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“My Mom Is The Absolute Master”: 39 People Share The Funniest Harmless Ways To Agitate A Man
You can absolutely agitate someone without actually committing a crime. The goal here isn’t to inflict pain, but to create just enough maddening inconveniences to make them think, “Why is this happening to me?”
Usually, you would save this as payback for a special someone who wronged you in some way. This is why these people are sharing their methods in a recent Threads post, when a user asked, “What’s something you could do to inconvenience a man, but not necessarily get charged/go to jail for?”
Responses included taking labels off canned goods, hiding an opened carton of milk to stink up a place, and taking away TV power cords, to name a few. Yes, most of these were mean-spirited, but they were also funny because they weren’t malicious enough to cause much suffering or torment.
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#1
make a small donation to the church of scientology in his name. perhaps add a note that he’s *really* interested in becoming a member. they will never leave him alone & he’ll never know who did it.
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#3
After being told that I did not contribute financially to our household and that was one of the many reasons he cheated, upon moving out I took everything I paid for: extension cords, light bulbs, toilet paper, bath towels, laundry detergent, household cleaning supplies, batteries (I left one in the remote-required 4), etc.
#4
Just tell him you don’t know where anything is every time he asks.
Damned_Cat 21 hours ago
My ex called me for months after I moved out, asking me where his stuff was. Not accusing me of stealing, he just couldn't find anything on his own.
#5
Buy about 200 random keys and 100 key rings with the little tags you can write on from eBay/amazon/wherever you get your bulk junk, put his phone number on the tags, and get your friends together to scatter them across the city. He’ll be getting calls about his keys for months.
#6
On the WiFi router, on the gaming device, on the tv… then possibilities are endless.
#7
I once dated a guy who wouldn't let me poo at his apartment. One day, he sent me to the store up the street to do it so I took his keys with me and made a copy. Then I'd rush to his house on my lunch break, poo in his toilet and not flush. He never said anything to me but I heard him telling his friend about the phantom pooper.
Laugh or not 1 day ago
Copying keys and entering an apartment without the owner’s consent is illegal, no matter what the title of this list says.
#8
Get 8 people to ring his phone and ask for George. When he says they've got the wrong number they say "Tell George (insert name here) rang and it's on (insert random/different day.) " After half an hour, someone rings him and says "Hey it's George here. Any messages for me?"
#9
I read about a woman who sprinkled watercress seeds all over the carpet, watered them and then left heating on full when she was leaving her unfaithful partner. He was on vacation with his floozie!
#10
When I moved out of my exs house I took ALL of the labels off of the canned goods. Are you opening peaches or green beans? you’ll never know.
Phil Green 1 day ago
Who eats tinned green beans? They're an abomination! You did the right thing to leave!
#11
After a friend left her cheating ex, she kept his passwords and every 5 or 6 months would cancel one of his utilities, insurance, cable, garbage service, or suspend his mail for weeks. She played a long game.
#12
I have a masters and a doctorate but my proudest life achievement is when my ex-sister-in-law cheated on my brother with a 21 year old college dude from the UK so I signed her up for every email subscription I could possibly think of and the spam was so out of control she had to change her email address.
#13
Sprinkle a handful of mint seeds onto his lawn. Mint spreads through underground roots, so even if he cuts the mint leaves down they will continue to grow. Forever.
#14
After a break up with a long term boyfriend a friend helped me pack up my stuff. Part way through she looked around at the boxes and asked me “what’s he going to cook with?” That wasn’t my problem. He later asked me for a list of stuff I “took” from the kitchen. And then for a list of stuff he would need for the kitchen.
Damned_Cat 21 hours ago
I took all the good cookware and all the good kitchen knives that I paid for. Left him with a few pieces of scratched Teflon and a 30-year-old Ginsu knife.
#15
Don’t take the batteries out of the TV and garage door remotes. turn them around so + is at the minus end instead.
Collect batteries that ran out. Fill a newly opened package with them.
#16
Lemons in his curtain rods. They rot but wont smell and he'll wonder why he keeps getting flies.
#17
1. Rearrange the letters of the keyboard. Like shift them all right by 1, or rearrange the vowels
2. Change the units on the weighing scale (for food or body)
3. Take all the scoop cups for supplements
4. Take all the things he usually asks about (scissors, keys, can opener, etc). When he says he already looked in the same area, put it back, and tell him to check again
4. Take the oven racks / burner racks.
Andrew Keir 1 day ago
#1 might be better as "reprogram his computer to act as if the keyboard was Dvorak coded"
#18
I used to kick the snow boogers off my car every time I dropped my kids off at my ex's. He was ridiulous about having his driveway shoveled perfectly.
#19
Unscrew every lightbulb just a lil so they don't work.
