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I Have A Family, But I Struggle With Depression And Addiction, So I Made This Children’s Book To Help Explain It
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I Have A Family, But I Struggle With Depression And Addiction, So I Made This Children’s Book To Help Explain It

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It started when I was 16. I would suffer through bouts of depression and anxiety off and on over the next 20 years. In 2012, I attempted suicide. It was a long time coming. For many months, I was depressed, drinking every night and smoking copious amounts of weed. I was making horrible decisions with my work, marriage, and children. I spent 2 weeks in the local psych ward, got a change in medication, and started seeing a psychiatrist regularly. For the next year, I did my best to cope, but ultimately, I needed another stay in the hospital. The mental health system here in Saskatchewan is lacking and it was very tough to navigate. Eventually, I seemed to level off as long as I was constantly high and drunk. After a couple of years, however, the weed and booze just made things worse and I was starting to spiral again.

Illustrations by Jessie Stueck.

More info: Instagram | amazon.com

After I wrote my draft for this book in 2016, I felt I was going to harm myself again, so I was hospitalized

One night, when I was in my garage drinking and smoking pot to numb my mind, I could feel I was hating myself all over again. I thought about my kids and all that they have seen me go through and what they must have felt.

I left my garage and sat down at my kitchen table, where I began sobbing. At that moment in 2016, I began the first draft of a children’s book Sometimes Daddy Cries. Once I was done writing, I woke my wife up because I felt I was going to harm myself yet again. She began to make phone calls to health professionals and eventually was told to take me to our local hospital.

“Daddy can rest for a long time!”

The need for writing this book came from our inability to explain mental illness to our children before the episodes have even occurred

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I felt the need to write this book because my wife and I didn’t explain mental illness to our children before my episodes. What I didn’t do inspired me to write a book about what I should have done. I’m hoping this book will normalize mental illness in children, not just for their parents, but for everyone. By comparing mental illness to a physical ailment, children can make the connection and find empathy for those suffering.

It was a fine line to make the book with realistic expectations of mental illness but without making it too gloomy or too fluffy.

“Daddy needs help from doctors and nurses”

My book took 4 years to make, in parallel with my sobriety

Today, my book is finally complete and it has been launched. It took four years in the making along with my sobriety. The best thing I ever did to help rid myself of anxiety and depression was to get sober.

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Sometimes Daddy Cries is told through the eyes of a boy whose father suffers from depression. He sees his dad get sad, rest, and even go to the hospital, all while comparing his father’s depression to a physical ailment.

“Daddy’s home!”

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Ever since that scary incident, I’ve been sober

That was four years ago and I’ve been sober ever since that scary, drunken night that I wrote the first draft of my book.

After a few months of being sober, I spent 28 days in Pine Lodge Addiction Center. After leaving Pine Lodge, I would often return to speak to the other addicts and one year ago, I became a staff member there as an Addiction Support.

“Daddy is having a good day!”

Getting to visit grandma

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“Todd’s book is a timely and important book that will help countless fathers and sons broach the subject of depression”

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Since the launch of the book, it has gotten rave reviews from parents and professionals. One review states:

“Todd’s book is a timely and important book that will help countless fathers and sons broach the subject of depression. It sets the right expectations, acknowledging that living with depression is a process, and is best met with social support, love, and understanding amongst one’s closest families and friends. I am grateful this story has been told”

—Enzo Verr, Masters Degree in Cognitive and Developmental Studies, York University

Hospital family visit, 2016

Happy and healthy on a family trip, 2019

My son holding a sign at a local mental health rally that a friend and I organized, 2018

Local media promoting Sometimes Daddy Cries, 2020

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My book finally arrived

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timdsampson avatar
Toasty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey man, nice job on the book, and nice job on realizing your priorities. Your experience somewhat mirrored mine. I shudder to think what kind of person I'd be without my wife and kid in my life. Keep up the awesome work, and congrats!

amberamlie_1 avatar
Amber Sanders Amlie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am writing this with tears streaming down my face. Todd, you are so brave, I am in awe of this, as I have battled depression for 22 years and went to the hospital when my kids were your kids age. It was terrifying, being in the hospital with others suffering as much as me, but it was the best choice I ever made. Reaching out for help is scary and hard but so worth it, if we are alive, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. Fight with everything you have, anyone that is reading this, life is beautiful, it is HARD but WORTH IT. Thank you, Todd.

whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much Amber! It really is worth it. It's taken years to realize that and lots of daily maintenance. But without those experiences I wouldn't be the person I am today. Writing this book was very therapeutic. I hope it helps normalize mental illness not just for kids but also help parents that are suffering.

