Woman Is Fed Up With Her Husband’s Parents Calling Her A Made-Up Name, Starts To Ignore Them
Interview With Expert
Our names accompany us throughout our entire lives and are a significant part of our identity. If that name happens to be quite unique, there are also some additional nuances that come with it.
Some may love it and remember you better for it. However, just like this Redditor shared, others might think it’s inappropriate and choose to call the person by a name that is more to their liking despite being asked multiple times not to do so. Scroll down to check out the full story!
More info: Reddit
Some people feel like they know better regarding how you should be named, and there’s nothing you can do to change their mind
Image credits: Hannah Bickmore (not the actual photo)
Ever since the man’s parents met his wife, they were baffled that her full name is Flora and she likes to go by Florry
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
They kept calling her Florence, ignoring her requests to stop this behavior, so the woman stopped answering them
Image credits: EnvironmentalWave740
During their latest encounter, the in-laws and their friend called the woman childish for acting this way, which got her wondering if she was being unreasonable
The OP began the story by stating that her legal name is Flora, but some call her Florry. She said that while she prefers the latter, she likes both variants and everyone except her husband’s parents seems fine with it.
From the moment they met, her in-laws couldn’t believe this was her full name. What bothered them even more was the fact that the woman liked to be called Florry, as, according to them, the name was too juvenile-sounding for a professional woman.
The OP’s husband supported her, and they have distanced themselves from his parents ever since. But the meetings couldn’t be avoided altogether, so every time they saw each other, the in-laws would call the poster Florence.
The husband suggested that the woman could just ignore them, which she chose to do. However, the next time they met, the parents had brought some friends with them, and all of them together were calling the OP childish for refusing to answer to the name she didn’t want to be called. They argued that it can be seen as just another nickname and shouldn’t be a big deal. This made the woman question her decision and seek validation from the Reddit AITA community.
People in the comments jointly agreed that the OP was not a jerk. They seemed just as annoyed with the situation and were very supportive of the woman, suggesting various creative and even slightly malicious ways of dealing with the situation.
Image credits: Abdiel Hernandez Villegas (not the actual photo)
The OP’s story revealed that having an unusual name can come with some possible downsides. But it also got us curious about why this happens and about the other side of this coin. So, to get a fuller picture, Bored Panda reached out to Vanessa Marie, who is a certified women’s life coach seeking to help her clients by “Instilling a positive mindset and reprogramming subconscious beliefs to foster a holistic approach, empowering women in every facet of their lives.”
The expert began by saying that she loved the name Flora and explaining that distinctive names like that may elevate individuals by fostering personal branding and uniqueness. However, at the same time, having an unusual name might raise some challenges, as it can be perceived as unconventional or might simply be difficult to pronounce, which can possibly lead to biases or misunderstandings. “Acceptance can be elusive for many as they grapple with a natural discomfort with the unknown, steering away from what is unfamiliar.”
Additional issues may arise “When individuals feel entitled to express unsolicited opinions, potentially intruding on personal matters or decisions,” said Vanessa, adding that this type of behavior disregards boundaries and usually stems from the lack of awareness, sensitivity, and respect toward others’ choices and autonomy.
The expert suggested that when encountering resistance regarding one’s preferred name, it’s wise to consider involving a trusted ally who could help convey the importance of the matter. “Sometimes, a persuasive voice can influence a change in behavior more effectively. Setting a clear boundary and conveying that judgment and criticism of your name are unacceptable is an act of self-preservation.”
Image credits: CHUTTERSNAP (not the actual photo)
However, just like in this story, sometimes, the boundaries may end up being ignored. According to the expert, taking issues with someone’s name may very well indicate broader control issues. “Disputes over personal choices, such as a name, can be symptomatic of a desire to exert influence or manipulate various aspects of an individual’s life.”
Vanessa continued by saying that in situations like this when your boundaries are being disregarded and repeatedly violated, it may be quite necessary to take a step back from the relationship in order to uphold your sense of identity and protect your overall well-being. “It allows individuals to prioritize their own growth and establish connections with those who respect and support them without the constraints of controlling behavior.”
So, in the end, the OP’s decision not to speak to her husband’s parents due to their actions toward her really seems like a wise choice. After all, ignoring someone’s wishes to be called by their legal name is disrespectful, to say the least.
