Woman Who Works A Full-Time Job Gets Called “Housewife” By Her Husband, Laughs Hysterically, “Embarrasses” Him In Front Of Coworkers
Starting a new job and navigating a different culture can be stressful for anyone. Not only do you have to get used to countless work procedures, company policies, and the whole environment, but you also want to get along with your workmates. And we all know how much first impressions count.
But when one man invited his new coworkers to his home for dinner, probably the last thing they expected was getting involved in a heated family drama. Reddit user Sadie3586478 recently created a post on the popular AITA subreddit with one question in mind — whether or not she was wrong to get into an argument with her husband.
When the husband wanted to introduce his partner to the guests, nearly the first thing that came out of his mouth was an insult. You see, he presented his spouse as “the housewife”, even though she works full-time. While this could have left the woman feeling upset and unappreciated, she instead decided to hit back with a sharp response. Read on to find out how the story unfolded and share your thoughts about it in the comments!
Recently, a woman opened up about a heated argument with her husband after he introduced her as “the housewife”, even though she works full-time
Image credits: Kamaji Ogino (not the actual photo)
While inappropriate remarks can make anyone feel upset, the user chose to hit back with a sharp response instead
Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sadie3586478
To find out what an expert had to say about this incident, we reached out to relationship coach Marta, founder of MyCoachMarta. “I can only speculate based on this single conversation because I don’t know the complete context of this couple’s dynamic, but it appears like the husband attempted to boost his ego by putting his wife down and passing it off as a joke. For me, this is a relationship red flag,” she told Bored Panda.
Making inappropriate remarks about his SO in front of others can tell us a lot about the husband. “People who have a good sense of self-worth don’t need to prove themselves by harming others. The fact that he sought external validation from his colleagues at the expense of his wife says a lot about how he views himself,” she added.
We also managed to get in touch with Sundy Gilchrist, a relationship coach and founder of Sublime Relationships. She mentioned there could be many reasons why the man chose to introduce his partner this way, and some of them are probably totally unconscious ones.
The coach explained that having a non-working wife could make him feel like he’s a great provider for her and his family. “He also might wish his wife didn’t work and stayed home and made his castle a place of respite after being out there in the jungle of life,” she said and added many would be surprised how deeply ingrained these old conditionings are in some men.
Gilchrist added that he also could feel threatened by her success and envious of her competence and drive (if she’s successful) because, with this attempt, he tried to make himself bigger by making her appear small. “He might have felt the urge to not have her in the ‘limelight’ as having a successful career in her own right, wanting the focus to be on him amongst his colleagues,” she continued.
However, both spouses got into reactivity, Gilchrist argued. The wife became passive-aggressive, laughed in a pretending manner, and put her husband down in public. “He reacted by feeling diminished and belittled in front of his colleagues and losing face in the event of it all, not talking about it whilst still making eyes, and then blowing up after, closing down and sulking.”
According to her, it would have been better if the woman chose to ask him why he introduced her in that way as she found it upsetting, and she’s curious to know why he did it. “She might have apologized for jumping straight into reactive defense without asking him why he’d introduced her in a way that negated a part of who she is.” Moreover, “He might have seen her face just in time to rescue the situation and say an apology to the effect of his unaware introduction.”
Redditors unanimously agreed the wife was not in the wrong, here’s what they had to say
“His reaction indicates that he is more concerned with someone thinking he is a decent guy than with actually being one,” an expert said
The man’s introduction was absolutely inappropriate and the wife’s reaction would have added salt to his subconscious unworthiness wound, Marta argued. “The intensity of her reaction tells me that this triggered something for her, most likely because it was not the first time he said something demeaning. While I understand and empathize with the wife’s reaction, it only further fuelled her husband to turn it against her.”
Also, his lack of apology and the following reaction is a warning sign for gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation in toxic relationship dynamics. “His remark was meant to embarrass his wife, but he accused her of doing the same to him — this is a sign of projecting his intentions onto her. His fears of her “ruining his image” demonstrate how fragile his self-esteem is and how much he relies on external validation to feel good about himself,” Marta said.
