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Child-Free Couple Wonders How To Ditch Trip With Friends Whose Unruly Kids Just Ruin Everything
Have you ever wondered why no movie or TV series ever shows the perfect romantic or friendly vacation with kids? Well, simply because a full-fledged vacation and little kids are just two mutually exclusive things. Of course, there are always exceptions—but they, by and large, only confirm the basic rule.
We have told you stories more than once about how unruly kids ruined their parents’ friendly trips or their friendships, per se, and now it’s time to tell you another one—from the user u/Front_Isopod8642, who at one point had to face the eternal problem of many childless couples: their friends’ offspring…
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post and her husband have two mutual friends who are a couple with 2 little kids
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author and her spouse are childless, so joint trips don’t look very pleasant for them now
Image credits: Front_Isopod8642
Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author considers the friends’ offspring to be ill-mannered and unruly, so they actually ruin any rest
Image credits: Front_Isopod8642
Image credits: Ylanite Koppens / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For instance, recently, the friends’ son hit the author’s husband in the face—but the parents preferred to sweep it under the rug
Image credits: Front_Isopod8642
So, the author wants to find a way out in order to avoid further joint trips—and took it online to seek advice
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that she and her husband have mutual friends who have already become parents twice—a daughter recently joined the boy, who is now 5 years old. And since then, despite a close and strong friendship, almost any joint trip or spending time together have become completely awful for our heroine.
According to the author, their friends’ kids are extremely misbehaved, loud and attempt to insert themselves literally anywhere (that is, in fact, they behave just like many children at that age—this is a sad, but realistic remark from myself…). For instance, the eldest son constantly wants attention and communication—and when he doesn’t get it, he will even show aggression.
So, recently, he even hit the OP’s husband in the face—and for him, the situation didn’t have any consequences. As soon as they turn on the TV to watch a movie, the kids immediately demand to switch to cartoons, and if their demands aren’t met, a fit follows. By the way, the parents are also human, and sometimes they unceremoniously consider friends to be free babysitters when they want to have fun themselves.
In general, our heroine and her husband are seriously thinking about how to avoid further invitations from friends for a “joint vacation”—simply because they can’t call it a vacation. On the other hand, they’re afraid that a flat-out refusal will put an end to a long-standing friendship, which they certainly would not want. And so, the spouses decided to take this situation online to seek some advice from netizens.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Let’s start with the fact that our heroine and her spouse are far from the first people to face this problem, and a universal solution, alas, hasn’t yet been found. In any case, no matter how incredible the patience of the OP and her husband is, with each new trip in such conditions, irritation will only increase. Well, and beside that, different topics for conversation also appear.
Yes, that’s right—for parents, a shift in priorities is quite inevitable towards topics that somehow revolve around their offspring, while friends longingly remember the good old days of just having fun together. Perhaps, from this point of view, it’d be reasonable to take a short break from traveling together—but justify this very diplomatically, so as not to offend the friends in any way.
Experts also believe that parents should maybe try to teach kids to be able to rest during at least some periods of the day. “One was in the early afternoon and then obviously the one was their bedtime where they were able to stay in bed and really give us time in the evening,” Jeremy Pryor, a father of five and the author of the Family Teams podcast claims. Even during a trip, instilling such a skill in kids would be a real gift for parents!
Be that as it may, many commenters sincerely urge the couple to come to terms with what is happening and either wait until the children of their friends get older, or accept the fact that their carefree shared past can no longer be returned. “Once the family dynamics changes, friendship changes too,” someone wrote quite wisely. So by the way, what could you, our dear readers, advise this couple in the described case?
People in the comments urged the woman and her spouse to just let it go—and maybe wait until the kids get older
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What do you think ?
Janelle Collard 5 months ago (edited)
*WHY* are you still taking trips with these people? Is the word "no" not in your vocabulary? If hubby wants to go - let him. You can have your own vacay *somewhere else.*
JayWantsACat 5 months ago (edited)
"These are our closest friends". If they're so close then how come you can't have a frank conversation with them about the issues? They sound like terrible people but "you're so close" that you can't just vacation with other people without them flipping out? You don't like hanging out with these people anymore, and can't voice your opinion so you walk on eggshells around them. WHY ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE? It sounds completely one-sided. What value do they bring as friends that this is all worth putting up with?
tori Ohno 5 months ago
We had a new production manager who ruined our company camping trip because of this. We were used to a grown up BBQ, drinking, and fishing fest, but he brought his kids. Being the boss, he got away with the "no shenanigans and staggering drunks' on the camping trip! When else are we supposed to let loose and party? The camping trips ended. Children just change the dynamic. If you have kids, vacation with others who have kids, but leave the rest of us alone.
