Hey Pandas, When Did You Realize It’s Time To Let Go Of A Friendship? (Closed)
Share your experiences!
Friends for nearly 50 years, all told. I was there for her for 3 divorces and the death of her father, whom she adored, plus her children's nightmare teen years. She moved out of state for work but we talked on the phone about once a week--until she met husband number 4. My mother died. Not a phone call or a card. In fact, I hadn't heard from her in nearly 3 years, then suddenly, a tearful voicemail. Turns out husband number 4 walked out. I deleted her number. Sorry, but my shoulders are exhausted.
When I made them a priority but they treated me like an option
I had Covid. She told me that it was nature's way of dealing with overpopulation.
The friend 9in question was in financial distress. Begging for help control her finances. So I spent 2-3 hours going over everything she owed, her income, blah blah, and wrote her a weekly budget. Had she followed it she would have been out of debt in 6 months. She didn't follow it, and then confessed that she had been treasurer for a club of some kind and had "lost" the money and had to pay it back. At some point I loaned her some money, with the clear understanding that it had to be payed back. It may have been for the treasurer thing. And I did her finances a second time. She was begging for help still.
Finally it was winter. She only had a space heater that she was afraid to use at night, and I needed to go out of town for about 3-4 days. I told her she could pet sit for me, come up in the evening, stay over night. Be warm while you're there. Here are the bags to put the scooped out cat litter. And you debt will be paid that you owe me. Came home from the road, need to pee and the toilet is clogged with cat litter. Deliberately.
If you want or need help, you have to be willing to actually try and help yourself.
She just wanted freebies. I asked her why she used the toilet for the cat poop instead of the bags, we were in my car. She just stuck her nose in the air and turned to look out the window. Never answered verbally. Or apologized. Some people can't be helped. Never spent time with her again.
When her fake mental illnesses and fake gayness were all revealed. She was just a attention grabbing straight bitch who broke my best friends heart
When i realized that I didn't enjoy being around them
I had a friend from 2nd grade up until we graduated high school. She was really controlling. I would make new friends or start a new hobby/sport and we’d fight about it. I started dating in high school and she became a bully. She was rude and demeaning. I cut ties with her at the start of summer before I started college. Best decision I ever made. I get she had her own insecurities but there was no reason to take it out on me.
When they forget ur birthday, don't thank u for gifts and generally treat you as 2nd-class....
when he became a toxic antvaxxer
I told my best friend once to get lost because he made our friendship only about him. Whatever he wanted had to be done no matter how I felt about it. I was the trash can for all his sorrows and he never once asked how I was although he knew I had a few issues myself. This went on for years and eventually I told him that I couldn‘t go on like that because I really felt used and empty. He said as his best friend I was supposed to do everything he wanted me to, otherwise I‘d lose my status as a true friend and could only be an acquaintance of little worth. That‘s when I told him I didn‘t want to see him anymore.
About a year later he called and told me that he was being in therapy (not because of me) and that his view on friendship had changed.
I was reluctant at first but then agreed to meet again. From then on (more than 10 years ago) we were friends again and still are.
It was when my "friend" decided to pick money over friendship. There was no situation where he had to "choose" between me and money, but there were tons of situations where this person thought about money more than about others.
My father passed away March 6th 2021 and my “bestie” never once texted, emailed, called, nor visited me. She didn’t even send flowers! So about a month after my father passed and I found the courage to do it I wrote her a heartfelt text telling her I was letting the friendship go and explained how it hurt me she couldn’t even take a minute to send a simple text. I wished her well and haven’t talked to her since. Sometimes the trash takes itself out as they say.
