Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

NTA. Don’t let the comments of virtue-signallers get you down. Being a mother does not change selfish manipulative people into a nice caring person. Your first duty is to be an available mother to your own children. Why are you making your entire family sacrifice for this manipulative woman. She’s not starving. She’s enough money to hire a carer. I fear you may be drawn back into this manipulative web because you appear a very loving and forgiving woman.

It is not about money but about being totally unappreciated and yet expected to carry all the load.

NTA. You've been disinherited for no reason. Honestly, it sounds like OP's Mom is sexist, the type that values boys over girls yet expects girls to do all the heavy domestic work because it's "women's work". The fact she actively tried to hide this also shows that the Mom knows it's wrong but wants to keep the arrangement. When my parents redid their wills, they were VERY clear to my brothers and I about how they were dividing things up and why. They were also apologetic about certain things (like how my younger brother was getting a lot more since he's 14 years younger than me and at the time was still in middle school). My older brother and I didn't care how they split things, we just wanted them to be happy and taken care of.

the YTA trolls be going crazy above their bridges

NTA. Take care of your own family. Your brother who stands to benefit from being the golden child can step up.

My father disinherited me and my 2 sisters in favor of his new family. I acted nobly, and I regret every sevond of time I gave to any of them. Disinheriting is disowning, declaring lack of relationship. Keep your time and your love for your spouse and children. Tha pain never ever goes away for the wasted time. She will never love you.

The mother reaps what she sows.

I always wonder about the YTA or ESH comments. I wonder if they are like OP's mother? Or are they that bitter with their own lives that they feel the need to lash out? Also, that one YTA comment about her mom getting cancer twice... did I miss something? (NTA BTW)

I can't understand why people think she should carry on regardless. I was the primary on-site (next door) care giver for Mum with my sister helping as much as she could from far away( trips to do home maintenance, dealing with agencies etc). I could not imagine a situation in which my mother would not have split the money in two. To be quite honest in our case it was unclear what was going to happen. We did not bank on the money as rest homes can take it all. It's not the money so much as the emotional meaness to expect someone to do lots of care and then cut them out of the will.

If she moves into an assisted living facility, there will be no money left to inherit.

The YTA people really saw money and went "how dare you! " and left the rest of the post. I don't think op cares if she left her with anything or not. It's the fact that her mom hid everything from her, won't let her make decisions with her when there are other people involved, and then gas lights her when she doesn't get her way. The money is only important because it was the straw that broke the camels back. She didn't say she's worried about anyone, she hid it because she Knew what it said. "I don't care about you" She just doesn't wanna change the status quo she made along time ago. Op broke the cycle, sure it's late but better late than never. People are raised on these beliefs, sometimes brainwashed into them because it's all they've known. It's extremely hard to break these habits. I've watched many people literally panic over nothing simply because to them it's not, it's decades of conditioning. Kudos on the supportive husband and may they figure things out and enjoy life.

"Mamma, you may have nothing to say, but you are going to hear me out. Then, I'm going home while you think about it. I love you. I won't fight over your money. But you should use it to take some of the pressure off me, because I have a household to care for also. I cannot be in 2 places at once. Either you come to me, and contribute to your own care financially, or you get my brother here to lift some of this weight off my shoulders. I am one person, and can only take so much. I have been past my breaking point for a long time. Now, I feel like I've been slapped in the face. You've watched me sacrifice ALL of this for nothing in return, and then when it comes time to divide up things, you don't seem to care about the things my kids have missed out on, my spouse has missed out on, or the sleepless nights I've gone just to balance you and them. This is where I draw the line. I love you. I'll talk to you when you make a decision. So-n-so is scheduled to be here for you."

