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![“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Husband That He Absolutely Ruined The Birth Of Our Child?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/husband-ruined-birth-child-fb33-png__700.jpg)
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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Husband That He Absolutely Ruined The Birth Of Our Child?”
Childbirth is a moment of great joy for parents, but at the same time it is a moment of great danger, because both mother and child risk their health and even their lives. Of course, modern medicine has made tremendous progress in this area recently, but still, any woman in labor needs maximum support from relatives, and medical intervention at any hint of danger.
Unfortunately, not all husbands, as it turns out, are capable of such support. Because some, as our story by the user u/Former_Monitor_4860 confirms, put their beliefs first, even at risk to the health of their wife and baby…
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
The author of the post is a new mom who gave birth to her first baby 2 months ago – even despite her husband’s ideas
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Image credits: jcomp / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guy turned out to be adherent to the home birth concept and insisted on it for the wife
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Image credits: Former_Monitor_4860
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Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s MIL also insisted on having a home birth so the mom-to-be had to give up
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Image credits: Former_Monitor_4860
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So the woman was in labor for 3 days and 22 hours of them were active labor – and the husband refused to take her to the hospital
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Image credits: Former_Monitor_4860
After giving birth, the woman felt great stress and told her spouse that he ruined the birth completely
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a new mom who gave birth to her first baby, a daughter, about 2 months ago. However, the circumstances under which the girl was born created a big rift in the relationship between the author and her husband.
The thing is that both the author’s spouse and his mother turned out to be big supporters of home births – and when our heroine first became pregnant, the man immediately expressed a wish for the birth to take place at home.
At that time, the OP considered it a trifle – after all, there were still months of pregnancy ahead. As it turns out, she underestimated it in vain… The closer the birth became, the more persistent the husband turned out to be, and he didn’t even want to hear about going to the hospital.
The woman tried to talk about it with his mother – but she turned out to be even more adherent to the “natural process” than her son. The doula invited by the husband was also overly pushy, so the author had to give up.
The 39th week of pregnancy came – and the original poster felt that it was time to give birth. She was scared and literally begged her husband and relatives to take her to the hospital, but they were completely adamant. The most they agreed to was inviting the doula.
The author was in labor for 3 days, 22 hours of which were active labor. Even the doula finally said that in 2 more hours, it would be time to urgently go to the hospital. Fortunately, the birth ended well, and the girl was born healthy. But for the mom herself, the process was so painful that she couldn’t fully recover from it.
Even weeks after the birth, she experienced stress when she picked up her daughter – because she reminded her of the suffering she had endured during childbirth. Her husband, in turn, said that “she must be strong,” and that if they wanted to have a second child, then the birth would definitely have to be at home as well.
As for our heroine, everything that happened made her think that she doesn’t want to have any more kids. In one of the conversations, she told her husband that he had ruined the birth of their child. The guy got immediately offended – and now the wife is wondering if she had crossed the line here. So the woman decided to seek support online.
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Image credits: pch.vector / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, some experts say that home births per se are quite normal, but only if the mother or the child have no obvious contraindications, and if the process is accompanied by a certified birthing professional: a nurse-midwife, a professional midwife, or a naturopathic or medical doctor who practices obstethics.
At the same time, some research has found that planned home births are associated with a higher risk of infant death or severe injury than births planned at hospitals. Based on this, neither the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) nor the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently recommends home birth, the Health Line website states.
Anyway, in this case, it was the mother who should choose, not her husband or mother-in-law. Simply because they were not the ones risking their health and life. “We encourage each person to weigh the home birth pros and cons for themselves and to choose the type of birth that feels most comfortable, safest, and exciting for them,” the Hearth and Home midwifery website says reasonably.
As for the commenters on the original post, they supported the author en masse, claiming that her husband and his mother were simply insanely wrong here. “You are dramatically under reacting. Personally I’d try to press charges,” one of the responders wrote. “This man and his family are a clear danger to you and your child,” another person added.