PeepPeep the duck 5 months ago
Agree 😂 and added to that, as an oldest child, you get told all your life to ‘not do that or the little ones will copy’ or “ no you can’t do that cos the babies can’t do that and will want to” so I hate having those restrictions as an adult again with kids when I’m not a parent 😂
Load More Replies...
Randomosity 5 months ago
Just tell them the truth! If your husband wants to keep being friends with these inconsiderate, entitled jerks, then let him, but make it clear you'll have nothing to do with them. The first time the kid hit me, I'd tell them to parent their kids and go to another hotel.
FreeTheUnicorn 5 months ago
They've already lost their closest friends. Obviously the other couple doesn't really care about them. Just book somewhere else and tell them this year we are going on our own. Real friends would bring up the kids, but it's ok just to keep everything calm and distance yourselves.
Hotwingsnbeer 5 months ago
and it's okay to sometime just not want to do things.
Load More Replies...
Mongo Marcia 5 months ago
Tell them you are doing it for them. You feel you're holding them back from doing family friendly things that you are not interested in. It's not a lie.
Becca not Becky 5 months ago (edited)
As a parent who adores kids, I wouldn't travel with these people either. Vacations are too expensive to be spent that way, and a kid that young being physical is a problem. Either the parents are slacking on discipline or the kid has some significant issues that the parents need to step up and deal with through a professional. If OP doesn't want to critique their parenting, then they should just use the "we want a restful, quiet vacation. Maybe when the kids are older..." excuse.
Key Lime 4 months ago
This is not a vacation, it's a terrorist hostage situation. Vacation time is too valuable to subject yourselves to this. Please tell them you want different things and do not go on vacation with them. If you can't do that insist on separate accommodation and just meet them after the kids are in bed or for outings.
Paulina 5 months ago
OP is waaaaaay overthinking this. There's nothing wrong with telling your friends that you want different things from your vacation. You're not obligated to travel with people having kids, nor to stay silent when you're uncomfortable. Set some fücking boundaries already! If that family gets angry with you, you'll get a proof that they're NOT the friends they used to be. Let go, and have a life you want. Because now it's someone else deciding everything for you, and you're taking it silently lying down.
geraldrboyle@aol.com 5 months ago
Keep undisciplined children out of your life. Your peace of mind is precious. Tell your old friends/acquaintances that you will not be going with them as follows 1. Write down exactly what you want to say. Take time to refine your message. 2. When you speak to them face to face, imagine you are watching yourself through a film camera. This technique removes you from being the centre of events. I learned this from a book on the subject of dealing with difficult situations. It works. Basically you have removed yourself from the situation and have become an observer. Can't remember the title of the book, but it all boils down to puting yourself into the role of a film director and watching events dispassionately. I'll post the name of the book when I find it.
Zitronella 5 months ago
Why don't you choose a holiday destination with different apartments? You could live separately, withdraw whenever you want, and do something together if you want to. I wouldn't want to live in a holiday home with small children anymore. I want peace and relaxation on holiday. My friends with young children accept this too.
Gerry Higgins 5 months ago
For Cryin Out Loud! MAN UP! Just tell him you want a quiet getaway alone. If they're offended that's too bad. Those kids are going to cause them to lose LOTS of friends, I'm sure. Or just lie and say next year is a romantic second-honeymoon just you and the wife... then never offer to travel with them again.
Emilu 5 months ago
I wouldn’t be using PTO/time/energy on getting hit/stuff thrown at me either. If your friends are as close as you say, they should accept that you don’t want to holiday with them whilst their kids are snotnoses. (I wouldn’t use those words to their face, but essentially 😆.) If they grow out of it — or the parents actually figure out how to parent — then maybe reconsider.
Jorge Gonzalez 5 months ago
This is so fake, a couple of years ago they had a son and now that he is 4 or 5? Come on, BP, at least choose coherent fictional stories
Vinnie 5 months ago
"a couple of years" does sound like "2 years", but some people use it to mean "a few years" or "several years".
Load More Replies...
Nova Rook 5 months ago
You advise deception and manipulation to maintain the friendship?
