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Man Aims To Avoid Cleaning By Suggesting Divorce, Wife Calls His Bluff, Suddenly He Regrets It
It’s common knowledge that for a marriage to work, both people have to be content. For that to happen, their needs and hopes have to be met, they have to be respected, and all of that stuff. If that doesn’t happen, we’ll hear stories of relationships slowly crumbling.
Today is one of these stories. In it, the woman was responsible for nearly every domestic task, but her husband wasn’t, because “he didn’t like it.” So, when she nagged him for help probably a thousand times, he finally snapped and offered divorce. What he didn’t expect was for her to agree to it.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
To make a marriage work, both people have to put in the same effort, because if only one does — it’s not healthy
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman always does every chore at home by herself and pays 85% of the bills, while her husband doesn’t lift a finger to help
Image credits: Monika Grabkowska / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
One day, while she was prepping for Thanksgiving and doing all the daily chores, she asked him for help, but he chose to ignore her for the next two days
Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When she finally brought it up, he exploded and suggested that maybe they should get a divorce
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Then, he didn’t talk to her for another two days, and when she implied she actually wanted to go through with the divorce, he revealed it was just a manipulation tactic
Image credits: ThrowRABluffCalled
Still, she wanted a divorce, as his manipulation had made her lose all feelings for him
The OP has been married to her husband for nearly 6 years and they have an 18-month-old daughter. Yet, their marriage isn’t completely blissful. As she put it, they have been having the same two arguments for the last 3 or so years.
One of them is related to the couple’s intimate relationship, but since it is not important to this story, neither the OP nor we will discuss it further.
The other is exactly on topic — household chores and their distribution. Both the author and her husband work full time, but after work, she does all the chores and pays 85% of their bills, while he gets to relax and watch YouTube. Well, you can clearly see where the grounds for the argument come from here.
In this sense, their relationship is not that different. Back in 2020, it was discovered that when it comes to any kind of home chore,more women are responsible for them than men.
And it isn’t even the only research on this topic. Another report stated that even in2023, people tended to value men’s contributions more at work rather than at home. Even in so-called egalitarian marriages, which are based on a couple equally sharing all responsibilities, wives end up doing more housework than husbands.
Just as the couple from the story aren’t the only ones without equally divided chores, they aren’t the only ones who this causes problems for. One study reported that the highestmarital happiness was in those couples whose domestic labor was divided as equally as possible. At the same time, the unhappiest couples were those where a woman hoped for equal labor distribution, but her hopes weren’t met.
Sounds exactly like the OP’s marriage. The woman kept nagging her husband to help with cleaning, but he never did. This led them to the event that resulted in this story.
Last week, the author was running around trying to get ready for Thanksgiving. There was a lot to do — clean the house, wash the sheets in the guest room, clean the fridge, and so on—plus the daily chores.
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She asked her husband for help, saying she needed at least a short break and whether he could help. Since he doesn’t pay half of the bills, he at least could do half of the cleaning. This apparently insulted him and he didn’t talk to his wife for two days. Then, when she brought it up again, he exploded.
In his eyes, for the last 3 years, all she did was nag him to clean, which he hated doing. And if she disliked it so much, they could simply get a divorce. After that, he stormed out to his mom’s place and the silent treatment went on for another two days.
After those days, when they met again, the woman asked whether the man had begun apartment hunting since he had threatened divorce. This stumped him. Apparently, he didn’t actually want to get divorced, he only used it as a manipulation tactic to shut her up.
Basically, he is one of those people who thinks that theemotional rollercoaster of suggesting divorce in an argument is a good idea, when in reality—it is far from it.
The reason the OP had reacted this way was because she had an abusive childhood, and any kind of manipulation caused her to shut down emotionally. She has lost all feelings for her husband, so no matter how hard he tries, it doesn’t look like they’ll get back together anytime soon.
Still, she came to Reddit to ask whether her shutting him down was a valid response. Many folks thought it was. In fact, they suggested the woman leave her toxic marriage, as she is more likely to be happy without him than with him. After all, no matter how much she tried to make the marriage work, it simply didn’t.
Well, the way the situation looks from the OP’s perspective, divorce might actually be quite a reasonable choice. Granted, we don’t know the couple well enough to say that it’s definitely the best, but as people online have pointed out, it’s definitely up there.