Hurtful interactions have no place in a healthy relationship, so the husband’s remark should never have been voiced aloud in the first place. “This type of behavior is triggering, so it’s difficult to respond appropriately in a heated moment. Short responses and avoiding heated disputes are the best reactions because gaslighters thrive on defensive behaviors and it fosters further gaslighting with comments like ‘you’re too sensitive,'” Marta explained.
The relationship coach suggested a few examples of responses that could help handle similar situations appropriately and not add more fuel to the fire. “My employment and qualifications are not up for debate,” “I’m not sure what was amusing about it,” or “That’s an intriguing perspective you have of me when I work full-time and run our home”.
“Women sometimes cease seeing gaslighting like this in relationships where it is prevalent, and it continues to erode their self-esteem, confidence, and takes a toll on their mental health.”
Marta believes this couple would benefit from an open conversation “about not only what happened that night, but also how they communicate, boundaries, and emotional safety.”
Please stop saying that men "help" with household chores. That implies that it's your job to begin with and it's not! It's the same as saying a dad babysits his own child. You don't need help, you need your partner to pull his weight. And before you all get your panties in a bunch, I know not all men are like this, not all women are like this, not all relationships are like this. You know very well what I mean and why I said it
My son is 8, my daugther 6. I was told once that I am lucky they help me... They are not helping me (why me? We are 2 parents... Oh yeah I'm the only one having a vagina), they are doing their share, according to their age, just like my partner and I. We are doing our share.
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lmao! one of the images here is supposed to be in a post about a dog who licks the closest door whenever he wants to go outside because he thinks every door is the front door. i exploded into laughter seeing it here! omg, this is the best mixup ive ever seen
Thanks for pointing out our mistake! The wild random text has been removed :)
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She was so right to call him on it. If they'd discussed it privately afterward the co-workers would never have heard a correction. She may never see them again but it still matters that they aren't told lies about her. And who introduces their wife as "Mrs"?
I was married to a Brit, where it appears to be a very common thing to introduce a spouse as "the wife." It irritated me no end when my ex did that. I finally snapped at a very fancy party we attended, and he did his usual, and introduced me as THE wife. I snapped back "I'm not THE wife - I'm YOUR wife!" He got all red faced and tried to give me hell about it right after the other couple had walked away. I simply said "I warned you. Stop introducing me as the wife," and walked off.
Typical insecure male asserting his dominance over a woman to try to hide the fact that he loves licking knobs and doesn't know how to come out of the closet.
Troux, your comment is hilarious and you beat the system, knobs wasn't censored :D
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I introduce my wife as "my wife", complete with name and respect. What she does is no ones business unless she shares it herself.
That's a great point. And I find your introduction to be egalitarian and lovely.
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I find it so off-putting when a man sees competition in his woman, rather than someone to be proud of. It makes them look so pathetic. Like, I feel that part of my "job" as a girlfriend is to hype him up. But shouldn't this be mutual?
i think so too, cause I was really confused lol
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I would be fine if he just said: "This is [her name], my wife." and then let het talk about herself. Introducing her as "Mrs. Smith, the housewife" is rude and dismissive, even if she was one. Husband is insecure and rude jackass.
A guy i dated for a year + was a bit socially awkward and always introduced me as "my girlfriend" without adding what my name is. I didn't interject as i had a great idea after i noticed what he was doing. We had an upcoming camping trip where I'd be meeting a large group of his friends for the first time...i got a Tshirt printed up that said "Jason's girlfriend" and wore it for the drive there and meeting xD he loved the shirt and was apologetic when i told him why i made it and always made sure to introduce me by name after. The shirt was a hit with his friends and when i wore it waitressing men often commented that Jason was a lucky guy. Nice compliment :)
I am so grateful that my parents tried to bring out the best in one another. They got married when my mom was a junior in higher school.(No, she was not pregnant.) After she graduated, my dad told her that they weren't going to have kids until she went to college and that's what she did. She got her Associates degree and later on her Bachelors degree. My dad has always been proud of his smart and educated wife.
