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“Are You Calling Me A Liar?!”: 63 Ridiculous Lies People Told With A Straight Face
There is an art to lying, but if the person being lied to doesn’t have a reason to think they are being deceived, one might get away with it. But, for better or worse, some liars embrace the idea of going big and going home.
Someone asked “What’s the most insane lie someone has ever told you—one that was so ridiculously easy to fact-check that you could literally prove they were lying in 30 seconds?” and netizens shared their most unhinged stories. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote the worst offenders and be sure to add your own examples to the comments below.
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#1
"You gotta send me a new phone, bro, I'm in the Marines and mine broke!"
"Semper fi, brother, which unit are you with?"
"The 6th"
"Uhhh regiment? Divison?"
"Division"
"You sure about that?"
"Yes, of course!"
"Yeah... so... they disbanded that one in like 1946"
And then he hung up.
RELATED:
#5
When I was 10, my friend tried to sell me a Gameboy his dad had accidentally gifted him not knowing he already had one.
Except it was my Gameboy, with very specific stickers covering it, that I'd shown that friend two days before and had been stolen from my school locker later that that day.
#6
Oh my god, I’ve known a few pathological liars in my life. I can think of many examples that fit this.
I think one that was the funniest was a boss whose age was constantly changing, and she just kept getting younger. She started off saying she was in her mid 40s. Then it turned into her early 40s. Then her late 30s. I finally googled her and she was like 59 or something.
We heard like 6 different stories about how her dad passed away when she was young. (At other times we heard her parents gave her up, and she went to live with an aunt.) We used to joke that her dad was a cat who had 9 lives.
She pretended to be a minority, but at times would slip up and tell stories of growing up as a very white child in a very rural area.
The first time I met her, she declared her husband worked on a popular cartoon show and that Seth Green and Guillermo del Toro had been at her house over the weekend to look at some stuff her husband had built for the show. Yeah right. They’re going to fly out to the rural Midwest to see this stuff in person, instead of having you just send pics of it. Ok.
She wound up getting fired for her lying. Not for any of the things above though.
#7
A man I know told me that he was a direct descendant of George Washington who famously had no biological children.
#8
Kid in my fourth grade class told us he invented Pokemon. This was in 1999, right after it came out. We pointed out that Pokemon was Japanese. He told us that he had recently been to Japan and had told someone his idea and that’s how it got made. Three of us got sent to the principal’s office for saying that clearly wasn’t true, which upset him. We were told it’s not nice to accuse someone of lying.
#9
That during college he did some scientific study in Antarctica, and that he had a close encounter with a polar bear there. I was like, wait a minute you're a smart guy but were into computers, nothing to do with Antarctica, and more critically there are no polar bears in Antarctica. He claimed there was a small contingent of them there, after which I asked how they got there, by riding an iceberg from the Arctic all the way down? Of course yes, that's how they got there.
#10
When I told my husband I saw on the bank statement that he had been at the casino he was adamant that he didn’t go and that someone must’ve stolen his card and he was going to go down to the bank and find out what was going wrong!! I just shook my head and said that it showed that he had used his card after that. Asked him if thief had given it back.
#11
A woman I worked with once told me that she had climbed Mt Everest years ago when she was hitchhiking around Asia (1980's). When I questioned her, she recanted a little and said that she had only made it up to the last base camp. I asked if she had any pictures and she told me "No, no one took any pictures back then".
She came to work the next day and said she had found a photo. She showed it to me on her phone and it was a photo of a group of mountain climbers completely covered in snowsuits, facecoverings and goggles. She pointed to one and said "That's me."
#12
Ex wife's new boyfriend told her he got a job at my company as my supervisor. He only has factory assembly line experience, and I work as a software developer. He doubled down and she believed him and it created a big drama that i was just lying to make him look bad.
#13
"This pic is me, I used to be a model."
Dude you sent me a pic of a *different guy* 5 minutes ago claiming that was you too. And I reverse image searched both. Neither are you!
#14
We all had that kid that stole your gadget and showed up the next day pretending to have bought the very same exact gadget.
Complete with scratches.
