“My Son Is Clearly Resenting Us”: Dad Gives $4k Christmas Gift To His Daughter And $800 Gifts To His Son, Son Gets Upset
People who grew up with siblings may have felt that they were being treated unfairly by their parents compared to their brother or sister at least once. Maybe because parents aren’t as strict with their younger children as they were with the older. Maybe because the older sibling gets cooler presents than the younger.
The worst part here is that some parents don’t understand why one of their children may be upset. They may disregard their feelings and tell them to be content if they get anything at all, which would make the child feel even worse, as it shows that the feeling they had was wrong.
A clueless dad like this came to Reddit asking if he was wrong for giving his daughter $4,000 for Christmas and $800 worth of presents to his son as he expressed he felt it was unfair.
Parents give their older daughter a more valuable Christmas gift compared to their son’s and the dad wants to shake off the blame
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) has two adult children and the younger son, who is 22 years old, is still living with them while the older daughter moved out a few years ago and moved into her own home last summer.
The family gathered to celebrate Christmas and exchanged gifts. The daughter received an ugly jar that she was disappointed to get but when she opened it, the mood changed entirely as it contained $4,000. The parents thought it would come in handy as they remember that when they had just moved into their house, it needed repairs, which exhausted their funds very quickly. The son, on the other hand, received a few different gifts that the parents spent about $800 on.
After the holidays passed and the daughter left, the son approached his parents and expressed that he felt hurt that his and his sister’s presents were so different in value. He felt that the parents were more proud of the sister because she moved out at about the same age he is now and she already has a house.
The response the son received for his honesty was his mom’s frustration and anger. The dad tried to justify their decision and explain their thought process, trying to convince the son that it didn’t mean that they love him any less.
The parents gifted their daughter $4,000 in cash and their son $800 worth of gifts
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
That didn’t help the son feel better and he let his parents know that he is sad. So they tried to figure out how they could have done better. The son just wanted equally valuable gifts. He didn’t care if both of them got the smaller or the bigger amount.
After the son’s suggestion, the parents became defensive and called the son entitled because it’s their money and they can do whatever they want with it. While it is true, what they failed to consider was how those decisions may make their children feel.
The son was hurt and didn’t want to continue the conversation with his parents, which made the mom even more irritated, and the dad felt guilty that he made his son feel bad, but was unsure if he truly did something wrong.
The story received more than 6k responses in the comments in which people said that the situation was pretty bad and explained why they thought that the parents were being jerks and inconsiderate people.
After the daughter left, the son approached his parents and expressed that he felt hurt about getting the worse gift
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
Bored Panda contacted Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting who was trained as a Clinical Psychologist at Columbia University and whose peaceful parenting philosophy is also grounded in her own experiences as a mother, to confirm that readers were right to describe the parents’ behavior as dismissive. The expert agreed.
She also expanded on that, “Every parent has at some point been blind to their child’s point of view. It’s hard to then admit how clueless you were and how you inadvertently caused pain to your own child. Plus, these parents are under attack on the internet. Being under public attack does not motivate them to vulnerably admit their mistakes. But they do owe their son an apology and a repair. And they made things much worse by ‘attacking’ their son for being ‘entitled.'”
The parents explained that the daughter just bought a house and it comes with its own expenses
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
The redditors had a couple observations. First of all, their reaction to their son approaching them with his feelings in a mature way was pretty awful. They started making excuses instead of being compassionate and rather than validating her son’s feelings, the mom wanted him to know that now she is hurt.
Dr. Laura Markham believes that the parents in the story didn’t even realise that the son wasn’t complaining about how much the parents spent on him compared to his sister but what the difference meant to him, “They are on the defensive and are attacking their son for sharing his feelings with them. They are not actually offering him any understanding of how he feels and why.”
It didn’t seem like a good reason to the son and the way he saw it was that the parents weren’t as proud of him as of their daughter
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
Second of all, there wasn’t anything wrong in giving the daughter money, because she has a house and it comes with unexpected expenses. But the timing was terrible. Redditors thought that the children’s Christmas gifts should have been of similar value and the rest of the money for the daughter could have been gifted at any time in the year. It shouldn’t have been framed as a Christmas gift at all.
The parenting expert also agreed that “The rule of thumb for parents is to ALWAYS give kids gifts of roughly the same value for the holidays. It is fine to give the daughter money for her house. BUT that is not appropriate for a holiday present unless the son gets the same amount. The parents could have given both kids $800 or the equivalent (which by the way seems like a lot for a holiday present) and then, separately, given their daughter a housewarming present of $3200. They should do that openly and let the son know that when he gets his own place someday, they have $3200 set aside for him. (Yes, that could be years away, but it needs to be the same amount.)”
That being said, there were redditors who received a lot of support for saying that the parents are not at fault because they explained the reason in the disparity and it was logical assuming that they would do the same for their son when the occasion arose. Also, they found it weird that a 22 Y.O. would complain about this.
The son’s complaints made the mom frustrated and the parents reminded the son that it’s their money and they can do whatever they want with it
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
However, there were a lot more people pointing out the parents’ unacceptable behavior and the dad saw those comments, so he invited his son to talk about his feelings a bit more.
Turns out, the son felt unwelcome in his parents’ house and thought their unequal treatment of him was proof of that. He deduced that since his sister moved out at 21 years old, his parents expected him to do the same.
The dad reassured that he doesn’t mind his son staying at his house longer than his sister, but the mom was pretty annoyed that her son was being gloomy and again turned the narrative to become the victim because her son never even thanked the parents for their present and only told them that he liked them.
After this conflict, the son stopped talking with his parents and the story on Reddit went pretty viral, with many people having their own opinions
Image credits: JoslynLM (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
She also attacked him for making it look like he only lived with his parents because it was free, which made the 22-year-old cry. However, it seems that the son was pretty unhappy with his life in general. He thought he wasn’t successful like his sister, so his parents weren’t as proud. He also didn’t believe that he could be successful and he might just be stuck where he is for the rest of his life.
What would Dr. Laura Markham suggest parents to say in a situation when their childen come to them expressing they don’t feel loved enough is smething of the following statements: “I hear how upset you are about this. Tell me more.” “I can see why you felt this way. We certainly did not mean it this way.” “I am so sorry. I never intended to hurt you.” “We love you so much and we could never love anyone more than we love you. We see how you are interpreting this as loving your sister more, even though we never meant it that way. Thank you so much for telling us. We are so sorry we did not see this from your point of view.”
The truly felt inferior to his sister and maybe that’s why he was so upset when he saw that his parents gave her so much more for Christmas than him. It was not about the presents themselves, but about what they meant for him.
When anwering Bored Panda’s questions the expert wanted to point out that “The son showed remarkable maturity in waiting to bring this up with the parents until after their holiday celebration and his sister had left. HIs parents now have the responsibility of apology and repair. Maybe they can use this opportunity to become closer to their son instead of driving him away.”
Many of them agreed that it wasn’t right to combine the Christmas and housewarming gifts and that was what lead to these comparisons
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
Readers had quite a strong reaction to the update as well, pointing out how the mom kept pulling the attention away from her son’s issue to herself. And they suspected that the son might have some serious issues that need sorting out.
They once again came to the conclusion that the parents are dismissing their child’s emotions as was also confirmed by Dr. Laura Markham. Parenting For Brain explains that “An emotion-dismissing parent is a parent who consciously or unconsciously belittles their child’s negative feelings or emotional expression. They invalidate their child’s emotions and make the child feel bad about having those feelings.”
