. pumpkin spice, yoga, makeup, etc. is because it is considered female. Even though women are more than half the population, their interests are considered "silly".
#28
That I don't need to be "sweet" all the time. I was always so scared of being perceived as rough or mean. I felt that I needed to be nice all the time like a Disney princess, and never be bothered by anything ever. And never cuss cause ladies don't do that. I don't go out of my way to be mean. It's good to be good. But that doesn't mean I pretend to be okay when I'm bothered or watch how I'm perceived all the time to be attractive to men.
#30
ThAt I need to have a steady boyfriend or husband for my Survival and fulfillment. I. Do. NOT.
#31
Saying sorry for everything when you haven't actually done anything wrong. At least in the states this is a very common for women to basically apologize for existing or making someone else's life slightly inconvenient with their incredibly reasonable actions. "I'm sorry to bother you" when reaching out, someone holds the door "sorry, thank you", speaking up about something "sorry, but". We don't need to apologize for any of these things. Men rarely if ever do this.
#32
Okay so pink and purple are neat colours, but mainly that there’s no need to feel guilty about not wanting kids. I know the person I am and I know I wouldn’t be a kind mother. Sometimes it’s good to know your limits
#33
That women can be experts on things - often I’ll be watching the news and catch myself believing a woman specialist less than if she were a man. It’s the one misogynistic thing that’s really stuck in my brain and I catch myself out and correct myself every time but still it persists - so weird and annoying and against all of my values!
#34
I might be a girl and I might be the oldest but it is not my job to manage my parents' feelings and expectations. It took nearly 50 years to learn that lesson but at least I did it - and hopefully I managed to pass it on to my kid, so that she won't waste nearly the time on it I did.
#35
Rest isn’t just for men. My husband doesn’t do the dishes when he visits his parents and I feel bad for not always doing the dishes when I visit my parents.
#36
I don't see the men in my life putting the time energy or give-a-darn into: getting rid of body hair, or keeping their skin perfect, or being the perfect body 110% of the time. I'm allowed to just be me and be comfortable in that.... But sometimes it digs into my subconscious that I SHOULD want these things. Trying my best.
#37
It's okay if she isn't wearing something of conventional/"weird" clothing but something which she loves.
#39
I can not like another woman for whatever dumb reason I care to name, but if I go after her looks instead of the real issue between us I am the one in the wrong.
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