And people in the comments sincerely believe that the husband’s behavior effectively put an end to their marriage. “Why are you still with a man who ignored all your wishes, and was able to ignore your crying, fear and pain for hours just to get his way? A normal loving person wouldn’t be able to stand seeing you suffering at all, let alone for this long,” the commenter claimed. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this point of view?
People in the comments sided with the author totally and even urged her to file for divorce
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What do you think ?
Alexia 1 year ago
WTF did I just read? This pathetic prick literally put his wife's and unborn child's lives in danger, and he sees no problem with that. It was a traumatizing experience, that could have ended tragically: complications at birth are pretty common and, in some serious cases, they must be addressed immediately. Like, right now - not in an hour, not when the ambulance manages to arrive at your home. And when talking about a future birth, the idiot has the guts to tell her "We'll see". He's treating her worse than an animal. Girl, if you're reading this: your life is at risk. He WILL put you through that again. Contact a lawyer to discuss divorce. And consider pressing charges.
Nikki van Reenen 1 year ago
Exactly! So much could have gone wrong in those 3 days. To be ok to risk the lives of both your wife and child is beyond despicable. It's completely bizarre!
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Weasel Wise 1 year ago
A person(s) who is willing to torment a pregnant woman like that and spend days watching her being in agonizing pain, and then to say, basically, that he(they) are gonna make her do it again...I can't imagine being around such disgusting and abusive people. That's not only a grown woman being tormented but the consequences are also being brought on that poor baby, before, during, and after birth. I just can't fathom hurting a pregnant lady.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago
He left her alone part of the time. He should have to sit there with his junk in a vice and with each and every pain tighten it. No breaks. Let him know that father's, true father's are strong he, not so much. Maybe mommy could hold his hand through it all.
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Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
OP needs to contact a womans shelter for a safety plan. Her husband is psychotic and will continue to abuse her. She also needs to report the doula.
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
This was kidnapping, imprisonment, and torture. She begged to go to the hospital. She begged for medical intervention. She begged for relief. He ignored her, denied her medical care, refused to let her leave, and kept her in pain. She needs to go to the police and file charges against both the husband and the doula.
Insomniac 1 year ago
Why is that doctor not pointing out to her that she is in a situation of severe domestic violence? Why has that doctor not informed the police? The husband essentially kidnapped her and denied her medical care. And she's too young and unaware to understand what happened.
Bookworm 1 year ago
Where I live it's literal kidnapping. Kidnapping is both taking someone somewhere they don't want to be and/or keeping them somewhere they no longer want to be.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
DO NOT STAY WITH THIS CONTROLLING ABUSIVE UNFEELING MAN! DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO HAVE S*X WITH YOU. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO GET YOU PREGNANT AGAIN. IF ANYTHING. LEAVE HIM! RUN DON'T WALK AWAY! DIVORCE HIM! IT IS GOING TO GET PROGRESSIVELY WORSE FOR YOU IF YOU REMAIN WITH THIS MONSTER. IM 100% SURE THAT YOU ARE LEAVING A LOT OF OTHER THINGS OUT OF THE STORY EVEN BEFORE YOU GOT PREGNANT IN THE 1st PLACE BASED ON WHAT I AM READING. GET AWAY FROM THERE. TRUST ME! I AM A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR AND CAN SMELL AN ABUSIVE SITUATION A MILE AWAY. THIS ONE STINKS BADLY. RUN
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago
Thank you! I don't know if OP will ever read this, but thank you for putting this out there anyway. I'm sure somebody reading this post needs this.
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Spannidandoolar 1 year ago
The title needs changing, this is not a grudge, she deserved better.
Spannidandoolar 1 year ago
This is the most heartbreaking thing I've read for a while...childbirth is scary and incredibly painful but at no point did I ever have to feel like anyone in the room didn't prioritise mine and my babies health over and above everything. I can't even imagine how traumatic that must have been for her and I mean that in the truest sense of the word.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
"If you have another baby" WTF. You need to divorce him and run immediately.