They also suspected that it wasn’t about the money, but instead about the son feeling less loved
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
Although it can be without the intention to hurt the child. Actually, it is pretty widespread and isn’t restricted just to parent and child relationships. There can be a few reasons for parents being dismissive.
They might have been brought up with the same parenting style so if they ‘turned out just fine’ there is no harm. They also may believe that children just can’t have those emotions as they are wrong.
It is possible that the parents lack emotional intelligence and just don’t understand their children’s emotions, can’t relate to them and deny that they exist altogether.
Parenting For Brain also adds that some parents believe that if they ignore the negative emotions, they will go away, but in reality, the children just suppress them or close off to their parents.
The dad read through those comments and initiated a conversation with his son, during which he found out that he was afraid of being a disappointment
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
Image credits: Christian Erfurt (not the actual image)
Being raised by such parents can lead to a number of side effects that adult children will be suffering from. Medium points out that “As the adult children of dismissive parents, it is often hard for us to harbor healthy romantic relationships. This occurs because of an intrinsic fear of attachment and love, which comes from an unfamiliarity with the subject altogether.”
Not only that, but it affects other relationships as well because the person may isolate themselves from everyone else, be selfish or allow themselves to remain in toxic relationships. Cognitive behavioral therapist Avigail Lev adds a number of other issues that might come up: low self-esteem, self-doubt, paranoid tendencies, difficulty making decisions, self-blaming and shame, tendency to be a people pleaser, etc.
The 22-year-old compared himself to his sister and to his parents and was hopeless that he would reach that level of success; on top of that, his job made him miserable
Image credits: u/JollyOldSaintNicki
It’s important to acknowledge the feelings of others but sometimes it’s hard to judge when it’s the other person in the wrong or when the problem is you. It seems that people in the comments tend to blame the parents more, but we would like to hear your opinions. Whose side are you on and how do you think this situation can be resolved?
However, what the readers took from the update was that the parents were pretty dismissive of their son’s intention and especially disliked the mom’s reactions
The parents are entitled to give whatever money they want to their kids, but partial a-holes for the way they went about giving the daughter money. She bought the house in July, and the money could have been given at any point after that, and would have been something special for those circumstances. Waiting till Christmas when you are giving birth kids gifts was always going to end in comparison and hurt feelings.
I really didn't want to post on this because it makes me sad 😢. All money aside your son came to you both about how he felt and instead of understanding and love you had a constant answer. I have twin sisters and an older brother and I was constantly made to feel less than and it led to a lot of problems in my adult life. I beg you fix this before it's too late, your baby boy is seriously depressed and if I had my guess work stress was a cover up. Trust me I used to use the same excuse cuz it's easy to blame work. Rest assured I think y'all are fabulous parents because he was able and willing to come to you and express how he feels. Take care of your baby boy (and yes I'm well aware he's 22) and don't be like my parents at all.
They heard what he said and explained where they were coming from with their decision. They were right in saying that it is their choice to give what to whom they want.
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The son and father are NTAs but the mom seems a little bit assholey at times when she doesn’t understand the son’s feelings. But I say NAH. The parents should have just made this all easier by giving the daughter $3200 in cash when she purchased the house instead of for Christmas and just purchased the $800 gifts for both when Christmas came. But it’s almost good this happened because it seems like the son is worried about his future and panicking a little and needed some reassurance and guidance he hadn’t reached out for. This will end well I think.
There was a comment from OP (the dad) that the reason his wife got upset is that her son came across materialistic and like he was keeping score, as if the Christmas gifts were part of a transaction and not sentimental gifts amongst family. Her own mother was apparently materialistic and the like, so her son coming across that way even after receiving $800 worth of gifts she gave him full of loving sentiments, and him going on about how sis got more monetary-wise rubbed her the wrong way. You can say they brushed aside his feelings but he also brushed aside the mom's sentiments and the dad's reasoning and explanations.
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The son received $800 worth presents! That's not a small amount. Comparatively it might feel discriminatory and definitely will hurt. But he's not 8 yr old. He's 22 yr old adult. It was a housewarming present for her. He should be understanding. I am glad that they sat and talked about it. Looks like he was projecting his own fears. I am glad they reassured him. Buying/owning a house isn't the only parameter for success. I am sure the son will find his path too. OP is NTA.
I think the issue here is the timing. If it was a housewarming gift, why was it not gifted when she got her house and instead delayed until Christmas?
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I have four kids. Not one of them EVER got anything like $800 worth of gifts! Even now as adults. When you have four, they soon come to realise that money does not grow on trees. If one needed a bike, they got a bike. The other three knew they had to wait. Same with fancy trainers. Or computer games. Our younger so has two rapidly growing boys. He works for the ambulance service which is NOT well paid. But he's good at his job. They live in a small rental house. We decided to offer him the deposit so they could buy a house. His siblings were all very pleased for him. Nobody threw a fit because they didn't get offered the same. They knew their time would come. This is how it's done. I'm so proud of my kids.
RIGHT? That's how i was raised as well and we were also 4. Like how entitled is the brat that he doesn't see that his sister is 4 years older than him and at a dufferent stage in life... He needs to wait 4 years as well if he thinks he deserves the same money...
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I'm glad that they talked it out. It's hard being the younger sibling to a go-getter personality, especially if you have a crappy job with crappy hours. Sounded like he just needed to be told he was good enough for his parents.
Imagine being upset that your parents can afford to spend $800 on you for Christmas.
Though he wasn’t upset by that, he was upset that his parents would give 5x valuable gift to his sister, and I understand that this can feel like the parents value the sister 5x more than the brother. Although the parents, according to them, value the sentimentality more, believing that the little brother actually got a better gift.
Load More Replies... In my country, the law says that when parents give more to a child, the other child is entitled to ask more when it comes to inheritance. In this peculiar case, the parents should have given money to their daughter at any time, except for Christmas. It's not a christmas gift, it's a boost for their daughter's new life. And they should have put aside for their son when the moment comes to buy his own house.
Yes, why not give the sister 800 on christmas, and then 3200 later or earlier, promising to give equal amount to the brother when he has same type of situation where money comes handy? I think the parents are well off, because they don’t understand that money improves young peoples lifes, because they don’t have a lot of money, and thus is more important to them.
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I think 800$ in christmas gifts is a generous sum already. I understand both sides and i fully understand how the parents would want to give the daughter support for her new house. Maybe it would have been better, if they just gave it to her as a housewarming gift instead of declaring it as a christmas gift. Also it would have helped, if they told their son that he would get the same support once he‘ll buy his own house as well.
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! This young man very appropriately and maturely tried to share how he felt. If they would have validated his feelings and then explained themselves I am sure the outcome would have been different. These parents seem like great parents btw, this young man’s ability to express his feelings and trust his parents to hear them is a sign of that. But our society (in the USA at least) cannot deal with men having any feels outside of lust or anger. Thus the only time their experiences are validated is through either f’ing or fighting. I will say it again. ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.
I feel you and your wife are mixing up 'being able to' with 'everyone has to be happy about' because you seem to think that because you want to give your daughter $3200 more than your son that he should happily accept that as your right. Choices come with consequence, this is it. Sure it makes you feel good to give that much at Christmas, that's for you, you could have sent it via transfer before or after and said this is to help with the house, but you decided to lump it up as "son, here's some stuff and daughter, here's a ton of money by comparison! Congratulations!" and now, your son is right, you're justifying it. You're NTA for giving the money, but YTA for how you did it and handled it after initially.
