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Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her
Middle-aged woman and Reddit user Poesbutler has been having trouble with her elderly mother.
The lady is accident-prone and requires a lot of attention and care, which has increasingly fallen on her shoulders.
However, the woman has a busy life of her own, and finding time to travel and attend to the parent’s needs is difficult.
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Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Malte Luk / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Michael Jin / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Melinda Gimpel / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Poesbutler
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Roughly two-thirds of Americans (66%) say grown children should provide caregiving for an elderly parent who needs it (this includes 32% who say they have a great deal of responsibility to do so).
But many in the so-called sandwich generation — adults who are caring for their parents as well as their own kids — are stretching their own resources thin or facing difficult money decisions between their own needs and those who rely on them.
In fact, 66% of sandwich generation members reported feeling at least somewhat stressed about affording their family’s financial obligations over the next 10 years, according to a recent Policygenius survey.
Furthermore, a 2017 AARP survey revealed that 40% of family caregivers were not prepared to take on that role.
Clearly, the author of the post does feel an obligation to look after her mother, but her story highlights that people need to establish boundaries for how much they’re willing and able to provide.
“We need to figure out where those boundaries lie, and how much we can really handle ourselves as family caregivers,” Danielle Miura, a certified financial planner who specializes in planning for the sandwich generation, told CNBC. “Is there a plan B in place to take care of ourselves so that we don’t feel obligated to put ourselves in a … position that we’re not comfortable with?”
Hopefully, this incident will help Poesbutler and her relatives figure out what works best for all of them.
As her story went viral, the woman provided additional context about her situation
People who expressed their support for her said the woman did nothing wrong
But some believe the daughter should suck it up
Eventually, the woman issued an update
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What do you think ?
Auntriarch 1 year ago
I never fail to be astonished by the number of YTAs. She's not doing it for the money, none of us are. But I can totally understand why it hurts.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
The money does matter though, cause op has had to spend her own to run down to take care of her mother, orevwn just visit cause the mother wont come see op and her family.
Load More Replies...
marcelo D. 1 year ago
the YTA people are wild. Yes, money is money, and you cannot expect anything from anybody's will like one said, but by that logic of money is money, time is money, travelling is money, and helping is money, so how come the YTA expect OP to go and help.
Bobbi Lee 1 year ago
NTA. Don’t let the comments of virtue-signallers get you down. Being a mother does not change selfish manipulative people into a nice caring person. Your first duty is to be an available mother to your own children. Why are you making your entire family sacrifice for this manipulative woman. She’s not starving. She’s enough money to hire a carer. I fear you may be drawn back into this manipulative web because you appear a very loving and forgiving woman.
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago (edited)
"Guess what money won't buy, health and family" yeah, and doing all the grunt work is draining the health and money of her and her family. My husband and I almost split over c**p like this.
Trillian 1 year ago
It is not about money but about being totally unappreciated and yet expected to carry all the load.
Ilonka Oszvald 1 year ago
And it's amazing that nine times out of ten, it's the female in the family stuck with the load.
Load More Replies...
ReadBannedBooks 1 year ago
OP's mother said that her brother couldn't help with some things because he's a guy. THAT is a key part of this. I've seen it with family and friends. The daughter is expected to shoulder the caretaking burdens of aging parents instead of the son. Doesn't always happen that way, but it's very common.
Mike Beck 1 year ago
I was thinking hygiene issues myself. But mostly as an excuse.
Load More Replies...
Steve Dowell 1 year ago
NTA. You've been disinherited for no reason. Honestly, it sounds like OP's Mom is sexist, the type that values boys over girls yet expects girls to do all the heavy domestic work because it's "women's work". The fact she actively tried to hide this also shows that the Mom knows it's wrong but wants to keep the arrangement. When my parents redid their wills, they were VERY clear to my brothers and I about how they were dividing things up and why. They were also apologetic about certain things (like how my younger brother was getting a lot more since he's 14 years younger than me and at the time was still in middle school). My older brother and I didn't care how they split things, we just wanted them to be happy and taken care of.
