“AITA For Divorcing My Husband Because He Spent 10 Minutes In The Car During A Family Emergency?”
Everyone has their own little weird quirks. These can range from funny and harmless, all the way to downright annoying. Dating (or being married) to someone who has uncontrollable compulsions can be a bother at the best of times, but deeply set behaviors might actually get in the way during a crisis.
A woman asked if she was wrong for wanting to divorce her husband after he refused to leave the car for 10 minutes when their son was injured. We reached out to the wife in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
All of us have some weird quirk or internal rule we stick to
Image credits: Craig Adderley / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman decided enough was enough when her husband sat in the car while her son was injured
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Charming_Passage3440
OCD can cause some pretty abnormal behavior
As many of the commenters noted, the husband’s behavior very closely matches the “compulsions” and intrusive thoughts that people with obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) have. In short, people with OCD often have little “rituals” they have to perform before leaving the house, or, in this case, leaving the car.
It’s also important to remember that OCD is a pretty broad term, with a whole host of symptoms. Some folks get obsessed with certain topics or actions. At times they start to develop beliefs that if they don’t do something a certain way, something bad will happen. For example, a person with OCD might believe that if they don’t put their keys in a certain place after entering the home, some unspeakable tragedy will occur.
Interestingly, many people with OCD do tend to understand that these thoughts and feelings are quite irrational. However, this man does also seem to know that his behavior is by no means normal, but is also unwilling to let it go in the face of a crisis. In general, this is the sort of thing that can be treated through therapy and, just as importantly, a desire to see it fixed. Unfortunately, as the woman shares in the comments, the husband refuses therapy and, indeed, has his family “calling her out” for not respecting his trauma.
Trauma there may be, but it’s worth asking if it actually supersedes the very real, physical trauma suffered by the son. It’s also somewhat telling that he seems incapable of seeing his wife’s point of view. Indeed, he immediately downplays his own lack of action and can’t really understand why a mother seeing her own child injured might also feel traumatized. This alone might be enough of a reason to call off the relationship.
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The mother’s actions were also questioned by many commenters
Some comments do suggest that she has some responsibility here as well. For example, asking him to come home from work when she could have just taken the suffering child to a hospital herself. Similarly, this particular habit of her husbands does seem to be something she really did think about a lot.
However, she did not take any steps to deal with it until an actual crisis happened. In her defense, however, it would appear that the man did refuse any therapy, so she is definitely not to blame for seeing a divorce. This clearly bothers her to a significant degree, so there is no use wondering if it’s an “overreaction.” His chosen lifestyle is simply not compatible with her at the end of the day. Generally, people need to be on the same page on a lot of things before marriage, which is clearly not the case here.
While her response to her son’s injury was perhaps not ideal, as she probably needed to do something beyond sit around and wait, it’s also understandable why it might be impossible for her to really “get” her husband’s actions. Despite the emergency and panic, he still has to go through this strange ritual. If she was choking or bleeding out, would he still sit there? One should be able to rely on their partner and it’s clear that this woman does not feel that way about him anymore.
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A few readers wanted more details
But most sided with the woman
However, a handful saw his position
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
In this situation, I would calmly state that he really let us down in an emergency, and it is not acceptable. It is a big deal. The condition for not divorcing him would be he must attend therapy. If he is not willing to do that, then I would not be willing to continue in the marriage.
Sorry, but he gets no pass from me. He knows this about himself, he must have the brains to realise he could endanger other people with his little 'trauma'. How he justifies hurting other people this way is beyond me. I would not have married him for that reason. As someone mentioned, I also get tired of being the only adult in the room. Everybody has problems of one sort or another, you deal with them so they don't interfere with your, or other people's lives. He was an irresponsible a*s. And making it worse by trying to justify himself afterwards.
Load More Replies...WTF - a broken ankle IS an emergency - you want your kid to be in more pain for longer than necessary, YTA person? Husband total AH here - refusing therapy and allowing kid to suffer because of past trauma not even remotely related to this shituation. Nah, get out.
A closed fracture, especially of the long bones, can still get pretty ugly. That was such a dumb comment by that person.
Load More Replies...He refuses to seek therapy for his “trauma”. He’s using it as an excuse to control her. He’s useless in an emergency. He’s selfish and only cares about himself. Since he absolutely refuses to get therapy,I see no other option other than divorce. It’s completely on him.