People online agreed that her reaction was valid in such a situation and suggested that she should divorce him
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What do you think ?
Libstak 1 year ago
Paying the other half of the mortgage will not hurt. Why? You have one less mouth to feed and if he takes on 50/50 parenting, you will have even less food expenses. Also, him on you tube all evening no longer happening plus you not cooking as much, less bills there too. You will save heaps, trust me. Feeding one adult is easy peesy, girl dinners rock and kids dinners are best kept simple anyway as they are so fussy, sooooo much simpler in so many ways.
SpiderWoman13 1 year ago
If she had a room mate who pulled that s**t with the household and bills, she'd get rid of them. Why is she putting up with this from a husband? And now abuse?
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 1 year ago
Another man baby spoiled by his mama into becoming a horrible manipulative and selfish human being, and he runs right back to mama when he's bored abusing his wife. Leave the big baby at his mama's house, divorce, move on to someone who treats you like a partner should.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
He's lazy and worthless and you're basically doing everything already. If you weigh the Pros and cons in this relationship, the only thing he contributes is a little bit of money. Everything else is in the con department and all of them cause stress and misery. Is it really worth it? Be careful what he wishes for. ( divorce) I think you should give it to him. He's dead weight.
Ms.GB 1 year ago (edited)
That little bit of money is probably not much more than it costs to feed, clothe and shelter him. Oh man is he in for a rude awakening. Her life is about to get way easier and his is about to get so much harder than it ever would have been if he had pitched in even 20% 😆 🤣 😂 I kinda feel bad for his mom though because I have a feeling he's going to p**n off a lot of his newly discovered adult responsibilities on her...but she DID raise him. Geez, if I were him I would be doing all the housework. What are the odds of finding another partner when you are a let down in AND out of the bedroom.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 1 year ago
She needs to file those divorce papers as soon as possible and move on with her life. I have never understood why some men think that their only contribution to a relationship is making money, and this guy didn't even do that. Owning a house means taking care of it, and that means cleaning it. It's not a woman's job, it's a home owner job.
Shannon Donnelly 1 year ago
The ONLY things they argue about? The fact that he contributes nothing to the house, finances, childcare, or marriage, is all. Just those few things.... I mean, is there really anything left to agree about? Maybe what they watch on tv? Oh, wait. She doesn't have any time to watch tv. Just dump the bastard and she'll realize how much easier it is raising one child instead of two.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
Sex. They could argue about sex. Oh wait. They do. He sounds like a waste of food, air, and money.
Load More Replies...
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
LOL! Great story!! I am mystified with what the initial attraction to this loser was, but glad to see she came to her senses and realized the only thing he brought to the table was more work for her. This is most certainly a dump the chump situation!!!
Gozer LeGozerian 1 year ago
Some people don't know their own worth and will settle for scraps unfortunately
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 1 year ago
Leave. Less work with 1 kid than 2. And emotional manipulation? Red Flag! He's doing chocolate and flowers to try and change her mind because he knows, ultimately what side his bread is buttered on and living and parenting alone will be so much harder on him than her. She can manage without him. And should.
Nina 1 year ago
Hope she didn't put the little b***h on the deed. Kick the bastard to the curb.
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
From the way he said sign the deed over imma assume yes
Load More Replies...
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
He DOESN'T love her. He will NEVER change. It will only get WORSE. She needs to see a divorce lawyer and a counselor immediately - both will help her through this difficult time.
Deborah B 1 year ago
He's not pulling his weight financially or domestically, he's not a good lover - at that point he better be her best friend and the world's most loving and affectionate husband. Instead, what does he do? Manipulation, silent treatment, emotional abuse. Sounds like her life is going to be easier without him. She also doesn't need to keep the house if she decides it's too much financially. Without his needs/wants to consider, she may find a different home suits her better.
Pyla 1 year ago
GET OUT! You are raising TWO babies. And a dude with a pron addiction IS NOT going to be thinking of how he can best please you. There is a legit issue with men holding too tight to their joy stick and they forget the nice warm garage with the live woman attached isn't built like a fcccking fist.....but I digress. Run lady. Run far and fast. It will not get better.