When I realized we can never talk about me more than one sentence. And when ever she asked how am I doing it was only so that I would ask back and she would get to tell about her news and then we'd talk about her thing obviously. She did that for a while and I tested out how badly does my life have to go until she would care but even after I developed a chronic illness and the same happened.. still talked about her:::)))
This may seem small, and some people may think I was small in handling it, but pointing it out just pi$$€d her off and she'd get all defensive about it. "Very frequently" when this friend and I would plan to get together, she would cancel at the very last moment. A really lame excuse for doing so. As in while I'm heading out the door and I had to switch shifts with someone to get the evening off in the first place. Well, at times I can be a backatcha person, depending on the circumstances. One evening I did it back and cancelled at the last minute. Did I ever get a tongue lashing from her about my disrespecting her time and having no consideration for her for doing it at the last minute. Oh. Its ok for you to do that to me repeatedly, but just once you get to experience my end of it and you freak out about it and tell me off in no uncertain terms. I explained why I did it. It did not register with her at all. Just kept telling me off for that one time she was on the receiving end. This "friendship" ended right there. Consideration works both ways. I'd say that the scales were grossly uneven. Outa here.
We were friends for 8 years. She grew into a really controlling and emotionally manipulative person. Every time I tried to make space or take a break from hanging out with her, she couldn’t let me have time to myself. We haven’t been friends for 5 months and I couldn’t be happier!!
I was helping her pack up her things to move into storage for the summer holiday at university, and discovered that she had a whole box of things that she had stolen from other people (myself included).
When you have to (*Hypothetically) commit a crime in order to help your friend and it becomes a reoccurring theme, once you find you can't be bothered any more it probably time to call it a day.
Through Facebook I had reconnected with an old high school friend and we had stayed in touch and even met up and hung out a few times. This guy was one of my best friends when we were kids and it felt great to have my old friend back. Then one day I posted on Facebook a story I saw where one of those Duck Dynasty a-holes said gays should be tortured or something to that effect, I actually think the article said the bearded bigot wanted them killed. I posted the article with a can you believe there are still people out there that think like this. My old friend responded where he didn't see what was wrong with what Duck Dynasty said. That was it for me I don't think I even responded to that. I shut down my Facebook a little while after that because I didn't want to associate with people like that or run the risk of that happening again.
When she didn't pay for a car I co signed for because I felt bad she was a single mother and I got sued for said car. Contacted her and she said "It's your problem I filed BK" Never even offered to help pay that debt. Also I never drove or even sat in said car. I ended up paying 2800 for a car I never drove.
When I moved out of our house we were renting two months early. Paid the rest of the WHOLE rent. All she had to to was pay water / electric. She bounced didn't tell me so I could shut things off properly, got saddled with another Thousand or so dollars.
Last straw was when she found out I was buying my first home and decided to spread a very malicous lie about my fiance that could've made us lose everything. Luckily during the investigation (yes she filed a false report) they realized it was all out of malice and jealousy. But it was the worst couple of months of our lives. She also managed to turn some friends and family against us with her lies. To this day I'm not exactly sure why they believed her when they knew how she was. But whatever, if they want to believe her lies, then I don't need them in my life. She is a miserable and disgusting human being and will one day have to atone for all the things she's done. And if she can do that to her "best friend" of OVER 20 years, what has she done to others?
A little back story she was never like this back in the day, she used to be the most responsible person I ever knew, caring too. Not sure what made her completely do a 180 and honestly I dont care. The money I could forgive and get over event though I'm still dealing with it and getting my credit repaired because of her. But the other thing? I will never forgive her for.
I explained in detail about my mother's emotional abuse. My friend told me to make things up with her.
When she decided not to be my maid of honour two days before the wedding, after spending £400+ on her dress because she was jealous that nobody had asked her yet and couldn’t stand watching another friend get married before her. We had been best friends for nearly 15 years but it was supper easy to never see her again (she also did something similar to another friend a year later)
best friends from elementary school on, friendship even countinued at uni. then she met her new (and 1st) boyfriend and all of a sudden has no time anymore, not even when i bring her a bd present. 11
y of friendship are gone
When I married a guy that was way better off financially than either she or I had ever been. She would make me feel bad for going on vacation and told me the least I could do was buy her a new stove. I only spoke to her about 3x per year the last few years we were friends (lived in different states). She tried to make me feel horrible over the fact I was not struggling anymore while she worked her ass while her broke ass boyfriends sat home and “made music”
Would only ever get in contact when they wanted something. Literally no contact for months then "hey mate, can you help me..."