Jostanquecla 1 year ago
What the hell is this. NO! This makes me so angry! The man does not get to decide how the woman will give birth. I hope so bad that she finds the strength to leave.
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago (edited)
This is 1820 behavior. Not 2020. And hubbies an evil jackass.
Lily Anne 1 year ago
I don’t remember which country had that custom of tying small rope around the husbands treasures, and when the wife has painful contractions, she pulls on the ropes, so the husband suffers with the wife during childbirth. Popularizing this custom would help getting rid of AHs like OPs husband, and in general better understanding of what women go during childbirth.
Pencil McGovern 1 year ago
There was a cartoon of that on this site the other day. It was pretty funny but just to be clear, it was never a real custom anywhere.
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CatWoman1014 1 year ago
This story needed a trigger warning because wow reading this enrages me. He is some sort of sadistic psychopath who enjoys seeing his wife in pain. I hope she divorces him and cuts all contact immediately
tori Ohno 1 year ago
After that story, any judge would grant her a divorce and custody. Especially when he refused to take her to the hospital. That's basically holding her captive since she couldn't drive herself. And the doctor! Why was her husband allowed to talk over her in the examination room? Completely inappropriate.
Nerd Groupie 1 year ago
He is by far the abusive AH. But what about that doula?! They are meant to advocate for the mother and child. I don't know what I would have done without mine. I bet the husband specifically sought out one that would agree with him and help abuse his wife. Sick.
Deborah B 1 year ago
WTF? You should have called 911 when your husband refused to drive you to the hospital. You are in an abusive relationship with a controlling man who does not care about your feelings, your comfort, your safety, or your life. Get out, because he will browbeat you into another pregnancy, or interfere with your birthcontroll, get you pregnant again, and repeat the exact same thing. You deserve better.
TheMagicalUnicorn 1 year ago
oh hell no, that's abuse, drop that guy as soon as you can because it's gonna happen again if you let it go
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
I hope this girl call her family, take the baby and run as far away from him as she can. She needs to divorce him and change him with any type of abuse she can, unlawful imprisonment and whatever else a lawyer, her Dr and the police can think of. She needs to get full custody of the baby abd nobody in his family gets to see it. That Doula needs to be reported and charged too.
Annabelle 1 year ago
In the Netherlands it’s quite normal to have a home birth or a birth without an epidural, but it’s only possible because hospitals are almost always close by and the midwife (yes not the doula) are highly trained professionals. They know what to do in an emergency. My labor started at home, but halfway I wanted to go to the hospital and my wishes were respected. When it didn’t progress the Gynaecologist took over and I got an epidural. That’s completely fine. With that in mind I am totally shocked that the doula didn’t call the hospital. Why didn’t they listen to her. I hope she will divorce her husband and find someone who does prioritise her over some fantasy.
Lynn DiBartolomeo 1 year ago
That sort of " tiff it out abuse" will trickle down to the child. Get away now.
Babs McGurk 1 year ago
If I had given birth at home I would be dead now. LET THAT SINK IN. People still die in childbirth, even in this age of modern medicine. PLEASE do not have another baby with this man-child. What he did to you is criminal.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
It's child endangerment if you let him around your child. Refusing to allow your child to get medical attention when a reasonable person would know they require care, is child abuse. If you leave your child with someone who abused children, you are neglectful. Get out asap. Call a shelter, there are hotlines and someone will help you start planning. He's a monster, but forcing a child to live with a monster is nearly as bad.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Do not stay with someone who wants to be right more than he wants his partner and child safe.
Alexandra 1 year ago
And there you have it; men's domination over women's bodies. It's not enough that women can't choose to have an abortion, they can't even choose where to have their child anymore. This poor woman is being treated as a breeder as opposed to a wife and mother.
Hinrik Ævarsson 1 year ago
This dude is really setting off my fight or flight, and I'm feeling fight. Not even in some wannabe White Knight way where I save the girl, I just saw the eye roll in my mind and wanted to break his orbital for my own selfish gratification. What brand of psycho is this dude?
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago
I'm with you. I want to fight so she can run far and fast.