With 2 kids I think they should be equal. I was promised 5k when I moved out of my parents but they said we didn't help the other sisters as much. No negativity towards them. But on the same day giving someone a huge amount of money and the other completely different is harsh! I'm not going to call the person a Ah but it is harsh
I don't think the parents are AH imho. Sometimes when we give our kids what they need some will receive more than others, time, space, money, etc There is a difference between equality and equity. Maybe they could have chosen another day to give the money to the daughter and maybe because the son is going thru some issues the difference in gifts was the straw that broke the camel's back. I do understand the son and also the parents, don't think anyone is an AH.
I think you're about the closest to right I've read so far. Nobody can be perfect and the parents probably didn't think it out highway 500% difference would make their son feel. The mother was a little a hole for being so insensitive and trying to excuse her thoughtless behavior and shift the blame on him. I can't get over the bean counting comment. Like I said to this other guy... Give one a dollar give the other a Ferrari.. it's the same damn difference just more extreme so you understand it. They should have separated the Xmas gift from the housewarming but that was probably unintentional thoughtlessness and when their kid came to them explaining it wasn't about the amount it was about the difference they should have been in tune enough to understand it was just about his feelings of inadequacy and the mother really needs to step up her emotional tuning and give a c**p about her son. She got defensive for herself instead of caring about the deep emotional problem her son was having
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I'm going to say NTA, but there is some unclear expectations on money here. They can afford those luxuries. Good for them. I was never given that amount in gifts or money. There is no way to keep things monetarily equal between children, especially when they're at different stages in life and have different needs. I think the son feels that the sister seems like the favored child when she wasn't. Maybe the siblings where compared too much to each other when they were growing up. I don't know. But I think parents could explain and reassure son that he'll get some support from his parents when he reaches certain timelines. I think that could also have been explained years ago too. I feel like at 22 years old, he should understand that they gifts should be about the love behind, not the amount of money spent. I have two nieces. Young kids (7 year old and almost 2 year old). I don't look at price tags when I buy them gifts. I look at what they need or might interest them.
My parents used to do stuff like this all the time. "When you're that age you'll get something big too" older brother got a car, dad coached all his teams, camping trips, fishing trips... for HS graduation he got a $4000 custom Gibson Les Paul guitar. 5 years later, I got a card with $50 in it. Flash forward 20.years, I barely talk to my family, and never more than a text. My parent's obvious favoritism killed any chance at a good relationship with me. It's not as much about the money as how they alway made him a priority and I had to find my own rides to band concerts and sports. None of it was malicious, but it still hurt. Side note: mom passed away many years ago, and dad went to jail for a little while, leading to my brother not talking to him either. I'm not a parent, but if your son brought these feelings to you, and your wife essentially told him "just be happy with what you got" is very demeaning and guaranteed to cause a rift between son and parents.
the son works full time and lives at home for free, I think that is worth something. His sister moved out younger, he is taking advantage of the free rent. Gifting it at Christmas was a bit much but $800 is also too much. He lives for free, works full time and willing to be he didn't spend that kind of money.
You're also assuming the daughter didn't live there until recently as well. We don't know how much she benefitted from them prior to this.
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I'd say the son was an entitled prick, but it really just seems he was upset about what he thought the money represented. I think it's actually quite good that this whole thing happened, since he was clearly miserable, feeling inadequate, and needed reassurance from his parents. Which they gave him. Yea he's an adult, but they are still his mom and dad. And it hurts to think you aren't living up to the expectations of those you love. One of the few times I think no one is the AH
While I agree for the most part.. the son was feeling low and obviously.. less than his sibling and even told the parents he didn't care if it was less he would have not felt so slighted if it was equal which to me says there's an obvious emotional problem. It may or may not have been from the parents actions in the past or present and may have been from his own but the parents should have caught on to that especially being their own child and the mother was an a******especially with the bean counting comment. I do believe extremes can put things in perspective and would it be counting if he got a stick of gum and she got a Ferrari? It's the same damn difference just more extreme. I don't think that they purposely slighted him especially the father but the mother is an insensitive a-hole
Load More Replies... NTA. First, I want to commend op and wife for taking time to explain and communicate with their son on this. Siblings are different and have different needs at different stages of life. Plain and simple, he needs to understand... daughter got a boost financially when she needed it, as he gets a boost in many ways. It is never a good idea to compare presents and the value...be happy for gifts you receive and be happy for others who receive nice gifts too.
All the wife did was scream and invalidate the sons feelings.
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Like all stories on redditt, we only know part of the story. Adults typically don’t cry, as they have usually developed enough emotion maturity to adjust to life's curve balls. This young man is inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t valid. I am most annoyed with the mother. The father is at least trying to understand and came back to the page for help when it sounds like the mother always had a retort and turned things back to herself (victimizing). He still lives at home, so in a way, he still relies on having guidance. His parents had an opportunity to help him grow as an individual and/or address their misstep. It’s sad when parents are emotionally immature themselves, the language she used was very hurtful and not good for the young person. I hope she treats her son better in future but if she doesn’t see her negative behavior as such, she will continue the behavior.
Why can't anyone see that this was never about the money? This is the son feeling inferior to his sister, as if his parents are burdened by his mere existence; every problem he has pales in comparison to his sister. No one but the mom is an AH. The mom couldn't, for one moment shut her mouth and listen when her son is BLATANTLY saying "I feel like you don't love me, and I always disappoint you". This was a conversation that needed to be had, and instead of hugging their son and assuring him that they are always proud of him and love him, the mom made this about herself. Therapy! The whole family! And then maybe they can develop some emotional intelligence.
My mother died and my father nor sister bothered to call to tell me. My husband happened to find out about it from my nieces Instagram. I was always a very good child never made problems never asked for anything yet my father and sister did this to me and it has caused me irreparable mental and physical damage. They have basically made sure I have no phone numbers for anyone at all.
I can agree with their logic on giving the daughter funds for the new house but they waited six months to do it at Christmas... that was already unnecessary. No the son doesn't need 4k but they could easily have given the daughter the money earlier without making a big Christmas day production of it. Of course he's hurt, they deliberately paraded it in front of him for no reason lol. And then mom reacts by jumping down his throat any time he tries to express his feelings. Was he just supposed to pretend not to notice that her "not-a-Christmas Christmas gift" was 5x more than what he got? Of course he feels hurt. They deliberately set things up to appear unequal then curbstomp his feelings when he feels he's gotten unequal treatment. Both parents suck to some degree for creating this situation but mom is especially awful.
I agree with the parents. He’s acting like an entitled brat and he needs to check his gratefulness. They are giving him a roof over his head that is a lot of money he is saving and is much more than the $4K they gave their daughter to help. Not to mention he is a grown adult and his and his sisters situations are completely different, if he moved out and got a house and didn’t get a similar gift to help with his house and the parents monetary situation hadn’t changed then he has the right to feel unloved. I don’t know many grown adults that still get $800 worth of gifts from their parents, and the gifts were catered to his interests…..sounds like love to me. Grow up and stop being ungrateful.