Ego. The problem is the hubby's ego. Been married for decades and can tell you, my hubby NEVER would have tried this one on me. He hasn't because he respects me, and he knows that it would not go well.
Licking doorknobs sounds like something that a 3 year old would do. His coworkers better watch out before he starts to lick their doorknobs.
I wonder what possessed her to marry this yutz... misogyny is obviously not new to him. I had a friend who introduces his wife as "the little lady" but it is a running joke, because she was only 4'9", and he would never introduce her that way if they weren't both enjoying the joke. I think there must have been many red flags leading up to this.
My husband writes a blog under the name "Library Boy". He asked me what name to use for me in his writing. It's either my first name or "Mrs. Library Boy". It's a bit of a joke for us and it gives me privacy (I have my own last name).
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My missus would have been pissed about being called the 'housewife' too... cause that's her playful nickname for me and has been since we started going out and she got me a valentines card for wives cause i did all the housework and cooking and i call her 'hubby' because as i'm disabled she does most of the lifting and heavy work that I can't. Whilst it may seem to some that we're still carrying on using out-of-date descriptions of what roles there are in a relationship even if they are reversed, it's just between us and they're playful nicknames not a job description and i can totally see why this lady was pissed off at her husband if he's giving off the impression at work about her that's not a true reflection.
You've got a fun inside joke going on and using out of date terms in an ironic way. Nothing wrong with that at all. This man is pathetic and doesn't love and respect his wife enough to put her feelings above the views of his colleagues and his ego.
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It's unfair to judge someone's marriage based on such a small sample, but I do love a strong confident woman.
Hope someone who needs to sees this. This man is not respecting this woman AT ALL. Unless you get an sincere apology and a change in his attitude , time for him to move out. This sort of behaviour will get worse and worse. You'd be happier, healthier and saner on your own. "but he does not hit me" is not a good enough reason to stay. ( which i did for far too long )
NTA and neither would you be The A*****e if you served him some divorce papers for dinner next time he invites his coworkers over. (or sooner, if he's too "embarrassed" to have them over again) if he wants a doormat for a wife, let him try find another.
So all it took for his misogyny to come out was to be put in charge of a house tour. I guess that's the history of sexism in a nutshell. Give people the tiniest bit of power...
Having been a SAHM and a full time working mom, my husband has only ever just introduced me as "This is my wife Lytha, the one who makes those amazing treats I bring to the office"
another example of a person who needs to be told "honey throw the whole husband out"
Oh come on. So clearly NTA. Blah! What a weak ass for a husband. That would be one of the biggest insults imo and I would never accept it (neither did she obviously). He can feel embarrassed all he wants. He tried to belittle her in a disgusting way. Also, he shouldn't "help" with housework but do his share. Idiot.
Even though I am a "housewife" my husband would never introduce me as such - usually he'll just say "this is Lorna" - you know since he's likely spoke about me to his work folk anyway - he'd never refer to me as mrs whatever or as a housewife, that's just plain weird
The correct thing should've been, this is Linda, my partner! She is the one who makes it possible for me to do my job, but she also is in believably talented in her own career and i do mot deserve her! Also, she is the one who runs the show!
What's even up with trying to prop himself up by denying her achievements? I would be way more impressed, if he introduced her with her actual job, because there's this smart, capable, financially independent woman who chose to marry you (not that housewives aren't impressive themselves, theyre just lacking that impressing-by-proxy power)
Definitely not married to a house, married to an ass. Also if not working outside the home, then homemaker, still not married to a house.
Wow. Sometimes, some men put their foot their foot in their mouths just to get a laugh… and then throw a tantrum because it turned on them. Sounds like the Republican Party to me. Also the Democratic Party. Interesting.
She is NA, her husband was.....but! Imho, I wish she had politely corrected him in front of his coworkers and then privately rip him a new one.
Housewife is the unpaid job women do on top of their paid job. You wonder why couples ages 40 refuse to live together, refuse no more..