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Anxious&Bored Bear 1 year ago
Men should only get an opinion about pregnancy and childbirth when they push a 7 pound person through their urethra.
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
TL:DR- the man I married considered me to be his personal breed mare and incubator; he gets to choose the where/when/why/how and who is involved with my delivery. Gaslights me, ignores me, isolates me from support and will do it again for baby #2.
Jess Smith 1 year ago
Which she's already pregnant with (first post, this one was made 2 days ago, it's in an update on her Reddit profile.) 2 FREAKING MONTHS!
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Laura Bradshaw 8 months ago
This is shocking , a*****e and evil. She should leave him it will only get worse ... he is controlling and he and his mother trapped you and tortured you basically
Lori Ortiz 10 months ago
NTA, i don't even know what to say. I'm a retired nurse and this is just a horrific thing. Where's your family in all this? I would leave and consult a lawyer. This abusive behavior will get worse.
delightfuldragon 11 months ago
Press charges. Get a great lawyer. Divorce him and get full custody. Get a restraining order. He abused the shi# out of his wife and baby. Who tf does this?!?! Then gaslighting her. Get out and far away. His mother can pi$$ right off too.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago
OP was not in pain for hours it was days. That is not healthy. They induce after 24 hours. Who was stress testing the baby? NOONE THAT'S WHO. Ruuuunnn. He and his mommy can find another baby making machine.
Kit Snicket 1 year ago
FYI it was discovered that this was all faked to get up votes, OP forgot to swap accounts before replying to comments and the alt account was full of BS post history. They then deleted the "update" to the story.
Slightly Skewed 1 year ago
"We'll see"... That comment"s enough to go scorched earth on him and his entire world.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
Im struggling to believe this is real.. on the chance it is. The husband and doula both need to be arrested. And thats only scratching the surface of what I feel should happen to the husband.
Learner Panda 1 year ago
There are machines to which a man can be attached to give him some semblance of labour pain. I suggest he is connected for THREE DAYS and left alone to suffer.
maureen loft 1 year ago
You realize he just waved a giant red banner, your and your children's safety and feelings will never take precedent over his ideas. You need to consider whether or no someone who treats you so dismissively and is willing to ignore your pain, upset and risk your unborn child to prove a point is even worth being around. Run.
Hoban Michelle 1 year ago
I’ve had a home birth but that was my choice. The woman gives birth and SHE needs to be comfortable. SHE should make the decision.
Charlie Haase 1 year ago
It this is a true story, then OP’s husband is a manipulative, controlling a*****e who doesn’t give a s**t about her. Sounds like he gets it from his mother.
Judy Takács 1 year ago
He is a sadist and tortured you for 3 days. This is spousal abuse and you need to leave him and take your child with you. There are hotlines to help you orchestrate your exit plan. And also you should sue for full custody, your child should not be exposed to the sadism of this horrible man…and his mother. Please leave this horrible abusive situation.
Kimberley Ann 1 year ago
Wow his way in an event like this. Do you get a say in antything else. The marriage would have been over for me. I would be leaving him. He does not care about your wellbeing or your child's. He gets to dictate when he gives birth...oh wait he can't! I would press charges as well.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
When he passes a baby through his genitals he gets to talk about her being "strong." Otherwise he should STFU.
Marno C. 1 year ago
I am guessing that the husband and the family don't let the woman make decisions for herself and for her body for A LOT of things. This was the cherry on the ab*sive sundae. If she thinks about it, I bet there have been a bunch of times that she said 'No' to something and was ignored.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
WHAT "beliefs"? I don't know of any religion where you're obliged to give birth at home. Either way this guy is a goddamn psychopath.