It is not even just the value of the rent that I bet is higher than $4,000. Add in the electricity, water, sewage, garbage, and my personal fav, food AND a personal cook/maid (cause you KNOW he is not making every meal he eats nor buying the ingredients for it or cleaning the kitchen, living room, etc, maybe his own room but that is it. Probably has his laundry done too. I bet if they calculated it all the sister is being "devalued" Big Time.
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There are some elegant comments here from others which you might take to heart. I would add that whenever you plan on treating your children differently, you take the time to explain your reasoning ahead of time to the other child(ren). Then take twice or three times as much time listening to the reaction.
I would be happy for my sister. He's not happy with his life it's no one's fault but himself. Parents being practical and he's being childish. He has been feeling that for a quite sometime for him to to think that he's loved less than his sister. At the end of the day, he should know that he's getting more than $4000 at his parents house. So in one for him, grow the f**k up.
Oh wow! WOW! This one has some really decent controversy to it. BP authors, what happened? Are y'all feeling feverish or something? Normally you always pick the very clear, boring ones...?
My sister has always been the expensive one. As a child she had expensive hobbies, I liked walking and other cheap and free activities. As adults, she has needed way more. My mum often feels bad they give me less, but I always tell her they give us both what we need. I was probably given more time - a bigger value to me. I think the OP went about this all wrong, it would have been better to talk to the son before Christmas so he understood the reasons.
Speaking as someone who has spent tens of thousands on life 'milestone' presents. Blech. I've forked over tons of money, time, travel for housewarmings, baby showers, weddings, etc. I've spent a fortune on bridesmaids dresses. You know what I've gotten? An occasional christmas card. Not even phone calls to catch up. I have never been able to afford to buy a house (not sure I'd want to) furnished and purchase all of my own stuff when I moved out of home at 18. I haven't fallen in love to be married. Why do we give gifts for this anymore? They're adults, they already have 2 sets of everything. Why do they need my money? Unfortunately I will never get to have offspring. But because I will never reach these milestones, apparently I don't need presents, or consideration, or contact. I'm just supposed to fork over time and money endlessly with no reciprocity. What is that dad going to do if his son never hits a milestone he feels like gifting for?
Why give gifts like this for Christmas? If you're going to gift someone money for buying a house, don't do it as a Christmas gift where the son had to see it... Give it separately and don't tell the son where you're spending your money. The gift isn't the point, the value isn't the point, and correct the son isn't entitled to their money. However, if we're giving gifts under the pretense that it's a Christmas gift and everyone has to watch you open it, that's different than gifting someone $4000 because they "just bought a house."
My mom wouldn't even let my aunt give me her old car to practice driving when i turned 15-16. I have 4 much younger siblings and my mom demanded that aunt either give all her kids a car or never even consider giving me anything. Made this big huge blow up fight yelling about how "favored" i am (as the oldest "daughter"/live in free babysitter and the only one that's not her husband's and gets shipped off any time i express any kind of "difficult feelings" my mom didn't have time or energy to deal with) and cut contact with her for several months. We only only had one car so my mom didn't want to let me practice and end up wrecking our only car but also didn't want her sister or my dad to teach me to drive because she wanted to do it herself. Fast forward. I'm 26 and still can't drive (part is lack of rural chances to learn without your own car/family support. Part is trauma from when i was 17 and my mom expected me to chauffer her and all the kids to school in the city with no exp)
But the youngest twins both have their own cars (they're 14). One brother drives trucks for fed ex. And another drives a van. My aunt did involve give all of them starter vehicles. Just not me. Cause I'm already "too favored" according to the family narrative. I do think equality between siblings is important. I don't think getting 4k should depend on becoming a homeowner (a status most of the younger generations have little hope of actually achieving) but rather to support any potentially expensive milestone where the kids are more on their own (moving out in general. Going to college. Getting a car, starting a business etc). But there does need to be room for the fact that you can't know the future and kids aren't at the same point in their lives. Sometimes things do end up unfair. Sometimes you can mitigate that. But definitely shouldn't be using a housewarming gift to evade actually getting her any Christmas presents and making the son feel like he's valued less.
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What a sweet, sweet dad. His son has obviously been taught good communication skills. At that age I probably would've acted out or held a grudge and not only would my parents not entertain that kind of"whining" but would never have that gifted that kind of money. I could see both sides and he seems to be fairly navigating both. I'm glad he told him he could quit.
NTA! I think the son in insecure about where he is in life and he's silently comparing himself to his sister. If he's not already happy, no amount of "balancing the ledger" is going to change that. I think Dad did a great job trying to facilitate this conversation & listening to his concerns. However, there ought to be a conversation about material boundaries- no one should be able to dictate how he and his wife spend their finances because they don't have to deal with any of those ramifications. Sounds like Mom and Dad truly did the best they could and its okay that the son expresses his feelings but again, those are his feelings to manage and hopefully he begins to understand that
The parents are both the AH's. The son is crying out for help emotionally and the parents don't even comprehend it.In my circle the son would be under suicide watch
I kinda experienced it but in another way. I was the oldest but I was never showed as a 'positive figured towards my youngest siblings. The age gape isn't big as well (3 years gape with my lil' bro and 5 years gape with my lil' sis). For years like, almost all Christmas I ask for my old man a graphic tablet so I could draw with my PC and started digital art. The cheapest could go for only 100€ but even a 200€ one works well. I wonder received it. For him it was "too expensive". Then, my lil' sis will ask for a very specific saddle for her horse. Wich could go to 600€, almost the double of what I was asking !! It wasn't about the money, it was about the favoritsm, wich my old man refuse to say it was. I always feel push away because of that, plus the fact I was always remembered how much I am like my mother physically and the same personality as her (my old man hate my mother a lot like A LOT). So, I just stop asking for stuff because I know I will never get them.
My 22 yo son who lives at home says they're NTA as different children have different needs at various stages of life. He said he wouldn't have been upset if his older brother needed more for a specific reason (important point) but that he gets everything he needs and most of what he wants (involves mom saving up sometimes but yeah...he does lol they both do). His brother was more expensive at the time (ALL the sports, car to drive them to school, gf so tux for dances) while my youngest is the nerdy gamer (takes after his mom 💜). What we BOTH agree on is the parents are to blame for how they handled the situation initially and the mother is probably the basis for the youngest feeling so insecure overall. It's allllll about her. The father at least cared enough to ask if they were handling it correctly and to approach his son again. Perhaps he should do so without the mother present???
As the eldest of three, I'm surprised people respond so strongly to the difference in gift value? Sometimes we got the same. Sometimes not. It all depended on my parents' finances and if one of us had something special going on. We whined as kids if we felt someone got better, regardless of the actual dollar amount. But as we grew up we gained perspective. We appreciated that our parents invested a lot into Christmas every year when we knew there wasn't much to spend. The year I graduated, I got extra at Christmas. The year my brother became quarterback, he did. I think it's clear as things played out with this family: this wasn't about the dollar amount or even the optics. It was about something else and needed to be addressed that way to solve the issue.
Ok your NTA. Your wife is some. Mostly for not listening to your son. She actually does sound like she favors the girl. Your son sounds depressed and lost. It sounds like you guys have a comfortable life. Your son is looking at that life and now his sister's life and comparing himself to all three of you. He is not feeling like he can compete in life. Not really with just you and his sister but in the overall scheme of life. You are going to need to be engaged with him. Not so much your wife. But you as his dad. Man to man have some talks without your wife about life and what he wants and what he can do. Maybe trade school would help him. Maybe there really is something better for him then the swing shift at ... He needs to be able to feel better about himself. And yes at 22 and a man living at home with your parents even coworkers and friends start putting pressure on you. Then you see the obvious gift difference and you think dang they were right.