Load More Replies...
moelewis avatar
Moe Lewis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who suffers from depression, this is so inspiring. I think to myself that maybe one day I'd like to have a family, but I'm always scared that my mental illnesses will prevent me from being a good parent. Seeing you succeed and make such an important book means so much to me, especially in environments where men's mental health isn't seen as a priority.

mariagoula avatar
Mary
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who has suffered from severe depression, I sincerely understand what you've been through. Stay strong and I really hope that your kids will only see a happy daddy from now on. This book is a great work. I agree that we need to raise more awareness about mental health and educating children about them is a major step!

kadymaree1308 avatar
True Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow ok I got a few points to say so here we go One) That book is amazing just wow! Two) You go dude Well done for being sober! And Three) Nice 'stache you got! But all in all this shows that mental illness happens (that kinda makes no sense but yeah) Good Job!

loridae avatar
Janis Wise
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m living that life now. Only I’m a grandma. Trying to fix bad decisions. You did very well. Your strength is commendable. I used to have that kind of strength. Lost my husband of 35 years, then daddy, can’t seem to crawl back out of the rabbit hole. Wish me luck.

thymianne avatar
White Wolf
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is actually awesome. It is so beautifully done, and it clearly fills out a niche. Children don't know how to cope with adult's mental problems, so this book was DEFINITELY needed!

adelahmoore avatar
¯_(ツ)_/¯
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am just flabbergasted. This book is just like amazing, not the you being depressed and stuff but just the meaning and lesson to this is absolutely amazing. I am so happy you overcame that time in your life!

mx-qwill25 avatar
Party Poison
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad that you made this book. I am a kid myself who struggles from depression, but I had no idea that adults struggle through the same thing. your story is eye-opening, raw, true, and sweet. Keep going man!

meyowmix avatar
Colin L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This looks amazing... I've been there. I know how much depression lies. It was (and is) a genius idea to draw the physical illness/mental illness parallel for kids. I still hear some folks who deny mental illness (or just are willfully ignorant). What you have made is a powerful tool for future generations. Thank you.

larissavdlaan avatar
Norah
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is incredible. I'll have to go out and buy it! As someone who suffers from deep depression, even with the aid of medication, this is such an important book. Thank you for writing it. Wishing you all the best.

chrisdifonso avatar
Chris DiFonso
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Todd, I applaud your honesty and your recovery. Tragically, mental health struggles are minimized and ridiculed by many. And, thank you for writing a book AND for speaking to addicts in rehab. Congratulations on getting your book published!

g-pragasam avatar
sosunlight
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a wonderful way to work through your journey and help so many others! I love your approach to demystifying mental illness - which is much needed still today for children and adults alike. I'm glad you've had the support of your family and professionals on your journey. May you continue to have a bright and well road ahead <3

stefaniepatterson avatar
BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations! I really like this book hope it will be a suggested reading for children with mental health issues in their lives. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression after my second child (now 5 months old) and I think this is an amazing idea. I would love for a book about how mommy gets angry over dumb things and it isn't your (kid's) fault. It sadly took a while for me to realize bouts of anger is common for anxiety and depression. Luckily I was able to handle the situation quickly once I realized what was going on!

whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you! I was in the hospital with a young lady that had sever postpartum depression. I felt so bad for her. It's definitely scary. I'm glad you were able to over come it! Thanks again.

Load More Replies...
whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

melonee_k_allen avatar
Melonee K. Allen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omgoodness... So awesome to face and come to terms with do much....we are all so judged and ostracized by so many, esp. family... painful stuff...God Bless You for all your courage and hard work! Keep fighting!

peggy_hurt avatar
Peggy Hurt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The stigma affiliated with men admitting to/seeking help for mental health issues needs to end. This book is a fantastic addition to that effort!

irithind avatar
Łukasz Wydra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This book looks awesome. Would you like to have it translated into Polish? I think it would be good if it was available here too. Even if just as a PDF.

whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

timdsampson avatar
Toasty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey man, nice job on the book, and nice job on realizing your priorities. Your experience somewhat mirrored mine. I shudder to think what kind of person I'd be without my wife and kid in my life. Keep up the awesome work, and congrats!

amberamlie_1 avatar
Amber Sanders Amlie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am writing this with tears streaming down my face. Todd, you are so brave, I am in awe of this, as I have battled depression for 22 years and went to the hospital when my kids were your kids age. It was terrifying, being in the hospital with others suffering as much as me, but it was the best choice I ever made. Reaching out for help is scary and hard but so worth it, if we are alive, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. Fight with everything you have, anyone that is reading this, life is beautiful, it is HARD but WORTH IT. Thank you, Todd.

whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much Amber! It really is worth it. It's taken years to realize that and lots of daily maintenance. But without those experiences I wouldn't be the person I am today. Writing this book was very therapeutic. I hope it helps normalize mental illness not just for kids but also help parents that are suffering.