Laura Gillette 1 year ago
"Why didn't you call 911?" "I was scared" SCARED OF WHAT?? That says it all right there. She is a hostage to that abusive man and his enabling mother. I hope she finds a way to escape with her daughter.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago (edited)
Doulas are NOT equipped to deliver a baby. Doulas are for support only. They cannot do dilation checks, etc. Advanced doulas can do checks and vitals but even they are not equipped to know when a homebirth should be a hospital birth. It is completely out of scope of practice. You need a midwife for a homebirth. Source: I am a doula. Also, doulas provide support in both home and hospital births. It would be rare for a doula to not only push for a homebirth, but to also be in cahoots with the partner. Doulas work for the pregnant person, no one else. I'm also confused because doulas meet with clients several times before birth. Did OP never expres that she didn't want this? I would never move forward with a client that said they didn't want my services, no matter what their partner said.
Jilly 1 year ago
You are not in a safe place. The amount of control he had over you when YOU were going through pregnancy is very problematic. If he is that controlling over how YOU give birth then I know for a fact that he is controlling in all aspects of your life. Trust me, im a mother of one and also a survivor of an abusive relationship. Please go to a friend or trusted family member before it’s too late.
Jess Smith 1 year ago
For what it's worth, OP is now pregnant *again*, the original post was two days ago, and hubby made OP drop out of college, if I'm reading her posts on her profile correctly. Yes, pregnant AGAIN. OP also says hubby is a "good" guy, and is clearly being emotionally abused. OP, if you're reading this: you're not alone. Make an excuse to go someplace without your kid. And then go. Go somewhere. Anywhere far away from him. You said you live in the South. If you don't want another kid, go up north, get an abortion. It's better to be on your own than with him. He endangered your life and kidnapped you. Just run. Far away. I'd offer to help, but I don't have much to offer. Don't trust your husband or his family. They are kidnappers who were ok with you dying. Not 'family'.
Jilly 1 year ago
I would go get her right now and get her away from that pig if I knew who she was!
Load More Replies... Broadredpanda 1 year ago
Please show your horrible f*****g husband what people are saying on here OP I'm disgusted and I would walk away. It's not love, it's controlling behaviour and he'll get worse. Please don't have another child with him. You'll probably never forgive him. I'd leave so he understands what he's done. Even if it's only for a few days. I would have phoned 911, friends and/or family! I don't understand why you didn't go to hospital.
Sarah Ellison 1 year ago
The fact this woman didn't ask her doctor for help in leaving her husband astonishes me.
Alexia 1 year ago
WTF did I just read? This pathetic prick literally put his wife's and unborn child's lives in danger, and he sees no problem with that. It was a traumatizing experience, that could have ended tragically: complications at birth are pretty common and, in some serious cases, they must be addressed immediately. Like, right now - not in an hour, not when the ambulance manages to arrive at your home. And when talking about a future birth, the idiot has the guts to tell her "We'll see". He's treating her worse than an animal. Girl, if you're reading this: your life is at risk. He WILL put you through that again. Contact a lawyer to discuss divorce. And consider pressing charges.
Nikki van Reenen 1 year ago
Exactly! So much could have gone wrong in those 3 days. To be ok to risk the lives of both your wife and child is beyond despicable. It's completely bizarre!
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 1 year ago
A person(s) who is willing to torment a pregnant woman like that and spend days watching her being in agonizing pain, and then to say, basically, that he(they) are gonna make her do it again...I can't imagine being around such disgusting and abusive people. That's not only a grown woman being tormented but the consequences are also being brought on that poor baby, before, during, and after birth. I just can't fathom hurting a pregnant lady.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago
He left her alone part of the time. He should have to sit there with his junk in a vice and with each and every pain tighten it. No breaks. Let him know that father's, true father's are strong he, not so much. Maybe mommy could hold his hand through it all.
Load More Replies... Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
OP needs to contact a womans shelter for a safety plan. Her husband is psychotic and will continue to abuse her. She also needs to report the doula.
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
This was kidnapping, imprisonment, and torture. She begged to go to the hospital. She begged for medical intervention. She begged for relief. He ignored her, denied her medical care, refused to let her leave, and kept her in pain. She needs to go to the police and file charges against both the husband and the doula.
Insomniac 1 year ago
Why is that doctor not pointing out to her that she is in a situation of severe domestic violence? Why has that doctor not informed the police? The husband essentially kidnapped her and denied her medical care. And she's too young and unaware to understand what happened.
