Surrogate Mom Complains About Future Dad Overstepping Her Boundaries, Guy Doesn’t Listen And Gets Her A $9K Car, Family Drama Ensues
While I do end up repeating this one thing over and over again—that socializing is practically rocket science and we as humans are destined to goof up—some things in being social are harder to pick up on.
Avoiding saying dumb stuff or reading a person’s non-verbal cues are hard, but still some of the easier ones compared to things like respecting boundaries. It’s because they are inherently invisible until you learn more about the person. And we’re all different in that regard.
But while that is the case, it’s certainly no excuse to do whatever the hell you want and pretend you can’t help it. You can, especially if you’re told about it.
This one woman approached this topic in her recent Am I The A-Hole post, asking if she was wrong to confront her husband about overly showering their surrogate with attention and gifts, one of which is a $9,000 car he bought her without consulting the Mrs.
More Info: Reddit
Pregnancies are hard as they are without the guy taking things too far and buying a $9k car for his surrogate
Image credits: rawpixel
A 34-year-old wife and her 37-year-old husband introduced as Hunter have been going through some fertility issues, which led them to getting a surrogate to birth their baby.
For the most part, everything was all fine and dandy and everyone was keeping to their word. But, the husband has started acting somewhat strange in the wife’s eyes.
He started focusing a lot of his attention on the surrogate. So much, in fact, that he started skipping work to visit her, getting things for her that she never asked for, chatting with her online, and relentlessly offering stuff.
The wife of said guy went to Reddit to find out if she was right to get furious with her husband who kept overstepping every boundary their surrogate had
Image credits: Throwawayhunter37
It became such a problem that she complained to the wife about it. She didn’t even know much of this was happening until she heard it from the surrogate.
So, the wife confronted the husband about it. He said that he’s doing this for their son, not her. All fine and dandy, but still, she asked him to stop taking it to an extreme degree. He got furious, accusing the wife of being jealous of the woman that’s carrying their child because it makes her look bad.
Despite explaining that the surrogate was the one who complained about it herself, the husband refused to believe that was the case. Until another, more serious incident happened.
The husband, however, didn’t see the problem, and explained he was just doing it for their son
Image credits: Throwawayhunter37
The surrogate called the wife again, saying that Hunter came over to her place, requested that guests leave, and then proceeded to show her the $9,000 car he bought for her. Apparently, this purchase was not blessed by the Mrs, and that made things much more dramatic.
Fuming, the wife called him and demanded he returned home. He did… “eventually”. And then she commenced a verbal butt-whoopin’, explaining how he’s been overstepping, disrespectful, and inappropriate towards the surrogate, and demanded he stop. This is all besides the car.
This led to a rant by him, and an accusation that the wife didn’t love their son enough, and then a storming out of the house and a refusal to speak. Because of this, the wife started wondering if she wasn’t too harsh with him, prompting the AITA post.
But it all culminated when he bought the surrogate a $9,000 car—something she didn’t ask for—without consulting the Missus
Image credits: Throwawayhunter37
Speaking of which, it hit the internet and went viral instantly. As of this article, it has nearly 20,000 upvotes and a handful of Reddit awards. And the overall consensus here was that she was not a jerk.
For the most part, people thought that his actions were a certain kind of disturbing—to a degree that it has become an obsession that’s damaging everyone involved. Some suggested counseling, or at the very least everyone getting together and figuring this out.
Folks online were unanimous in saying that the wife was right here, pointing out how disturbing the whole situation is
Others had suspicions of him having a crush on the surrogate. That, or just calling the husband flat-out creepy because of his exaggerated actions.
You can check out the AITA post in its original form, or go reach other AITA posts we’ve covered right here on Bored Panda. But not before you tell us your thoughts on this in the comment section below!
I have to think that he has shown signs of mental struggles or inappropriate behaviour before now. Nobody starts at that level of wrong.