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 5 months ago (edited)
*WHY* are you still taking trips with these people? Is the word "no" not in your vocabulary? If hubby wants to go - let him. You can have your own vacay *somewhere else.*
JayWantsACat 5 months ago (edited)
"These are our closest friends". If they're so close then how come you can't have a frank conversation with them about the issues? They sound like terrible people but "you're so close" that you can't just vacation with other people without them flipping out? You don't like hanging out with these people anymore, and can't voice your opinion so you walk on eggshells around them. WHY ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE? It sounds completely one-sided. What value do they bring as friends that this is all worth putting up with?
tori Ohno 5 months ago
We had a new production manager who ruined our company camping trip because of this. We were used to a grown up BBQ, drinking, and fishing fest, but he brought his kids. Being the boss, he got away with the "no shenanigans and staggering drunks' on the camping trip! When else are we supposed to let loose and party? The camping trips ended. Children just change the dynamic. If you have kids, vacation with others who have kids, but leave the rest of us alone.
PeepPeep the duck 5 months ago
Agree 😂 and added to that, as an oldest child, you get told all your life to ‘not do that or the little ones will copy’ or “ no you can’t do that cos the babies can’t do that and will want to” so I hate having those restrictions as an adult again with kids when I’m not a parent 😂
Load More Replies... Randomosity 5 months ago
Just tell them the truth! If your husband wants to keep being friends with these inconsiderate, entitled jerks, then let him, but make it clear you'll have nothing to do with them. The first time the kid hit me, I'd tell them to parent their kids and go to another hotel.
FreeTheUnicorn 5 months ago
They've already lost their closest friends. Obviously the other couple doesn't really care about them. Just book somewhere else and tell them this year we are going on our own. Real friends would bring up the kids, but it's ok just to keep everything calm and distance yourselves.
Hotwingsnbeer 5 months ago
and it's okay to sometime just not want to do things.
Load More Replies... Mongo Marcia 5 months ago
Tell them you are doing it for them. You feel you're holding them back from doing family friendly things that you are not interested in. It's not a lie.
Becca not Becky 5 months ago (edited)
As a parent who adores kids, I wouldn't travel with these people either. Vacations are too expensive to be spent that way, and a kid that young being physical is a problem. Either the parents are slacking on discipline or the kid has some significant issues that the parents need to step up and deal with through a professional. If OP doesn't want to critique their parenting, then they should just use the "we want a restful, quiet vacation. Maybe when the kids are older..." excuse.
Key Lime 4 months ago
This is not a vacation, it's a terrorist hostage situation. Vacation time is too valuable to subject yourselves to this. Please tell them you want different things and do not go on vacation with them. If you can't do that insist on separate accommodation and just meet them after the kids are in bed or for outings.
Paulina 5 months ago
OP is waaaaaay overthinking this. There's nothing wrong with telling your friends that you want different things from your vacation. You're not obligated to travel with people having kids, nor to stay silent when you're uncomfortable. Set some fücking boundaries already! If that family gets angry with you, you'll get a proof that they're NOT the friends they used to be. Let go, and have a life you want. Because now it's someone else deciding everything for you, and you're taking it silently lying down.
geraldrboyle@aol.com 5 months ago
Keep undisciplined children out of your life. Your peace of mind is precious. Tell your old friends/acquaintances that you will not be going with them as follows 1. Write down exactly what you want to say. Take time to refine your message. 2. When you speak to them face to face, imagine you are watching yourself through a film camera. This technique removes you from being the centre of events. I learned this from a book on the subject of dealing with difficult situations. It works. Basically you have removed yourself from the situation and have become an observer. Can't remember the title of the book, but it all boils down to puting yourself into the role of a film director and watching events dispassionately. I'll post the name of the book when I find it.
Zitronella 5 months ago
Why don't you choose a holiday destination with different apartments? You could live separately, withdraw whenever you want, and do something together if you want to. I wouldn't want to live in a holiday home with small children anymore. I want peace and relaxation on holiday. My friends with young children accept this too.
Gerry Higgins 5 months ago
For Cryin Out Loud! MAN UP! Just tell him you want a quiet getaway alone. If they're offended that's too bad. Those kids are going to cause them to lose LOTS of friends, I'm sure. Or just lie and say next year is a romantic second-honeymoon just you and the wife... then never offer to travel with them again.
Emilu 5 months ago
I wouldn’t be using PTO/time/energy on getting hit/stuff thrown at me either. If your friends are as close as you say, they should accept that you don’t want to holiday with them whilst their kids are snotnoses. (I wouldn’t use those words to their face, but essentially 😆.) If they grow out of it — or the parents actually figure out how to parent — then maybe reconsider.
Jorge Gonzalez 5 months ago
This is so fake, a couple of years ago they had a son and now that he is 4 or 5? Come on, BP, at least choose coherent fictional stories
Vinnie 5 months ago
"a couple of years" does sound like "2 years", but some people use it to mean "a few years" or "several years".
Load More Replies... Nova Rook 5 months ago
You advise deception and manipulation to maintain the friendship?
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