Bookworm 1 year ago
Where I live it's literal kidnapping. Kidnapping is both taking someone somewhere they don't want to be and/or keeping them somewhere they no longer want to be.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
DO NOT STAY WITH THIS CONTROLLING ABUSIVE UNFEELING MAN! DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO HAVE S*X WITH YOU. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO GET YOU PREGNANT AGAIN. IF ANYTHING. LEAVE HIM! RUN DON'T WALK AWAY! DIVORCE HIM! IT IS GOING TO GET PROGRESSIVELY WORSE FOR YOU IF YOU REMAIN WITH THIS MONSTER. IM 100% SURE THAT YOU ARE LEAVING A LOT OF OTHER THINGS OUT OF THE STORY EVEN BEFORE YOU GOT PREGNANT IN THE 1st PLACE BASED ON WHAT I AM READING. GET AWAY FROM THERE. TRUST ME! I AM A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR AND CAN SMELL AN ABUSIVE SITUATION A MILE AWAY. THIS ONE STINKS BADLY. RUN
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago
Thank you! I don't know if OP will ever read this, but thank you for putting this out there anyway. I'm sure somebody reading this post needs this.
Load More Replies... Spannidandoolar 1 year ago
The title needs changing, this is not a grudge, she deserved better.
Spannidandoolar 1 year ago
This is the most heartbreaking thing I've read for a while...childbirth is scary and incredibly painful but at no point did I ever have to feel like anyone in the room didn't prioritise mine and my babies health over and above everything. I can't even imagine how traumatic that must have been for her and I mean that in the truest sense of the word.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
"If you have another baby" WTF. You need to divorce him and run immediately.
Jostanquecla 1 year ago
What the hell is this. NO! This makes me so angry! The man does not get to decide how the woman will give birth. I hope so bad that she finds the strength to leave.
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago (edited)
This is 1820 behavior. Not 2020. And hubbies an evil jackass.
Lily Anne 1 year ago
I don’t remember which country had that custom of tying small rope around the husbands treasures, and when the wife has painful contractions, she pulls on the ropes, so the husband suffers with the wife during childbirth. Popularizing this custom would help getting rid of AHs like OPs husband, and in general better understanding of what women go during childbirth.
Pencil McGovern 1 year ago
There was a cartoon of that on this site the other day. It was pretty funny but just to be clear, it was never a real custom anywhere.
Load More Replies... CatWoman1014 1 year ago
This story needed a trigger warning because wow reading this enrages me. He is some sort of sadistic psychopath who enjoys seeing his wife in pain. I hope she divorces him and cuts all contact immediately
tori Ohno 1 year ago
After that story, any judge would grant her a divorce and custody. Especially when he refused to take her to the hospital. That's basically holding her captive since she couldn't drive herself. And the doctor! Why was her husband allowed to talk over her in the examination room? Completely inappropriate.
Nerd Groupie 1 year ago
He is by far the abusive AH. But what about that doula?! They are meant to advocate for the mother and child. I don't know what I would have done without mine. I bet the husband specifically sought out one that would agree with him and help abuse his wife. Sick.
Deborah B 1 year ago
WTF? You should have called 911 when your husband refused to drive you to the hospital. You are in an abusive relationship with a controlling man who does not care about your feelings, your comfort, your safety, or your life. Get out, because he will browbeat you into another pregnancy, or interfere with your birthcontroll, get you pregnant again, and repeat the exact same thing. You deserve better.
TheMagicalUnicorn 1 year ago
oh hell no, that's abuse, drop that guy as soon as you can because it's gonna happen again if you let it go
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
I hope this girl call her family, take the baby and run as far away from him as she can. She needs to divorce him and change him with any type of abuse she can, unlawful imprisonment and whatever else a lawyer, her Dr and the police can think of. She needs to get full custody of the baby abd nobody in his family gets to see it. That Doula needs to be reported and charged too.
