I Make Inappropriate Marketing For Fictional And Historical Characters.

This is how I amuse myself with an English literature degree, a book addiction, and years of graphic design, making things for people like me who love reading.

I’ve got some conspiracy theories, spoilers, political prisoners, history, and whatever else makes me laugh.

There are different colors. I usually do shirts and mugs, but I can put them on other stuff spreadshirt has. Find it all at www.incandescentwombat.com/swag

More info: incandescentwombat.com

Spoilers: Christmas

The damned elf is watching you. All the time. Don’t you wish you’d known that from the beginning?

Christmas carols and traditions, as they really are.

Conspiracy Theory: Ophelia

Ophelia knew too much. She had to go.

Hamlet, William Shakespeare

Bertha Rochester Sharpening Service

A skill is a skill. And no one can take that away.

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

Political Prisoners: Napoleon

Because able was he, ere he saw Elba.

Historical, he was exiled to an island for being very, very, naughty.

Chaucer Travel Agency

Save big on plane, train, and boat fare by walking everywhere with Chaucer Travel!*

*Terms and conditions apply. Vacation package subject to end before scheduled final date. Management not responsible for lost items or dignity. See agent for details.

The Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer

Chekhov’s Gun

There’s no waiting period. It’s in chapter one.

Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.
—Anton Chekhov

Spoilers: Shakespeare Comedy

There’s way more twins than seems statistically likely.

All of ’em, funny for a given value of funny, William Shakespeare.

Dawn’s Rosy Fingers Spa

Homer did love a good manicure.

The Odessey, Homer

Donner Party

Oh wait, they’ve already eaten.

Historical, google it, it’s gross.

Care Away

Long Island ice tea for everybody!

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Gradgrind School

Our sports team was hungry. Very, very, hungry.

Hard Times, Charles Dickens

Call me, Ishmael

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy,
But here’s my number
So call me Ishmael

Moby Dick, Herman Melville

Junkie of the Printed Word

Can’t stop. Won’t stop.

Samsa Pest Control

When you need them gone. F. Kafka, proprietor.

Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka

Spoilers, Kid Lit

We’re skipping to the chase. Because if I have to read about that masochistic tree one more time, I’m gonna go postal.

Harold and the Purple Crayon, The Little Engine That Could, Are you My Mother? The Cat in the Hat, Ferdinand, Alexander and the No Good, Terrible Day, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Miss Nelson, Blueberries for Sal, The Velveteen Rabbit, Martha Speaks, Where the Wild Things Are, The Giving Tree, Make Way for Ducklings, Madeleine

Lady MacBeth Fancy Soaps

Once you’ve started washing compulsively, the lanolin really helps.

MacBeth, William Shakespeare

Pompeii

Party on, dude, it’s volcano day!

Historical

Proust Aromatherapy

Everything smells like cookies.

Remembrance of Things Past, Marcel Proust

The Roman Army Wants You

Are you legionary enough?

Historical

Sisyphus Crossfit

Turns out it’s the perfect set of goals.

Greek Mythology

Political Prisoner: Oscar Wilde

Just because it’s a 120-year-old outrage, doesn’t mean it’s not still outrageous.

Historical

Spoilers: Jane Austen

You’ve had a couple hundred years to read it.

Titus Andronicus

Revenge served in chafing dishes.

I almost, but not quite, want to apologize for this one.

Titus Andronicus, William Shakespeare

Spoilers: Shakespeare Tragedy

Those that live by the asp, die by the asp. Or something like that.

Uncle Vanya for Whatever

He always meant to do something important.

Uncle Vanya, Anton Chekhov

Viking World Tour

Paris paid the Vikings not to sack the city.

Historical

World’s Greatest

Dear Mom, I wish we weren’t a Greek tragedy. Love, Oedipus.

Greek mythology.

Netherfield House

Or hold on to your bonnet.

Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

Political Prisoner: Edmond Dantes

Otherwise he’ll break out of prison, dig up some money and get revenge.

The Count of Monte Christo, Alexandre Dumas (père)

Up Late Reading

I regret nothing.

Miss Havisham Wedding Planner

They say go with what you know.

Great Expectations, Charles Dickens.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting Godot

Relax. Have a carrot. And a turnip.

Waiting for Godot, Samuel Beckett.

Duchess Daycare

Well, her references aren’t great, but she has experience.

Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll.

Ophelia, Scuba Instructor

It could have all ended so differently!

Hamlet, William Shakespeare

Spoilers: Early American

Oops, you mad, bro?

The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe; Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin; Little Women, Louisa May Alcott; The Last of the Mohicans, James Fenimore Cooper; Rip van Winkle, James Fenimore Cooper; Moby Dick, Herman Melville; The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne

Desdemona Pillows

Well, at least she stays busy.

Othello, William Shakespeare

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