I would of handled it a bit differently myself. I would of said " what Mrs Smith meant to say was that my name is "Sally or whatever", I work full time and still had time to pull off this fabulous meal for all of you!" Then a little later if anyone offered to help clean up, I would of Said" no thank you, the house husband will be doing all the washing up" .....
For F’s sake, nobody go to Marta for relationship counseling. Her advice seems to be basically victim blaming. I wonder what she’d say to if he had harmed her physically- based on what she says here, it would be something along the lines of “of course he shouldn’t have knocked you down, but you being reactive and kicking him didn’t help matters”. What she should have said was “divorce him before he escalates to physical abuse.”
Timely correction is very healthy, he may be upset but he needed to know it was not ok and pulling the conversation out of public only opens the door to counter correction. You have the social graces and he might have the muscle (unproven) but this was far better than him being able to pressure you into allowing him to do it again. (Ps you didn't marry a narcissist right,? They aren't really fixable)
My ex used to sometimes try embarrass me at checkouts by saying crap like "I suppose I'll have to pay again" and other lame jokes about how I'm spending his money. Weekly food shop was usually on his card and I handled other things on mine. I can take a joke and we both had similar sense of humor that could get close to the bone sometimes. But I'd got so fed up with this that one day I retorted with "Well I would if you'd let me have access to my own money" or words to that effect. I was totally deadpan, didn't crack a smile or give any indication I was joking. It was so awkward.
NTA, he opened the door by trying to demean you. Maybe he should not dish it out unless he can't take it. My hubs did this as well and I always resoponded in kind. Eventually he got the picture.
You are definitely not the a hole.. He was a jerk by not even showing the simple respect of introducing you by your first name.
Neither myself or my husband have degrees. We've still managed to find our way in the world and nearly own our home at 40, I don't know, a lot of these posts seem to be made by people who would consider themselves educated and, to be honest, above most other people because of that. But then they post crap like this which says to me that they lack emotional maturity and to be honest would not be the sort of people I would ever wish to associate with. Grow up both of you, your husband is a plank and you think you're amazing because you have a degree, something most people seem to have nowadays. Couple of narcissists.
Didn't think about the meaning of the word? He chose to use this particular word, how did he arrive at it in the first place? Sorry, but this sounds like the kind of excuse a sleazy politician would use.
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Absolutely not. She had every right to embarrass him when he is the one who embarrassed her first and outright lied about her. The whole thing is his fault.
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Please stop saying that men "help" with household chores. That implies that it's your job to begin with and it's not! It's the same as saying a dad babysits his own child. You don't need help, you need your partner to pull his weight. And before you all get your panties in a bunch, I know not all men are like this, not all women are like this, not all relationships are like this. You know very well what I mean and why I said it
My son is 8, my daugther 6. I was told once that I am lucky they help me... They are not helping me (why me? We are 2 parents... Oh yeah I'm the only one having a vagina), they are doing their share, according to their age, just like my partner and I. We are doing our share.
Load More Replies... lmao! one of the images here is supposed to be in a post about a dog who licks the closest door whenever he wants to go outside because he thinks every door is the front door. i exploded into laughter seeing it here! omg, this is the best mixup ive ever seen
Thanks for pointing out our mistake! The wild random text has been removed :)
Load More Replies... She was so right to call him on it. If they'd discussed it privately afterward the co-workers would never have heard a correction. She may never see them again but it still matters that they aren't told lies about her. And who introduces their wife as "Mrs"?
I was married to a Brit, where it appears to be a very common thing to introduce a spouse as "the wife." It irritated me no end when my ex did that. I finally snapped at a very fancy party we attended, and he did his usual, and introduced me as THE wife. I snapped back "I'm not THE wife - I'm YOUR wife!" He got all red faced and tried to give me hell about it right after the other couple had walked away. I simply said "I warned you. Stop introducing me as the wife," and walked off.
Typical insecure male asserting his dominance over a woman to try to hide the fact that he loves licking knobs and doesn't know how to come out of the closet.