#15
I had a co worker whom I would have to instruct. I would tell her to do a simple task, like mop a spill, then she’d come back and say it was done. Then we’d walk over to the spill that was untouched and surrounded by dry floor, and a dry mop and she would still insist that she had done it.
She once denied that she was eating a cookie as she was eating it.
The best was when she’d call in sick to work because her boyfriend (who was a member of N’sync) was flying her to Brazil for the weekend. I think she truly believed that I believed her lies.
#16
At my first job a guy insisted that he was rejected from the Navy Seals for scoring too high on the intelligence and physical fitness tests. That his obvious superiority would "hurt unit cohesion".
#17
I went to school with a girl who constantly told everyone she had a twin that she regularly swapped places with.
#18
Someone once repeated verbatim a story that I told them six months prior but they made themselves the main character.
#19
In high school, my mom and I moved out of our house that was falling apart. We took all our stuff other than trash. The fire department came and did a controlled burn to destroy it and to practice rescue scenarios. We then had a prefabricated house built on the existing foundation.
A girl who lived about a mile away, and who was in the same grade in the same school as me, told her friends that our house caught fire and that we had "lost everything" and were lucky to be alive.
I talked to her about it. She refused to believe me. My own house, that I lived in, and supposedly survived a fire in.
I eventually gave up and told her and her friends that she was right, except it was a very slow fire, and once we noticed it, we had about a week to save our belongings.
#20
I mean really, how much time do you have?? I’m pretty sure my ex husband was a pathological liar. Two of my favorites.
1. I was digging through the glove box and found the certified check for rent he was supposed to turn in. I asked him “wth?”. This man says “that’s where that went! I lost it and had to get a new one, don’t worry the rent was paid.”
Like I’m not going to figure out real quickly if rent was or was not paid. Spoiler Alert— it was not paid.
1. He totally didn’t [text] his ex-gf. You see what had happened was. There he was laying on the top bunk in his barracks room sound asleep when at like 2am he was awoken by *something*. He looks over and down and you’ll never believe it but there was some random man!!!! Reaching through the window of his 3rd floor barracks room window texting on his phone!! No idea how he could have known the code, ***or*** how he opened the window when for sure the security stick was in place ***or*** why he wouldn’t have just stolen the *brand new* *iPhones* instead choosing some random chick out of the contacts to [text]. But don’t worry when he called out to ask wth, the man ran off. So naturally he just rolled over and went back to sleep.
#21
One of my childhood best friends told me she got brain cancer back in 2011. When I checked in on her a couple of months later, she said that she had been given this new experimental pill and it cured the brain cancer.
#22
Someone told me they invented a word. A real word. In the dictionary. Looked it up in front of them in 10 seconds. Still insisted the dictionary was wrong.
#23
I knew a guy who was a compulsive liar. He told us that he was scheduled for a flight that was canceled and they had to put all the passengers up in hotel rooms. There wasn't enough rooms available, so he ended up sharing a room with Bruce Springsteen. He claimed this happened in 1985 "before Springsteen got famous."
(How many insane lies can you count in that one story?).
#24
My brother claimed he was too old to have children when he was in his mid-30s, claiming he dated his women his own age, and they were too old because he claimed he was 40+.
I'm your brother, I know your birthdate and year, and the current year you are 35. If you think I'm mistaken take out your license, show everyone your birthdate, and prove me wrong.
#25
After I had mentioned that I serverd for 6 years in the Marine Corp Reserves, a guy instisted that after he dropped out of college in 1992, he was drafted as a 2nd Lt into the army. Also insisted that he was part of a secret unit and was later given an other than honorable discharge because he had to take the blame for a higher officer's mistake.
#26
I know a guy who runs a martial arts school. He insists that he's fluent in Japanese, that he's studied with real ninja assassins in Japan, and that he personally translated a scroll of secret martial arts techniques from the 1600s. I played along and asked him where he'd learned to read classical Japanese, since even native Japanese speakers today would struggle to read something written any earlier than the late 1800s due to major changes in the writing system... he doubled down and claimed that he can only understand Japanese when he's in a meditative trance state, and that he only has to touch the scroll to absorb its contents.