#20
pour a small amount of water in one shoe every morning before work (always the same shoe, just a splash)
dab just a little fish sauce on his toothbrush every night
put a thumb sized oil stain in the approximate booty hole location of all his pants (over time, not all at once)
microwave all his leftovers then put them back in the fridge
doesn't matter what he says, find a chance to tell him your grannie used to say the same thing all the time (be dismissive, don't explain).
#21
Hid an opened carton of milk under his kitchen sink. His apartment stunk for weeks and he had no clue where the smell was coming from.
#22
my mom is the absolute master of this - a few things she did to my dad growing up when he was annoying her to annoy him back:
1. moved the bookmark in whatever he was reading
2. used the slightly moldy part of cheese on his meal
3. bought him diet sprite instead of coca-cola and said she “forgot what he liked”.
#23
COCONUT OIL ON THE WINDSHEILD.
#24
Take ALL his socks and underwear, stuff them in a few ziplock bags or a plastic grocery bag. Really wad them up so they’re entwined. Fill bags with water.
Toss them in the freezer.
#25
Distribute a pack of braiding hair (in 613) throughout their house. They won’t be able to see it. Just spider web feelings forever.
#27
This thread reminds me of the scene when Amelie sneaks into the bully's house and does some things like putting slippers that are too small, cutting a shoelaces, replacing his toothpaste, etc to make the antagonist think he's going mental, calls his mother but she changed the speed dials on his phone.
#29
Glitter.... EVERYWHERE. In his vehicle, in his clothes, in his shoes, in his shampoo or body wash, in every corner of every room.
#30
The level of petty is off the charts and I’m here for it. I haven’t done this, but i read about it. Buy a bunch of keys (like 50 or more) and put a tag with: “if found please contact” and add his number, then drop keys anywhere you like - nearby, another state, a different country. He’ll be fielding lost key calls for years.
#31
Put a bike lock around the spokes of the wheels on his car. Put tuna inside his curtain rods. Pour milk under his couch cushions.
#32
1. Take all his left shoes. Just the left shoes.
2. Cutting off all the logos from his shirts.
3. Put shrimp or seafood in all his curtain rods.
4. Putting instant potatoes on his front (or back) lawn right before you know it’s going to rain.
5. Glitter in his car. He will find glitter from that for the rest of his life bc it’s impossible to get rid of.
6. Take his microwave plate. (I used to collect these when I was in college Men can’t cook a lot of the time and microwave a lot.)
#33
When I left my horrible ex I allegedly took:
Just the handles to the Microwave, stove, fridge, dishwashers and pots and pans
His shoe laces
Door knobs
Toilet valves after shutting them off ofc
One foot peg off of each piece of furniture
Guitar strings
10mm sockets
Video game cases
Tv power cords
Nailed all the windows shut
Superglued change in various places like the floor and nightstands
Took the handles off the nightstands too
The ring that makes the plate in the microwave move.
#34
Have emotional needs, want to be treated with respect...
#35
Steal the shoelaces out of all the shoes
Steal the left shoe of 40% of their shoes and then hide the remainder of his shoes in random places around the house, car, his job, etc. he won’t know which shoes to replace and won’t know which ones to replace because some have matches
Put a bunch of eggs over the shower drain and run it hot
Glitter in anything they use frequently…
Tuna juice/ eggs or fish Im vents
Release colony of ants in pillow.
#36
.
Telling him you're "Ready to go"...
Then spending 30 minutes getting ready... and just as we finally walk out the door... "oh, let me get my sunglasses".
Colleen Glim 23 hours ago
Then spend another 15 minutes looking for this. My husband does this. I love him to d***h but whenever we’re leaving for something, there’s always 15 things he has to do right now this minute that he couldn’t have done in the last three hours that we were sitting around doing nothing. I understand ADHD brain but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t drive me crazy
#37
Remove all lightbulb and but leave the switch on (light bill will go crazy), fck his barber, glitter in his lotion, erase data from his Madden game, cut the buttons off all his jeans and shirts, replace his apple juice with Listerine, hide sardines in his air vent, under a rug, and for my closing act….buy feeder mice from PetSmart and let God’s will be done once you accidentally let them out in his place
Stay safe ladies.
#39
1. Purchase a large tub of buttery spread.
2. Scoop out & retain three quarters of the contents.
3. Drop in a deuce.
4. Cover your crime with as much of the original content.
5. Leave in the refrigerator.
What do you think ?
Auntriarch 1 day ago
When we said no more celeb/aita/bridezilla rubbish, this is NOT what we wanted instead.
Load More Replies...
Spidercat 1 day ago
Hey BP, now do one for telling men how to ruin womens days and see how far you get...
Auntriarch 1 day ago
When we said no more celeb/aita/bridezilla rubbish, this is NOT what we wanted instead.
Load More Replies... Spidercat 1 day ago
Hey BP, now do one for telling men how to ruin womens days and see how far you get...
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