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Hey Female Pandas, How To Non-Creepily Approach You To Tell You About Clothing Failure?
Inspired by today's awkward situation.
I was on the bus, and a young girl, maybe 14 or 15, from the local school sat in the very back on the bench, feet up on the railing. She presented a very prominent outline of her private parts through her pants for everyone that stepped onto the bus. Maybe intentional, but given circumstances and age i'm going with "not". So how to tell her she's showing things she might not want to without coming across as a total creep? Since i'm a big dude of 40 summers, i went with the grumpy old fart approach and told her to put her feet down. In this scenario, i'm the no-fun douchebag, but better than the alternative.
Assuming there are no women around to tell you for example your bra shifted and you are "showing off the nip", how would you like guys to tell you that doesn't make them feel like creeps?
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You should not aproach minor girls to talk about their bodies.
Maybe just don’t confront her about her body at all-probably the safest approach
If it’s something like toilet paper stuck on shoes say something about it but stuff like bra or pants never ever talk about it it’s just creepy
Imagine you are on a bus and you have a wet spot on the bottom of your pants because you sat on a wet bench would you want to have someone mention it
First and foremost I want you to know that I understand where you were coming from and from what you’re saying, it appears it was from a good place.
With that said, you don’t get to say a god da.mn thing. She’s a child and whether or not you intended it, you were in fact sexualizing her body. As a grown man, if I, a grown woman, saw you say anything other than what you said we would have had a confrontation.
I’m also curious as to what you meant by “better than the alternative?” I can only assume you meant she could or would be assaulted. Which sounds a whole lot like “she deserved it because look what she’s wearing.”
with "better than the alternative" i meant letting her continue to show things she might not want to to total strangers, maybe recieving the occasional ogle. Let me be perfectly clear here. Nobody, never, nowhere and under no circumstances deserves to be assaulted that way. Bodily autonomy is a holy thing for me. I have my own baggage regarding that.
I'd say to be careful how to sit. A friend once said that to me in a similar situation. In case of a slipped cleveage or a dripping nose I just say to readjust the T-shirt or to wipe the nose. Never go into details what one could see.
I feel that is a descreet and non invasive way to give people the chance not to stand out in an undesired way.
But it is a difficult time to find the correct way if you're a man. As a mother of two sons I often think about different views society has on actions of men and women. And try to give advice accordingly.
It was good of you that you cared. And that you acted.
Let her know respectfully. Everyone is making a good point about how you shouldn't talk to minors about their body, but she probably doesn't know and wouldn't want people to see the outline of her private areas. Let her know quietly, and genuinely. Avoid telling her stuff about her private areas if possible, I think you handled it really well. I would be much more comfortable with a woman pointing out embarrassing things to me. If there were women on the bus you could talk to them about it and they could let her know. I do think you did the right thing though. It was really nice of you to tell her to put her legs down without being super creepy. I know if I was in that situation I would be really grateful.
Thinking back to being a teenage girl I'd be most comfortable if someone diverted their eyes and said "Minor wardrobe malfunction". I'd think it was more creepy if they said nothing. I definitely understand the fear behind saying something, though. I guess your best bet would just be to keep your mouth shut but it's a shame because your intentions aren't bad.
When a woman near me at a concert had tucked her skirt into her underwear, I asked my wife to let her know. On another similar occasion when I was alone, I was just matter of fact. “Excuse me? I’m sorry, but should know your underwear is showing.” I only looked her in the eye, and then just kept moving. She said thank you and I said you’re welcome. But let’s talk about noticing the “outline of a girl’s private parts” through her pants. Yeah, just don’t. Stop looking, say nothing. Otherwise, it’s only going to be, “Excuse me, but I was LOOKING AT THE OUTLINE OF YOUR LABIA through your pants, etc., etc...”