When I worked for a friend I’d known for many years and they fired me over text without warning which left me unemployed and on welfare. I haven’t seen or spoken to them since and never will!
After cleaning up my life from HS, "friends" wouldn't stop texting asking for drugs.
Years ago, I had a really good friend, one of my best friends. When we (she, me my so) went to her house she always wanted to go out to pubs and restaurants and we would always have to pay. One time we were in between houses and she let us stay at her house for a month but we had to pay like 600 euro’s in rent for that one room. Still I said nothing until hubby had to be in the area for a week, stayed at her house (we live 500 km away from her) and she wanted to go out to dinner every single evening and never once split the bill. That was it for me.
After i realized she was an entitled bitch.
It took me until a year or two after high school and COVID to realize no, he is never going to be “not busy” or interested in seeing me anymore. Everything was always radio silence or “sorry but I’m doing x with my family right now”. When I finally got a chance to go over to his house after being apart for 1.5 years, he was on his phone snapchatting this random girl he had met through mutual friends. Finally got me that I had been fantasizing the entire best best friend thing and that he didn’t give a crap. Really hurt cuz he always seemed so sweet and considerate.
I had a friend who wrote me a message that started 'Dear clueless, white, male, heterosexual, cisgender, non-handicapped friend' for a reason that had nothing to do with any of those traits.
1: She thought she knew more than me because she had a Google blog, as opposed to my several sources from multiple health centers (Mayo Clinic type stuff).
2: Same person, she lied about her cousins death from cancer.
3: SAME CHICK, my dumbass didn’t recognize this as an issue tho, she faked her mental illnesses.
4: She downplayed my mental illnesses (I have severe depression and anxiety, and have been big sad since the age of 3.) simply because I’m a guy, and I’m not paid half of what the opposite gender makes (She thought the wage gap was .25 cents to every dollar a man made, or something like that, I forget.)
5: When in group chats, she’d use ‘code’ stuff to communicate with other people in the GC, besides me, like, just create a separate GC?
6: New person: wanted a… how to I put this… naughty picture that I, as a minor, wasn’t comfortable with.
7: He called me a schizophrenic cripple because I hallucinate and hear s**t, unprovoked
8: Insulted my friends for their gender orientation
9: Called me a… person who is attracted to children… because I’m pansexual and “I love everyone, so that includes children”
10: Called me a homophobic slur because I’m pansexual
11: Started threatening me physically because I’m 5’3 and he was 5’10.
12: Threatened to kill somebody I liked.
13: started gossip about me, talking crap behind my back.
14: Insulted me regularly, started messing with me because I’m not the strongest dude known to man, when I was like, 9.
15: Called me a cripple since I break down under pressure, and threatened to punch me in the face
I have more but this is already long as hell, feel free to ask if you want to hear a few more
When she lied to me. Lying is unforgivable. People who lie to you are saying "you are so stupid you would believe anything I tell you. I never lie. Lying is nothing more than contempt and a total dismissal of you as a person. I NEVER lie. I have way too much respect for myself and my friends.
It was the longest friendship from high school.
After HS it became a phone call/letter friendship which was fine for awhile until I started realizing every, literally every conversation would end up about her.
I needed a change in my life in my 20s so she came up with the idea to move to California to be near her. I packed a U-Haul, donated my car and drove cross country.
It quickly became apparent we were only friends because we went to high school together. Naturally we both worked so we spent very little time together & when we did, I realized we had nothing in common.
Finally after only a few months, I decided to move back home & due to a miscalculation, my stuff was packed in a cross country moving truck the day before I was flying home so I ended up on my last night in an empty apartment.
I talked with her on the phone and mentioned I'd be spending my last night in an empty apartment and she didn't even offer to come pick me up so I could sleep at her house. An offer that I would have declined but it told me were I stood.
Years later, I was having a conversation with my parents & they offhand mentioned that I had donated my car. I thought this was rather strange since I told them I was talking it with me.
I don't remember why I lied but it was the one thing I had asked her not to tell them so naturally the only way they would have known was she did & after I asked her, sure enough, she gladly told me she had told them because she didn't want to damage the relationship she had with my parents.