My parents were always a bit overzealous in making sure all four of their children got the same level of monetary help, which felt odd at times. But reading this, I understand it completely. It's easy to breed resentment when it looks like you're favoring one child over the other. They should've reassured the kid that when he buys a house, they'll give him the same help. Or, if buying a house is not in the cards for him (also possible in this economy), some condition that he can achieve where he gets the same help. That said, it sounds like they made good progress in the later conversation about what the issue actually is, and how to move forward
if I got $800 of gifts that I really wanted, I would be so grateful. Nevermind the $4000 of home improvement that the other people gets. But in this case, it's not about the worth of the gifts. He feels insecured because he feels that his sister is more successful than him at that age, so he's afraid/worried that the parents would love her more than him. The parents need to talk to him and assure him that their feelings are mutual between him and his sister.
The thing that struck me here is the reaction to what the son said by the wife. Logically it makes sense how the parents were thinking but in the moment, it might be hard for a younger child to understand it. In a way the son was more mature by wanting to return to talking when everyone was being civil. This to me sounds like this isn't the first time it has happened. Even if the parents don't realize it, sometimes they do end up paying more to one kid over the other. The situation could have been handled differently and they might have realized without any hard feelings that the son felt trapped in a cycle. Also unless the daughter closed on the house towards the end of December, I would have broken it into a Christmas gift and a house warming gift. By doing it the way they did it, it did make it seem like the son was valued less
Seems ridiculous to me that everyone is saying it's hurtful and the wrong way to go about it. What an entitled a*s, I mean at that age do you really need to spend that much on your adult kid? I can totally see how giving their daughter money like that after buying a home is extremely helpful. It's also a huge amount but if they can afford it why not I guess and Christmas was their choice to do it. I don't think either "child " needed all that to begin with but if my dad gave my sibling a grand gift because he bought a home, which he actually did, I'd be celebrating that because I love my siblings.
Perhaps not a popular impression but I find these two aging parents to be just awful. What's wrong with you?And especially mom. What a b***h. What. A. B***h. I am a parent of two children. 31 and 27 now. There is never a time that i am NOT be responsible for how my actions impact my children. You have a favorite and it is your successful house owning daughter. That is very clear. You almost screwed it up with her. Remember her reaction to the jar the money came in. 🤣 Yup. She was expecting something else. No gag gifts for that princess. Why don't you do what so many parents do - equally distribute your time and resources to all children instead of playing.favourites. In 10 - 15 years when there are grandchildren I can tell right away that unless you change your approach and do a lot of self reflection ( especially b****y old mom) you'll be doing the same with the grandchildren. Hers will get more things, always be first with old granny and be held up as the preferred and better child
I want to say yes and know. I was the kid that always got less and it has ruined Xmas for life. I want to say no because you are giving him free room and board at 22
I would have gifted each child roughly the same as the Christmas present. At a separate time, I would have given the daughter a gift 'for the house', and either tell the son you'll do the same for him when he buys a house, OR a similar amount to pursue higher education, business start-up, or something like that. P.S. The Mom is being particulary snarky about this.
I would have gifted each child roughly the same as the Christmas present. At a separate time, I would have given the daughter a gift 'for the house', and either tell the son you'll do the same for him when he buys a house, OR a similar amount to pursue higher education, business start-up, or something like that.
YTA because this is such standard golden child/ scapegoat stuff. The golden child gets a big gift, the scapegoat gets less. If the scapegoat protests, it all becomes about the scapegoat being greedy, bean counting and not as deserving/ accomplished as the golden child. Notice how the problem got shifted from the disparate gift to the scapegoat’s job problems and difficulty launching? And how it’s now all about how the scapegoat needs to change? Then there’s the classic about how it’s all going to be made up to him with future gifts. I doubt this is the first instance of favoritism but it may be the most blatant and it won’t be the last.
Resentment 101. My sister got a full college ride - room, board at a private expensive college. When my turn came up I was given 1 yr community college and told I could work my way through state college.
I can only talk from the children perspective. I am older kid, my sis is 5 years younger. I tried for college, failed to get in in my desired one, my mother stopped me to go for my 2nd choice (excuse was i suck at math so it wasnt for me), so i stayed in my home town with them and went to local one. My sis, when it was her time to go, went where she wanted (it was a big arguing at home, i fought with all i had in me so she at least can go to her dream school). She is in another town now, she is married, her husband and her make good money and they got a house. In the meantime i helped my parents as much as i can, my gf sadly doesnt work atm so we cant afford to move in together. I know my parents love us both, but i cant help but to feel like an insignificant little piece of s..t when my sis and her husband come over. They are sucsessful, she got married 1st, and i didnt amount to nothing (i got promoted twice at my job, i went from the bottom and now i am in the management, but in my
country that doesnt pay much, or as much as i wanted to). I am trying to get some business started, but i need some time. I got debth (just a little more and i will be debth free) so that is why it is slow to start...
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Hmmm...the son's feelings are coming from somewhere...for some reason, I suspect mum's a bit passive-aggressive with daughter as her favourite and he's picking-up on it - huh, but then, what do I know?
It's a complicated issue. It seems like the son has no-one to talk to, and reached his own conclusions inside his own head. This is one of those situations where another perspective really helps. I think that, while "I can't help it, it's just how I feel" is a valid sentiment in many situations, in this situation it's used instead of looking at the situation logically. When he expressed that he felt his parents weren't listening to him, that's exactly what I thought about him. He was focused on the difference, and not on the reasons. Also, $800 value gifts are not to be sniffed at, and he didn't even say thank you for them until prompted. I do think the parents should have seen a reaction like this coming, though, and should have spoken to him about it beforehand. I'm glad there was a follow-up, where deeper issues were addressed and some of the air was clear.
I'm glad there was a nice discussion afterwards and it seems the dad has really good communication and conflict resolution skills. I'm the younger sister of a teen mom in a poor family and I remember being so angry as a teen every time she got a bunch of cash. We didn't have much and I had a very slim chance of going to college. I understood she needed more help but that doesn't change how you feel atm. I'm glad they got to the root of the problem, the son's sense of failure and job, and were able to reassure the son and come up with a solution. It's amazing how looking past your superficially hurt feelings and not getting petty can do
He wants to make you guys proud. But he's hurting himself thinking he's not good enough and stuck in a job he seems to hate. I would have said see what you can do to move your work hours and if not we got you for 4 weeks to find something new. And that's not a huge resume gap. Sometimes people need a break from working. And if y'all have this much love and compassion I doubt the diff between $4k and $800 matters to either kid with wonderful parents like you guys. Group hug
Gave $50 grand to my son and his girl. Kind of thought funny that I never got a thank you from the fiancé. Ha, turns out she was not gonna marry him. That $50,000 has been ALL eaten up by contracts and early arrangements. And, she and her father ain't gonna reimburse me for any part of the "gift". What a family! She ain't even gonna payback for the engagement ring. Really? WTF!
Technically in many states an engagement ring isnt a gift but an obligation and if the recipient doesnt follow through with the marriage it must be returned to the person who gave it. Check the laws where you are because if that is the case you can get it back through the courts and possibly some of the money as well.