Marnie 1 year ago
Women figured out 40 years ago that if the woman should not be working more hours than the man (when you include ALL work). Why are these young women so confused about this? It breaks my heart. And why didn't these guys' parents teach them not to have house/sex slaves and instead be a partner?
sturmwesen 1 year ago
Everytime I read similar stories I want to send them some boots and a bottle of Champagne...time to go walking - to a divorce attorney
Chris Riccardino 1 year ago
Never make a threat you wont back up. His terms were be quiet or get a divorce. You chose correctly.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
Ultimatum time! He gets his s**t together immediately or you call the lawyer to proceed with his plan.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Just get rid of him. You’ll have more money and time. Don’t worry about custody - kids are far too much work for this guy. He’ll see her once a month for a few hours.
Barbara Brophy 11 months ago
LOL - my ex pushed and pushed until I finally did what he wanted - I asked for a divorce. He was SHOCKED - and promptly told his family that I wanted the divorce........ And when he finally left the house, the jobs I picked up was taking the rubbish out, and paying (online) the utilities. That's it. And I no longer had a roommate complaining about the state of the house, and how fat I was and how I made him look old, and literally only touch me when he wanted sex. Inspite of how this sounds I don't think of him from one week to the next, because after him I had and have two of the most marvelous men I could have ever imagined. Who knew men could be supportive, thoughtful and kind?
Juanita Sullivan 1 year ago
This is why I will never get involved again. Seems like I got involved with men that mirrored by father. It's been said that some women tend to marry men who are like their fathers. It was true for me. Always expecting the woman to pick up all the slack. I love living alone. No slack to pick up.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
What she doesn't realize is the porn addiction is much bigger than she thinks it is. I guarantee that's at the root of all their problems. He has a lot of internal emotional issues to work out in order to be free of the addiction. Give him a chance to work on his addiction issues. He needs a CSAT and a 12 step program. If he refuses or minimizes, then file for divorce.
Max Fox 1 year ago
She was a doormat for three years, but luckily she woke up. When one partner says "if you don't like the way I'm behaving, get a divorce", this is generally a marriage ender, unless the behavior is something both positive, and something that the partner can support. However, using divorce as a threat to get one's own way is super toxic and manipulative, and is abusive behavior. Add the love-bombing that happened when the OP talked about divorce, and this is further proof that the OP's husband is an abusive a$$hole.
Mary Muir 12 months ago
think of divorce as getting rid of the man child. One less child to care for will definitely make your life easier. It's one less lunch to pack in the morning, now when you come home you can eat whenever it suits you, not rush to have it ready for when he arrives, less laundry to wash, less mess to clean. Fewer groceries to buy. Plus if husband accepts 50% custody to avoid paying child support, you'll have time to yourself on a regular basis! While husband will now have to take care of the baby for an entire week all by himself, plus do his own cleaning and laundry and cooking and shopping, every other week! There's already at least one husband on reddit who pulled c**p like this and wife called his bluff and divorced that husband, who then went back to reddit crying like a baby about how hard his life now was because he had to take care of the baby every other week. Your life will improve without this selfish jerk in it!
Michelle Hardy 1 year ago
Well he certainly put his foot in it didn't he. Lmao, don't let the door hit you on the way out buddy
Zull&Panda 1 year ago (edited)
So to recap, this guy is poor, lazy, a manipulator, has a porn addiction and the sex is probably not great since his problems. Why are we married to him? Is he smart? Funny? Deep? Ironic? If not, DIVORCE BABE DIVORCE.
Pamela Blue 4 weeks ago
Well? Is there a follow-up to this story? Did she divorce him? Anyone know?
Eye Of The Penguin 1 year ago
Regardless, if he threatens divorce at all maybe it’s time to divorce
Kate Johnson 10 months ago
The mystery here is why she ever married this guy, who brings pretty much nothing to the table, let alone why she had a child with him, knowing what a lazy POS he is. He's clearly too immature for any kind of adult relationship and needs to move back home to his mommy to wipe his butt for him.
Bina Wei 10 months ago
The moment a partner admitted that, we'd be done too. And should I date i the future, unlikely bc it's my preference not to, any future partner would know that's a hard line for me as well. If you've been through it before from a loved one or even others, you often understand just how insidious Manipulation is. It's the backbone to so many problems and abuse. It also can lead to gaslighting which is even worse.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
He's addicted to small p0rn? Kind of weird but I won't kink-shame him.
