Cheating Husband Gets Caught, Wife Proposes Open Marriage And Now He “Lives In Agony” Every Day
Recovering from an affair can be one of the biggest challenges for a marriage.
But after this man’s wife caught him cheating, she found a way to forgive him — in exchange for opening up their relationship.
However, in a post on the subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest, he explained that as time went on, he grew to despise this agreement.
The man began feeling as if he was no longer contributing to his wife’s happiness, and even started having doubts if she proposed this deal just to get back at him.
This man was caught cheating by his wife
Image credits: NomadSoul1 (not the actual photo)
In an attempt to save their marriage, the couple decided to open it up
However, the man began thinking his wife is just trying to get revenge on him
He doesn’t know how to fix everything
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Infidelity can happen in all kinds of marriages, even those that seem happy
When you’re just an outsider, it’s impossible to know for sure what is happening within a marriage. The author of this Reddit post didn’t specify what pushed him towards infidelity, but it usually happens due to a variety of factors, including:
- Lack of affection;
- Loss of fondness, love, and care for each other;
- Weak commitment to the relationship;
- Breakdown of communication about emotional and relationship needs;
- Low self-esteem;
- Physical health issues, such as chronic pain or disability;
- Mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety;
- Addiction, such as addiction to sex, alcohol, or drugs;
- Problems that aren’t addressed in a marriage, such as fear of intimacy or avoiding conflict;
- Major life changes, such as becoming parents or children leaving home;
- Stressful periods, such as when spouses must be apart for a long time.
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, for many couples, the weight of an affair can be too big to overcome
After an affair is discovered, partners tend to struggle with understanding why it occurred, the signs they missed, what they should have done differently, etc.
“Although personal examination may seem impossible to do following an affair, both partners must examine the role each played in the affair,” Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, who is a forensic psychologist and specializes in familial dysfunctions and trauma, wrote.
“The breakdown of communication and intimacy in a relationship lies with both partners, therefore, it is important to engage in the personal examination of individual roles to best understand [the situation].”
“However, the spouse that had the affair needs to be willing to discuss what happened openly if the betrayed … wants to do that. Understandably, the spouse that has been cheated on may want to talk about the affair in detail, e.g., how his or her partner met the person they cheated with, how long the affair went on, was the individual better than his or her spouse, etc. As difficult as it may seem, the cheating spouse must be willing to answer questions about the affair that are both difficult and uncomfortable,” the psychologist explained.
Still, there is no guarantee the couple will be able to put it behind them. Affairs can crack the very foundation of a marriage, break down communication, and destroy trust.
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
One of the greatest hurdles in the healing process following an affair lies between the sheets
What we’ve read in the Reddit post is quite a common predicament. Fairly often, after an affair, one person in the couple feels like the other remains in the middle of their relationship, not willing to fully commit.
This prevents them from trusting each other and engaging in a healthy display of affection, which can have dire consequences on the marriage.
“The unfaithful spouse often feels pressured to please in bed, leading to distraction and low performance, which the hurt party, already injured and insecure, interprets as a lack of interest, desire, and physical attraction,” Bates-Duford said.
“The best way to put an affair behind you and come out stronger is to receive marital/relationship counseling. Counseling allows couples to talk about their relationship and the affair in a non-threatening environment. Spouses can learn the skills needed to improve communication, build trust, enhance intimacy, strengthen the foundation of their relationship, and decrease the likelihood of an affair in the future.”
When Forbes Advisor commissioned a survey of 1,000 Americans who are divorced or who are in the process of divorcing, it found that 34% of marriages ended due to an affair.
(However, it’s worth mentioning that extramarital affairs were the second most common reason for divorce, with the first one being a lack of family support (43%).)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
But people who read his post have little to no sympathy for him
I agree with the comments that basically say she is still there for every reason except him. He can go ahead and build up the imaginary sex she is out having - those are his cheat-ghosts haunting him. He gave up his right to peace the minute he cheated. She hasn't and won't ever forgive him, she is just waiting until the divorce is less inconvenient.
Right? I'm not even sure she's seeing other men, at least not as often as he seems to think. Most likely, she's just twisting the knife, knowing what he'll assume.