Load More Replies... Son needs to grow up. He's 22 and still living at home? Then he cries because his little feelings are hurt? Give me a break.
lol, I like how this all completely misses the point of xmas. Thus proving the spirit of the day has completely been utterly destroyed and corrupted. I'm not religious at all. I'm atheist by default(But I hate labeling myself that because of the connotations it can come with) But that's besides the point, this is just hilarious.
Disparity is disparity and issues are bound to happen if you have 500% difference in gift price. So despite all the rationalizations this is such silly decisions from the parents. Either agree IN ADVANCE that there will be more money to the daughter so expectations are MANAGED or give housewarming money separately and/or when there is a demand. Also, people should not just leave home or buy a house because they turned certain age and want to show off. If you buy a house, you should be always ready to fix stuff in there. It is calling owning's costs.
The mother sounds like she takes a lot of what he says and turns it around to make it about her or how his feelings are an insult to her. He's not keeping a "relationship ledger" for noticing a $3200 disparity in the Christmas gifts. Why did they need to do this right in front of him? They say they don't want him to move out but dangle a $4000 move-out prize in front of his face so I dunno.
Yeah YTA, You should have given the kids an equitable amount. Shame on you. If you wanted to give your daughter money for the house, you should have done it separately and away from Christmas.
You son has more issues than the money. He's unhappy in his life and the Christmas presents was the staw that broke the camels back. Your talk has started the process of sorting it out. Younger children often feel left out because they see their older siblings seem to get everything first, that resentment is normal. Hopefully things start to improve. NTA as you say it your decision to spend your money how you want. Your son not understanding is ok too, but sounds like you need to talk more and listen even more
I feel like the son is wrong because he's living in his parents house, rent free, so no bills, no overhead, with a part time job (now no job if he quits it), while the daughter is supporting herself and in a completely different place in life. She's older with different responsibilities and different needs. I'm sorry, but the son sounds like an entitled brat. The parents could decide to give him minimal presents for Christmas because they are still financially supporting him. He's a grown man, still living like a child, which is his choice, but he needs to learn to navigate life now. I get supporting your kids, absolutely, but don't coddle them.
NTA. Its their money and they will probably do the same for him too. My parents have done money differences and jt doesn't bother me in the slightest because they have our best interest at heart :)
The son needs to man up.. he got $800 in gifts from his parents at the age of 22!! the $4000 was for repairs for his older sisters new house.. what is the problem.. be happy for her …he sounds like an entitled brat…pocket watching breaks families. I agree with the mother on this fully. He needs therapy or to change careers or something if he feels less then…
Honestly, can that guy's dad be MY dad? He sounds really nice. And sometimes one kid IS the more "expensive" kid...and sometimes they're not. Son sounds like he was already in a darker place when all this happened and that his "semi-entitled'ness" is just a sign of that. I hope he's in a better mindset now. Luck to them all.
My parents rule was that if I couldn't have a bike, my brother couldn't get one and he was younger than me. General rule if one of us couldn't have something the other couldn't either. About sharing: if Mom bought candy for example a chocolate bar, it wasn't a chocolate bar for each of us Mom would split the one chocolate bar one piece for me one piece for the bro. I never felt I was given less...you had to deal with what you had.
See this is my problem with Christmas anymore.. #1, why do parents need to spend 100s of dollars let alone thousands??? If a parent gets a $200 toy for 1, they need to get 1 for the other and getting multiple gifts for 1 and not the other isn't showing fairness, the same amount for each kid, if 1 toy costs more than the other you just don't get it, and if your kid throws a fit then take it back, thats not that works, if they wanna throw a fit because the other got more than them than they don't need any of it, sorry but that's how that works, if they throw a fit and you go out to get more than all youre doing is telling them that's ok, if they throw a fit than they'll get what they want, no, hell no, they don't get anything, simple as that. In this situation, they were in the wrong and so was the mom, if you give 1 child $800 in gifts but the other $4000 in cash, I don't care why, it's still favourtism, even if she's struggling, it's not ok they were wrong to do that
Gosh, what a surprise. A couple of parents w too much money raised an entitled brat. Never heard heard that story before 🙄
It wasn't about the money or gifts that made the son upset. It brought up his emotions of feeling less successful, unwanted in the home, that his parents were more proud of her, and that he may never be as successful. (Even though it's probably not true). What's strange to me though is that a 22 year old would not find an adult way to express his feelings instead of acting like a spoiled child. He could have said "Mom, Dad, the gift you gave my sister really made me realize how far behind I feel in life and I feel like a disappointment to you. My feelings are hurt and I don't know how to become more successful and feel stuck in life right now". Also the parents should have given this to her as a housewarming gift privately and given her a small sentimental gift for Christmas since they spent a lot on her. This would have shown the son that Christmas is about the thought of the gift, not the price tag.
It's wasn't his money...they can do whatever they want. Also, his equivalent is free rent, water, heat in winter, air in summerand most likely free food....he needs to get over his "hurt" and move on being grateful for all they are willingly doing.
Not just free food - a personal cook and maid too because you can bet he is not cooking daily or doing all the house work
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They need to look into The Five Love Languages. If the son’s love language is gifts and the mom’s is words of affirmation, or possibly quality time, that explains a lot of what just happened. She is just putting her feelings out there, same as the son. She doesn’t seem willing to hear his side at all, but given that she feels used and unappreciated, that is how most people would be.
Honestly, I think the son is correct; the sister is clearly the favorite child, and I don't say this based on the gift amounts alone. I believe if they had put the same thought into his gifts as they did hers it would have occurred to them that seeing his sister get so much more would probably hurt his feelings, and they would have gone about this differently. Given them equal gifts then pulled the daughter aside and given her the house warming check. Also, their reaction when he expressed his feelings is way, way off. If my child came to me with those feelings the very, very last thing I would feel would be irritation! I would feel guilty. I would tell my child I'M SORRY. This defensive anger tells me the sons feelings are right on the money. "It's my money I'll spend it how I want". Yes we got that you want to spend it on your daughter without thought for your son!
My mom got my little sister a lot of smaller gifts and me a decent amount of large gifts, both being pretty close to equal price- wise. They could've done that
22 years old and still expecting gift from parents? From where I come from, that is so messed up. Gift simbolize honest gestures. That guy is lucky to even had one. At that age you are supposed to help your parents a bit, not expecting anything from them to give you anything. Unless if you are underage, then it will be a whole different story. People have feelings but beggars cannot be chooser.
If it werea small difference, then it would not be such a big deal. Honestly. These parents had no clue what it would do? Please!
My mom and I decided with inflation other items were more important this year and probably spent $10 or less on little things to give each other. No feelings were hurt, I don't get how someone complains with $800 in gifts. The 4k is obviously also a house warming gift and unless their financial situation changes he'll probably get it later in life
The children are GROWN. Tell the son that part of his Christmas present is the rent we didn't charge you to live here. Let's not forget the utilities. And I would bet money little Billy doesn't clean the house either. Tell him to GROW UP.
Maybe they charge him rent. My mother did when I turned 16. I'm not sure how old you are but I was able to afford an apartment by 18 and moved out. Now a studio can be like $2,500 and some young adults can't do that yet. I agree he needs to grow up because he's acting and communicating like a child but maybe it's taking younger people a little longer to move out. Hope they are charging him rent!!