#27
A guy at work took a week off, the day he was supposed to come back, he requested another week for bereavement time. He said his sister had [passed away] in a recent plane crash and he needed to drive their mother to the services out of state. He was questioned by HR about the relationship and her name. He gave the name of a woman in the crash. They then asked him about her kids, he said she didn't have any. The news article listed her as a mother of 2. He then says that it was his step sister or half sister, they weren't really close so he didn't know she had kids. He was terminated.
After being fired, he goes down to our parts warehouse that is managed by another company, "Smith's." He walks in and says Mr. Smith is a personal friend of mine and he told me to apply here and I would have a job immediately. There was no Mr. Smith.
GalPalAl 6 minutes ago
I can't feel sad for people like this. My mother has always been like this for my entire life and I cannot believe a word she says about anything. She loves to lie, aggrandise every situation, doesn't listen and is dismissive. Just the tip of the iceberg. It feels too much like she made her choice to live life like this to escape reality. I am so sensitive and overexposed to her rationale that I can't not see all the red flags in everyone. It's a curse
#28
A high school friend of my daughter’s said they had missed two weeks of school to go to the Eurovision Song Contest because they co-wrote Italy’s entry.
I’m pretty sure they spent those two weeks in an inpatient psychiatric facility.
#29
In college one guy on our debate team told us he missed practice because he had to take his kid brother to the hospital.
Completely unrelated he was 2 weeks into dating the first girlfriend of his life.
Anyways, we followed up with him after how it went, and he says his brother has cancer. Which is awful.
Two weeks later he missed a meeting again, taking his brother to the hospital.
At the next follow-up we asked about how his brother was doing and he was confused why we would be asking that.
Well, he has cancer.
"Oh, he *almost* had cancer, he's fine now"
Yeah, that's how cancer works.
EDIT: There were *many many many* more lies from this particular person but this one stands out for obvious reasons.
#30
In high school we had a girl who constantly lied. One week she was pregnant, miscarried over the weekend, and then playing volleyball Monday morning. Okay…then that Tuesday had cancer. Shaved off her eyebrows to “prove” it. Her mom was one of the teachers and I gave her some words of sympathy (knowing it was a lie) to alert her to her daughter. Turns out mom thought it was an odd styling choice. She left our school and never came back and honestly I hope she’s okay. You must be struggling real bad to lie about something like that.
#31
An ex-friend of mine was a compulsive liar, to the point where I started keeping a list of all the bonkers lies they told.
My favourite one is from when they had been missing classes in university. They kept skipping and saying they were just too tired, etc. They struggled with mental health so I figured that was the root of the issue. About two weeks after the skipping started, however, we were hanging out in their dorm room and they told me they figured out why they were missing classes:
They got bitten by a brown recluse spider.
They explained that a few weeks ago, when laying in bed, they noticed a spider crawling across their stomach and it bit them, unprovoked. They hadn’t been attending class because they were suffering from necrosis from a spider bite for days and days without going to the hospital. Keep in mind, there was no hint of any damage from the alleged spider bite on their stomach or anywhere else, and no other symptoms of a brown recluse bite other than “necrosis”. We are also in an area where brown recluses don’t even live.
They then went on to say that they reported it to the residence managers who did a sweep of the building and found a huge brown recluse nest in the next apartment over. They said that over the winter break, the building was fumigated to deal with the issue. The problem there is that I also lived in that building, just down the hall from them, and I feel like we would have been notified and asked to remove our belongings if fumigation was to occur.
It was just such a bonkers thing to lie about, and so easy to poke holes in. I never called them out on it because I knew it would end with a big blow-up if I did, but it’s now one that I mention whenever this person comes up lol.
#32
In elementary school this girl named Hunter tried to convince everyone she was Hannah Montana. No one believed her. Her "proof" was a picture of Miley Cyrus with her brown hair. They had the same natural hair color so they must be the same person. She then proceeded to dress as hannah Montana for Halloween
To embarrass myself, in elementary school I tried to convince everyone Drake Bell was my brother. I have no brothers. I printed out a picture of him and brought it to school saying I took that Pic when no one believed me.
Man the things we come up with.
#33
My old roommate back in the 80s (a pathological liar, it turned out) claimed she had no sense of smell.