This looks like the mother could have narcissistic personality disorder: emotionally immature, refuses to engage in straight talk because it risks making her look bad, trash talking daughter to others, golden child brother, lack of empathy, self-victimisation, entitled to daughters time and resources but complaining she's not doing enough and never appreciative... I'm no diagnostician but OP needs to look after her mental health and stop being mummy's 'supply'

My elderly mother is pulling a similar stunt. I don't have siblings but nothing I do for her is enough and she accuses me of never being out there enough. I've tried for years to get her to move closer so I can do things for her but she refuses and wants me to drive 2 hours every other day to do little tasks for her. Sorry, I'm employed full-time and have a household to maintain. Don't have time to maintain another one if it sucks 16 hours per week just in drive time. I don't know if it's a boomer thing or an old-person thing, but there's frequently this expectation that the kids place their whole lives on hold at the drop of a hat whenever the parents need the slightest thing.

You should spend the time you don't taking care of a clearly manipulative mother getting therapy to deal with all.the things she has done to you over the years. This is far more than just take care of me, she has been emotionally abusing you and manipulating you your whole life.

Sometimes I wish I could choose multiple answers on the poles. In this case, both A and C are true.

What surprises me is that her 67-year-old brother cannot help her.

This seems to be the way it is 90% of the time. I am the youngest of four. I'm the one that stayed home and took care of her. Drove her every where she wanted. The only one that didn't take money from her GI loan account for various failed attempts at higher education. My sister, (the oldest) and my oldest brother were always asking her for money for one school or another that they never completed. At least my second to oldest brother went to teck school and came out with a degree and ended up working for Boeing. I was the one, along with my now wife, that drove here 50 miles to the hospital when she had a stroke. Went into debt so she could go into rehab and had to file bankruptcy and so much more. She left everything she had to oldest brother and sister and left me a dollar to symbolize "All I had taken from her in life". Because, as her story went, she had "died" for several minutes while giving birth to me.

Classic narcissist-codependent relationship. Codependent saying "I feel guilty, I feel like I've been bad" for considering applying a tourniquet -- as the narc greedily drains the last drop of the codependent's blood. Being a codependent is like having Stockholm Syndrome. The positive attention is so sparse that you will grovel for one crumb and be grateful forever, regardless of endless mistreatment. It's a disease.

It's not about the money but mom declared she doesn't even like her daughter, only uses her. OP maybe doesn't know yet, but she's upset because she finally realised this. She's not loved by her mom. It takes many years to process this. At the end, you have two choices. Either you help them, even though they don't even like you, or leave them, and get yourself healed and focus your own life. Many will say that mom loves her but... There's no but. They always use this phrase as a shield to hide behind "I'm not concerned about your future, you're doing good on your own, your sibling needs more help". I have a golden sister and my mom also says this. She didn't let me eat the food she cooked because I ate at school, so it's not for me, to mention only one of her kind deeds... My sister leave in another country, so I'm the one who she calls when she needs to set up her wi-fi or anything. Things she could do on her own but she likes to make me jump.

As someone who has been in a similar situation, I can tell you there is no way to win here. My mother GAVE a house to my sibling--as a reward for getting their act together. Yes, she always had to worry about this one having a job & a roof over their head; never with me, and I was a single parent that owned my responsibilities. When Mom was preparing her will, my sibling was actually living WITH her and renting out the home Mom had given them...Mom chose to put both our names on the home she was living in, and leave me the contents. Sibling got irate that I would get everything in the house, as well as half ownership of it. I acquiesed and told mom to split that too (spoiler alert--when mom passed, sibling got b****y about SO MUCH that I ended up giving them EVERYTHING in the house). To this day, because sibling is agian dealing with demons, everything I've tried to help with has been turned around on me & I've been made to feel like $h!+ for aiming for fairness. Haven't spoken 3 yrs

YTA troop ain't never run through all their own finances only to be told they're not getting reimbursed either financially or emotionally. GTFO.

If your mother has $250,000, she can damn well take care of her medical and caregiver needs. You are behind time in taking care of YOU and YOUR family. Let your mother and your brother handle this now. She's not broke. NTA.

