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Lady Exhausted Handling Hubby’s Emotional Baggage Refuses To Do Homework Therapist Assigned Her
Relationships are a two-way street. Both partners have to work to look after one another and care for each other’s needs. If only one person is picking up the slack, it can become annoying for them and make them feel resentful of their loved one.
This is what a woman felt about her husband, whose needs she always had to cater to. She felt so drained by his dependency and requests that she finally cracked when he asked her to do the homework that his therapist had assigned for her. It felt like way too much on her plate.
More info: Reddit
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A healthy relationship involves a lot of give-and-take, but if one person is only taking and hardly ever giving, it can cause a massive strain
Image credits: Omar Lopez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that she had been with her husband for a decade and that during that time, he had been trying out several different therapists
Image credits: kayla phaneuf / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman explained that her husband needed therapy as he was very dependent on her and not good at managing his health or general life tasks
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster pushed her husband to find a new therapist, which he did, and it turned out to be great, except that the practitioner also gave her homework to do
Image credits: secretsecretwhisper
The poster refused to do the homework because she found it draining, and she also didn’t want to have to manage yet another one of the tasks he should be doing
It seems like the woman constantly had to take care of her husband because he wasn’t able to do it himself. He struggled with basic tasks, which ended up falling on her shoulders. All of this, of course, must have been tiring to deal with, especially considering that they had been together for a decade.
Dealing with needy people is not easy. They might often form a strong attachment to the person catering to their needs and then not understand when to stop making demands of them. This kind of behavior often stems from the way people are brought up and becomes a difficult habit to break as an adult.
The man obviously didn’t want to be a burden on his wife, which is why he had approached several different therapists. The OP also mentioned that even though he was a good husband, it was just the fact that he couldn’t get much done on his own without her help that grated on her nerves.
It clearly seems like the man wasn’t just physically dependent on his partner but also had a lot of emotional dependence on her. The signs of this often include feelings of insecurity and anxiety, which is why they expect their loved one to build their confidence and self-esteem. The husband definitely needed his wife to constantly manage his feelings, which was too much to ask of her.
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
All these complex feelings came to a head when the man told his wife that his therapist had assigned homework for her. She was shocked because the task was to write out a list of all his great qualities. This felt like an annoyance to her as she had spent years “mothering him” and giving him credit for little things just to make him feel better.
When the woman refused to do the homework assigned to her, it led to a conflict between them. Usually, in individual therapy sessions, homework is only given to the patient so that they can work toward their chosen goals. These assignments help build the skills they need to be able to deal with obstacles that come up in day-to-day life.
Since the OP and her husband weren’t doing couples therapy, it didn’t make sense that his therapist was assigning her tasks to complete. The woman also made this point clear to her husband and mentioned that it wasn’t fair that she had to put in even more work, all because of him.
When relationships become too one-sided like this, one partner might end up feeling hurt and resentful. If both people don’t open up to each other, these negative feelings might fester and then cause problems in the long run. Hopefully, the OP sets boundaries with her partner and lets him know that she can’t always be the one to pick up the slack.
Do you think she was right to refuse to do the homework his therapist assigned?
Folks were on the woman’s side and wondered how the man must have presented the situation to his therapist to make her side with him to such an extent
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
Be suspicious when he say the therapist doesn't like you. Maybe he is saying terrible things about you in therapy, maybe he's ascribing more to the therapist's response than there is, or maybe the therapist has an agenda. But you won't know until you ask the follow up of why not?
sturmwesen 8 months ago
It's a possibility, that the therapist never said that...and the husband just lashes out and lies
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 8 months ago
If I were OP, I'd want to meet this "therapist". Not to discuss hubby's treatment, cuz , ya know, HIPAA rules. But to see if this person is actually trying to help hubby.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
I am betting he is lying about what the therapist said and lying to the therapist. He doesn't want to be independent. That would mean having responsibility and doing work. He wants to be a dependent child and taken care of.
Load More Replies...
Kathrin Pukowsky 8 months ago
Him: "My therapist doesn't like you." Her: "You just sounded exactly like a 5-year-old boy telling mum that his imaginary friend is upset with her."
tori Ohno 8 months ago
He's lying about his therapist. He's telling her what he feels, not what his therapist said about her. He's nothing but a developmentally disabled child who doesn't even eat unless she reminds him FFS! Was it even legal for someone so mentally challenged to get married? Last I checked, there's laws that protect the mentality handicapped.