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I got as far as reading the topic paragraph, and thought "reap what you sow". But then I read his whole story and thought, "Yep, he's an entire jackwagon." The entire story was Poor Poor Pitiful Me, with barely a shred of remorse. He doesn't feel guilty because of what he did, he feels bad because he got caught.
“My wife is a very beautiful woman” and “we had amazing sex several times a week.” And he’s complaining that she makes him wear a condom after he cheated? Sensible woman. She doesn’t know who he’s been sleeping with. He had an affair with a random woman he met on the internet.
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So this person kicks his wife when she's down (commenter mentioned post partum depression) and is looking for sympathy because he hurt her so badly that she can't forget it. Sir. Do not complain that she doesn't give you backrubs after you cut off her hands.
You boned a woman a few times an made an effort to hide it and got caught. She can't trust you it was only that one woman regardless how many time it was only with her. You broke her heart an her life. She's being with you only to keep the kids sane an to give them a stable life. She might not even be with anyone but out enjoying a spa or alone time from you. And if she is with someone then that's her business since you agreed to keep her an make a home for the kids on your end. Honestly you are holding on to her as a trophy. Beautiful woman that you broke because you needed your d**k in fresh water. So you can either get a divorce if your aren't physically being satisfied. Find another play partner an keep it quiet as she is and stop bothering her for sex as she sounds like she's over that with you. Or lastly you Al can accept that you caused this an just continue til the kids are teens and then go your separate ways.
I know a little bit about open marriages, and generally you should never open your marriage unless both people are 100% on board with it. Never do it just for one person. Having said that, you should also never never never cheat. I have no sympathy for him because 1) the alternative was literally divorce, and he chose this, and 2) he's feeling now what she would be feeling if they'd gotten back together and kept the marriage closed. He's feeling what you inflict on someone when you cheat on them. He is feeling what she may quite possibly feel about every partner she has for the rest of her life - and he's too self-centered to see any of that.
I agree, I have know people who, could not be satisfied with one sex partner. So thy spoke to their love partner BEFORE having any cheating. As far as I know the open part of the marriage did not last very long, but the marriage stayed tight. HONESTY goes long way.
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So you thought it was fine for you to have extra-marital sex, but now she's possibly/likely having other partners you're "dying each day". Your relationship has changed permanently, because you cheated. Now you need to either divorce and move on, or embrace your open marriage, and accept being your wife's roommate and co-parent. She's not punishing you, you dimwit, this is her new normal, not loving or desiring you any more, because you were not the man she expected you to be. I suggest you get some counselling, and work out why you're such an a*****e and how to fix yourself.
Probably not yet. The kids are young and may have a better house/schooling with both parents. That's why she's there. Divorce will come once the youngest is in or graduates high school.
Load More Replies... Divorce is not the end of the world. This marriage is over, accept it and move on.
This is hilarious. OP is hanging onto possible forgiveness that isn't coming without realizing that she's subjected him to a punishment that's worse than divorce. He needs to cut his loses. The worst part for me is there's little mention of the kids. Can't imagine what they've gone through at those ages. Get divorced and try to co-parent the best you can OP, because your relationship with your wife is over. She's getting perfect revenge on you every day and you know it.
i’m sorry but the give ur wife a high five for me comment k*lled me 😂😭
I’ll have “We’ll look how the turns have tabled” for £500 please Alex!
What the OP is (probably) omitting is he cheated on his wife for three months with that chick, but failed to mention all the others. He’s a liar and a cheater. They should just get divorced.
Has he done anything to earn back her trust? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he hates that she's happy but it was great when he was happy and she wasn't. He ruined the relationship and she is practically a saint for continuing to live with him (she probably still sees him with her in her mind) for what I assume is the kids' benefit.
why is this @#$%^& coming to the internet not going to therapy!!! looks like he just wants validation not change!
This marriage is clearly over, and this man has only himself to blame. Getting a divorce is probably the best option at this point. Staying together "for the kids" is really about the adults being unable to admit things are over and move on. My mom told me growing up that she used to wish her parents would divorce because they fought all the time.
Forget these people saying "get a divorce". Right now the kids have two parents who love them, in the same house. If they divorce both their incomes will take a hit because they have to support 2 households. He can suck it up for a few more years, until all 3 kids are in school full time. That will cut down on daycare expenses and maybe make 2 households affordable.