Would have physically hauled his ask out of the car and told him to "wait two minutes on the curb for all I care" and taken the kid in OUR car. The YTA people saying "call an ambulance" must not know about US ambulance fees that cause even people experiencing heart attacks to argue and demand just to be driven there. The US is not a place of ready health access. To be fair, neither is Canada due to huge wait times in ER, and not enough staff... But hey, at least our taxes pay for it when we finally DO get seen... Literal days later.
Exactly this! Get out the car, you useless lump, I'm taking our kid to the hospital
Load More Replies...Leave him. Hes not willing to do the work to be a good parent. He doesn't think it's a big deal, and while the reason for the PTSD sounds odd, if you aren't willing to get help, you shouldn't be around kids no matter what the cause.
He doesn't have PTSD. PTSD does not limit itself tidily to a few compulsions. It spills into everything. Someone with that strong of a compulsion that they couldn't help a kid would not be functional to hold down a job. This is a weaponized behaviour he uses to control people, and he uses trauma as an excuse. I agree with you completely that he should not be around kids.
Load More Replies...He suffers from trauma. It impacts his family. He won't do anything about it, which means that he's content to let his family bear the brunt of his trauma. Not a good thing. You and your son need someone who's committed to being a good husband and father. This man isn't it, so divorce is the right option.
I have severe, debilitating PTSD, and I work with a team of PTSD researchers. PTSD does not limit itself to a few compulsions. If he physically cannot get out of his car before 10 minutes, there's no way he can function well enough to work. There is something else going on.
Load More Replies...All the noise aside, I asked my retired judge neighbor how she would have responded to a divorce hearing like this. She said his condition or excuse for sitting in the car wouldn’t be heard. If he acted as guardian for that child in any way, even by sharing a home, he had a responsibility to act in that child’s best interest no matter who else was present. She said it was neglect on his part & absolutely grounds for divorce. Also, should he have any rights to custody, guardianship or visitation with the child, his actions then would greatly affect that and only then would his “condition” be considered and it wouldn’t be towards his interest. I’m paraphrasing, but she read OPs statement, edit & responses. Bottom line: OCD or trauma isn’t an excuse to neglect getting the child medical care as timely as possible.
If he's refusing therapy, he doesn't get to hide behind trauma for his behavior. There is no reason for his wife to be accepting of his absurd behavioral quirk if he's not accepting of it being an actual problem that needs to be addressed. And the child sitting there in pain is a ridiculous thing to accept just because *you* can't bring yourself to move for a specific time. I'm empathetic to his OCD (or whatever it is), but not to the fact that he's refused treatment for it. So yeah, ditch him. If you can't rely on him to be there for you, why stick around. And maybe leaving will finally get it through his head that he needs to do something about it.
Don't be empathetic. As someone with PTSD who also researches PTSD with a team of experts, this is not PTSD behaviour. PTSD does not limit itself neatly to a few compulsions. If he's so traumatized he cannot move from a car, he would not be able to hold down a job or function in many ways. And most PTSD sufferers are able to overcome their compulsions for a short time in an emergency. Adrenaline is powerful, and it's quick to surge in those with PTSD. I am quite certain this is a deliberate behaviour on his part that he does for his own selfish reasons and uses trauma as an excuse. That's why he's refusing treatment. He WANTS to be allowed to keep doing this because he gets some satisfaction from making people wait for him.
Load More Replies...If it’s the US, then an ambulance is expensive. But she didn’t need one, her husband was right there. But the consensus is correct - therapy and demonstrate sustained improvement or divorce.
In this situation, I would calmly state that he really let us down in an emergency, and it is not acceptable. It is a big deal. The condition for not divorcing him would be he must attend therapy. If he is not willing to do that, then I would not be willing to continue in the marriage.
Sorry, but he gets no pass from me. He knows this about himself, he must have the brains to realise he could endanger other people with his little 'trauma'. How he justifies hurting other people this way is beyond me. I would not have married him for that reason. As someone mentioned, I also get tired of being the only adult in the room. Everybody has problems of one sort or another, you deal with them so they don't interfere with your, or other people's lives. He was an irresponsible a*s. And making it worse by trying to justify himself afterwards.