Libstak 1 year ago
Paying the other half of the mortgage will not hurt. Why? You have one less mouth to feed and if he takes on 50/50 parenting, you will have even less food expenses. Also, him on you tube all evening no longer happening plus you not cooking as much, less bills there too. You will save heaps, trust me. Feeding one adult is easy peesy, girl dinners rock and kids dinners are best kept simple anyway as they are so fussy, sooooo much simpler in so many ways.
SpiderWoman13 1 year ago
If she had a room mate who pulled that s**t with the household and bills, she'd get rid of them. Why is she putting up with this from a husband? And now abuse?
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 1 year ago
Another man baby spoiled by his mama into becoming a horrible manipulative and selfish human being, and he runs right back to mama when he's bored abusing his wife. Leave the big baby at his mama's house, divorce, move on to someone who treats you like a partner should.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
He's lazy and worthless and you're basically doing everything already. If you weigh the Pros and cons in this relationship, the only thing he contributes is a little bit of money. Everything else is in the con department and all of them cause stress and misery. Is it really worth it? Be careful what he wishes for. ( divorce) I think you should give it to him. He's dead weight.
Ms.GB 1 year ago (edited)
That little bit of money is probably not much more than it costs to feed, clothe and shelter him. Oh man is he in for a rude awakening. Her life is about to get way easier and his is about to get so much harder than it ever would have been if he had pitched in even 20% 😆 🤣 😂 I kinda feel bad for his mom though because I have a feeling he's going to p**n off a lot of his newly discovered adult responsibilities on her...but she DID raise him. Geez, if I were him I would be doing all the housework. What are the odds of finding another partner when you are a let down in AND out of the bedroom.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 1 year ago
She needs to file those divorce papers as soon as possible and move on with her life. I have never understood why some men think that their only contribution to a relationship is making money, and this guy didn't even do that. Owning a house means taking care of it, and that means cleaning it. It's not a woman's job, it's a home owner job.
Shannon Donnelly 1 year ago
The ONLY things they argue about? The fact that he contributes nothing to the house, finances, childcare, or marriage, is all. Just those few things.... I mean, is there really anything left to agree about? Maybe what they watch on tv? Oh, wait. She doesn't have any time to watch tv. Just dump the bastard and she'll realize how much easier it is raising one child instead of two.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
Sex. They could argue about sex. Oh wait. They do. He sounds like a waste of food, air, and money.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 year ago
LOL! Great story!! I am mystified with what the initial attraction to this loser was, but glad to see she came to her senses and realized the only thing he brought to the table was more work for her. This is most certainly a dump the chump situation!!!
Gozer LeGozerian 1 year ago
Some people don't know their own worth and will settle for scraps unfortunately
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 1 year ago
Leave. Less work with 1 kid than 2. And emotional manipulation? Red Flag! He's doing chocolate and flowers to try and change her mind because he knows, ultimately what side his bread is buttered on and living and parenting alone will be so much harder on him than her. She can manage without him. And should.
Nina 1 year ago
Hope she didn't put the little b***h on the deed. Kick the bastard to the curb.
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
From the way he said sign the deed over imma assume yes
Load More Replies... Lynette Vella 1 year ago
He DOESN'T love her. He will NEVER change. It will only get WORSE. She needs to see a divorce lawyer and a counselor immediately - both will help her through this difficult time.
Deborah B 1 year ago
He's not pulling his weight financially or domestically, he's not a good lover - at that point he better be her best friend and the world's most loving and affectionate husband. Instead, what does he do? Manipulation, silent treatment, emotional abuse. Sounds like her life is going to be easier without him. She also doesn't need to keep the house if she decides it's too much financially. Without his needs/wants to consider, she may find a different home suits her better.
Pyla 1 year ago
GET OUT! You are raising TWO babies. And a dude with a pron addiction IS NOT going to be thinking of how he can best please you. There is a legit issue with men holding too tight to their joy stick and they forget the nice warm garage with the live woman attached isn't built like a fcccking fist.....but I digress. Run lady. Run far and fast. It will not get better.