How many studies need to be done before people let go of the concept that "staying together for the kids" is best. It isn't. Period.
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This hilarious. Now she should make him do the cleaning, cooking. Scheduling, carpooling, getting everyone ready for everything (things that women are expected to do with no thanks) so he knows the s**t she has dealt with from him. Males are weak & whiney.
Yeah this marriage is over. At some point you'll have to face it. Sounds like he's sticking around to protect the kids. Unfortunately kids are more aware than we give them credit for and the dysfunctional dynamic is probably doing more harm than help. If nothing else you all (kids included) need to be in therapy to work out what issues you can.
I'm no marriage counselor, but I think it's safe to assume that this marriage is kaput. Those two might as well call it a day and file for divorce. It would be far better for their kids to come from a broken home than to live in one. Split the sheets, divide the property, split custody, and move on. The present situation isn't doing anyone any good; in fact, it's doing more harm than good for all concerned. It could even escalate to the point where the police have to get involved. The kids are not unaware of the tension in that household; imagine the stress they are under. The facts as they stand: he cheated, she'll never forgive him. Also, if she is being intimate with several partners, she's playing a very dangerous game, physically and health wise.
My wife was so smooth at hiding her infidelity so I had no proof for months, I was referred to a private investigator/hacker by my close friend , and decided to give him a try.. the result was incredible because all my cheating wife’s text messages, whatsapp, facebook and even phone conversations was linked directly to my cellphone. dr santyjatto helped me put a round-the-clock monitoring on her and I got concrete evidence and gave it to my lawyer..if your wife is an expert at hiding her cheating adventures I suggest contact dr santyjatto ,He understood me well and helped me spy on her to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to him for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him dr.santyjatto@gmail.com YOu can also Whatsapp: +2348145243120
I was cheated on. He "loved" me, but he "liked" her. I had previous trust issues, but this destroyed any trust I had in him and men in general (seems like an overreaction, I know), but that was the end of that relationship.
I am so grateful to Coder Cyber Services for helping me hack the phone of my husband. I had been suspicious of him for some time, something about him was queer and I wanted to have proof of his infidelity. I tried hiring a private investigator, but they were too expensive. So, I decided to try Coder Cyber Services, and I am so glad I did. They were able to hack into my husband's phone and recover all of his data and deleted text messages, WhatsApp messages, and call logs. I was shocked at what I found. He had been having an affair with his coworker for months. I confronted him with the evidence, and he admitted to everything. I am now in the process of getting a divorce, and I am so glad that I have the evidence I need to protect myself financially. I would highly recommend Coder Cyber Services to anyone who needs to hack a phone. They are professional, reliable, and affordable. Anyone interested can reach them through https://codercyberservices.info or whatsapp +1 403 407 3407. Th
She probably sees him as a friend now and staying with him for the kids. He made his bed and now he has to sleep in it. He could have chosen to end the marriage and still can if he can't handle it. It was a-ok for him to cheat, but now that he's allowed, he can't stand the fact that she may be.
What cracks me up is that he didn't do that good of a job hiding the affair, did he? What was it? The Find my phone feature? The hotel receipts? Text messages? I guarantee he was careless with his affair because he didn't think there would be consequences. What a moron. At least don't let the entire Internet in on the stupid, stupid life choices you made. His wife made the punishment of Sisyphus and Tantalus look like a walk in the park.
Neither one of these people is being honest about their feelings. It's possible to get through an infidelity, but both people have to be willing to work at it, go to a counselor, let go of their pride, and learn to communicate. Otherwise nothing changes.
You guys need to divorce. The relationship you are modeling for the kids has got to be terrible; they need to learn what a healthy relationship looks like - mutual respect and affection.
Bro might as well get the divorce yourself. She is gonna do it anyways she is just waiting for a better time. Also he deserves it.
why is this @#$%^&*( coming to the internet not therapy; he wants validation not change!
I agree with the comments that basically say she is still there for every reason except him. He can go ahead and build up the imaginary sex she is out having - those are his cheat-ghosts haunting him. He gave up his right to peace the minute he cheated. She hasn't and won't ever forgive him, she is just waiting until the divorce is less inconvenient.
Right? I'm not even sure she's seeing other men, at least not as often as he seems to think. Most likely, she's just twisting the knife, knowing what he'll assume.
