Hey Pandas, What’s Your Advice For Dealing With Someone Who Bullies You For Your Youth? (Closed)
The bully is from my church so I need advice other than telling him FU.
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I'd be interested to know what they are bullying you about. Are you in a leadership position? What is it about you being young that they are picking on?
I have been in church my whole life and seen some pretty good cases of bullying for the most outlandish reasons. Haha.
Here's what I would do:
1. The first thing is to make sure that you are safe. If any of the bullying is physical, or has the potential to become physical, bring someone with you whenever a situation could possibly arise.
2. Let someone you trust know what is going on. If the bullying isn't really "dangerous" (ex. physical bullying) this could just be your friend. If it is actually dangerous for you, definitely let your parents/siblings/spouse know right away.
3. Confront them. This could just be as simple as next time they do it, stand up for yourself and say "Hey, I don't like it when you do that. It feels like you are bullying me because I am younger. I am very competent and have done everything the right way, so what is your issue?" This might stop them and allow you to talk about it.
4. If they won't talk about it, or justify it, or just brush you off, than let them know you are going to start setting boundaries. Ex: "If you are going to keep treating me like a child, even though you know I am doing a good job, than I I think I will go volunteer in a different ministry instead." Or "If you keep brushing my teaching off because I am younger, we are going to have to take turns leading Sunday School instead of doing it together."
5. If they still won't listen, go to someone who is their authority. If they are the music-team leader and they won't let you sing lead because "it'll look bad on the church to have a teen leading" etc. then maybe try going to your pastor and talking about it. Make sure not to create "sides" but also to explain yourself and why you feel bullied.
6. Once you have done your part, politely and with respect, move on. Set your boundaries and follow them. Stay humble, continue to serve, and 100% do not let the bully dictate who you are or how you act. Continue to prove why your youth is not a factor in how mature, godly or talented you are.
Best of luck! Let me know how it works out!
Ignore them. Act higher than yourself. If they harass you physically, go kick him in the nuts.
I agree with some other posters here, it all depends on the situation and how they're coming at you, exactly.
In general, there's a couple different reasons why older people might bully those who are younger, and none of them are good.
A lot of older people are disconnected from their own youth. I can't speak for everyone, but the older you get, the easier it really is to forget just what you yourself was like as a youth. As a kid, a teen, in your 20s, etc.
Memories survive, sure, but not necessarily your state of mind or your attitude, etc. Things get lost over time and for many older people, it's very easy to simply settle into a state of being that feels like, "I've always been this old, I've always been this way, etc." Remembering, in depth, is hard.
They could be trying to connect or teach but it comes across all wrong.
They could just be ignorant, power tripping a******s.
Another trap a lot of older people seem to easily fall into, is thinking that they're God's gift and they know it all, a fount of wisdom in their own right. Sure, the older you get, the more wise you SHOULD become but many of this type simply stop learning and refuse to keep growing and changing.
They're stuck in their ways, and that's that. Usually people who hit a wall and decide to remain willfully stubborn and ignorant of changing times are just too rigid in their thinking, or they're scared, feel insecure, etc.
Try to figure out, if you can, want kind of older bully you're dealing with. Always stay calm, don't raise your voice, don't name call, don't curse. Ask them questions, "Why did you say/do that?", "What do you mean?", etc.
Keep asking questions. 99% of the time, 2 things will happen.
1.) They'll ramp up and get angrier. In that case, walk away and try to avoid them as much as possible.
2.) They'll shut down and simply walk away themselves.
Again, without more details of your situation, I can't really say for sure exactly what you're dealing with, but I hope this helps.
This really depends on your ages and what you're being bullied about. Not knowing that, the best advice I ever got as a kid was to simply agree with everything the bully said. Out loud. In front of everyone.
She said I was fat? "You're absolutely right Karen, I should go on a diet." She makes fun of my clothes? "Yes Karen, I can totally see why you don't like them. Thanks for pointing it out." She doesn't invite me to a party and makes sure I know it? "Fantastic! I hope you had a great time. I'd just have dragged y'all down."
You can really wear bullies down with this (and confuse the c**p out of them too). If you agree with everything they say they no longer have any reason to bully you. Since it's your (negative) reaction they're looking for they lose interest. If you can keep your "f**k you Karens" inside and not let what they say get to you it works wonders. Did for me.
hey mate!
Sorry that I can't really give specifc advice, but here's what Jesus said about how to deal with a Christian doing something wrong in general:
"If your brother or sister sins,
go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church;
and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (which is still to love to the extent of dying to save them).
I'm really sorry to hear you're being treated badly. Hope the situation resolves well
