50 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Had People Cracking Up

Amen!

This is the best feeling!

The first step is easy, it’s keeping it up that takes work..

I applaud you! And you, and you! All of you people sitting indoors while it's raining, I applaud you!

Like drinking the mouthful of your tea/coffee/wine without realising it was the last bit so you can be emotionally prepared for it.

Poison butt sword... why are these not the official words. Who wants to sign my petition to change stingers to poison butt sword?

Yes ! Also, caryatids and telamons.

Or don’t live in the USA

Fave thing I heard and had the opportunity to reuse after being stuck behind a slow walker "I've seen continents move faster than this".

Maybe I shouldn't have kids.

LMFAO

I do that every day

Books too. Sometimes I have finished it and then gone right back to chapter one so I don't have to leave. Come on Mr Rothfuss, I need to know what happens to Kvothe and Denna and how he meets Bast.

Answer the question, Dave! What did you do with the doggo! I wanted to meet him today!

Okay, that's quite clever wordplay! "Jane Austen" indeed.

This! plus my sister always told me I'd be kicked out of a cult for being far too annoying. That ans that kidnappers would return me pretty quickly!

How do men not realise how fücking creepy this sort of behaviour is?

Well yeah, the intense music and life stories and stuff, honestly I can relate half the time.

It's funny in German too. Tot ist German for dead. Or more like saying happily "deaad".

When the time comes the me that was cool with the plans is long gone. Day of you've reached hermit me that just wants to hibernate at home.

When you put it like that...

Hahaha. It couple. Thanks dad

The cicades will join me screaming

I worry about whether I should give the correct answer when it's blurry but I can still sorta tell what it is. Then afterward, I discover that I was actually wrong, anyway.

I think I’m better as a theory

Over 40 and still say tummy just because I can...so 😝 to you!!!

Just a little nap. A teensy weensy 25 hour nap that I can take and then resume yesterday.

I doubt this very much. In my experience, the genuinely stupid don't know they're genuinely stupid. Far from it, they frequently assume they're the smartest person in the room.

Ahh beer goggles, the soft focus lens of life 🤩

I'm not sure how many hearing "everything happens for a reason" moments I have left before someone is punched.

I wish I could do that, too.

They need to send it fast so that I have more time to write mine

We can twin for that second! 🤗

I wonder what the younger generation of English speakers think a knocker up was!

Sounds like a philosophical question to start with, but I suppose one might answer it literally, as well... 🤔

especially in the morning

Did it play in anyone else’s head?

💊💊💊💊💊💊It's not working! I don't feel emotionally supported! And my back still hurts.

A fruity AirTag, some spending money and a religious picture. Your mom is trying to keep you safe from different kinds of harm. Do you have a track record to warrant this?

Taylor Swift has everything else covered!

I swear to all that’s holy that feeling comes from hormones. When you get older you wake up one day and it’s gone. It’s wonderful to no longer GAF. I think it’s just one of those things we don’t openly discuss with others

Nope. Light blue eyes. I'm absolutely in love with Marc Harmon's eyes.

I believe they are called Cumberbit*hes. 😊

It's the printer, we rage against that specific machine....

This suddenly makes me want to go to literally ANY occasion where you wear a "Hello, My Name Is..." badge, just to stick one of these right underneath it and enjoy the reactions

You can't safe everyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

Taylor writes a lot of songs about breakup and relationships but how about we start writing songs that the single pringles can relate to

I have one male pupil, 9 or 10, whose handwriting is so unbelievably beautiful. I don't understand, a boy writes prettily? He wants to be understood? That's crazy.

Is that bad? I mean 77 percent of house builders are still men... (shoutout to women for doing that 23! Thats great!) But idk a lot of those guys build houses and say hiii

Remy!

What happens to cheese in Philadelphia, stays in Philadelphia.

A girl’s girl 🥰

Well it is now that all the prices are through the roof

Seriously! What were the people who named stuff thinking! All THESE people seem to be geniuses in action.

I kind of get that it's safer to back into a (hopefully) empty parking space rather than reversing out into traffic but, people, if you can't do it in a couple of manoeuvres, go and practice somewhere before you attempt it! I live in NZ and it seems to be all my British friends and colleagues who reverse into parking spaces but at least they are fast - they just whip into the spot. However, I've seen other drives do the back and forth thing so much you risk incurring an extra 30 minute parking charge before you can get past them.

Did Charlotte York write this?

Mustank

You were born in the darknes! There isn't a Bane emoji

This is my son. We call them “big emotions”. Positive or negative, whatever he feels he feels way more intensely than the average person. So we have legit been working on coping skills since he was 2. But it makes him so enthusiastic and passionate too.

Also good because after Encanto I can't hear 'no pressure' without singing.

Cons hayfever

...who?

I guess every bus driver has ghost passengers nightmares.

I know this will probably be down voted but hey ho. These posts really bug me. Stop using medical terms for anything you think it a bit outside the "norm". I have (and will likely have more) manic episodes. The one thing I do not have when this happens is the ability to analyse my ideas as being due to my mania. I do have some checks in place thanks to years of therapy but they certainly do no t include social media posts joking about whether my madcap idea is real or part of an altered reality.

They're important moments!