She couldn’t say *why* she lost this sense, just that she, at the ripe old age of 18, didn’t have one.
And then one day she stepped into the apartment right after I had made some popcorn and immediately said, “Mmm, popcorn!” I was like, “How did you know I made popcorn?”
Cue sputtering.
#34
Back in high school, my GF lied about being pregnant.
So after properly worrying for a few weeks, and being gaslit on all my concerns, we told my and her parents.
Turns out, she wasn’t, and a doctor confirmed that. She in turn, lied to me about her extremely conservative parents moving her away from me and not letting me see “my kid”.
Yeah, another lie. I caught on, she went to a mental health hold where she proceeded to call me and tell me that “we could work through it”.
Nah. She showed up at school weeks later with a shaved head (well before Britney did it.) and told everyone she had a miscarriage.
As rumors go, the whole school knew she was lying and she was outcast.
#35
I was in a writing workshop, and one of the participants submitted my story. Like... a story I'd already gotten published in an anthology. I mentioned it to her privately, because I didn't want to start something that awkward in a group setting. She broke down crying, just the two of us, and accused me *with no witnesses present* of trying to steal her story. Then she went to the people running the workshop and told them I was going to falsely accuse her of plagiarism. They came to me, and I had to *buy an ebook copy* right there on my phone to show them it was my work. She had made no changes whatsoever except putting her name on it. The workshop runners were completely baffled by the sheer lunatic audacity of it all. I told them I suspected that she was legitimately insane. She showed up to the following session with a different story that a cursory Google search revealed was also plagiarized.
#36
I had a roommate who was a compulsive liar. One time he came home from the grocery store and was putting away his groceries and had a car tuning magazine, which I thought was weird because he wasn't in to that sort of thing at all. I said "oh, sweet! You bought a *insert magazine name here*! I want to read it after you are done!" He replied "Oh, no, my buddy gave me that magazine, I stopped by his place on the way to the store, but yeah you can read it!"
Then I saw the receipt on the counter and glanced down at it. It had the magazine listed on the receipt. That was just a day in the life with that particular roommate.
#37
Back when we were engaged and lived on different continents, my parents paid for my now ex-husband to fly out to visit me. My mother asked about the food on the plane. He said there was no food served. On an 8+ hour international flight. My mother asked if he was sure, maybe he slept through the meal services? Ex insisted nope, he was awake for the entire flight, and no food was served, other passengers were confused about it, too!
My mother called the airline to complain, and of course my ex was [lying]. The airline was even able to tell her which meals and snacks, plural, he was served.
Just the dumbest, most pointless lie, and a huge red flag I wish I’d seen.
#38
One time as a teenager my mom told me peanut butter was unhealthy because it had lots of cholesterol in it. I explained cholesterol came from animals and told her peanut butter was cholesterol free because it came from a plant, peanuts. I suggested maybe she was confusing cholesterol with fat and explained the difference. I started going into saturated vs unsaturated fat when she told me I needed to learn more about nutrition because peanut butter was loaded with cholesterol.
I then grabbed the jar of peanut butter, showed her the label, and showed her how it said zero cholesterol.
She then proceeded to switch roles, pretend I was the one demanding peanut butter had cholesterol, and repeated the exact same conversation but saying what I had said and pretending I had said what she said.
She had a real condescending attitude and “I told you so” vibe the whole time.
The gaslighting was so strong I honestly wondered if she was as psychotic.
#39
My nephew (probably around 7 at the time) comes trucking into the kitchen from outside while I'm cleaning up after making lunch.
Nephew "Auntie, can I have some candy?"
Me "Didn't you get some with lunch? Did you eat your lunch?"
Nephew "But can I have more?"
Me "Hmmm... that's a lot of sugar. Ask your mom."
Nephew "I already did! She said it was ok!"
His mom, who is sitting on the couch behind him (and apparently completely invisible to him) looks up from reading her book and says, "No you didn't, I'm sitting right here... and I already told you no extra candy today."
Nephew "Oh... Hi mom! I was just joking... I was going to give it to (his older brother) because he's still hungry."
Older Brother, yelling from outside "No I'm not! I haven't even finished lunch yet! You haven't finished your lunch either!"