Load More Replies... Nta. Side note, wow rich ppl live different than us poorer ppl. 4000 AND 800? Wow. I just wanted some socks and pants for Christmas xD
A $3200 difference in Xmas gifts is nothing,. Think about all the parents of gay children that do not get married or have children. Parents spend fortunes on weddings for their straight children and then even more when grandchildren arrive and never even give a second thought to the disparity in what they just never even considered to be an issue.
Every person is different and lives differently so I find it weird when people keep tabs on how much family spends on them. However, a gay person could choose to get married and choose to adopt, have a surrogate or artificial simulation. If I had two kids and one chose to get married and have kids, but not the other, I wouldn't scramble to find ways to spend more money on the other child that chose not to. Plus a gift to a grandchild is to that little human, not their parents. Also consider IVF, surrogacy, and adoption are waaay more expensive. Separately, some children just need more help in life. I always told my mother to just not worry about me and help my sister
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Definitely tah. You waited to give your daughter money to help months after she could have used it but instead decided to give it as a Christmas gift instead of just helping. You decided to kill two birds with one stone. And instead killed your relationship with your son. Now he will quit his job and rely on you for money. Christmas isn't about gifts, it's sad that's what people think.
So the son lives for free with his parents, and get Christmas presents which are thoughtful, but gets upset when parents give money to his sister because the monetary value is much higher?? Sorry, OP is NTA, his wife is also NTA. His son needs to understand that both him and his sister are in different places in their life right now , so have different needs. The son needs to grow up a little bit - if he wants 4k present towards the house, he should buy a house and move out. If he chooses to live with his parents however, they give him accommodation and food and care throughout the whole year - something his sister is no longer getting, so they are not the same and not in the same place in life, so discrepancy in gifts is justified. I think the son is unhappy with his current life and he feels like a failure compared to his sister and difference in gifts value kind of confirmed in his mind that others see him as failure as well. He is an adult, he needs to sort out his issues
You're not the A hole for his present. You're the A hole for raising an entitled 22 year old man baby. If that's the best you could do then you should've pulled out.
Listen. I'm in shock anyone is calling the parents aholes. These are adults. Why is an adult crying over Christmas presents? Why is a. Parent spending hundreds of dollars buying adult children gifts? If they do, whatever it is, should be appreciated. I have only one sibling, a younger brother, we are happy for each other with everything. He would've been so happy for me and probably offered to help with whatever he can when repairs time arrived. He would've probably joked about me squeezing him some of my new found riches which I probably would've given him couple hundred dollars. Why are siblings watching how much another siblings gift cause? Is it something that you wanted? Probably if he had preferred cash but I would've been upset at him talking about the amount. His parents gave thoughtful gifts in my opinion. He has issues about other things and those things he tried to tie to Christmas gifts. His parents seem pretty understanding and supportive to me. NTA
Firstly, an adult is complaining about a gift. The mom, the parents, are definitely NTA. Everyone should be grateful for their gifts especially if it carries sentiment or to their needs and not watching other people. Im the older sibling and my brother would've been so happy for me. He wouldn't even have wanted my parents spending any money for a gift. He would've joked that I give him something from my "riches" and knowing me, I would've gave him a couple hundred bucks. That's how siblings are. I understand him feeling not as accomplished as his sister but he should've spoken to his parents about that separately not watching how much money is spent on gifts. Both my kids are different and the things they like are different, costs will vary. I would've been shocked if either of them start watching the prices of things. Probably if he would've preferred cash and not the amount spent per say, I think that would've been less upsetting to me as a parent. He has great parents.
Wow, this article is terrible, there are people who only dream of having $800 or $1000. The words ungrateful, spoiled comes to mind when I read this I don’t care if they’re rich or not rich or even middle-class. Everyone should be grateful for what they get and not jealous for what they don’t get.
Agree! I got a Christmas ornament that will go on my tree every year now, I gave my sister a $20 gift that is something special to her that she collects and my mother some eye glasses she really wanted ($30). We had a great Christmas and no one cared how much was spent. I think people have lost the meaning
Load More Replies... OP posted an update to another part of Reddit. The Dad seems to really want to help his son and understand his feelings. (The son is very obviously depressed) The mother is emotionally abusive, manipulative, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's a narcissist. She invalidates her son's feelings and makes everything about her and is absolutely horrible to the son. Definitely YTA, because the mom is abusive AF and Dad doesn't stop her.
Thoughtless. The Christmas gifts should have been equal. You could have given her $800 as a Christmas gift. Later, on the quiet, on ANOTHER DAY give an envelope with the $3000 explaining it's a gift for "1st year expenses". I've always done my best to keep Christmas and BDay gifts on a par. My kids have each needed a bit of help in different occasions and different times. That's totally different.
The 4000 dollar gift should not have been given at Christmas with the son's gift. Totally destroyed the son and made him feel small on top of what he was already feeling. The parents most especially the mother are complete YTA.
Bored panda let me save this to my account. That should be a thing. Really resonated with this. The sit down part.
It´s a complicated situation... Everyone is right, from my point of view. The way all the people reacted was quite civilized. The fault of the parents were not having a clue of his son´s unhappiness, otherwise, they seem they would have done something to help fix it at their extent. A smaller gap between gifts would have avoid that issue, but the parents would have never find out ´bout his son´s state of mind... It´s a lack of communication problem on at otherwise nice family.
1) Your son is depressed. 2) This probably should have been discussed with son ahead of time so you could hash it before feelings got hurt. Without info, our minds speculate and usually don't go to nice places.
Not necessarily ah but not greatest parenting either. Kid feels entitled living at home @ 22. Im American born Chinese so i only know from growing up watching my American white friends and American culture of instilling independence throughout 80's and 90's. They're at different stages in between his sister. So logically there'd be different level of support.
Insane amount of money. In our country, is a decent second-hand car. 800 is a new laptop. What kind of parent gives that kind of money to their kids and then wonders why they seem spoilt?
This feels a lot like the type of situation that happens to kids (or adults) with birthdays right around Christmas. They often get short-changed for one or the other because the presents are for "both" celebrations. But there are some cases where, especially for kids/young adults where the recipient with the December birthday gets more presents or particularly large gifts because it's for "both occasions". When other kids see their sibling getting showered with more or larger gifts, it's always going to look unbalanced to them. Parents can't do anything about the timing, but at least by making a clear distinction between what celebration the present is for, it makes it easier for the siblings to comprehend.
My first thought was that the parents are definitely the a holes for having such a disparity between gifts. However, I then thought that if the parents are not charging the son, or charging him very much, perhaps they are seeing it as they are still providing for him on a regular basis, whereas the daughter will probably only get this lump sum for a considerable time. If this is the case, then I do not feel they are a holes. That being said, they could have avoided the heartache if Christmas was more equal and the rest was given separately and it was explained that it was as they were no longer going to be supporting the daughter. Also, if the son follows a similar path, it would be fair to give a similar gift if they are able.
You just inserted your own agenda into the post... Nowhere did it say the parents are providing for him besides a place to stay. It didn't say that he doesn't pay rent, it didn't say that he doesn't pay for food, it didn't say that he doesn't help out around the house, what it did say is that he does work implying that he's not solely living off their food will being a lazy pos. Don't go trying to justify their decision with information that you want to be the case.
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He needs to grow the f**k up. My mom would give my two older sisters 100 each and me and my young sister 50 dollars each and explained it was cuz my two sisters were older. Shut the hell up and be grateful, s**t gets more expensive as u get older and it's not their fault he wants to act like a baby about 800 dollars. Give me ur 800 worth of gifts if it's not good enough for u, Jesus.