While now, thanks to Vanessa Marie, we also better understand why her in-laws may be acting the way they do, this still doesn’t justify their actions, and distancing herself even further from them might be the only choice that Florry has that doesn’t make her give into their game.
Who do you think was the real jerk in this story? How would you have acted in Florry’s place? Let us know in the comments below!
The commenters supported the woman and suggested various creative ways to deal with her situation
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Per the comments: MIL says "Oh Florence?" OP responds "Yes, Trudy?" I would do it every. single. time.
Gertrude is mil's real name. I'd do the same thing.
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I love the idea of getting them brochures from "Memory Care" doctors and facilities.
That one comment got it near right. Flora is a normal name. Also from a goddess. It means more like flower and has nothing to do with zephyr, which is a wind god. Also Flora is roman and not grecian, like zephyr. Florence comes from Florentia, like the city, and means blooming. There is a male version Florentius, but it is not the source. There exist many names which are not easily pronounceable, but this one isn't. The ILs are just stupid.
And pretty childish. Just the thing they thought she was.
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My parents named me a name that can be shortened (think David becoming Dave, or Robert becoming Rob). My mother, who doesn't actually call me by my name, hates it when people shorten it. She'd never actually say anything, but you can see that it really grinds her. So, as my own personal little inside joke, when I introduce myself, I often introduce my self as 'I'm [short version], but if my mother is around it's [full version]'.
Isn't it that sometimes Robert is shortened as Bob and William as Bill? Those are totally different names for me.
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I go by my middle name as I loathe my first name (which I also have trouble pronouncing due to my stammer). I find that if you absolutely refuse to acknowledge the unwanted name, and never ever give in by responding to that name, at some point they will stop using it. The key is to never give any non-verbal sign that you are paying the least attention to their unwanted behavior.
The fact that they think Flora is a nickname and not a real name shows how stupid they are and I wouldn't respond to being intentionally called the wrong name either.
I assume your in laws and friends are old enough to have been raised with better manners; my bad!
I mean.. The simple solution is to start calling the parents something equally demeaning to them. Flat refusing to say their names and tell them "when you act this childish, petty, selfish ans rude you dont seem like an adult to me so calling you what I see" their standards.
I had a manager years ago who kept calling me Rosie...told him my name is Rosanne, or Rose. Only family call me Rosie, and they are the only ones. One day he was calling me over the pa at work, 'Rosie, contact 613 please' I refused to answer, kept calling. It was a big store . Half an hour later he found me, furious I hadn't answered him..m' I haven't heard you calling me'... I've been asking Rosie contact 613 for 1/ 2 an hour'...' oh, my name's not Rosie, so why would I answer,'...message received, thankfully he didn't need me for something important....and there was another team member who's name was Rosie, got very confusing...until he finally got the message. Called me Rose after that, if he slipped and called me Rosie, I ignored him. Funnily though, a few weeks ago at my mums funeral, so many people were calling me Rosie...my youngest neice who had never been around my extended family, was annoyed people were getting away wit it, until I pointed out, that's auntie/uncle/ cousin.
My name is William. Not Bill, not Billy, Not Will. Not biIlly/w***y and not FOOKING will-I-Am.... it is WILLIAM call me anything else and I will ignore you becaue YOU are the a*****e here. If you cannot pronounce something so simple then you must be a low IQ moron....
That's one of the first thing I told my now husband (we sat down for 5 hours to discuss stuff). No name calling, including nicknames. Goes both ways and he accepted. After a while, I figured he calls me "chérie d'amour" when he explains something without me getting embarrassed in front of people (like a joke), or when I'm overly anxious about what's going on and he's calming me down. I have no problem with that.
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If someone called me a different variation of my actual name they would be corrected and then ignored. A woman I used to work with insisted that my name was Bethany. Not only was she introduced to me I also introduced myself because I was introduced by someone who had to walk away and I said my name when I shook her hand... My name starts with an S and is only two syllables! I ignored her the entire time she worked there.
I would assume your in-laws and friends are old enough to have been raised in a time when good manners were taught and practiced; my bad!
My mom did not like the longer version of my name but occasionally people still call me that. I set up an account and used my name but something thought better and used the longer version, whatever!