My Brother (his dad) "You said you were getting water! Get back out here!".
#40
Ex friend told me her cute dogshaped tupperware was a gift from her mother that she received 25 years ago and saved all those years so her kids could use it. Thought that was so cute until I stumbled upon a wall of said tupperware in Ikea. Double checked to see if it was a reissue but nope! After confronting her she told me “are you calling me a liar?!” Uhm yes lol.
#41
Back in the 80's, I once found an old practice arrow in a field behind our house. this was clearly one of my dad's arrows as he was an avid bow hunter and we have targets in the yard for this. My next-door neighbor told me that it belongs to his dad because "he used to be and Indian but he quit".
Even tho we were like 10 years old a the time, I'll never forget how stupid you are, Jeff.
#42
I have a couple.
A coworker claimed that Hurricane Andrew hit Tampa and swept a nuclear sub out to the Gulf while he was living there. I was living in South Florida during Andrew, and I was able to bunk him, though he doubled down on the claim.
We had another coworker who made extraordinary claims that we used to debunk on a daily basis. It got so bad that we started having contests on who could out-tall-tale his tall tales.
#43
My sister's ex boyfriend lied constantly. He said he played college football at a well known school (easily verifiable) and was simultaneously a marine in a foreign war. So many lies. He also said he had an IQ over 200. My guy. At least Google IQ ranges before making bold faced lies.
#44
My coworker had an original of Elvis last (unpublished) record in their safe, unfortunately it burned in a fire. The safe also contained a letter from Brigitte Bardot thanking them for the fox fur she bought from them before she became an activist. He also had been awake for 30 days without sleeping and drank 27 ( i think) pints of beer.
I once made a mistanke of challenging him and he got so so sad that i never did it again.
#45
Told me she didn’t visit me in the hospital because non family visitors weren’t allowed when I tried to talk to her about how that hurt me. Not only was that blatantly untrue (in fact, none of my visitors were stopped or even questioned at all), but she had literally told like 3 different people at the time it was happening that she didn’t visit because it was “too hard to see me that way”. What was infuriating, is I already told her that I understood and didn’t blame her, I just wanted to talk through it and hear it from her, so that we could move past it.
#46
My ex husband took a wrong turn once. When I told him he took the wrong turn, he very seriously said, "They must have moved the road." He's a textbook narcissist and has never admitted he's been wrong about something. It's one of the most insane things I've heard someone say.
#47
My ex husband was walking slightly behind me and to one side where I could still see him out of the corner of my eye while I was pushing a shopping cart with our new little one in his carseat/carrier inside of it. He was picking his nose and then I saw him look at the big wet booger on his finger and flick it right before I felt it hit my leg and stick to me. I stopped and turned around and looked at him incredulously and he just said "it's not a booger".
#49
That South Carolina was on the way to Florida, when we were living in Georgia, so I was wrong for refusing to drive to South Carolina to pick up his sister so she could go hang with her friend in Florida while we visited my dying grandfather. She had her own car and tons of money, he just volunteered me to drive her since we were "going to Florida anyway."
I'll never forget getting out the atlas and pointing to South Carolina, then Georgia, then Florida, and him looking me square in the eye and saying "no, that's on the way."
At that point I changed tack and said "This is not about geography; it's about something else. What is it?" He did not like that.
That was 20 years ago, and we all still say "hey, will you stop by South Carolina?" whenever anyone announces they're running a quick errand.
#50
A few years ago, probably around June of 2020, a colleague swore to me that she had bought AND RECEIVED a PS5 for her boyfriend's birthday.
I politely and calmly explained to her that the PS5 wasn't due for another couple of months.
Even showed her a picture of a PS4/PS4 Pro to confirm that it was what she ordered but no, she was quite affirmative that she indeed had a PS5 at her place and that her boyfriend broke up with her anyway so she might as well send it back.
When I jumped on the obvious opportunity to buy it back from her because why wouldn't I have the PS5 4 or 5 months before everyone else, she said that she had already sent it back.