Load More Replies... I got as far as reading the topic paragraph, and thought "reap what you sow". But then I read his whole story and thought, "Yep, he's an entire jackwagon." The entire story was Poor Poor Pitiful Me, with barely a shred of remorse. He doesn't feel guilty because of what he did, he feels bad because he got caught.
“My wife is a very beautiful woman” and “we had amazing sex several times a week.” And he’s complaining that she makes him wear a condom after he cheated? Sensible woman. She doesn’t know who he’s been sleeping with. He had an affair with a random woman he met on the internet.
Load More Replies... So this person kicks his wife when she's down (commenter mentioned post partum depression) and is looking for sympathy because he hurt her so badly that she can't forget it. Sir. Do not complain that she doesn't give you backrubs after you cut off her hands.
You boned a woman a few times an made an effort to hide it and got caught. She can't trust you it was only that one woman regardless how many time it was only with her. You broke her heart an her life. She's being with you only to keep the kids sane an to give them a stable life. She might not even be with anyone but out enjoying a spa or alone time from you. And if she is with someone then that's her business since you agreed to keep her an make a home for the kids on your end. Honestly you are holding on to her as a trophy. Beautiful woman that you broke because you needed your d**k in fresh water. So you can either get a divorce if your aren't physically being satisfied. Find another play partner an keep it quiet as she is and stop bothering her for sex as she sounds like she's over that with you. Or lastly you Al can accept that you caused this an just continue til the kids are teens and then go your separate ways.
I know a little bit about open marriages, and generally you should never open your marriage unless both people are 100% on board with it. Never do it just for one person. Having said that, you should also never never never cheat. I have no sympathy for him because 1) the alternative was literally divorce, and he chose this, and 2) he's feeling now what she would be feeling if they'd gotten back together and kept the marriage closed. He's feeling what you inflict on someone when you cheat on them. He is feeling what she may quite possibly feel about every partner she has for the rest of her life - and he's too self-centered to see any of that.
I agree, I have know people who, could not be satisfied with one sex partner. So thy spoke to their love partner BEFORE having any cheating. As far as I know the open part of the marriage did not last very long, but the marriage stayed tight. HONESTY goes long way.
Load More Replies... So you thought it was fine for you to have extra-marital sex, but now she's possibly/likely having other partners you're "dying each day". Your relationship has changed permanently, because you cheated. Now you need to either divorce and move on, or embrace your open marriage, and accept being your wife's roommate and co-parent. She's not punishing you, you dimwit, this is her new normal, not loving or desiring you any more, because you were not the man she expected you to be. I suggest you get some counselling, and work out why you're such an a*****e and how to fix yourself.
Probably not yet. The kids are young and may have a better house/schooling with both parents. That's why she's there. Divorce will come once the youngest is in or graduates high school.
Load More Replies... Divorce is not the end of the world. This marriage is over, accept it and move on.
This is hilarious. OP is hanging onto possible forgiveness that isn't coming without realizing that she's subjected him to a punishment that's worse than divorce. He needs to cut his loses. The worst part for me is there's little mention of the kids. Can't imagine what they've gone through at those ages. Get divorced and try to co-parent the best you can OP, because your relationship with your wife is over. She's getting perfect revenge on you every day and you know it.
i’m sorry but the give ur wife a high five for me comment k*lled me 😂😭
I’ll have “We’ll look how the turns have tabled” for £500 please Alex!
What the OP is (probably) omitting is he cheated on his wife for three months with that chick, but failed to mention all the others. He’s a liar and a cheater. They should just get divorced.
Has he done anything to earn back her trust? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he hates that she's happy but it was great when he was happy and she wasn't. He ruined the relationship and she is practically a saint for continuing to live with him (she probably still sees him with her in her mind) for what I assume is the kids' benefit.
why is this @#$%^& coming to the internet not going to therapy!!! looks like he just wants validation not change!
This marriage is clearly over, and this man has only himself to blame. Getting a divorce is probably the best option at this point. Staying together "for the kids" is really about the adults being unable to admit things are over and move on. My mom told me growing up that she used to wish her parents would divorce because they fought all the time.
