Man Gets Called A ‘Pervert’ For Hanging Out With Coworker’s 7-Year-Old Daughter
Classic sexism tells us that men are aggressive and reserved. They can take out the trash, change a lightbulb, and fix the car, but they can’t give affection to a child because that requires more emotional capacity.
Even though this notion sounds ridiculous, it’s still widespread in our society. So when Reddit user AlNuevoMundo was spotted playing with his colleague’s 7-year-old daughter, he instantly became the office creep.
As the man tried to explain himself, he realized that he was confronting not just a suspicious workplace, but also rigid gender stereotypes.
Some people think men who are affectionate and friendly with children are dangerous because that’s not who they are
Image credits: astrakanimages (not the actual image)
So when this guy started playing with his colleague’s 7-year-old daughter, the office noticed
Image credits: davidpereiras (not the actual image)
Image credits: AlNuevoMundo
What we perceive to be creepy is very much tied with ambiguity
Interested in the issue, Frank McAndrew, Cornelia H. Dudley Professor of Psychology at Knox College, asked 1,341 people to rank how creepy 44 behaviors or traits were on a scale from one to five, where one was very unlikely and five was very likely. Additionally, McAndrew also invited the participants of his study to name occupations and hobbies that they thought were creepy, too.
Creepy traits and behaviors included:
- Standing too close to someone
- Smiling peculiarly
- Talking too much about a topic, especially sex
- Laughing at inappropriate times
- Not letting someone out of a conversation
- Displaying unwanted sexual interest
- Asking to take pictures of people
- Displaying too much or too little emotion
- Having bulging eyes
- Having long fingers
- Having pasty skin
- Having greasy hair
- Having dark eye bags
- Wearing dirty or weird clothes
- Licking lips
While the creepiest hobbies were:
- Taxidermy
- Collecting things, including dolls, insects, and — eww! — fingernails?
- Any kind of watching, such as bird watching or photography
Meanwhile, the creepiest professions were said to be:
- Clown
- Taxidermist
- Sex shop owner
- Funeral director
- Taxi driver
“Creepiness is all about not being able to figure out whether there is a threat,” McAndrew said.
Creepy people make us uncomfortable because we can’t predict how they will act or what they will say and do. So maybe if the Redditor’s colleagues had spent more time with him, they wouldn’t have thought he was that menacing?
Image credits: Antonio Sokic (not the actual image)
As his story went viral, the man joined the discussion in its comments section
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Maria is gross and weird and this poor guy is in a toxic environment. He should get out of there as soon as possible.
I'm a tall dude with a beard, for some reason i ATTRACT children like some kind of magnet. Whenever there are children at an event there is almost a 100% certainty they'll pool around me. I've practically raised my nephews and at this point i'm comfortable around kids but i have to thread veeeeeery carefully because being a man it's not really a quality.
Kids just know if a person is "safe" or not. So, lucky you, they probably think you're a "safe" person to be around
Load More Replies...
Nothing - damages a child - more than some adults seriously asking "Oh, are you ok??!! Did something BAD happen to you??" The kid never thought of bad until some adult suggested it. Men playing with female kids are really at risk for this c**p. Harmful to all concerned. Not saying "don't think it!" - because you do need to think it. But find out what's going on- and not in front of the kid. That friendship could be the most important most wholesome thing the kid has - and incidentally the same is true with little boys.
Report Cathy's presence to HR as an attempt to create constructive dismissal. They are not including you in group discussions, excluding you from meetings and are now setting up conditions to make you look bad or worse, a criminal. You are the only male in an all female group. Ask to either be moved to another group or for Maria to be banned from bringing her kid to work if she feels threatened by male interaction
This is why we need to fight discrimination against men too, men aren't even allowed to experience and express one of the most fundamental human feelings: liking children. This is horrible towards men. And also horrible towards children, because they might miss out on playing with someone who could be their favorite adult, and a great role model. And miss out on someone who might have been the best kindergarten teacher ever. And sure, an adult man who plays with a kid could be grooming a child, BUT SO COULD EVERY WOMAN. So she should keep her kid away from all the women in the office too, if she's that concerned.