Maybe, maybe not. I have known 3 men- 2 were friend's partners and one was my own friend- who all changed into abusive control freaks when their partners became pregnant. It seemed as though this was a side of their personality was dormant or well hidden until the woman was "trapped" with a baby on the way. One even used the phrase "You're carrying my kid, I own you both forever"
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I think one of the comments here has it spot on. Her language suggests she has been dealing with his behaviour for so long she doesn't even realise it's not normal. He has no respect for either woman and is probably used to the wife caving to his wishes to keep the peace (the way she refers to confronting him about anything as 'picking a fight' suggests he's got her convinced that daring to disagree with him makes the ensuing argument entirely her fault).
Lots of good and sound advice....I cannot add anything new....I would though have a good think about the husband...is he the sort of person you want to be married to?
and have a child with... but this is a bit too late...
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He’s acting like he had an intimate relationship with the surrogate in order for her to become pregnant, or he’s substituting her for his wife. Regardless, any intervention should have an attorney present. This is a sick situation.
The one who said that the OP needs to stop being the go-between, and that the surrogate needs to talk to the husband herself, uhhhmmm....no. Nopeity no. It is never a victim's responsibility to address the person making them a victim. EVER. He's her stalker. She has no responsibility towards him, or for his actions, whatsoever.
This man has boundaries issues. I'm betting this isn't the first time. Good luck raising a child with him. Better off to ask her to get a restraining order before he gets physical. Unfortunately most people in this position would just let this poor woman suffer and complain on the internet than do something about it
This guy could open a red flag shop with the collection he has shown here.
If this is the first type of this obsessive, overstepping behaviour then perhaps he is overly anxious about finally becoming a father and isn’t being entirely rational. If it’s not the first instance, as suggested by the OP using the phrase “I picked up a fight with him”, then she needs to think again about starting a family with him and needs to either get him to therapy or get the authorities involved
He feels out of control and stressed using a surrogate. Does he normally control LW very tightly? He needs to leave the surrogate alone before she decides to reevaluate the contract and get some help with his stress. LW, don’t back done on this.
He has had to have shown signs of controlling behavior before this point in time?? Either way, this is a huge red flag. Raising a child with someone like this will be damaging for everyone involved. Growing up in a dysfunctional family is far worse than growing up with one healthy parent. Putting an older child through a divorce (6 yrs or older) can also be incredibly damaging. Not saying any of this with any judgement. I work with kids with traumatic backgrounds for a living, just sharing my experience.
You and the surrogate need to have an intervention together with him. Make him understand that she is a vessel and he can't control her. She needs to speak up in front of you there so he knows it's not just you saying one thing and not her. Either that or she gets a restraining order until baby comes. Then anything after that might be cause for a second one.
"She is a VESSEL"??!! No. She is a human being.
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The OP's husband should wait for the baby to be born to start giving it love not while it is still inside the surrogate. Just reading this made me uncomfortable.
In these AITA posts I always wonder how the other person would tell the story. We always naturally follow the interpretation of the poster, but no-one is ever fully objective. Truth may be mostly on their side but also somewhere in the middle.
Why the world is my wondering if there may be another perspective to some AITA stories (or any story) downvoted?? How is that offensive?
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"hey, you should confront this man who has demonstrated no common sense or awareness of personal boundaries" is a terrible idea, especially for a pregnant woman. Surrogate should actually block all communication methods with him and insist all communications go through the wife. She should also consider a restraining order so he doesn't repeat his shenanigans at her residence.
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There is no such thing as alpha male instinct bull crap. It's made up. You're in a cult where you think it's truth that some weird guy made up what alpha is. It's been debunked in wolf pacts too. It's all made up. You believe something completely false and made up bc someone told you too. This is abuse. There is no excuse to not respect peoples boundaries other than you feel entitled bc you're a brat not alpha(bc that's a made up concept by some weird Reddit male) just a big screeching full on spoiled brat. Only screeching raging spoiled brats ignore peoples boundaries. When they are screeching raging spoiled bratty adults that equals abusive.
Load More Replies... I have to think that he has shown signs of mental struggles or inappropriate behaviour before now. Nobody starts at that level of wrong.
