50-Year-Old Grandma Opens Up About Being Exhausted And Not Wanting To Babysit Her Daughter’s 3-Year-Old Toddler On The Weekends
Parents of young children often rely on the help of their own parents if they need to leave somewhere and they can’t take their kid with them. But they rarely ask if their parents want to get into the role of a parent again; it’s just expected from them.
While some grandparents love going through parenthood all over again, others might not be up for it. Reddit user -BirthingPerson-, who is a grandma, feels too tired to dedicate her weekends to parenting, but feels like she can’t refuse it because it is what is expected from her and asks if it’s wrong that she doesn’t want to spend her free time working as a babysitter.
More info: Reddit
Grandmother feels selfish for not wanting to babysit her grandson on weekends, but also feels the pressure from her daughter and other family members
Image credits: Bruce Tuten (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 50-year-old grandma who has a 27-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old grandson. The daughter is a single mother and she doesn’t get any help from her son’s father.
Responding to a comment, the grandmother said that the father disappeared from their life since the baby was born and doesn’t get any financial or other support from him.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
She doesn’t want to do it because she also works and weekends are her only time off when she can rest
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
Being a full-time mom is hard enough, but single moms have it even tougher as they can’t rely on anyone else except themselves. The OP’s daughter tries to do that and works all week while her son gets taken care of by someone.
However, she feels she needs to earn more money so she started working on weekends too, but hasn’t arranged where her son will go and assumed that her mother will help her.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
What is more, she raised 4 children and feels like her work here is done
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
But the OP has different thoughts. She is 50 years old, so she is still of working age and actually has a full-time job that means she works all week just like her daughter. Even though the grandma is still able to work, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t get tired.
She actually gets really exhausted and the only thing she wants to do on weekends is to relax at her home with her dogs. She no longer has the energy to run around with a toddler and she has already been through that with her 4 children and now needs some peace and quiet.
50 years is still young and hopefully the OP has a long life ahead of her, but we can’t pretend that this age doesn’t bring health issues, muscle pains and low energy, all of which interfere with the idea of managing an energetic and boisterous toddler.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
However, her family thinks that it’s a grandparent’s duty to help raise their grandkids and are making her feel guilty for refusing her daughter
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
The daughter automatically assumes her mom will help her on the weekends, but the grandma also feels pressure from other family members who tell the OP it’s her job to help out with grandchildren. Especially because there is nobody else who could be there for the woman’s child consistently.
It’s not that the grandmother doesn’t love her daughter’s child, she actually says that she wants to be involved, but looking after such little kids requires a lot of energy which she doesn’t have anymore. But she feels guilty and selfish for not wanting to do it, having in mind that the daughter would go to work to earn more money at that time.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
Image credits: wsh1266 (not the actual photo)
People in the comments supported the OP and didn’t think she owed her daughter babysitting services. She already did her job raising her own children and raising the 3-year-old is her daughter’s job. They assured the OP that she has the right to have her own life and spend her free time off work as she wishes.
Grandparents often become the default babysitters, and sometimes they have no choice but go through the same life phase they experienced a couple of decades ago that was tiring and stressful. Do you think that parents should expect such help from their children’s grandparents? Do you think family ties and the experience they have obligates them to do it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments absolutely understand the grandmother, her exhaustion and wish to have some rest from work and raising kids
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Given the fact that 50yo grandma also works full-time, expecting her to be a full-time caregiver—for free!—on her only days off is unreasonable. Ngl, I went back to work when my daughter was 5yo, and my mom did provide full-time daycare. However, I worked the night shift, so the burden amounted to time my daughter was sleeping, plus a couple hours in the morning before school...and my mom was a stay-at-home herself...and she volunteered. I would never have asked.