Annabelle 1 year ago
In the Netherlands it’s quite normal to have a home birth or a birth without an epidural, but it’s only possible because hospitals are almost always close by and the midwife (yes not the doula) are highly trained professionals. They know what to do in an emergency. My labor started at home, but halfway I wanted to go to the hospital and my wishes were respected. When it didn’t progress the Gynaecologist took over and I got an epidural. That’s completely fine. With that in mind I am totally shocked that the doula didn’t call the hospital. Why didn’t they listen to her. I hope she will divorce her husband and find someone who does prioritise her over some fantasy.
Lynn DiBartolomeo 1 year ago
That sort of " tiff it out abuse" will trickle down to the child. Get away now.
Babs McGurk 1 year ago
If I had given birth at home I would be dead now. LET THAT SINK IN. People still die in childbirth, even in this age of modern medicine. PLEASE do not have another baby with this man-child. What he did to you is criminal.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
It's child endangerment if you let him around your child. Refusing to allow your child to get medical attention when a reasonable person would know they require care, is child abuse. If you leave your child with someone who abused children, you are neglectful. Get out asap. Call a shelter, there are hotlines and someone will help you start planning. He's a monster, but forcing a child to live with a monster is nearly as bad.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Do not stay with someone who wants to be right more than he wants his partner and child safe.
Alexandra 1 year ago
And there you have it; men's domination over women's bodies. It's not enough that women can't choose to have an abortion, they can't even choose where to have their child anymore. This poor woman is being treated as a breeder as opposed to a wife and mother.
Hinrik Ævarsson 1 year ago
This dude is really setting off my fight or flight, and I'm feeling fight. Not even in some wannabe White Knight way where I save the girl, I just saw the eye roll in my mind and wanted to break his orbital for my own selfish gratification. What brand of psycho is this dude?
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago
I'm with you. I want to fight so she can run far and fast.
Load More Replies... Anxious&Bored Bear 1 year ago
Men should only get an opinion about pregnancy and childbirth when they push a 7 pound person through their urethra.
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
TL:DR- the man I married considered me to be his personal breed mare and incubator; he gets to choose the where/when/why/how and who is involved with my delivery. Gaslights me, ignores me, isolates me from support and will do it again for baby #2.
Jess Smith 1 year ago
Which she's already pregnant with (first post, this one was made 2 days ago, it's in an update on her Reddit profile.) 2 FREAKING MONTHS!
Load More Replies... Laura Bradshaw 8 months ago
This is shocking , a*****e and evil. She should leave him it will only get worse ... he is controlling and he and his mother trapped you and tortured you basically
Lori Ortiz 10 months ago
NTA, i don't even know what to say. I'm a retired nurse and this is just a horrific thing. Where's your family in all this? I would leave and consult a lawyer. This abusive behavior will get worse.
delightfuldragon 11 months ago
Press charges. Get a great lawyer. Divorce him and get full custody. Get a restraining order. He abused the shi# out of his wife and baby. Who tf does this?!?! Then gaslighting her. Get out and far away. His mother can pi$$ right off too.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago
OP was not in pain for hours it was days. That is not healthy. They induce after 24 hours. Who was stress testing the baby? NOONE THAT'S WHO. Ruuuunnn. He and his mommy can find another baby making machine.
Kit Snicket 1 year ago
FYI it was discovered that this was all faked to get up votes, OP forgot to swap accounts before replying to comments and the alt account was full of BS post history. They then deleted the "update" to the story.
Slightly Skewed 1 year ago
"We'll see"... That comment"s enough to go scorched earth on him and his entire world.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
Im struggling to believe this is real.. on the chance it is. The husband and doula both need to be arrested. And thats only scratching the surface of what I feel should happen to the husband.
Learner Panda 1 year ago
There are machines to which a man can be attached to give him some semblance of labour pain. I suggest he is connected for THREE DAYS and left alone to suffer.
maureen loft 1 year ago
You realize he just waved a giant red banner, your and your children's safety and feelings will never take precedent over his ideas. You need to consider whether or no someone who treats you so dismissively and is willing to ignore your pain, upset and risk your unborn child to prove a point is even worth being around. Run.