Load More Replies...
moelewis avatar
Moe Lewis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who suffers from depression, this is so inspiring. I think to myself that maybe one day I'd like to have a family, but I'm always scared that my mental illnesses will prevent me from being a good parent. Seeing you succeed and make such an important book means so much to me, especially in environments where men's mental health isn't seen as a priority.

mariagoula avatar
Mary
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who has suffered from severe depression, I sincerely understand what you've been through. Stay strong and I really hope that your kids will only see a happy daddy from now on. This book is a great work. I agree that we need to raise more awareness about mental health and educating children about them is a major step!

kadymaree1308 avatar
True Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow ok I got a few points to say so here we go One) That book is amazing just wow! Two) You go dude Well done for being sober! And Three) Nice 'stache you got! But all in all this shows that mental illness happens (that kinda makes no sense but yeah) Good Job!

loridae avatar
Janis Wise
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m living that life now. Only I’m a grandma. Trying to fix bad decisions. You did very well. Your strength is commendable. I used to have that kind of strength. Lost my husband of 35 years, then daddy, can’t seem to crawl back out of the rabbit hole. Wish me luck.

thymianne avatar
White Wolf
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is actually awesome. It is so beautifully done, and it clearly fills out a niche. Children don't know how to cope with adult's mental problems, so this book was DEFINITELY needed!

adelahmoore avatar
¯_(ツ)_/¯
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am just flabbergasted. This book is just like amazing, not the you being depressed and stuff but just the meaning and lesson to this is absolutely amazing. I am so happy you overcame that time in your life!

mx-qwill25 avatar
Party Poison
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad that you made this book. I am a kid myself who struggles from depression, but I had no idea that adults struggle through the same thing. your story is eye-opening, raw, true, and sweet. Keep going man!

meyowmix avatar
Colin L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This looks amazing... I've been there. I know how much depression lies. It was (and is) a genius idea to draw the physical illness/mental illness parallel for kids. I still hear some folks who deny mental illness (or just are willfully ignorant). What you have made is a powerful tool for future generations. Thank you.

larissavdlaan avatar
Norah
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is incredible. I'll have to go out and buy it! As someone who suffers from deep depression, even with the aid of medication, this is such an important book. Thank you for writing it. Wishing you all the best.

chrisdifonso avatar
Chris DiFonso
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Todd, I applaud your honesty and your recovery. Tragically, mental health struggles are minimized and ridiculed by many. And, thank you for writing a book AND for speaking to addicts in rehab. Congratulations on getting your book published!

g-pragasam avatar
sosunlight
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a wonderful way to work through your journey and help so many others! I love your approach to demystifying mental illness - which is much needed still today for children and adults alike. I'm glad you've had the support of your family and professionals on your journey. May you continue to have a bright and well road ahead <3

stefaniepatterson avatar
BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations! I really like this book hope it will be a suggested reading for children with mental health issues in their lives. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression after my second child (now 5 months old) and I think this is an amazing idea. I would love for a book about how mommy gets angry over dumb things and it isn't your (kid's) fault. It sadly took a while for me to realize bouts of anger is common for anxiety and depression. Luckily I was able to handle the situation quickly once I realized what was going on!

whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you! I was in the hospital with a young lady that had sever postpartum depression. I felt so bad for her. It's definitely scary. I'm glad you were able to over come it! Thanks again.

Load More Replies...
whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

melonee_k_allen avatar
Melonee K. Allen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omgoodness... So awesome to face and come to terms with do much....we are all so judged and ostracized by so many, esp. family... painful stuff...God Bless You for all your courage and hard work! Keep fighting!

peggy_hurt avatar
Peggy Hurt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The stigma affiliated with men admitting to/seeking help for mental health issues needs to end. This book is a fantastic addition to that effort!

irithind avatar
Łukasz Wydra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This book looks awesome. Would you like to have it translated into Polish? I think it would be good if it was available here too. Even if just as a PDF.

whofarteditstinks avatar
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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