#51
My brothers girlfriend started a surprise gofund me for him trying to raise money for his dental care she claimed was from him being hurt while college pitching. It also included that any extra raised would go towards his continuing lawyer bills for his custody case.
he never played college baseball (or high school)
he didn’t have children
he was a well known fraud and even with his common name search and their hometown brought up the facts.
#52
Former friend of mine and ex-fiancé to my sister was doing an undergraduate degree in Business Management at Huddersfield. He was also a director of a small start up and was using his learning from his degree in that capacity.
He was even bringing home books from the library which formed part of his reading.
Told us he got a 2:1 and went to graduation, which was on a Thursday.
My now wife (then girlfriend) graduated the same uni on the prior Monday. They published the full list of graduates in one programme, so naturally we looked for his name and couldn’t find it.
Of course, he still went to graduation, with my sister in tow.
Went to check in. They had no record of him. Suggested he go to the main office.
So off he went with my sister.
The main office had never heard of him either.
He then told them he’d been mentally ill for three years and believed he’d still graduated.
That’s when we found out he’d dropped out in year one and had faked his entire course, readings and everything, up to and including going to graduation.
Naturally, they split up soon after. He’s a train conductor now….
#53
Had a mate at school who told everyone he was cold-blooded. Not in a melodramatic sense, literally like a lizard.
#54
Had a compulsive liar friend in high school. She told me she grew up in Puerto Rico as I was in her living room looking at a framed picture of her on the local softball team as a child.
#55
Mexico will pay for it
Largest inauguration crowd ever
Gas is under $2/gal
Other countries pay the tariffs
They’re begging to make a deal
I ended 7, 8, 9, 10 wars.
#56
"I was in a 30 car pileup and I was on top!!"
Guy thought a pileup meant that cars during a crash stacked on top of each other, and tried to claim he was the car on top of all of them.
#57
Cats can be vegetarian. The words "obligate carnivore" meant nothing to them, and calling it animal a***e was a bit of an overreaction. If it was one person id have written it off, but three adult women all agreed, somehow I was the odd one out. Years later i still kind of hope they were pulling my leg bc otherwise i hope none of them ever own cats.
#58
Tall Tale Kevin. We had this maintenance dude at a country club and golf course I worked at many years ago. Lied about absolutely everything. One day he said he was actually a millionaire from winning the lottery years ago, but lives simple (read: crippling poverty) to avoid taxes with the government. He also learned that day in real time that lottery winnings are not taxed at all in Canada. He dug in and said yep the CRA was after him constantly for all for his money. The worst lie, was he picked up a 20% coupon for Shoeless Joes we had hanging on our employee board. Said it was awesome, he just bought his kids all new Air Jordans. Got them the best shoes in the store he said.
Shoeless Joes is a restaurant. He couldn't even be bothered to read the whole coupon before making up some ridiculous [lie].
#59
I met up with a guy I'd matched with in a local dating site. I knew within five minutes we weren't a match, but I stayed through the date anyway out of politeness.
At the end of it, I told him I wasn't interested in a second date. He said, "you can't break up with me! I have power of attorney!"
Not only did he misunderstand the term, he didn't even have a law degree like he was suggesting. He lived in his mom's basement.
#60
Hot guy tried to pick me up at a university bar once. He told me he was a physics major. I asked him which physics 101 teacher he had, and he immediately got angry at me and told me to [get lost]. I told him he shouldn't pretend to be smart to try to get girls, it's not his strength. The girls in my group were laughing at him. He was seething. He was a tall, muscled, handsome guy, so it's weird to me that he felt the need to lean on something he could never be.
#61
I will send every American adult a $5000 dividend as long as Republicans win the midterms.
There are others, of course, but I wanted to cite the one in most recent memory.
#62
Pixies song came on came on the car radio. Roomate's brother insisted this was his band old from Sacramento. "No, this is literally Pixies". The other 3 in the car, who knew a legit Pixies song when they heard one, piled on too. He doubled down. Why, adam???
#64
Someone got drunk and told me to not tell anyone, but they’re mates with, and hang out with F1 drivers most weekends and they live in Australia.
#65
"We marched like 40 km one night last November"
- No, it was less than 20 km. I was there. You know we are like in the same unit.
"It was definitely 40 km"
- Go brag to your mom. We know who you are.