Assisted living takes that money to pay for her care. It won't matter what the will says, the house may eventually have to be sold to pay for her care. When all the money is gone, then that is when government support takes over. Depending upon how long she lives, there might not be 250k left.

Do what my grandparents did and take money out of the equation. Meaning, goes to charity. Then you'll really see who has a fit once the will reading commences. My grandparents were well off. My father's older sister raised holy hell once she realized no one was getting anything. Huge fallout once the dust settled. Needless to say, most of us haven't heard from her in over a dozen years.

Guess what...once she goes into the home THEY WILL be taking all her assets to care for her. If she has property it will have to sold. That's how it works. Brother dear won't be getting 250,000 anything!

Also, children are not a retirement plan! Especially if you aren't the nicest to them when they are dependent, but also just in general.

I think if her mother wants the daughter to care for her, the mother needs to move close to her daughters home..we moved my mom into our home after my brother's refused to help in anyw way..I was 150 miles away, they lived in the same city..it was difficult, but had help from my hubby, and she had a great last 6 years..glad we could help her.. Btw, no inheritance was left, she spent it all..my younger brother couldn't believe it..ugh Some people cannot be pleased..same brother visited two times in Six years..other brother came up 2 or 3 times per year

If it wasn't about the money, mom would have hired a care aide, offered money to OP, paid for the whole family to come down, or made sure OOP didn't lose out financially at the very *least*. She should have told her, but she didn't because she knew what she was doing, and how it would hurt. She made it in secret and deliberately kept it from the daughter even as she was *actively helping her with a task*. Mom knew how it looked. Mom knew what and how much it would hurt. If mom had had her way, OP would have continued sacrificing her own life to her mother (and by extension her brother) and would have been dealt this absolute combo slap to the face punch to the gut kick to the groin *as she was mourning her mom*. Money is a two way street, and while money doesn't directly equal love, using someone for their money is the opposite of love - indifference. She didn't give two shits for her daughter or family. Now she can live with the natural and just fallout of her own actions.

There is a final update that follows the small update. Read here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dcseqy/aitah_for_ignoring_my_injured_mom_after_she_cut/

Mom can obviously afford a home care assistant. I had to move across the country (USA) to get away from my drunken parents who argued and fought constantly. My mother used to call me at work because she needed a quart of milk; there was a mom and pop grocery on the next block and their son would have delivered it for no charge. My mother used to say that I owed her. After she died, I discovered that my parents didn't get married until she was five months pregnant, and this was not acceptable in the 1940s. Apparently, lots of fighting went on.

I would have been dropkicked the mom and anyone calling to scold me for not going would have gotten chewed the f**k out and cut off. Mom wants to hide in the bathroom instead of talking to me she can suck a d**k from the back. I would tell the mom to drink a lot of icewater where she is going, its hot AF.

No need to put it this way. She did not do this because of the will. She made changes because the will made clear what she needed to see all along! So, AITAH for leaving my injured mom on her own because she cut me out of her will.

Friend, I understand that you want to take care of your mom but I think seeing the will confirmed how you knew your mom felt all along.P.O.A.'s are put in place for a reason and as the role you have played as a caretaker,it's your right to call a family meeting to get everyone that calls you regarding mom-emergencies a part to play in her care.If everyone is that busy hire a full time caretaker and install cameras so everyone can respond to the mom-emergencies. You must have a balance because you are already drained. In my closing,the Bible says to honor your parents but it says parents don't provoke your children to wrath,so parents and children play a part. God bless dear.

I know how she feels it's not about the money it's more being not appreciated and shown it. Plus you hear about the ones or one that is loved or cared for that won't take the time to drop a meal by or offer to take to take the parent to doctor's appointment. I feel you and I hear you.Stop! Reset! And change the dynamics of your relationship with your Mother, she's using you Up!

OP explicitly asked all of Reddit not to share this post.... and here it is on BP. Shame on you Mantas Kačerauskas and everyone else who spread it.