Yeah, my mom offered to watch my daughter once a week in the evenings for me while I had to work an evening job. That was too much for her, so my ex in-laws agreed to watch her for an extra day, as they already had her for the other 3 days. We did try home daycares but it was too unaffordable and the care was not healthy (bullying from the daycare owner's own kid, smoking, the owner just letting the kids go to the playground on their own, shouting). So, family was there to voluntarily help us out. Her dad was (still is) working nights 6 days a week, and had her the one night he was off while I worked. It was a system that worked out until our daughter was old enough to be at home on her own in the evenings. At least it's not forever.
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Everyone comes down on the single mom's, but no one is saying how shitty it is that the dad can just f**k off and get away with leaving the mother of his child without support and ability to financially support the family in a way that is healthy for everyone. At the same I sympathize with both parties. I don't think the grandmother nor the mother of the child is being malicious. In fact, this situation isn't the public's business, imho. This is something they're going to have to work out themselves, and I'm sure they will.
Personally I admire single moms and it’s unimaginable to me as a father that a man would abandon his child.
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This is a very painful situation for everyone involved. Obviously, the single mom is not making it on her week day income and needsn to bring in more. The grandmother has a legitimate point about her very real limits in regard to time, health and energy. There a few possible solutions here. Since the mom does have 3 other siblings, it could be possible to split child care between some of them on different occasions. In addition, perhaps it is possible to trade some child care with women she knows from work, in exchange for giving them rides to and from work or to the grocery store, etc. Also, in addition to the above, it is very important to pursue legal action against the child's father. If the mother knows his name and any past address at all. He is legally responsible for supporting his offspring. There are lawyers who will take on such a case for free. This is something to discuss with a district attorney.
Grandmother did say that no one else in the family is responsible enough to take the kid, but I really wonder about that - she didn't give any details on them. And yes, they really need to pursue the father & get child support. If he refuses to pay, a lawyer can garnish his wages.
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Given the fact that 50yo grandma also works full-time, expecting her to be a full-time caregiver—for free!—on her only days off is unreasonable. Ngl, I went back to work when my daughter was 5yo, and my mom did provide full-time daycare. However, I worked the night shift, so the burden amounted to time my daughter was sleeping, plus a couple hours in the morning before school...and my mom was a stay-at-home herself...and she volunteered. I would never have asked.
Yeah, my mom offered to watch my daughter once a week in the evenings for me while I had to work an evening job. That was too much for her, so my ex in-laws agreed to watch her for an extra day, as they already had her for the other 3 days. We did try home daycares but it was too unaffordable and the care was not healthy (bullying from the daycare owner's own kid, smoking, the owner just letting the kids go to the playground on their own, shouting). So, family was there to voluntarily help us out. Her dad was (still is) working nights 6 days a week, and had her the one night he was off while I worked. It was a system that worked out until our daughter was old enough to be at home on her own in the evenings. At least it's not forever.
Load More Replies... Everyone comes down on the single mom's, but no one is saying how shitty it is that the dad can just f**k off and get away with leaving the mother of his child without support and ability to financially support the family in a way that is healthy for everyone. At the same I sympathize with both parties. I don't think the grandmother nor the mother of the child is being malicious. In fact, this situation isn't the public's business, imho. This is something they're going to have to work out themselves, and I'm sure they will.
Personally I admire single moms and it’s unimaginable to me as a father that a man would abandon his child.
Load More Replies... This is a very painful situation for everyone involved. Obviously, the single mom is not making it on her week day income and needsn to bring in more. The grandmother has a legitimate point about her very real limits in regard to time, health and energy. There a few possible solutions here. Since the mom does have 3 other siblings, it could be possible to split child care between some of them on different occasions. In addition, perhaps it is possible to trade some child care with women she knows from work, in exchange for giving them rides to and from work or to the grocery store, etc. Also, in addition to the above, it is very important to pursue legal action against the child's father. If the mother knows his name and any past address at all. He is legally responsible for supporting his offspring. There are lawyers who will take on such a case for free. This is something to discuss with a district attorney.
Grandmother did say that no one else in the family is responsible enough to take the kid, but I really wonder about that - she didn't give any details on them. And yes, they really need to pursue the father & get child support. If he refuses to pay, a lawyer can garnish his wages.
Load More Replies...
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