Maybe, maybe not. I have known 3 men- 2 were friend's partners and one was my own friend- who all changed into abusive control freaks when their partners became pregnant. It seemed as though this was a side of their personality was dormant or well hidden until the woman was "trapped" with a baby on the way. One even used the phrase "You're carrying my kid, I own you both forever"
Load More Replies... I think one of the comments here has it spot on. Her language suggests she has been dealing with his behaviour for so long she doesn't even realise it's not normal. He has no respect for either woman and is probably used to the wife caving to his wishes to keep the peace (the way she refers to confronting him about anything as 'picking a fight' suggests he's got her convinced that daring to disagree with him makes the ensuing argument entirely her fault).
Lots of good and sound advice....I cannot add anything new....I would though have a good think about the husband...is he the sort of person you want to be married to?
and have a child with... but this is a bit too late...
Load More Replies... He’s acting like he had an intimate relationship with the surrogate in order for her to become pregnant, or he’s substituting her for his wife. Regardless, any intervention should have an attorney present. This is a sick situation.
The one who said that the OP needs to stop being the go-between, and that the surrogate needs to talk to the husband herself, uhhhmmm....no. Nopeity no. It is never a victim's responsibility to address the person making them a victim. EVER. He's her stalker. She has no responsibility towards him, or for his actions, whatsoever.
This man has boundaries issues. I'm betting this isn't the first time. Good luck raising a child with him. Better off to ask her to get a restraining order before he gets physical. Unfortunately most people in this position would just let this poor woman suffer and complain on the internet than do something about it
This guy could open a red flag shop with the collection he has shown here.
If this is the first type of this obsessive, overstepping behaviour then perhaps he is overly anxious about finally becoming a father and isn’t being entirely rational. If it’s not the first instance, as suggested by the OP using the phrase “I picked up a fight with him”, then she needs to think again about starting a family with him and needs to either get him to therapy or get the authorities involved
He feels out of control and stressed using a surrogate. Does he normally control LW very tightly? He needs to leave the surrogate alone before she decides to reevaluate the contract and get some help with his stress. LW, don’t back done on this.
He has had to have shown signs of controlling behavior before this point in time?? Either way, this is a huge red flag. Raising a child with someone like this will be damaging for everyone involved. Growing up in a dysfunctional family is far worse than growing up with one healthy parent. Putting an older child through a divorce (6 yrs or older) can also be incredibly damaging. Not saying any of this with any judgement. I work with kids with traumatic backgrounds for a living, just sharing my experience.
You and the surrogate need to have an intervention together with him. Make him understand that she is a vessel and he can't control her. She needs to speak up in front of you there so he knows it's not just you saying one thing and not her. Either that or she gets a restraining order until baby comes. Then anything after that might be cause for a second one.
"She is a VESSEL"??!! No. She is a human being.
Load More Replies... The OP's husband should wait for the baby to be born to start giving it love not while it is still inside the surrogate. Just reading this made me uncomfortable.
In these AITA posts I always wonder how the other person would tell the story. We always naturally follow the interpretation of the poster, but no-one is ever fully objective. Truth may be mostly on their side but also somewhere in the middle.
Why the world is my wondering if there may be another perspective to some AITA stories (or any story) downvoted?? How is that offensive?
Load More Replies... "hey, you should confront this man who has demonstrated no common sense or awareness of personal boundaries" is a terrible idea, especially for a pregnant woman. Surrogate should actually block all communication methods with him and insist all communications go through the wife. She should also consider a restraining order so he doesn't repeat his shenanigans at her residence.
Load More Replies... There is no such thing as alpha male instinct bull crap. It's made up. You're in a cult where you think it's truth that some weird guy made up what alpha is. It's been debunked in wolf pacts too. It's all made up. You believe something completely false and made up bc someone told you too. This is abuse. There is no excuse to not respect peoples boundaries other than you feel entitled bc you're a brat not alpha(bc that's a made up concept by some weird Reddit male) just a big screeching full on spoiled brat. Only screeching raging spoiled brats ignore peoples boundaries. When they are screeching raging spoiled bratty adults that equals abusive.
Load More Replies...
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