This is so crazy, do the women in the office just think of fathers as sperm donors and not dads?
If she does not want her coworkers to talk to het kid, she should not bring it to the office, let alone leave jetzt there
Generally there aren't as many men in early age childcare because the positions aren't paid well. Traditionally male jobs earn higher wages. Boys babysit as a often as girls until the age where they are allowed to work and they generally find better paying jobs, even casual ones like stacking wood etc. One afternoon if stacking wood pays better than a whole evening of babysitting. Some of the bias against men comes from that, he could be earning more money, so it's suspicious why he'd want to spend time with kids. Want to change the attitude? Equal pay for traditionally male and female jobs. Pay a seamstress what you pay a plumber. Both are skilled labour. Until thisnia rectified, people will always make assumptions about men taking care of kids.
That's an interesting perspective. I'm certain it's a factor but it is also true that some of the bias comes from the idea that men are not caregivers. Gender discrimination happens across the board and is bad for everyone.
Load More Replies...
he needs to go straight to his boss or hr and explain everything before his coworkers gets a chance to twist the truth
I'm in Britain, and found myself uncomfortably aware of my own sexist and ageist attitudes and expectations when I read in a local news report that the police were looking for an elderly woman who had approached and smiled at a young child in a pushchair on a public footpath, which somehow alarmed the mother so much she called the police. I thought how weird it was that both the mother and the police seemed to think that such an innocuous non-event was a police matter: why would anyone feel disturbed or threatened by an old lady merely smiling at a cute baby? Isn't that just a normal thing for harmless old ladies to do? Then I thought some more and realised that if the person smiling at a strange child in a public place had been a middle-aged man, I wouldn't have thought it so ridiculous for a parent to call the police. Overcautious perhaps, but somehow more understandable.
OK, so here's why I think BP's hatred of "incels" is just plain evil. (And to be clear, I'm using this word as used on BP, not as self-identifying members of any group use it.) Of the listed "creepy" trails and behaviors, two of them indicate sexually inappropriate behavior, but ten indicate behaviors associated with Asperger's syndrome, and six indicate mere physical characteristics. (And this doesn't even consider the fact that people with poor social skills may act sexually creepy simply because of poor social skills and not because of sexist attitudes; they may genuinely misidentify a friendly smile as a "hey there, sexy" smile; I have a spectrum issue -- hyperlexia -- and I erred in the opposite direction. While I'm happily married now, that carried the cost of a lot of loneliness [clarification:MY loneliness], confused women*, and low self esteem) (*My wife pointed out several of my "friends" who behaved jealously towards her once I was "taken.")
To be fair to BP, they are just reporting what people in a survey conducted by some psychologists identified. Which just reinforces the perception that people make judgements about personality traits (in this case creepiness) based on physical attributes that people have no control over
Load More Replies...
Unfortunately, guys who want to spend time with kids who don't have bad intent are in the minority these days. One of the very few downsides of being male, but a small price to pay for having all the benefits of being one.
No the ones who don't have bad intent ARENT in the minority. Its just that they keep their distance as much as possible because they are told they arent allowed. Also, we dont get a report or newline article every time a guy has a positive interaction with a child.
Load More Replies... Maria is gross and weird and this poor guy is in a toxic environment. He should get out of there as soon as possible.
I'm a tall dude with a beard, for some reason i ATTRACT children like some kind of magnet. Whenever there are children at an event there is almost a 100% certainty they'll pool around me. I've practically raised my nephews and at this point i'm comfortable around kids but i have to thread veeeeeery carefully because being a man it's not really a quality.
Kids just know if a person is "safe" or not. So, lucky you, they probably think you're a "safe" person to be around
Load More Replies... Nothing - damages a child - more than some adults seriously asking "Oh, are you ok??!! Did something BAD happen to you??" The kid never thought of bad until some adult suggested it. Men playing with female kids are really at risk for this c**p. Harmful to all concerned. Not saying "don't think it!" - because you do need to think it. But find out what's going on- and not in front of the kid. That friendship could be the most important most wholesome thing the kid has - and incidentally the same is true with little boys.