This was rather bizarre because the "relationship" she had with them, and even that ended awhile ago as far as I know, was a Christmas card exchange relationship. Nothing more.
THAT's what she decided was more important than our decade long friendship.
She attempted to contract me through email & even followed me on Twitter by I ignored her. Finally she contacted my brother and asked him to give me some details about her mother's health. I didn't want my brother to get stuck in the middle of her pestering him for my info so I contacted her just to politely give her and her mother my best since my dad had died 2 years ago so I was sensitive about potential parental loss.
She has sent me a birthday & Christmas text along with an update on her mother but as far as I can tell, the Christmas message, which was the last one I sent is still unread, not that I particularly care.
When I thought he would celebrate my success with me, boy was I wrong. I was ghosted!!!
When I got told I was playing the martyr for refusing to take the blame for every crappy part of our friendship. Was I the best friend ever? Oh heck no. Did I cause all the problems? Also no. Lost all of the group of friends on that one because I refused to “just apologize so the fight ends” over something that wasn’t my fault. I don’t miss any of them. Pretty sad when your friends are so crappy that have no friends is better.
When she asked me to go someplace with her family including her 4 kids and when I told her I need time to get ready she pretty much just said, "why? It's just you." She finally child shamed me...out loud.
When the last "Happy Birthday" message was sent 10 years ago and all of the sudden you get invites to the weddings. And in these 10 years span, you see that they've travelled the world together, went to places we used to go, did stuff we used to do, yet none have reached out to you to go along. It made me wonder hard, what did I do wrong. I can safely say, my SO is my only friend left.
In 4th grade she asked me to pay her $7 for a friendship necklace.
when it took more effort to talk to them than anyone else
When they gossip about you, tell you awful things, or spread lies about you. I lost my bestie because an asshole decided to spread lies that I had "said something shitty about her". The person who did this is a total piece of garbage. I tried fixing our friendship (with my bestie) but it wasn't possible anymore
When they would talk s**t about anyone and everyone, making me wonder what they're saying about me behind my back.
After agreeing to cancel outdoor plans due to predicted thunder/lightening storms, I get two very long text messages from the same person complaining about me cancelling our plans and a whole bunch of other stuff that I did not know about myself (LOL). I sent her a text letting her know that her messages came to me instead of to her son and that she might want to resend them.
When my hair fell out in clumps. I still love her, she was my best friend from the 15 years but after years and years of her going MIA into one abusive relationship after another and only being my “friend” when there was the inevitable temporary breakup wore me down. The last relationship led her down a dangerous road of heroin abuse which broke my heart. I got her through the withdrawal symptoms with the help my family and she still went back to him afterwards. I knew that was it for me. The stress broke my heart and caused my hair to fall out.
When she was irritated with us and took it out on our children.
When her stepdaughter's sexuality was more of q crisis than my aunt on her deathbed (cancer).
When I got left out of presents and gestures, as I never had any spare money to return said presents to them - could only occasionally buy presents and even then, had to save for quite a while for one person.
When he ruined my house, refused to listen to anyone, follow the tenancy rules, refused to properly and willingly watch our kid while I worked and was just a mean, spiteful, resenting person who couldn't cope with his issues without drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, in which he prioritized over anyone else's needs.
I have this friend that I'm too scared to let go of but I know is toxic. she yells at me whenever I do someting she doesn't aprove of, doesn't let me hang out with anyone else, and whenever I try and get rid of her she'll tell my other friends a fake rumor about me and then begg me to let her stay. I don't know what to do, should I let her go and risk losing my other friends or stay with her?
Facebook was way more important
After 3 years in highschool, he always prioritised his other friend that I was an okay friend with, and then 2 years in upper secondary school with him not initiating any conversation, not talking about any emotion or really anything. I decided to stop talking to him in third year because we no longer had any classes together. That fall, I got diagnosed with depression and severe social anxiety, but I feel alot better only a year later.
When I realized I wasn’t important to her anymore. Her family cares about me more than she did