Marnie 1 year ago
Women figured out 40 years ago that if the woman should not be working more hours than the man (when you include ALL work). Why are these young women so confused about this? It breaks my heart. And why didn't these guys' parents teach them not to have house/sex slaves and instead be a partner?
sturmwesen 1 year ago
Everytime I read similar stories I want to send them some boots and a bottle of Champagne...time to go walking - to a divorce attorney
Chris Riccardino 1 year ago
Never make a threat you wont back up. His terms were be quiet or get a divorce. You chose correctly.
Schmebulock 1 year ago
Ultimatum time! He gets his s**t together immediately or you call the lawyer to proceed with his plan.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Just get rid of him. You’ll have more money and time. Don’t worry about custody - kids are far too much work for this guy. He’ll see her once a month for a few hours.
Barbara Brophy 11 months ago
LOL - my ex pushed and pushed until I finally did what he wanted - I asked for a divorce. He was SHOCKED - and promptly told his family that I wanted the divorce........ And when he finally left the house, the jobs I picked up was taking the rubbish out, and paying (online) the utilities. That's it. And I no longer had a roommate complaining about the state of the house, and how fat I was and how I made him look old, and literally only touch me when he wanted sex. Inspite of how this sounds I don't think of him from one week to the next, because after him I had and have two of the most marvelous men I could have ever imagined. Who knew men could be supportive, thoughtful and kind?
Juanita Sullivan 1 year ago
This is why I will never get involved again. Seems like I got involved with men that mirrored by father. It's been said that some women tend to marry men who are like their fathers. It was true for me. Always expecting the woman to pick up all the slack. I love living alone. No slack to pick up.
Rahul Pawa 1 year ago
What she doesn't realize is the porn addiction is much bigger than she thinks it is. I guarantee that's at the root of all their problems. He has a lot of internal emotional issues to work out in order to be free of the addiction. Give him a chance to work on his addiction issues. He needs a CSAT and a 12 step program. If he refuses or minimizes, then file for divorce.
Max Fox 1 year ago
She was a doormat for three years, but luckily she woke up. When one partner says "if you don't like the way I'm behaving, get a divorce", this is generally a marriage ender, unless the behavior is something both positive, and something that the partner can support. However, using divorce as a threat to get one's own way is super toxic and manipulative, and is abusive behavior. Add the love-bombing that happened when the OP talked about divorce, and this is further proof that the OP's husband is an abusive a$$hole.
Mary Muir 12 months ago
think of divorce as getting rid of the man child. One less child to care for will definitely make your life easier. It's one less lunch to pack in the morning, now when you come home you can eat whenever it suits you, not rush to have it ready for when he arrives, less laundry to wash, less mess to clean. Fewer groceries to buy. Plus if husband accepts 50% custody to avoid paying child support, you'll have time to yourself on a regular basis! While husband will now have to take care of the baby for an entire week all by himself, plus do his own cleaning and laundry and cooking and shopping, every other week! There's already at least one husband on reddit who pulled c**p like this and wife called his bluff and divorced that husband, who then went back to reddit crying like a baby about how hard his life now was because he had to take care of the baby every other week. Your life will improve without this selfish jerk in it!
Michelle Hardy 1 year ago
Well he certainly put his foot in it didn't he. Lmao, don't let the door hit you on the way out buddy
Zull&Panda 1 year ago (edited)
So to recap, this guy is poor, lazy, a manipulator, has a porn addiction and the sex is probably not great since his problems. Why are we married to him? Is he smart? Funny? Deep? Ironic? If not, DIVORCE BABE DIVORCE.
Pamela Blue 4 weeks ago
Well? Is there a follow-up to this story? Did she divorce him? Anyone know?
Eye Of The Penguin 1 year ago
Regardless, if he threatens divorce at all maybe it’s time to divorce
Kate Johnson 10 months ago
The mystery here is why she ever married this guy, who brings pretty much nothing to the table, let alone why she had a child with him, knowing what a lazy POS he is. He's clearly too immature for any kind of adult relationship and needs to move back home to his mommy to wipe his butt for him.
Bina Wei 10 months ago
The moment a partner admitted that, we'd be done too. And should I date i the future, unlikely bc it's my preference not to, any future partner would know that's a hard line for me as well. If you've been through it before from a loved one or even others, you often understand just how insidious Manipulation is. It's the backbone to so many problems and abuse. It also can lead to gaslighting which is even worse.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
He's addicted to small p0rn? Kind of weird but I won't kink-shame him.
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