#67
A co-worker told me that she was descended from the Romanovs and has always had Russian spies living across the street from her. I said that was weird because according to Imperial Russian rules, morganatic marriage nullifies the inheritance rights of all descendants.
It was a stuffy office mostly full of engineers who cared about sports. She was fully a pick me girl, but like the pick me girl version of that kid who wrote a lot of self insert fan fiction in junior high.
#68
This happened about 15 years ago...
I have a friend we'll call "Brian". He is about as honest as a person can get. Like, known him for decades and don't recall ever hearing so much as a little fib out of the guy.
At the time, I was a regular sailor of the pirating seas and it wasn't unusual for people to request certain games, movies, or albums. So, when Brian came to me with a request for a coworker, I didn't even bat an eye. The coworker wanted the Rainbow Brite movie from the 80s. Done. Found, burned, delivered. And that's all the thought I gave to it.
Fast forward to six or seven months later. Brian needs to go pick up his check from work. They were closed, but there was a skeleton crew there cleaning and handling various chores. His work was a 30 minute drive and he asked if I'd like to come along. Sure, why not? It's a Saturday night, it's around midnight, and I've got nothing going on.
We get to his work and he says he just needs to run in the back for a few minutes. I go ahead and just go stand in the front area checking out displays and just minding my business until his return.
After a moment this guy approaches me with a confused look in his eye.
"Hey, are you podobuzz?"
I find it really odd that this guy is calling me out by name, but maybe he's heard stories or something, so I just reply in the affirmative.
"I'm amazed to see you! Thought you wouldn't be out for a while!"
Further confusion strikes. "Uh, yeah, I get out when I can..."
"Well, I figured I wouldn't see you for a few years, at least."
I am now running this through my head and just not even comprehending where this conversation is going. Luckily, this is when Brian makes his return. He comes up front and just swoops me out of the store with him. We get to his car and I ask what in the hell was up with that guy.
As soon as I ask the question, Brian's face starts turning beet red.
He starts filling in some of the blanks.
Rainbow Brite was for the gentleman that approached me. We'll call him "Brandon". Apparently, once Brandon was presented with the movie, he was told if he needed anything else to just let Brian know and he'd give me the request. Brandon came back the next day with a massive list of movies and TV shows. The sort of thing that I'd need to burn roughly 100 DVDs for. A LOT of work. And Brian didn't feel right asking me to do it, because he knew I would, but that it would take a ton of my time.
Brian comes back the next day and is asked if he passed the list to me. He didn't want to tell the guy he wasn't going to give it to me.
So, he lied...
Apparently, the evening before my wife and I were really going at it in the bedroom, like banging headboards, screaming, just tons of noise. At the time I lived in an apartment, so he said that the police were called for my noise violations.
The cops come and knock on my door. I swing it open, dressed in my finest silk bathrobe, but as I swing it the officer can see mountains of illicit DVDs on a table, like the end of Scarface. So I went down hard on a federal copyright case and was sentenced to fifteen years.
All because he didn't want to tell the guy no...
#69
My son has vehemently argued with me on how to spell our last name. He tells me I am spelling it wrong. He has also told me multiple times that he washed his hair in the shower and when I go to check, his hair is completely dry. Little liar.
#70
Had someone tell me that the Islamic Republic of Mauritania is a majority Christian country.
#71
This last week I received a message from one of my middle schoolers peers mom saying my best friend since I was 6 was sending inappropriate messages to her 14 year old. She sent me the screenshots. My ex best friend was here at the time watching a movie with me and my own kids. I pulled him out of the room to talk privately asked him if he's been talking to a kid. He said no. I showed him the SS he still said no. He had no idea. Must of been an accident. I read through each message, day and time and asked how could he send someone 30 text messages and offer to suck their d**k without looking at the profile. He was straight lying and denying while he knew I was looking at the proof. I ended up with way more proof that he's a sick grooming p**o after I kicked him out.
It wasn't just one kid getting messages y'all. It was also my 11 year old son who didn't understand what was being sent, ignored it and didn't say anything, my daughters 14 year old boyfriend who he was trying to lure over to his house, another kid, and some 18 year old pre adult came in with screen shots of my ex friend saying he wished they would've hooked up when dude was a minor because he doesn't care about age and it wouldve been really fun. I believe there are so many more kids he's tried to get to/groom.
