Why is it that every time I go on annual leave, my boss suddenly decides I’m the most indispensable person in the company?

Is it because I’m truly the backbone of the organisation, holding everything together with sheer willpower? Or is it simply because he’s an absolute imbecile who can’t function without my guidance? I suspect the latter.

Take, for example, the time I was woken up in the middle of the night—yes, the middle of the night—by a phone call. Was it an emergency? A crisis? Had the office burned down? No. He just wanted to know where I had stored a document he needed for his “urgent” meeting in the morning.

I don’t know, maybe in the filing system, where documents go? Or perhaps in that folder named exactly after the thing you’re looking for? And, most importantly, why is this my problem now when he could have asked me during work hours—when I was literally sitting in front of him—while he was busy scrolling through TikTok?

Then there’s the classic “Just one quick thing” text message that pings onto my phone the moment I step out of the office. Him again. Could I cover a meeting for him in the afternoon because he’s got a “very important” dentist appointment? I’d feel bad for the dentist, having to listen to his nonsense while scraping plaque off his teeth. But really, weren’t we just talking five minutes ago? Could he not have mentioned it then?

And then there was the time I learned the real tragedy of Shakespeare—not the doomed romance of Romeo and Juliet, but the moment my boss decided to call me right at the climax of the play. My phone, which I stupidly forgot to silence, rang out just as the star-crossed lovers were taking their final breaths. And what was so important? Was the company crumbling in my absence? No.

He just wanted to check if I’d submitted my holiday request for March—because he was thinking of taking his new girlfriend on a canoeing trip. Seriously? Romeo and Juliet have just committed suicide before my very eyes, and you’re wondering whether you’ll get to impress some woman with your questionable paddling skills?

But the final straw—the moment I knew my boss was truly a demon sent to personally torment me—came when I was on vacation, finally, blissfully, away from it all.

There I was, sitting on a sun-kissed beach, the waves gently lapping at the shore, the golden rays warming my skin. A glass of Bacardi in hand, ice-clinking—the kind of paradise you dream of while drowning in emails at your desk. And then—it happened.

A waiter from the hotel restaurant came running toward me. Why is he running? Was there a fire? A tsunami? Had my drink order gone missing?

No. My boss was on the phone.

For a moment, I thought I was hallucinating. Maybe I had heatstroke. Surely this wasn’t happening. But no, the waiter confirmed it—he had specifically called the hotel, tracked me down, and insisted I be found.

At this point, I was ready to launch my Bacardi into the ocean and walk straight into the waves. But I took the phone, just to hear what nonsense was so urgent that it could not wait until I was back.

And do you know what he said?

“Hey, I know you’re on holiday, but I thought we could do your performance review over the phone now. I’m away next week, and I thought this would be the perfect time to go over some of your objectives for the rest of the year.”

I swear I blacked out for a second.

I had flown thousands of miles across the world. Escaped to a remote beach. Left behind my laptop, my phone, everything. And yet, somehow, this man had managed to find me—because he wanted to get my performance review done before he went on holiday.

At that moment, I understood villains in movies. I understood the urge to flip a table, to throw a phone into the sea, to scream into the void.

Instead, I took a deep breath, cut my boss off, handed the phone back to the waiter, and asked him for something stronger than a Bacardi. Preferably in a bucket.

I don’t know how my boss does it. But one thing’s for certain: no matter how far I run, no matter how remote the island—he will find me.

“Have you ever had a boss like this? Let me know in the comments!” 😀

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