I Will Never Kiss Your Head Again

Blackie was a neighborhood stray that occasionally came to our door for food. Sometimes weeks or months would pass before he’d reappear on our back porch slab, patiently sitting there waiting for his handout. He was a bit of a ruffian at the time–the toughest cat in the ‘hood, and always very skittish around humans. He’d only eat after we had firmly closed the door.

We provided an insulated, heated dog house for strays to use as shelter during our harsh Colorado winters, and he lived out of it for an entire season. We had two indoor cats at the time, and could not take on another.

A rescue organization picked him up some years ago, spayed him, clipped the tip of his left ear to signify that he’d been “fixed,” and then returned him to the area. That calmed him down quite a lot.

That summer, he decided to adopt us and began sitting in our laps while we were out in the yard. After one of our indoor kitties passed, we brought him in and he became our supreme lap cat. We still allowed him to go outside during the day, but kept a close eye on him nevertheless (we are retired, so could do this).

He became my constant companion, three to four hours every day, for years. He was my “Sugar Man,” and enjoyed watching bird videos on YouTube while sitting in my lap.

Sunday 11/15/2020, one moment he was happily sunning himself in our neighbor’s yard, and the next it was obvious that he was in distress. Initially, I thought he was having a stroke.

We rushed him to an emergency veterinarian clinic and to make a long story short, he had undiagnosed heart disease and had experienced an ACM (acute cardiomyopathy). His long-term outcome did not look good and we made the decision to let him go. He passed with both me and my wife holding him dear.

His absence has affected us profoundly and I wrote a poem to speak of his loss:

I will never kiss your head again

By M. Burke

I will never kiss your head again, my friend

I will never see your subtle smile

Asleep in the safety of my arms

I will never walk with you again, my friend

To sniff every bush and corner

Where another creature may have passed.

I will never touch your soft fur again, my friend

To gently stroke your coat

Or scratch ‘neath your chin or behind your ears

I will never see you run again, my friend

To dash with spontaneous delight

In chase of bird or leaf on gentle breeze

I will never watch you roll in the dirt again, my friend

Or sun in the green grass with such content

Or nap peacefully in the shade of an overhanging branch

I will never hear your voice again, my friend

Your meow, your purr, your funny snores

That touched my heart with such joy

I will never feel your hug again, my friend

Your head tucked against my chest

Your paws kneading and gripping me tight

I will never feel your warmth again, my friend

Cuddled together under a blanket

Just the two of us, safe and content

I am glad I was there in the end, my friend

To calm your fear and confusion

To give you one last measure of comfort and peace

You will never be sick again, my friend

There will be no pain, no suffering

No pills, no injections, no treatments of any kind

Though your spirit be free, my friend

I hold your memory dear

Forever in my heart, my companion, my love, and my joy.

Blackie keeping warm in my lap