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Hey Pandas, What Should Guys Do In Public To Help Girls Feel Safer? (Closed)
The title is pretty self-explanatory. I would like to know your thoughts on what guys should do in public to help girls feel safer.
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If a woman comes up to you and requests your assistance, do it! Play along with what she needs, because there's probably a reason she asked.
Yups, I recommend this. Ad lib, actor on a dime, please just follow our lead in situations like this. We don't necessarily need you to be our knight in shining armor (aka getting into a confrontation, fist fights, etc.) - instead, we need to be seen as being "with" someone, aka we're not alone. Someone to give off that impression, watch our back while we search around for friends we might've came with/met up with, to talk to the bartender/bouncer about the issue, to call a ride, the cops, etc. It's really hard to do these things when a creep is stuck to you like velcro. It's even MORE serious if the creep takes your phone in a cheeky "keep away" game. If that's the case, we might need to lean on you even harder for help while we flag the bartender/bouncer down, or ask you to call the cops for us.
please do not feel offended if i cross the street, i can't barely see at night and a cute grandma is enough to make me wary, so i'll try to keep as much distance as i can
Leave us alone.
So, can I ask how I should approach a woman who looks anxious or looks like she needs help? How should my approach be different if she just looks anxious in general vs. if the presence of another man is making her feel anxious?
these work for anybody but:
- don't stare. it makes people scared. idk y but everyone always stares at me
- never, ever, touch anyone before knowing them well enough. applies to dogs as well as humans.
- try not to comment on someones physical appearance/body
- know how to have a conversation. its valuable when meeting anyone anywhere.
- never be violent/angry. that should be given, as it puts anyone in an uncomfortable position if they're just meeting you. also it jus be so stressful
- smile, not like a scary clown, just be pleasant
- be responsible
- look nice, be nice, smell nice, self care stuff
- be honest...
- cultivate manners. u don't have to be proper but use a napkin at least
- don't be a flirt jus for fun or toy with anyone, its just mean >:/
- and finally know when a girl says no, it means no, and u need to let it go, need to let it go, nah to the ah to the no no no
don't seem creepy and dont follow us. if we come up to u and pretend to know u, play along cuz it means we r in danger.
The "Don't follow us" part is quite tricky if people have to go into the same direction. Sometimes I'm worried to look like a creep for walking behind somebody on the way to my destination
The major problem is the law. If a woman is a victim of violent assault, especially sexual assault, it's up to her to prove she said no. It's a big ask. Knife across throat - she didn't say no. If no proof of knife is available she can't defend herself in court.
Please campaign to change law regarding sexual violence that destroys lives. And allows killers to walk. And children to be lost to the care system.
That's what you can do. And you'll be doing it for yourself too. No-one wants to see all men as rapists. Make those people obvious, and we can all walk at night.
Respect boundaries.
If she says no, she means no. If you sit by her, and she scoots away, get up and sit somewhere else. If she keeps nodding and saying "uh huh," she's done talking to you. If she's not responding to flirting, leave her the scud alone.
If we want something, need protection, or are trying to flirt, we will let you know.
If you see something, say something. If you see another guy being a creep, making misogynistic jokes, or harassing/catcalling, call them out.
If you're trying to flirt with a woman and she says she's not interested... she's not interested. That's it. She's not gay (well, she could be! But that's not the point I'm trying to make), she's not a b!tch, she's not a wh0re AND it's not a judgement that you're a bad guy. She may just want to be out with her friends that night, or wants to pick up some milk at the store and not be hit on. You have no idea what she could be going through at that moment. So please, just be kind and back off.
And every guy I hope knows this by now... do not tell us to smile or "You would look so much prettier if you smiled". I don't care if you're Brad Pitt, that NEVER goes over well.
ummmmmm.... i cant think of one. oh wait MAYBE STOP HARASSING US AND STOP FOLLOWING US AROUND EVERYWHERE WE GO
Okay, how about we give OP the benefit of the doubt and assume that he isn't a stalker and doesn't harass women?
Walk your dog.
sit in between creepy guys and them so they are at a distance.
I am teaching my sons to be aware of the predatory situation women endure every. single. day.
The knowledge will help them be better allies and to keep their eyes out for uncouth behavior.
Every father that respects women should help his sons do the same, IMHO.
Thank you. You can also help them to recognize messages in mass media that disrespect women (or others). This way they can become aware of cultural biases that are dangerous or damaging.
Don’t do anything a predator might do. Keep your distance. Ignore women around you. Make noise and carry a light at night when in a space that women would feel vulnerable. Step in if another man is clearly making a woman anxious, even if it means keeping him busy until she’s made her escape. Be a good guy.
Take off your hood if you are walking in the same direction, don't speed up if we notice you are "following" us in fact SLOW DOWN!! We don't want to make eye contact or anything. If we are being hit on and we seem uncomfortable, walk over and act like our best friend and be like "Hey I found some cute pants over here come look!" in the gayest voice or deepest voice so they think the girl is also gay or dating you.
What is a gay voice? I'm a queer woman and I certainly don't have a "gay voice....”
If you are genuinely trying to meet a woman do NOT text her a “D” pic. Don’t constantly talk about sex. Get to know her please?!!!!
If a girl seems anxious or uncomfortable, pay attention to who is around her to gauge who may or may not be the source, rather than focusing on or approaching her. If your Spidey senses start tingling, keep an eye on whoever that may be.
the kind of people that bother me, do not read this.
There are lots of things guys should do in public to make women feel safer.
They should stand up for the woman and ask if they are okay when there is somebody sexually assaulting them. Hell, they should stop sexual assault, period.
Not judge or bully women.