Load More Replies...WTF - a broken ankle IS an emergency - you want your kid to be in more pain for longer than necessary, YTA person? Husband total AH here - refusing therapy and allowing kid to suffer because of past trauma not even remotely related to this shituation. Nah, get out.
A closed fracture, especially of the long bones, can still get pretty ugly. That was such a dumb comment by that person.
Load More Replies...He refuses to seek therapy for his “trauma”. He’s using it as an excuse to control her. He’s useless in an emergency. He’s selfish and only cares about himself. Since he absolutely refuses to get therapy,I see no other option other than divorce. It’s completely on him.
Would have physically hauled his ask out of the car and told him to "wait two minutes on the curb for all I care" and taken the kid in OUR car. The YTA people saying "call an ambulance" must not know about US ambulance fees that cause even people experiencing heart attacks to argue and demand just to be driven there. The US is not a place of ready health access. To be fair, neither is Canada due to huge wait times in ER, and not enough staff... But hey, at least our taxes pay for it when we finally DO get seen... Literal days later.
Exactly this! Get out the car, you useless lump, I'm taking our kid to the hospital
Load More Replies...Leave him. Hes not willing to do the work to be a good parent. He doesn't think it's a big deal, and while the reason for the PTSD sounds odd, if you aren't willing to get help, you shouldn't be around kids no matter what the cause.
He doesn't have PTSD. PTSD does not limit itself tidily to a few compulsions. It spills into everything. Someone with that strong of a compulsion that they couldn't help a kid would not be functional to hold down a job. This is a weaponized behaviour he uses to control people, and he uses trauma as an excuse. I agree with you completely that he should not be around kids.
Load More Replies...He suffers from trauma. It impacts his family. He won't do anything about it, which means that he's content to let his family bear the brunt of his trauma. Not a good thing. You and your son need someone who's committed to being a good husband and father. This man isn't it, so divorce is the right option.
I have severe, debilitating PTSD, and I work with a team of PTSD researchers. PTSD does not limit itself to a few compulsions. If he physically cannot get out of his car before 10 minutes, there's no way he can function well enough to work. There is something else going on.
Load More Replies...All the noise aside, I asked my retired judge neighbor how she would have responded to a divorce hearing like this. She said his condition or excuse for sitting in the car wouldn’t be heard. If he acted as guardian for that child in any way, even by sharing a home, he had a responsibility to act in that child’s best interest no matter who else was present. She said it was neglect on his part & absolutely grounds for divorce. Also, should he have any rights to custody, guardianship or visitation with the child, his actions then would greatly affect that and only then would his “condition” be considered and it wouldn’t be towards his interest. I’m paraphrasing, but she read OPs statement, edit & responses. Bottom line: OCD or trauma isn’t an excuse to neglect getting the child medical care as timely as possible.
If he's refusing therapy, he doesn't get to hide behind trauma for his behavior. There is no reason for his wife to be accepting of his absurd behavioral quirk if he's not accepting of it being an actual problem that needs to be addressed. And the child sitting there in pain is a ridiculous thing to accept just because *you* can't bring yourself to move for a specific time. I'm empathetic to his OCD (or whatever it is), but not to the fact that he's refused treatment for it. So yeah, ditch him. If you can't rely on him to be there for you, why stick around. And maybe leaving will finally get it through his head that he needs to do something about it.
Don't be empathetic. As someone with PTSD who also researches PTSD with a team of experts, this is not PTSD behaviour. PTSD does not limit itself neatly to a few compulsions. If he's so traumatized he cannot move from a car, he would not be able to hold down a job or function in many ways. And most PTSD sufferers are able to overcome their compulsions for a short time in an emergency. Adrenaline is powerful, and it's quick to surge in those with PTSD. I am quite certain this is a deliberate behaviour on his part that he does for his own selfish reasons and uses trauma as an excuse. That's why he's refusing treatment. He WANTS to be allowed to keep doing this because he gets some satisfaction from making people wait for him.
Load More Replies...If it’s the US, then an ambulance is expensive. But she didn’t need one, her husband was right there. But the consensus is correct - therapy and demonstrate sustained improvement or divorce.




































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