I know people are often told that when they give an opinion about parenting, they will change when they become parents themselves. This usually applies to small things, like how much screen time kids have, but I'm wondering if bigger opinions change too—things like how much religion you introduce them to.
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I know it sounds cheesy or cliche, but it's like discovering a whole new level of love. She's 3.5 now and just sitting and watching her play pretend in her own world is endlessly gratifying.
I've always said, if you're not enjoying the majority of parenting, you're doing it wrong!
Always. Tired.
Full of love and joy, don't get me wrong. But.
Always. Tired.
Right? And how about the mixture of relief/anxiety when you finally get a day to yourself (if you are fortunate enough to receive such a gift). I plan to DO things when the kiddos aren't around, but then I end up doing nothing in order to recharge the energy reserves, and think about them the entire time we're apart.
I realized how horrible people can be! The PTA moms were aggressively insufferable. Parent/teacher conferences were always tense. I had to deal with abusive and judgmental daycare/aftercare workers. I used up all of my vacation leave & sick leave for various school closures. Parents were cliquish about who their kids could play with, and it broke my heart to tell my kid(s) that so-and-so's mommy said no to a playdate. I was discriminated against while finding work because I had children. I could go on, but the list of horrible ways people behaved because of parenthood as opposed to when I was single is too long to post here - I haven't even gotten started on how my family behaved. Kids are great, and I love mine to death. The adults I had to deal with? You can keep 'em.
We've had to weed out the jerks from the gems at my kiddo's school. Once we confirmed who was an a$$hole, we very intentionally steered away from them and towards the fellow parents who vibed with us. Our relationships with them flourished, and my son is WIDE open to playing with anyone, regardless of differences.
I just sort of...found my place. First time in my life I am totally happy and not FOMO. More energy then ever despite four kids. Everything changed for the better.
Realizing someone else is dependent on you for everything can make you grow up in a hurry.
Sounds like a cliche but I didn't fully realize how much of a dumpster-fire our US healthcare market is before children. It's like an extra mortgage for a vacation house I shouldn't be trying to afford except someone else's health and life are involved and it doesn't even cover everything or all of what it does cover!
Just the perpetual sense of anxiety and worry... I don't remember having it as bad when I was younger. Loving something this much is stressful. lol. Oh and now I have way more empathy to other parents sharing their kids' stories and antics.
I learned humility towards struggling parents. I just because I was an excellent teacher who rarely had classroom problems my kids were thier own persons and were not the perfect angles I expected them to be due to my skills. Other factors figured in the equation: Special needs, divorce, mental health diagnosis, family crisis beyond my control and ability to shelter the children was outside of my control. Still my oldest son is 21 and he has turned into a thoughtful young man who is trying hard to fledge.
I realized that I, as a parent, had to create the kind of home my child would want to be a part of. It challenged everything I experienced as a child .. for the better. I’ve changed generations of bad parenting patterns and I now have a teen who is happy, successful, and bonded to her Momma 🥰. All the hard work is totally worth it!!
Nice job! That is so hard to do. It takes insight into yourself and a hell of a lot of work. You should be very proud of yourself!
"When I need a hero, I look in the mirror", and the mirror is my son Călin...
I was 21 when my 1st child was born. I quit riding my motorcycle 🏍 until the youngest was 16.
One of my close friend's dads did the same, quit riding when she was born. He saw too many friends die or have serious accidents and didn't want to leave his kids without a father. He did have some of his friends that still rode come to one of her birthday parties though, and take each of us on a 5 minute ride though.
I stopped playing with toys when it became "uncool" to do so as a kid. More video games, sports, socializing, etc. Fast-forward to being a dad, and I am delighted to find myself building with Legos again, driving toy trucks around the living room, and joining my children at their pretend coffee shop or kitchen for tea!
his is coming from a person who A: never really wanted to be a parent; B: wasn't disappointed when doctors told me (after a miscarriage) that my anatomy wouldn't support a full term pregnancy; and C: when i did get pregnant my weird physiology didn't give me any hint that i was pregnant so didn't find out until i was 6 months along. (just to be clear - no real weight gain/body change until months 7-8 and all "regular" events occurred from conception to 6 months.)
since i didn't think parenthood was in the cards for me when i found out i was pregnant i had only a couple of months to get used to the idea even though i kept thinking i wouldn't hold onto it to full term. so, the fact that i was going to be a mother hit me when i was in the elevator going up to have a c-section. coming from a 'traditional' mom i was terrified that i wouldn't be a good mother. but, after i saw him i literally pulled on my big girl panties and told myself if there was anything that i ever did right it better be this 18+ year journey.
as each stage of childhood passed i realized that i, as his parent, would have the most impact on him and, therefore, i better be the mirror to what i wanted to imbue him with. so, i made sure that i tried to emulate how a person should be which was not always successful but the effort was there. and, while i always thought i would never have a kid i did know that if i did i would want them to be a good person first and, in retrospect, i think i did that. i didn't just tell him to have compassion - i showed him what it was. be aware of those in need and have compassion?
