Lady Asks If She’s Unreasonable For Not Buying Grandson A Birthday Gift After He Punched Her

"A slap isnt a defense" in what world does that logic apply??? She was hit, hitting back is a very basic response to it. Not the best and most mature, but a very normal, human, violent or not. Fight flight or freeze. Without training doing one of those in response to a threat. I don't think grandma has taken any kind of self defense classes to help control that biochemical response. Her brain chose fight in response to being assaulted. Anyone saying she's violent for that is insane.

Granny's Thoughts

Granny's Thoughts

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She could call police and report the assault. Too many young kids turn to violence. Get this stopped before he does something worse.

When you assault someone you assault the relationship. If you do not face consequences, show remorse, and make amends, the relationship stays battered. This child is old enough to know what he did was wrong; he has done nothing constructive to fix the damage and continues to act with hostility. Grandma giving him any sort of gift tells him that everything is fine and that he has nothing to fix. It teaches him that his victims do not have dignity and, in fact, will reward him and show him deference. He needs serious help and the family should be consistent in how they show him actions have consequences.

Have the parents done anything like put him in therapy? It’s obvious the kid has some major anger management problems

Aww. Poor violent baby needs a gift.

Kid needs seriously therapy. I say that as somebody who has had a lot of therapy. The reaction like "seeing a red rag" sounds like a trigger. I would guess that there's been a lot of not-great stuff in this kid's life already, and if he's like this at 14, he needs to have his path rerouted ASAP. If he carries this kind of behavior into his adult life, he's gonna end up in prison. (I have to say that I am also wary of his parents. They didn't make him apologize, which indicates not the BEST parenting skills, and it's a reasonable guess that they MAY be the ultimate cause of his emotional trauma and lashing out.)

Grandma you do not be alone with him. His parents need to get him help. Experienced at what he did to you. Be afraid very afraid

This 14 year old punched his grandmother. The birthday gift is a red herring. This kid needs intensive professional help today. I’m willing to bet she’s not the first person he’s hit.

NTA. He is 14 not 4 like someone else had commented, he should definitely know better. If one of my nephews hit me intentionally, my first call would be to their parents, and tell to come get their kid ASAP and explain what happened, as far as a present ABSOLUTELY NOT actions have consequences! Birthday or not, I'm not going to reward bad behavior especially violence! The 8 year old I might handle it different but at 14 he ABSOLUTELY should know better

Nope. Don't need to get a gift. A card would be nice, but I wouldn't do more than that.

That one time I made the gesture of spitting towards my maternal grandmother (who was a narcissist b!). My other grandma tapped on my mouth before sitting me down in private to berate me "Show some respect!" She said. I told her that I couldn't, wouldn't respect someone like her. And she told me smthg that stayed stick in my head until adulthood: "not for her. Show some respect for yourself! You will NOT behave so crass."

If parents won't do anything about the kid punching his grandmother he'll be in juvenile detention pretty soon for hitting someone else who didn't let him get away with it.

Considering had he done that to a stranger or another kid charges could be filed. Hitting people is not acceptable and a proper punishment needs to be done. Not giving him a gift is a start, but he needs to understand that assaulting people have consequences.

She needs to contact CPS or whatever the organization is in her country because if he punched her then he's at risk of hurting others, he has issues that need therapy and they will help get it fast. As for his parents they are failing him by not stopping this behavior, at the very least he should have apologized to his grandmother. As for her slapping him I'm not surprised she did that, it's a natural reaction to protect yourself, you need training in order to not react like that.

The grandson deserves nothing. I would never in a million years have dreamt of punching my grandma, whatever the situation, and if I had my parents would have made me wish I had never been born. I was brought up to respect my elders and their word was law, no ifs, no buts. If his behaviour is not addressed then his parents will have a future wife beater on their hands. He has already demonstrated what he is capable of.

Give him a gift: a starting session in therapy.

For his birthday offer to pitch in for therapy that he clearly needs

No gifts. No babysitting. That 14yo needs to be in an institution.

Where the hell are the parents in all this mess? If someone punches you in the stomach, I don't care who you are, feel lucky you only get a slap *and* an apology for the slap in retaliation. And if you, as parents, let the behavior go, you deserve the consequences of what's to come.

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With a history of family assault, I bet that kid grows up to be a pig with a badge.