Hoban Michelle 1 year ago
I’ve had a home birth but that was my choice. The woman gives birth and SHE needs to be comfortable. SHE should make the decision.
Charlie Haase 1 year ago
It this is a true story, then OP’s husband is a manipulative, controlling a*****e who doesn’t give a s**t about her. Sounds like he gets it from his mother.
Judy Takács 1 year ago
He is a sadist and tortured you for 3 days. This is spousal abuse and you need to leave him and take your child with you. There are hotlines to help you orchestrate your exit plan. And also you should sue for full custody, your child should not be exposed to the sadism of this horrible man…and his mother. Please leave this horrible abusive situation.
Kimberley Ann 1 year ago
Wow his way in an event like this. Do you get a say in antything else. The marriage would have been over for me. I would be leaving him. He does not care about your wellbeing or your child's. He gets to dictate when he gives birth...oh wait he can't! I would press charges as well.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
When he passes a baby through his genitals he gets to talk about her being "strong." Otherwise he should STFU.
Marno C. 1 year ago
I am guessing that the husband and the family don't let the woman make decisions for herself and for her body for A LOT of things. This was the cherry on the ab*sive sundae. If she thinks about it, I bet there have been a bunch of times that she said 'No' to something and was ignored.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
WHAT "beliefs"? I don't know of any religion where you're obliged to give birth at home. Either way this guy is a goddamn psychopath.
Laura Gillette 1 year ago
"Why didn't you call 911?" "I was scared" SCARED OF WHAT?? That says it all right there. She is a hostage to that abusive man and his enabling mother. I hope she finds a way to escape with her daughter.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago (edited)
Doulas are NOT equipped to deliver a baby. Doulas are for support only. They cannot do dilation checks, etc. Advanced doulas can do checks and vitals but even they are not equipped to know when a homebirth should be a hospital birth. It is completely out of scope of practice. You need a midwife for a homebirth. Source: I am a doula. Also, doulas provide support in both home and hospital births. It would be rare for a doula to not only push for a homebirth, but to also be in cahoots with the partner. Doulas work for the pregnant person, no one else. I'm also confused because doulas meet with clients several times before birth. Did OP never expres that she didn't want this? I would never move forward with a client that said they didn't want my services, no matter what their partner said.
Jilly 1 year ago
You are not in a safe place. The amount of control he had over you when YOU were going through pregnancy is very problematic. If he is that controlling over how YOU give birth then I know for a fact that he is controlling in all aspects of your life. Trust me, im a mother of one and also a survivor of an abusive relationship. Please go to a friend or trusted family member before it’s too late.
Jess Smith 1 year ago
For what it's worth, OP is now pregnant *again*, the original post was two days ago, and hubby made OP drop out of college, if I'm reading her posts on her profile correctly. Yes, pregnant AGAIN. OP also says hubby is a "good" guy, and is clearly being emotionally abused. OP, if you're reading this: you're not alone. Make an excuse to go someplace without your kid. And then go. Go somewhere. Anywhere far away from him. You said you live in the South. If you don't want another kid, go up north, get an abortion. It's better to be on your own than with him. He endangered your life and kidnapped you. Just run. Far away. I'd offer to help, but I don't have much to offer. Don't trust your husband or his family. They are kidnappers who were ok with you dying. Not 'family'.
Jilly 1 year ago
I would go get her right now and get her away from that pig if I knew who she was!
Load More Replies... Broadredpanda 1 year ago
Please show your horrible f*****g husband what people are saying on here OP I'm disgusted and I would walk away. It's not love, it's controlling behaviour and he'll get worse. Please don't have another child with him. You'll probably never forgive him. I'd leave so he understands what he's done. Even if it's only for a few days. I would have phoned 911, friends and/or family! I don't understand why you didn't go to hospital.
Sarah Ellison 1 year ago
The fact this woman didn't ask her doctor for help in leaving her husband astonishes me.
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