#72
Tw:
My ex had a hidden prostate massager that I found by accident. I was really hurt and suspicious because we barely had any s*x, he had "low libido", and it's kinda painful if your spouse of more than a decade hides stuff from you. (I am a very openminded lady)
He denied in all colors of the alphabet that it wasn't his. It must have been mine.
Tw: I have been anally r***d. I have been very vocal about me not being interested, or even capable any more, of any a**l on the receiving end.
But sure I must have bought this very expensive, possible to use remotely by someone else from an app, a**l toy as exposure therapy and forgot about it.
For my lady prostate.
#73
That I'd sent an email to my estranged father asking him to reconcile. At 6am. To an email address I did not have.
When the gaslighting gets that weak, you know they're desperate.
#74
A kid at my school had an aunt who died and the next week he told us all he had inherited her 1950s Mercedes 300 SL (worth at least 200k) and a bunch of gold bars. When I asked him what carat gold it was, he said… 900. Same kid also told me his parents’ brand new Volvo could detect a traffic jam and automatically throw the car in reverse “going 130 mph” in order to avoid crashing into the end of the jam.
#75
A coworker told me that his dad stole an f-18 fighter jet flew it around, landed it, and ran away. And is still at large as the most wanted man in the country for this.
#76
I once was grading exams and realized that one guy’s answers were terrible - he was definitely failing - but lined up perfectly with a previous exam I had given. He had clearly gotten a copy of an old exam, memorized the answers, and then…not noticed that this exam had totally different questions? Him telling me that wasn’t true was pretty insane. I could see the problems he was solving and they were not the ones written on the paper in front of him.
#77
Had a roommate insist non stop that he was sterile and could never have kids ever but he got at least 4 different girls pregnant in the time he was living with me lol.
#78
When I was in Kindergarten I was extremely well behaved in class because I was an anxious little kid and a rule follower because of my upbringing. I was always taught to obey teachers and adults in school and to not break rules or I would be in big trouble. Simple as that.
One time during our class bathroom break, a couple boys were being loud and horsing around. I did my business and was already outside the bathroom walking to the classroom when this incident unfolds. The Janitor was walking by, and hearing the big commotion, intervened and wanted to know which boys were causing a ruckus and throwing paper towels around the bathroom after he just cleaned it.
For some reason, this sniveling little f*****g piece of s**t classmate of mine, Jimmy, shouts out the names of 2 kids who did it *and my f*****g name!* I wasn't even there! I was already walking into the classroom when he told the Janitor this. But because of that, our teacher gets told what happened, and I end up getting scolded along with the other 2 kids. I was SO F*****G PISSED at that point - specifically at that m**********r Jimmy.
You want to get me in trouble Jimmy? You smarmy little f**k. I've been nice to your annoying a*s all year. Nobody f*****g likes you - you whine all the time - you make up b******t reasons for why you won't play at recess ("OH I had surgery on my legs! I can't play basketball" - yeah that's not true at all. Your own mom literally called you out) - but now you frame people for things they didn't do?? Not today b***h.
I can remember stewing in enraged silence, infuriated by this kid telling on me for something I wasn't even present for. And I was insulted that my own teacher believed it - but I get it, she wasn't there. At that point I felt like my Kindergarten image was tarnished and suddenly didn't give a f**k. You want a *bad kid*? Deal. I can vividly see it to this day: Jimmy, playing with legos and talking endlessly to my friend Michael. I march up to him, say "DON'T TELL LIES ABOUT ME YOU B******D!" and straight up punched him in the face as hard as I could. I can remember the way he dropped like the weakling I knew he was.
Our teacher was shocked and pulled me aside. When I tried to explain what happened, her tone shifted. I think she understood why I was so upset when the bathroom thing became clear. But she also had to discipline me for hurting another kid, and put my name up on the Blackboard, which I hated. But I at least felt my version of Street Justice had been carried out lmao. Jimmy never lied or even tried to tattle on another kid in our class again after that.
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