Troux, your comment is hilarious and you beat the system, knobs wasn't censored :D
Load More Replies... I introduce my wife as "my wife", complete with name and respect. What she does is no ones business unless she shares it herself.
That's a great point. And I find your introduction to be egalitarian and lovely.
Load More Replies... I find it so off-putting when a man sees competition in his woman, rather than someone to be proud of. It makes them look so pathetic. Like, I feel that part of my "job" as a girlfriend is to hype him up. But shouldn't this be mutual?
i think so too, cause I was really confused lol
Load More Replies... I would be fine if he just said: "This is [her name], my wife." and then let het talk about herself. Introducing her as "Mrs. Smith, the housewife" is rude and dismissive, even if she was one. Husband is insecure and rude jackass.
A guy i dated for a year + was a bit socially awkward and always introduced me as "my girlfriend" without adding what my name is. I didn't interject as i had a great idea after i noticed what he was doing. We had an upcoming camping trip where I'd be meeting a large group of his friends for the first time...i got a Tshirt printed up that said "Jason's girlfriend" and wore it for the drive there and meeting xD he loved the shirt and was apologetic when i told him why i made it and always made sure to introduce me by name after. The shirt was a hit with his friends and when i wore it waitressing men often commented that Jason was a lucky guy. Nice compliment :)
I am so grateful that my parents tried to bring out the best in one another. They got married when my mom was a junior in higher school.(No, she was not pregnant.) After she graduated, my dad told her that they weren't going to have kids until she went to college and that's what she did. She got her Associates degree and later on her Bachelors degree. My dad has always been proud of his smart and educated wife.
Ego. The problem is the hubby's ego. Been married for decades and can tell you, my hubby NEVER would have tried this one on me. He hasn't because he respects me, and he knows that it would not go well.
Licking doorknobs sounds like something that a 3 year old would do. His coworkers better watch out before he starts to lick their doorknobs.
I wonder what possessed her to marry this yutz... misogyny is obviously not new to him. I had a friend who introduces his wife as "the little lady" but it is a running joke, because she was only 4'9", and he would never introduce her that way if they weren't both enjoying the joke. I think there must have been many red flags leading up to this.
My husband writes a blog under the name "Library Boy". He asked me what name to use for me in his writing. It's either my first name or "Mrs. Library Boy". It's a bit of a joke for us and it gives me privacy (I have my own last name).
Load More Replies... My missus would have been pissed about being called the 'housewife' too... cause that's her playful nickname for me and has been since we started going out and she got me a valentines card for wives cause i did all the housework and cooking and i call her 'hubby' because as i'm disabled she does most of the lifting and heavy work that I can't. Whilst it may seem to some that we're still carrying on using out-of-date descriptions of what roles there are in a relationship even if they are reversed, it's just between us and they're playful nicknames not a job description and i can totally see why this lady was pissed off at her husband if he's giving off the impression at work about her that's not a true reflection.
You've got a fun inside joke going on and using out of date terms in an ironic way. Nothing wrong with that at all. This man is pathetic and doesn't love and respect his wife enough to put her feelings above the views of his colleagues and his ego.
Load More Replies... It's unfair to judge someone's marriage based on such a small sample, but I do love a strong confident woman.
Hope someone who needs to sees this. This man is not respecting this woman AT ALL. Unless you get an sincere apology and a change in his attitude , time for him to move out. This sort of behaviour will get worse and worse. You'd be happier, healthier and saner on your own. "but he does not hit me" is not a good enough reason to stay. ( which i did for far too long )
NTA and neither would you be The A*****e if you served him some divorce papers for dinner next time he invites his coworkers over. (or sooner, if he's too "embarrassed" to have them over again) if he wants a doormat for a wife, let him try find another.
So all it took for his misogyny to come out was to be put in charge of a house tour. I guess that's the history of sexism in a nutshell. Give people the tiniest bit of power...