Woodsie 1 year ago
It appears that the reason she is so upset is because her mum doesn't appreciate what she has been doing for her all these years. To keep saying how fantastic her brother is when he does so little must really hurt. To now learn that her brother is going to inherit everything must suck majorly. She was not estranged from her mum when the will was written and mum obviously knew she had done the wrong thing by hiding it from her. Both children should be POA both medically and financially, this was the first red flag. To not divide the assets equally between the brother and sister is truly awful. I'd go LC if it was me, maybe the aunt can arrange for the mother to go to a facility near the brother, it's his turn now. I'd definitely voice my feelings to the mother sooner rather than later so that she can know the consequences of her actions before dementia sets in.
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
I'm the grumpy old troll 🧌 living under a bridge 🌉
Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Likely, your brother will inherit nothing if your mother goes into memory care. That will blow through $250,000 in a few years.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Then they will be equally situated when mom dies.
Load More Replies...
Auntriarch 1 year ago
I never fail to be astonished by the number of YTAs. She's not doing it for the money, none of us are. But I can totally understand why it hurts.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
The money does matter though, cause op has had to spend her own to run down to take care of her mother, orevwn just visit cause the mother wont come see op and her family.
Load More Replies... marcelo D. 1 year ago
the YTA people are wild. Yes, money is money, and you cannot expect anything from anybody's will like one said, but by that logic of money is money, time is money, travelling is money, and helping is money, so how come the YTA expect OP to go and help.
Bobbi Lee 1 year ago
NTA. Don’t let the comments of virtue-signallers get you down. Being a mother does not change selfish manipulative people into a nice caring person. Your first duty is to be an available mother to your own children. Why are you making your entire family sacrifice for this manipulative woman. She’s not starving. She’s enough money to hire a carer. I fear you may be drawn back into this manipulative web because you appear a very loving and forgiving woman.
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago (edited)
"Guess what money won't buy, health and family" yeah, and doing all the grunt work is draining the health and money of her and her family. My husband and I almost split over c**p like this.
Trillian 1 year ago
It is not about money but about being totally unappreciated and yet expected to carry all the load.
Ilonka Oszvald 1 year ago
And it's amazing that nine times out of ten, it's the female in the family stuck with the load.
Load More Replies... ReadBannedBooks 1 year ago
OP's mother said that her brother couldn't help with some things because he's a guy. THAT is a key part of this. I've seen it with family and friends. The daughter is expected to shoulder the caretaking burdens of aging parents instead of the son. Doesn't always happen that way, but it's very common.
Mike Beck 1 year ago
I was thinking hygiene issues myself. But mostly as an excuse.
Load More Replies... Steve Dowell 1 year ago
NTA. You've been disinherited for no reason. Honestly, it sounds like OP's Mom is sexist, the type that values boys over girls yet expects girls to do all the heavy domestic work because it's "women's work". The fact she actively tried to hide this also shows that the Mom knows it's wrong but wants to keep the arrangement. When my parents redid their wills, they were VERY clear to my brothers and I about how they were dividing things up and why. They were also apologetic about certain things (like how my younger brother was getting a lot more since he's 14 years younger than me and at the time was still in middle school). My older brother and I didn't care how they split things, we just wanted them to be happy and taken care of.
Woodsie 1 year ago
It appears that the reason she is so upset is because her mum doesn't appreciate what she has been doing for her all these years. To keep saying how fantastic her brother is when he does so little must really hurt. To now learn that her brother is going to inherit everything must suck majorly. She was not estranged from her mum when the will was written and mum obviously knew she had done the wrong thing by hiding it from her. Both children should be POA both medically and financially, this was the first red flag. To not divide the assets equally between the brother and sister is truly awful. I'd go LC if it was me, maybe the aunt can arrange for the mother to go to a facility near the brother, it's his turn now. I'd definitely voice my feelings to the mother sooner rather than later so that she can know the consequences of her actions before dementia sets in.
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
I'm the grumpy old troll 🧌 living under a bridge 🌉
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Likely, your brother will inherit nothing if your mother goes into memory care. That will blow through $250,000 in a few years.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Then they will be equally situated when mom dies.
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