Report Cathy's presence to HR as an attempt to create constructive dismissal. They are not including you in group discussions, excluding you from meetings and are now setting up conditions to make you look bad or worse, a criminal. You are the only male in an all female group. Ask to either be moved to another group or for Maria to be banned from bringing her kid to work if she feels threatened by male interaction
This is why we need to fight discrimination against men too, men aren't even allowed to experience and express one of the most fundamental human feelings: liking children. This is horrible towards men. And also horrible towards children, because they might miss out on playing with someone who could be their favorite adult, and a great role model. And miss out on someone who might have been the best kindergarten teacher ever. And sure, an adult man who plays with a kid could be grooming a child, BUT SO COULD EVERY WOMAN. So she should keep her kid away from all the women in the office too, if she's that concerned.
This is so crazy, do the women in the office just think of fathers as sperm donors and not dads?
If she does not want her coworkers to talk to het kid, she should not bring it to the office, let alone leave jetzt there
Generally there aren't as many men in early age childcare because the positions aren't paid well. Traditionally male jobs earn higher wages. Boys babysit as a often as girls until the age where they are allowed to work and they generally find better paying jobs, even casual ones like stacking wood etc. One afternoon if stacking wood pays better than a whole evening of babysitting. Some of the bias against men comes from that, he could be earning more money, so it's suspicious why he'd want to spend time with kids. Want to change the attitude? Equal pay for traditionally male and female jobs. Pay a seamstress what you pay a plumber. Both are skilled labour. Until thisnia rectified, people will always make assumptions about men taking care of kids.
That's an interesting perspective. I'm certain it's a factor but it is also true that some of the bias comes from the idea that men are not caregivers. Gender discrimination happens across the board and is bad for everyone.
Load More Replies... he needs to go straight to his boss or hr and explain everything before his coworkers gets a chance to twist the truth
I'm in Britain, and found myself uncomfortably aware of my own sexist and ageist attitudes and expectations when I read in a local news report that the police were looking for an elderly woman who had approached and smiled at a young child in a pushchair on a public footpath, which somehow alarmed the mother so much she called the police. I thought how weird it was that both the mother and the police seemed to think that such an innocuous non-event was a police matter: why would anyone feel disturbed or threatened by an old lady merely smiling at a cute baby? Isn't that just a normal thing for harmless old ladies to do? Then I thought some more and realised that if the person smiling at a strange child in a public place had been a middle-aged man, I wouldn't have thought it so ridiculous for a parent to call the police. Overcautious perhaps, but somehow more understandable.
OK, so here's why I think BP's hatred of "incels" is just plain evil. (And to be clear, I'm using this word as used on BP, not as self-identifying members of any group use it.) Of the listed "creepy" trails and behaviors, two of them indicate sexually inappropriate behavior, but ten indicate behaviors associated with Asperger's syndrome, and six indicate mere physical characteristics. (And this doesn't even consider the fact that people with poor social skills may act sexually creepy simply because of poor social skills and not because of sexist attitudes; they may genuinely misidentify a friendly smile as a "hey there, sexy" smile; I have a spectrum issue -- hyperlexia -- and I erred in the opposite direction. While I'm happily married now, that carried the cost of a lot of loneliness [clarification:MY loneliness], confused women*, and low self esteem) (*My wife pointed out several of my "friends" who behaved jealously towards her once I was "taken.")
To be fair to BP, they are just reporting what people in a survey conducted by some psychologists identified. Which just reinforces the perception that people make judgements about personality traits (in this case creepiness) based on physical attributes that people have no control over
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, guys who want to spend time with kids who don't have bad intent are in the minority these days. One of the very few downsides of being male, but a small price to pay for having all the benefits of being one.
No the ones who don't have bad intent ARENT in the minority. Its just that they keep their distance as much as possible because they are told they arent allowed. Also, we dont get a report or newline article every time a guy has a positive interaction with a child.
Load More Replies...
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