Lies can ruin your life. I lie constantly about little things "yes I read your text," "I've heard of that show," "that sounds familiar,"
But it's the big and destructive ones we can't take back.
Does anyone else ever feel that way?
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For me, it's lying about something rather private last year. I just need to get this out: every night I am haunted by a replaying image of my dad's smile fading from his face when he realized what I was doing. I saw the happiness wiped away. It makes me cry each time I picture it.
Not really a lie per se... You see, I always liked to lie using the truth. A lot of events in my life have been so outlandish that people tend not to believe it anyway.
Back in the day, when I was out with the lads, if the chat turned to sports, cars, or women ,I got bored real quick. I used to pull out my phone, furrow my brow, then say 'I need to go!' {not a lie} before getting up and leaving without another word. I'd usually go home and play games or down a different pub and sit with some regulars.
Well after weeks of this happening, a concerned friend asked me 'What's going on? Are you in trouble?'
'No I'm not in any trouble', {not a lie}
'Then why do you keep leaving after looking at your phone?',
'I don't wanna talk about it!' {not a lie}
One night they decided to follow me. Not the most discreet group of boys, I knew they were there without looking. So I threw together a plan in my head.
I led them down alleyways, bridle paths, even across a golf course, to the nice part of town. A place locally nicknamed 'Millionaires mile'.
I spotted the house I was after. Garish columns, triangular portico... no real identity... the place was rumoured to be used by/part of some secret society or other.
I approached the door, looked around (like you would when you want to make sure you were not followed), then knocked and waited.
After about a minute a man in a suit answered, I explained to him that I was being followed {not a lie} and asked if I could wait inside until they left. After a (rather obvious) look around, he hurried me inside and offered to call the police. I said I was sure they'd move on shortly, then I'd leave. He asked where I lived and if I wanted a lift home? I accepted and he... called... his... FECKING... driver!
5 minutes (and a few sips of brandy) later the doorbell goes off letting us know the driver has arrived. I get into the back of his Bentley (A quick glance let's me know my friends are still watching), thank him for being so kind and get Chauffer driven home.
My friends cornered me then next day, convinced I'm part of a secret society, which I say 'No I'm not!' {not a lie}, and they obviously don't believe me.
To this day they are convinced that I'm a member of a secret organisation which I'm not.
A few years ago I was really unhappy and depressed, so I started scratching my left forearm up with scissors. I had lots of scratches on my arm, and in summer I wore T-shirts. None of my friends ever noticed, and if they did, they didn’t mention my scratches. Then one day in class I’m sitting next to one of my best guy friends and he’s looking at the bracelet on my arm. He notices the scratches and asks me what they are, if i’m ok. I snap at him and tell them they are nothing. I still feel bad to this day, I think I should’ve told him that I was hurting myself, cause I trusted him really much. I stopped hurting myself a few months after, but sometimes still have similar thoughts.
I'm glad you stopped the self-harm, but for Christ's sake please reach out to someone the next time you feel like s**t. My grandma lost someone to suicide, and the day of the funeral she kept thinking about what went haywire. More people need to open up about their mental health.
I wish that I could take back all the excuses I made to avoid hanging out with my (ex)friends. It's the reason I am lonely right now. ( I am trying to work on it by reaching out to people on Instagram and hanging out close friends of my family)
Once my long time crush asked if I liked him, I wasn’t ready (still not) , so I lied and said I only liked fictional boys. Later he told me he couldn’t believe he once thought of me as more than a friend. O-O
I wish I could take back so many lies. Like you have no clue.
I think the lies I want to take back are all the times I say I'm okay or fine, but in all reality I'm not. I know I'll keep doing it in the future, but if I could just take back the past... Maybe I could bottle.. less. Maybe I could live life a little more instead of making up all these fake little games of happiness in my head and putting on fake smiles and getting angry about the fake smiles. To get over programming my head to do things I don't wanna do like staying up all night to clean, to have all these EXTRA responsibilities that shouldn't be on my shoulders. I wish I could stop faking and take back that lie of "oh, I'm fine" cause no, thank you very much I am not fine. . In fact I'm quite the opposite. I sit in this sad cloud with these thoughts I don't want.
And I'm sorry for my explosion on the internet. I just can't explode in real life. The life of which is out of this screen and are connected to this poor mind of mine. I'm fine, I'm totally so fine with the internet having my emotions I can't truly express. The ones that sit behind this person's face. The face of a girl I say I am. I'm fine.
I lied about not having depression for around a month and a half. I'm so glad I told someone. keeping it a secret isn't fun
Okay these weren’t big lies but when I was younger I always lied about little things like taking my shower and stuff, I still have no idea why I did it, and my mom was always mad and disappointed in me. (Ssry mom)
I've always been afraid of rejecting people. Usually the only people who ask if I want to date them are close friends and for the most of them (except my crush) I just don't feel the same way. But I want them to stay my friend so I say I need more time and force myself to have a crush on them. I usually hate this process but eventually give in and say yes and end up in a one sided relationship for months that I despratley want out of until we come to an "agreement" that things won't work out between us. I'm never devastated after but the other person is sad. I feel like I'm manipulating them but I feel like they would hate me or bully me or just ignore me forever if I said no. Is it just my anxiety, am I being manipulative, I hate myself every time someone asks because I know what's about to happen, I just wish the one person that would ask is my actual crush but they have a crush on another person, and doesn't feel the same about me. It tears me apart just thinking about chasing something on a hamster wheel, like, I'm never gonna be hers, but I keep trying. Why? Why am I like this?
I was mad at this friend who at the time was being really crappy so I told her I didn't really want to be her friend anymore, even though I did (said that to make her rethink her actions). Hasn't talked to me in years and is now lovely, kind and funny.
Maybe she changed partially because of you. she could have realized that people wouldn't be her friend if she was being crappy. Even if that was so, losing a friend sucks