As a trans person who has a parent who never even uses my one syllable nickname bc "[she] named me Rachel, that's what [she]'s gonna use whether [i] like it or not"........ I personally hate people like these parents. Being called what you want to be called is an act of basic f*****g respect to someone, and frankly, if you can't respect me, I don't want to be around you. And if I have to be, I'm not gonna let you treat me with disrespect while I'm there if I can help it. These parents would literally do and argue the same if it was them, but somehow Florry isn't worth the same respect? Seems like MIL and FIL need to have a permanent disinvitation to family functions until they can learn basic respect. I really hate how that's becoming so much to ask of people these days.
Some people assume that my legal name is "Theresa" because my name tends to be a nickname. I occasionally have to correct people, and it's not a big deal. But if my in-laws kept using a name that isn't mine, I just wouldn't respond to them.
Her parents named her Gertrude so she hates it and prefers Trudy and so start calling her Gertrude until she stops. Then maybe she'll stop. Shove your DL in her face and tell her she either stop it or that's all you keep calling her that and dare her to show you her DL and tell her she needs therapy for dementia.
My ILs proposed calling me "(city I live in" bc their daughter has a friend with my same name and they just can't keep track! I said "No thank you. I prefer to be called my name." They tried it once after that and I said, as sweet as pie "I know you didn't just try to get my attention that way." Husband chimed in "Please don't call her that. She's your DIL and she has one name, thanks." That ended that.
I would not respond at all when they call you Florence. If they get mad tell them that you thought they were talking to someone else. Well, no Florence here, but there is. Flora and that is the only name you will respond to. That will make them look worse if they keep calling you by the wrong name! And no, definitely NTA! They are!
Absolutely NTA, My name is Jillian, I have been called Julian my entire life, it drives me insane. The strangest bit is I know several Jillian's and zero Julian's, all the other Jillian's are also called Julian. Makes me wonder if the Julian's get called Jillian. Just to ice the "its not my name!" cake, when I tell them to call me JIll, they start calling me Julie. I don't get it, its not a hard name.
My name has a nickname so common that while in junior high school (middle school) I refused to answer anyone that called me by any name other than my given name.
I have a common first name, that can't be shortened. By the time I was in my second to last year at school, I was known by my surname to most teachers or you'd get 6+ girls replying. This backfired a little with 2 other girls that I share a first name with, they had the same first name and surname, luckily both had different middle names for the classes they shared.
Load More Replies... Per the comments: MIL says "Oh Florence?" OP responds "Yes, Trudy?" I would do it every. single. time.
Gertrude is mil's real name. I'd do the same thing.
Load More Replies... I love the idea of getting them brochures from "Memory Care" doctors and facilities.
That one comment got it near right. Flora is a normal name. Also from a goddess. It means more like flower and has nothing to do with zephyr, which is a wind god. Also Flora is roman and not grecian, like zephyr. Florence comes from Florentia, like the city, and means blooming. There is a male version Florentius, but it is not the source. There exist many names which are not easily pronounceable, but this one isn't. The ILs are just stupid.
And pretty childish. Just the thing they thought she was.
Load More Replies... My parents named me a name that can be shortened (think David becoming Dave, or Robert becoming Rob). My mother, who doesn't actually call me by my name, hates it when people shorten it. She'd never actually say anything, but you can see that it really grinds her. So, as my own personal little inside joke, when I introduce myself, I often introduce my self as 'I'm [short version], but if my mother is around it's [full version]'.
Isn't it that sometimes Robert is shortened as Bob and William as Bill? Those are totally different names for me.
Load More Replies... I go by my middle name as I loathe my first name (which I also have trouble pronouncing due to my stammer). I find that if you absolutely refuse to acknowledge the unwanted name, and never ever give in by responding to that name, at some point they will stop using it. The key is to never give any non-verbal sign that you are paying the least attention to their unwanted behavior.
The fact that they think Flora is a nickname and not a real name shows how stupid they are and I wouldn't respond to being intentionally called the wrong name either.
I assume your in laws and friends are old enough to have been raised with better manners; my bad!
I mean.. The simple solution is to start calling the parents something equally demeaning to them. Flat refusing to say their names and tell them "when you act this childish, petty, selfish ans rude you dont seem like an adult to me so calling you what I see" their standards.