Forget these people saying "get a divorce". Right now the kids have two parents who love them, in the same house. If they divorce both their incomes will take a hit because they have to support 2 households. He can suck it up for a few more years, until all 3 kids are in school full time. That will cut down on daycare expenses and maybe make 2 households affordable.
How many studies need to be done before people let go of the concept that "staying together for the kids" is best. It isn't. Period.
Load More Replies... This hilarious. Now she should make him do the cleaning, cooking. Scheduling, carpooling, getting everyone ready for everything (things that women are expected to do with no thanks) so he knows the s**t she has dealt with from him. Males are weak & whiney.
Yeah this marriage is over. At some point you'll have to face it. Sounds like he's sticking around to protect the kids. Unfortunately kids are more aware than we give them credit for and the dysfunctional dynamic is probably doing more harm than help. If nothing else you all (kids included) need to be in therapy to work out what issues you can.
I'm no marriage counselor, but I think it's safe to assume that this marriage is kaput. Those two might as well call it a day and file for divorce. It would be far better for their kids to come from a broken home than to live in one. Split the sheets, divide the property, split custody, and move on. The present situation isn't doing anyone any good; in fact, it's doing more harm than good for all concerned. It could even escalate to the point where the police have to get involved. The kids are not unaware of the tension in that household; imagine the stress they are under. The facts as they stand: he cheated, she'll never forgive him. Also, if she is being intimate with several partners, she's playing a very dangerous game, physically and health wise.
My wife was so smooth at hiding her infidelity so I had no proof for months, I was referred to a private investigator/hacker by my close friend , and decided to give him a try.. the result was incredible because all my cheating wife’s text messages, whatsapp, facebook and even phone conversations was linked directly to my cellphone. dr santyjatto helped me put a round-the-clock monitoring on her and I got concrete evidence and gave it to my lawyer..if your wife is an expert at hiding her cheating adventures I suggest contact dr santyjatto ,He understood me well and helped me spy on her to find out the truth.I saw all the evidence and i was heart Broken,I just want to openly say thank you to him for helping me get evidence against her,i feel so hurt. If you need help please contact him dr.santyjatto@gmail.com YOu can also Whatsapp: +2348145243120
I was cheated on. He "loved" me, but he "liked" her. I had previous trust issues, but this destroyed any trust I had in him and men in general (seems like an overreaction, I know), but that was the end of that relationship.
I am so grateful to Coder Cyber Services for helping me hack the phone of my husband. I had been suspicious of him for some time, something about him was queer and I wanted to have proof of his infidelity. I tried hiring a private investigator, but they were too expensive. So, I decided to try Coder Cyber Services, and I am so glad I did. They were able to hack into my husband's phone and recover all of his data and deleted text messages, WhatsApp messages, and call logs. I was shocked at what I found. He had been having an affair with his coworker for months. I confronted him with the evidence, and he admitted to everything. I am now in the process of getting a divorce, and I am so glad that I have the evidence I need to protect myself financially. I would highly recommend Coder Cyber Services to anyone who needs to hack a phone. They are professional, reliable, and affordable. Anyone interested can reach them through https://codercyberservices.info or whatsapp +1 403 407 3407. Th
She probably sees him as a friend now and staying with him for the kids. He made his bed and now he has to sleep in it. He could have chosen to end the marriage and still can if he can't handle it. It was a-ok for him to cheat, but now that he's allowed, he can't stand the fact that she may be.
What cracks me up is that he didn't do that good of a job hiding the affair, did he? What was it? The Find my phone feature? The hotel receipts? Text messages? I guarantee he was careless with his affair because he didn't think there would be consequences. What a moron. At least don't let the entire Internet in on the stupid, stupid life choices you made. His wife made the punishment of Sisyphus and Tantalus look like a walk in the park.
Neither one of these people is being honest about their feelings. It's possible to get through an infidelity, but both people have to be willing to work at it, go to a counselor, let go of their pride, and learn to communicate. Otherwise nothing changes.
You guys need to divorce. The relationship you are modeling for the kids has got to be terrible; they need to learn what a healthy relationship looks like - mutual respect and affection.
Bro might as well get the divorce yourself. She is gonna do it anyways she is just waiting for a better time. Also he deserves it.
why is this @#$%^&*( coming to the internet not therapy; he wants validation not change!
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