Understanding that your child will be against you in some opinion, and that's okay.
I became so much more conscious of my own actions. I realized that my kids were always watching, so I needed to be a good person as well as a good parent. They weren't going to learn the lessons I told them as a parent if they didn't see me acting the same way as a person. Helped me grow up a lot.
In a lesser way, I love horror movies but I can't watch ones where kids are in danger. It activates my Fight-or-Fight.
Right? I remember watching one of my favorite series after giving birth to my son and in one scene, an irresponsible father leaves his infant in the yard to hide him from his friend. I felt so angry!! Suddenly it wasn't funny at all anymore!
I became more egotistical. I’ll say ‘no’, because I just like to be with my little family more. I used to feel bad for saying no because I did not see it as valid enough a reason, but now I do. I just really like my sons. They’re awesome!
Literally everything about myself. It was finding out that I was going to be a parent that pushed me into getting sober. I've been through intensive therapy and nearly 11 years in, I'm still very active in my recovery community. I don't even know that woman who was scared §hitless at the prospect of living without alcohol anymore.
Somehow it made my weirdness worse. Turns out I'm neurodivergent. And that's why I function so poorly on a day to day basis.
I am so happy that I get to be pretty much the mom to my kids, that I longed (and long) for in my own. I can't understand how my mom cannot be the creative and openminded mom that (I think) I am.
I am really learning to listen. My kids tell all these intense and long stories about their male cousins (of which they have none). And their Mr. Zombie.
And I always thought that I'd hate it when my kids would start to ask weird questions. But actually, I love it. I often don't know the right answer right away so we google a lot and use google translate and search for photos and videos of stuff. And I love that my kids are interested in so.... not-kid-friendly stuff. So I get to try to explain horrible things in a way that is the truth as well as age-appropriate. Like... wars are when two leaders are angry and mean and they get into a fight (like kids do). Only it's in a very dangerous and bad way so ppl die. And I get to google all sorts of words in Finnish because my mid-kid asks me to translate words. I will not be surprised if, in 10 years or so, we'll be a Danish family just randomly fluent in Finnish. Lol. Oh, and mid-kid is also really into the royal line of kings and queens of Denmark. And some sea-faring national heroes we got. I mean.... this girl is 4yo! And she's a huge fan of kings and queens from hundreds of years ago. Lol.
I love to see my oldest kid writing words. It is so insane to me that I have given birth to a kid that is in school now. Lol.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot: I have always thought of myself as being a sorta weak person. Socially, physically, mentally.... etc. But I have given birth to 3 awesome kids and it wad 3 very different births. One was normal (get to hospital, get doped up on oxygene, birth baby). One was crazy (baby wants out fast. I get to the delivery room 6min before I hold my baby in my arms. No pain control besides my breathing). One almost ended me (acute c-section, wasn't stitched up properly afterwards, lost ca. Half the blood in my body and my bf just sat there with our baby wondering if he was gonna be a single dad of 3 kids now). These experiences have made me believe that I am actually strong. Like... the best birth I had was the fast one with no drugs at all. That was quite a surprise that I could enjure that. At least to me. 😁
This is lovely ❤️ My sister is neurodivergent and she has said she would struggle to have kids who weren't like her, as she would find it hard to understand the way they think, though I think she would find a way.
I know this doesn't directly answer the question, but what caught me by surprise after my children grew up was how difficult it is to not offer my unsolicited opinions regarding things they were going through, plans they were making, etc. After two decades of guiding them it's not easy to shut that off (but I try, and I'm mostly successful).
Great point. They need to learn to make (and fix) their own mistakes. It is hard though. The harder one for me is when they do ask for my advice but don't follow it. I have to be ok with that as well. It was advice, not an order, lol.
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I figured out how to do the things that are necessary even when they're hard. For example, I needed to change my career for a long time bc it wasn't sustainable but I made excuses and gave up trying every time. Then I had my child and returned to this job. Now the path was clear and the will was iron. I had to quit and I had to make a different life for his sake, so I did.
I know this doesn't directly answer the question, but what caught me by surprise after my children grew up was how difficult it is to not offer my unsolicited opinions regarding things they were going through, plans they were making, etc. After two decades of guiding them it's not easy to shut that off (but I try, and I'm mostly successful).
Great point. They need to learn to make (and fix) their own mistakes. It is hard though. The harder one for me is when they do ask for my advice but don't follow it. I have to be ok with that as well. It was advice, not an order, lol.
Load More Replies... I figured out how to do the things that are necessary even when they're hard. For example, I needed to change my career for a long time bc it wasn't sustainable but I made excuses and gave up trying every time. Then I had my child and returned to this job. Now the path was clear and the will was iron. I had to quit and I had to make a different life for his sake, so I did.