I had a manager years ago who kept calling me Rosie...told him my name is Rosanne, or Rose. Only family call me Rosie, and they are the only ones. One day he was calling me over the pa at work, 'Rosie, contact 613 please' I refused to answer, kept calling. It was a big store . Half an hour later he found me, furious I hadn't answered him..m' I haven't heard you calling me'... I've been asking Rosie contact 613 for 1/ 2 an hour'...' oh, my name's not Rosie, so why would I answer,'...message received, thankfully he didn't need me for something important....and there was another team member who's name was Rosie, got very confusing...until he finally got the message. Called me Rose after that, if he slipped and called me Rosie, I ignored him. Funnily though, a few weeks ago at my mums funeral, so many people were calling me Rosie...my youngest neice who had never been around my extended family, was annoyed people were getting away wit it, until I pointed out, that's auntie/uncle/ cousin.
My name is William. Not Bill, not Billy, Not Will. Not biIlly/w***y and not FOOKING will-I-Am.... it is WILLIAM call me anything else and I will ignore you becaue YOU are the a*****e here. If you cannot pronounce something so simple then you must be a low IQ moron....
That's one of the first thing I told my now husband (we sat down for 5 hours to discuss stuff). No name calling, including nicknames. Goes both ways and he accepted. After a while, I figured he calls me "chérie d'amour" when he explains something without me getting embarrassed in front of people (like a joke), or when I'm overly anxious about what's going on and he's calming me down. I have no problem with that.
Load More Replies... If someone called me a different variation of my actual name they would be corrected and then ignored. A woman I used to work with insisted that my name was Bethany. Not only was she introduced to me I also introduced myself because I was introduced by someone who had to walk away and I said my name when I shook her hand... My name starts with an S and is only two syllables! I ignored her the entire time she worked there.
I would assume your in-laws and friends are old enough to have been raised in a time when good manners were taught and practiced; my bad!
My mom did not like the longer version of my name but occasionally people still call me that. I set up an account and used my name but something thought better and used the longer version, whatever!
As a trans person who has a parent who never even uses my one syllable nickname bc "[she] named me Rachel, that's what [she]'s gonna use whether [i] like it or not"........ I personally hate people like these parents. Being called what you want to be called is an act of basic f*****g respect to someone, and frankly, if you can't respect me, I don't want to be around you. And if I have to be, I'm not gonna let you treat me with disrespect while I'm there if I can help it. These parents would literally do and argue the same if it was them, but somehow Florry isn't worth the same respect? Seems like MIL and FIL need to have a permanent disinvitation to family functions until they can learn basic respect. I really hate how that's becoming so much to ask of people these days.
Some people assume that my legal name is "Theresa" because my name tends to be a nickname. I occasionally have to correct people, and it's not a big deal. But if my in-laws kept using a name that isn't mine, I just wouldn't respond to them.
Her parents named her Gertrude so she hates it and prefers Trudy and so start calling her Gertrude until she stops. Then maybe she'll stop. Shove your DL in her face and tell her she either stop it or that's all you keep calling her that and dare her to show you her DL and tell her she needs therapy for dementia.
My ILs proposed calling me "(city I live in" bc their daughter has a friend with my same name and they just can't keep track! I said "No thank you. I prefer to be called my name." They tried it once after that and I said, as sweet as pie "I know you didn't just try to get my attention that way." Husband chimed in "Please don't call her that. She's your DIL and she has one name, thanks." That ended that.
I would not respond at all when they call you Florence. If they get mad tell them that you thought they were talking to someone else. Well, no Florence here, but there is. Flora and that is the only name you will respond to. That will make them look worse if they keep calling you by the wrong name! And no, definitely NTA! They are!
Absolutely NTA, My name is Jillian, I have been called Julian my entire life, it drives me insane. The strangest bit is I know several Jillian's and zero Julian's, all the other Jillian's are also called Julian. Makes me wonder if the Julian's get called Jillian. Just to ice the "its not my name!" cake, when I tell them to call me JIll, they start calling me Julie. I don't get it, its not a hard name.
My name has a nickname so common that while in junior high school (middle school) I refused to answer anyone that called me by any name other than my given name.
I have a common first name, that can't be shortened. By the time I was in my second to last year at school, I was known by my surname to most teachers or you'd get 6+ girls replying. This backfired a little with 2 other girls that I share a first name with, they had the same first name and surname, luckily both had different middle names for the classes they shared.
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