There are abusive boyfriends and parents who are alcoholic and horrible. If a man sees someone abusing another person, the man needs to stand up for that person.
Ask before touching.
Not compliment on women's bodies. People who only like others as crushes for their bodies are called perverts, and are not okay.
Listen to them when they say no. Many men have trouble with taking no for an answer.
If the men are toxic, then they need to leave us the f**k alone.
Thank you for taking the time to reading this post. Stay safe. Be safe.
Take us at our word. Especially if it’s a woman unknown to you. (Also to the minority, stop assaulting, murdering and raping women altogether and we may feel safer altogether. But, women do that too. So just, be decent people.)
When walking on the sidewalks with a lady (SO, coworker, friend, etc) I always make sure she in on the inside and away from the street. Even though I'm paying attention to our conversation, my eyes and alertness are always "tuned in" to our surroundings.
Take no for an answer with grace and then leave us alone. I don’t care if it’s at a sex club - women do not owe men anything.
Don't walk behind be. Or if you must and I glance back, please just tell me you're not a threat to me. Please.
Most of these have prolly been said, but still:
- Please don't stare at women. (We know we are perfection but that doesn't mean we are displays to be stared at ;)
-Do not tease a woman for her looks, especially if you don't know her personally.
-Do not think that women who come asking for you help are interested in you in anyway. (Had a guy do this when all I asked was help to take something from a higher shelf in a supermarket; I am epic short)
Pls just mainly leave us the f**k alone if we don't want to talk with you or something.
like at school yesterday, i was waving bye to one of my friends and some kid nearby was like making eye contact with me and continuously waving at me. i did not know him. i had never spoken to him. it made me extremely uncomfortable.
Not walk so close behind especially when its dark or in secluded places, this goes for everyone, nothing worse than footsteps getting closer and your going at your fastest.
One thing my husband and I agreed on is that neither one of us will drink alcohol in public if the other one is not there. We have seen too much stuff. Another thing we do is that if I have to go out at night he comes with me; if he's not there, he'll find someone else. We lock our doors during the day too (someone came into my house twice, two different houses). He always walk on the side of the road. My brothers did the same when I was a kid. That sort of things.
I'm a gay trans man, so I have experience both being socialized as female and male, so I think I have some good advice, and not it's not necessarily gendered.
Back when I still presented female, I would walk home from my martial arts class after dark and I met some creepy guys. To avoid being creepy here are some things you can do:
-If you're behind someone and you want to walk faster than them, cross the street if possible, or you can call out that you walk fast and ask if you can pass them really quick. (I'm probably going to have to use this at some point because I have the stereotypical speedy gay walk lol).
-If you are walking towards them, try to give them space. That doesn't have to be crossing the street, but maybe stepping off the curb for a bit or just scooting to the side.
-Don't talk to other people you don't know to start a conversation while walking in the dark, a cheery hi can be okay but a conversation's a little weird. (One time a guy said, 'is that a black belt?" I said it was, and then he said "well I won't mess with you then!" like wtf were you planning to before?")
-If you want to compliment a stranger or acquaintance, compliment their clothes, hair, fancy eye shadow, whatever, don't compliment their body itself.
-Be aware! If someone around you seems uncomfortable, think about whether it might be because of you, or look to see if they are threatened by someone else and see if you can safely and respectfully put some space between the threatened and the threatening.
-Please for the love of unicorns and all things holy don't catcall anyone ever. Walking with a bunch of friends in Times Square after dark my friends got catcalled and offered drugs and it made everyone very uncomfortable. It's not a compliment, it's creepy.
I'm sure there's many other things but that's what I've seen and can think of now. :)
Remind yourself that "No" not only means "No" - it also means "It wouldn't be that fun for you tonight any way, even if you talked me into it."
Please do not follow women closely in a parking lot, on a sidewalk, etc. The approaching footsteps sound is very scary, especially after dark.
It's about a teen who feels like he has to live up to this image he's not ready for. As the only child of a successful politician, he's being trained to follow in his mom's footsteps to carry forward her political legacy. However, his heart is not in it, as he grows to realize how dangerous and corrupt the world of politics actually is. He wishes he could be normal teen, and tries to find small things that can help him temporarily escape his world. Two other countries go to war with each other, which is beginning to have global consequences. This war begins to show the cracks in his own county's government and politics, and he has difficult decisions to make as he questions whether he should help stop everything his mom has worked for from crashing down or whether he should use it as a chance to pursue the life he always yearned for. What's yours about?
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This is a perfectly legitimate topic, yet somehow it attracted mostly inane responses.
I'm not sure what OP was looking for but this is not what I was interested in. Something like: keep us inside the road, don't let us drink too much in public, make sure we get home safely, etc.
Feel free to contribute what you think would be good for this thread! We’re all learning from each other!
Load More Replies... It's about a teen who feels like he has to live up to this image he's not ready for. As the only child of a successful politician, he's being trained to follow in his mom's footsteps to carry forward her political legacy. However, his heart is not in it, as he grows to realize how dangerous and corrupt the world of politics actually is. He wishes he could be normal teen, and tries to find small things that can help him temporarily escape his world. Two other countries go to war with each other, which is beginning to have global consequences. This war begins to show the cracks in his own county's government and politics, and he has difficult decisions to make as he questions whether he should help stop everything his mom has worked for from crashing down or whether he should use it as a chance to pursue the life he always yearned for. What's yours about?
Load More Replies... This is a perfectly legitimate topic, yet somehow it attracted mostly inane responses.
I'm not sure what OP was looking for but this is not what I was interested in. Something like: keep us inside the road, don't let us drink too much in public, make sure we get home safely, etc.
Feel free to contribute what you think would be good for this thread! We’re all learning from each other!
Load More Replies...