Somebodys grandmother 8 months ago
Why not medicine? This guy sound severe depressed... I wouldn't do all this for him.. neither would or could!
Sara Shamsabadi 8 months ago
she's nta...but only in this context. He's most likely lying & this is his homework. She's a clown for staying with a grown man child.
Apatheist Account2 8 months ago
I'm not convinced whether this was her homework or his. I've never done therapy but I would think that, unless it's couples, the entire focus should be on the patient rather than the partner.
Kelbers11 8 months ago
Preeeeetty sure I’d lose my sh*t doing all that for someone. Reminding a grown man to brush his teeth? Are you kidding me??
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago (edited)
Depression can be an absolute b!tch. Self-care and personal hygiene can feel unimportant (because you view your own self as unimportant) and sometimes the tasks feel monumental. I'm not excusing it, only giving a view from the other side. I've been depressed most of my life and I go through phases of su!cidal ideation. It is sometimes very hard to force myself to care about my existence, and secondhand to caring about my existence is MAINTAINING my existence, so sometimes I have to "remind" myself and/or force myself to do basic things like eat, drink, take a shower, do laundry, brush my teeth. It's not because I'm "lazy" or because I'm a "disgusting pig", it's because I feel overwhelmed, self-loathing, and like a failure BECAUSE I cannot seem to "force" myself to take care of myself (which then becomes a downwards spiral.) It actually really sucks to be that person. That being said, when you're an adult, you're RESPONSIBLE for fixing it. OP's husband is responsible for HIMSELF and his own problems, and he needs to get whatever therapy/help he needs to fix this issue rather than relying on his spouse to carry the burden.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
Be suspicious when he say the therapist doesn't like you. Maybe he is saying terrible things about you in therapy, maybe he's ascribing more to the therapist's response than there is, or maybe the therapist has an agenda. But you won't know until you ask the follow up of why not?
sturmwesen 8 months ago
It's a possibility, that the therapist never said that...and the husband just lashes out and lies
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 8 months ago
If I were OP, I'd want to meet this "therapist". Not to discuss hubby's treatment, cuz , ya know, HIPAA rules. But to see if this person is actually trying to help hubby.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
I am betting he is lying about what the therapist said and lying to the therapist. He doesn't want to be independent. That would mean having responsibility and doing work. He wants to be a dependent child and taken care of.
Load More Replies... Kathrin Pukowsky 8 months ago
Him: "My therapist doesn't like you." Her: "You just sounded exactly like a 5-year-old boy telling mum that his imaginary friend is upset with her."
tori Ohno 8 months ago
He's lying about his therapist. He's telling her what he feels, not what his therapist said about her. He's nothing but a developmentally disabled child who doesn't even eat unless she reminds him FFS! Was it even legal for someone so mentally challenged to get married? Last I checked, there's laws that protect the mentality handicapped.
Somebodys grandmother 8 months ago
Why not medicine? This guy sound severe depressed... I wouldn't do all this for him.. neither would or could!
Sara Shamsabadi 8 months ago
she's nta...but only in this context. He's most likely lying & this is his homework. She's a clown for staying with a grown man child.
Apatheist Account2 8 months ago
I'm not convinced whether this was her homework or his. I've never done therapy but I would think that, unless it's couples, the entire focus should be on the patient rather than the partner.
Kelbers11 8 months ago
Preeeeetty sure I’d lose my sh*t doing all that for someone. Reminding a grown man to brush his teeth? Are you kidding me??
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago (edited)
Depression can be an absolute b!tch. Self-care and personal hygiene can feel unimportant (because you view your own self as unimportant) and sometimes the tasks feel monumental. I'm not excusing it, only giving a view from the other side. I've been depressed most of my life and I go through phases of su!cidal ideation. It is sometimes very hard to force myself to care about my existence, and secondhand to caring about my existence is MAINTAINING my existence, so sometimes I have to "remind" myself and/or force myself to do basic things like eat, drink, take a shower, do laundry, brush my teeth. It's not because I'm "lazy" or because I'm a "disgusting pig", it's because I feel overwhelmed, self-loathing, and like a failure BECAUSE I cannot seem to "force" myself to take care of myself (which then becomes a downwards spiral.) It actually really sucks to be that person. That being said, when you're an adult, you're RESPONSIBLE for fixing it. OP's husband is responsible for HIMSELF and his own problems, and he needs to get whatever therapy/help he needs to fix this issue rather than relying on his spouse to carry the burden.
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