Having been a SAHM and a full time working mom, my husband has only ever just introduced me as "This is my wife Lytha, the one who makes those amazing treats I bring to the office"
another example of a person who needs to be told "honey throw the whole husband out"
Oh come on. So clearly NTA. Blah! What a weak ass for a husband. That would be one of the biggest insults imo and I would never accept it (neither did she obviously). He can feel embarrassed all he wants. He tried to belittle her in a disgusting way. Also, he shouldn't "help" with housework but do his share. Idiot.
Even though I am a "housewife" my husband would never introduce me as such - usually he'll just say "this is Lorna" - you know since he's likely spoke about me to his work folk anyway - he'd never refer to me as mrs whatever or as a housewife, that's just plain weird
The correct thing should've been, this is Linda, my partner! She is the one who makes it possible for me to do my job, but she also is in believably talented in her own career and i do mot deserve her! Also, she is the one who runs the show!
What's even up with trying to prop himself up by denying her achievements? I would be way more impressed, if he introduced her with her actual job, because there's this smart, capable, financially independent woman who chose to marry you (not that housewives aren't impressive themselves, theyre just lacking that impressing-by-proxy power)
Definitely not married to a house, married to an ass. Also if not working outside the home, then homemaker, still not married to a house.
Wow. Sometimes, some men put their foot their foot in their mouths just to get a laugh… and then throw a tantrum because it turned on them. Sounds like the Republican Party to me. Also the Democratic Party. Interesting.
She is NA, her husband was.....but! Imho, I wish she had politely corrected him in front of his coworkers and then privately rip him a new one.
Housewife is the unpaid job women do on top of their paid job. You wonder why couples ages 40 refuse to live together, refuse no more..
I would of handled it a bit differently myself. I would of said " what Mrs Smith meant to say was that my name is "Sally or whatever", I work full time and still had time to pull off this fabulous meal for all of you!" Then a little later if anyone offered to help clean up, I would of Said" no thank you, the house husband will be doing all the washing up" .....
For F’s sake, nobody go to Marta for relationship counseling. Her advice seems to be basically victim blaming. I wonder what she’d say to if he had harmed her physically- based on what she says here, it would be something along the lines of “of course he shouldn’t have knocked you down, but you being reactive and kicking him didn’t help matters”. What she should have said was “divorce him before he escalates to physical abuse.”
Timely correction is very healthy, he may be upset but he needed to know it was not ok and pulling the conversation out of public only opens the door to counter correction. You have the social graces and he might have the muscle (unproven) but this was far better than him being able to pressure you into allowing him to do it again. (Ps you didn't marry a narcissist right,? They aren't really fixable)
My ex used to sometimes try embarrass me at checkouts by saying crap like "I suppose I'll have to pay again" and other lame jokes about how I'm spending his money. Weekly food shop was usually on his card and I handled other things on mine. I can take a joke and we both had similar sense of humor that could get close to the bone sometimes. But I'd got so fed up with this that one day I retorted with "Well I would if you'd let me have access to my own money" or words to that effect. I was totally deadpan, didn't crack a smile or give any indication I was joking. It was so awkward.
NTA, he opened the door by trying to demean you. Maybe he should not dish it out unless he can't take it. My hubs did this as well and I always resoponded in kind. Eventually he got the picture.
You are definitely not the a hole.. He was a jerk by not even showing the simple respect of introducing you by your first name.
Neither myself or my husband have degrees. We've still managed to find our way in the world and nearly own our home at 40, I don't know, a lot of these posts seem to be made by people who would consider themselves educated and, to be honest, above most other people because of that. But then they post crap like this which says to me that they lack emotional maturity and to be honest would not be the sort of people I would ever wish to associate with. Grow up both of you, your husband is a plank and you think you're amazing because you have a degree, something most people seem to have nowadays. Couple of narcissists.
Didn't think about the meaning of the word? He chose to use this particular word, how did he arrive at it in the first place? Sorry, but this sounds like the kind of excuse a sleazy politician would use.
Load More Replies... Absolutely not. She had every right to embarrass him when he is the one who embarrassed her first and outright lied about her. The whole thing is his fault.
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