My brother and I are 5 years apart. I'm younger. I don't remember there ever being a problem between us or our parents about the different gifts we got for birthdays, Christmas, or other reasons. Obviously, the gifts had many different values since we were different ages with different needs/ tastes. So just from my personal experience, I think the son is a little more in the wrong here and isn't understanding what a gift means. The money is obviously to help the sister with various house-owning things, whereas the son's gifts I'd imagine would be more for a want instead of a need. When looking at it this way, the sister did not really even get a "want" gift, as the dad actually pointed out. If my brother were of driving age and got a car, and I got a video game, how would I complain about that? I can't drive anyway. If I can use that as an example.
NTA... The 4000 was not a Christmas gift. It was a house warming gift. The son lives at home, and it sounds like rent free with probably not much of anything in expenses. Isn't he getting more then the 4000 throughout the year? He also has the opportunity of living at home to find his career that will give him what he wants out of life. But it sounds like he is content to just get by on a job he hates. He is his own obstacle in life and when he see's other people successful he is resentful with his own life and how he doesn't have what they have. He also sounds as if all he wants is a hand out to get what he wants out of life. He is, in my opinion a spoiled brat. If he wants what his sister has then he should go get it. It would probably surprise him if he put the effort into life that he does in feeling sorry for himself, he would probably be in a house right now. Maybe this is harsh to some people bit my son at 22 had his own house. It is easily achieved if he wants it.
ESH a little (apart from the sis), but it seems mostly resolved, tbh I wish my family could resolve conflicts like this, instead of screaming matches
Omg this is absolutely ridiculus. The 22 year old needs to grow UP! He lives at home FREE. they probably already spend a fortune on him. The son sounds extremely immature and so do alot of commenters. Nobody is entitled to anything especially this childish 22 year old.
Really people! Cash in the gifts and feed the homeless. Spoiled brats.
Mmmm, somebody is keeping a ledger and harboring a lot of jealousy towards his sister. Is this the only thing he could point to when complaining? She got cash for home improvements and he got gifts worth nearly 1K bucks? Poor whiney little guy. Does he prefer folding money so he can flash it online, or is a credit card okay for pornhub transactions? I mean it's not like he's paying for schoolbooks... or job training... This is probably not the first time he's expressed resentment, and the parents probably just ignored it. Thus, we get an escalation. I wonder how long he'd shut up for if they did give him money? Betcha he wouldn't make it until Easter.
While I agree with the overall idea, I think it's an oversimplification. What we have here is a micro example of a macro situation. The parents gave presents to their children based on their stages in life. There is nothing here that says they would not do the same for their son should he buy a house. The parents could have handled the situation better, but unless there has been a systematic mistreatment of the son in favour of the daughter, there isn't enough here to say they don't treat their children equally. She got a lot of money, he got gifts with a lot of thought. Calculating value of gifts purely in terms of money is a cold way to go about it. The best gift I have ever received was a book. Not a special book to anyone else, but the thought behind it was incredibly special to me. I value it more than any other expensive gift I have possibly ever received.
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He is spoiled. And he is ungrateful. To NOT say thank you...and then hold his breath and stomp his feet like a CHILD because his sister is getting a once in a lifetime gift due to her NEW house...I mean really?? He is a grown man acting like a 10 year old. My 11 year old has more sense than this MAN. Dad and Mom you did NOTHING WRONG!!!! It's not like you are accused of constant favoritism...it's your money...period.
NTA. This is exactly what has been bothering me about Christmas. Too much focus on what they want and what they get. What did this 22 year old son give to his parents and sister? He got something valuable that not many people get from their parents. It doesn't matter what his sister got. That's their parent's choice and business. If I had a child like that I would not be getting anyone any presents next year. Christmas is supposed to be for spending time with loved ones and practicing your cultures traditions.
Yes and no. Some people just need longer. The parents are fine with him living there.
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I completely disagree that he's being manipulating. I remember feeling the way he does. I still feel that way sometimes. He's 22 and insecure.
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I see a kid lost and not done growing up yet because his parent took care of him. And he is feeling inferior because he feels that his sister is better than him and most probably op always praises or is proud of his daughter but never says anything or much about his son. Of course I understand if op doesn't say much but u gotta be realistic rofl, op can't b******t good stuff about his son.
Load More Replies... The parents are entitled to give whatever money they want to their kids, but partial a-holes for the way they went about giving the daughter money. She bought the house in July, and the money could have been given at any point after that, and would have been something special for those circumstances. Waiting till Christmas when you are giving birth kids gifts was always going to end in comparison and hurt feelings.
I really didn't want to post on this because it makes me sad 😢. All money aside your son came to you both about how he felt and instead of understanding and love you had a constant answer. I have twin sisters and an older brother and I was constantly made to feel less than and it led to a lot of problems in my adult life. I beg you fix this before it's too late, your baby boy is seriously depressed and if I had my guess work stress was a cover up. Trust me I used to use the same excuse cuz it's easy to blame work. Rest assured I think y'all are fabulous parents because he was able and willing to come to you and express how he feels. Take care of your baby boy (and yes I'm well aware he's 22) and don't be like my parents at all.
They heard what he said and explained where they were coming from with their decision. They were right in saying that it is their choice to give what to whom they want.
Load More Replies... The son and father are NTAs but the mom seems a little bit assholey at times when she doesn’t understand the son’s feelings. But I say NAH. The parents should have just made this all easier by giving the daughter $3200 in cash when she purchased the house instead of for Christmas and just purchased the $800 gifts for both when Christmas came. But it’s almost good this happened because it seems like the son is worried about his future and panicking a little and needed some reassurance and guidance he hadn’t reached out for. This will end well I think.
There was a comment from OP (the dad) that the reason his wife got upset is that her son came across materialistic and like he was keeping score, as if the Christmas gifts were part of a transaction and not sentimental gifts amongst family. Her own mother was apparently materialistic and the like, so her son coming across that way even after receiving $800 worth of gifts she gave him full of loving sentiments, and him going on about how sis got more monetary-wise rubbed her the wrong way. You can say they brushed aside his feelings but he also brushed aside the mom's sentiments and the dad's reasoning and explanations.
Load More Replies... The son received $800 worth presents! That's not a small amount. Comparatively it might feel discriminatory and definitely will hurt. But he's not 8 yr old. He's 22 yr old adult. It was a housewarming present for her. He should be understanding. I am glad that they sat and talked about it. Looks like he was projecting his own fears. I am glad they reassured him. Buying/owning a house isn't the only parameter for success. I am sure the son will find his path too. OP is NTA.
I think the issue here is the timing. If it was a housewarming gift, why was it not gifted when she got her house and instead delayed until Christmas?
Load More Replies... I have four kids. Not one of them EVER got anything like $800 worth of gifts! Even now as adults. When you have four, they soon come to realise that money does not grow on trees. If one needed a bike, they got a bike. The other three knew they had to wait. Same with fancy trainers. Or computer games. Our younger so has two rapidly growing boys. He works for the ambulance service which is NOT well paid. But he's good at his job. They live in a small rental house. We decided to offer him the deposit so they could buy a house. His siblings were all very pleased for him. Nobody threw a fit because they didn't get offered the same. They knew their time would come. This is how it's done. I'm so proud of my kids.
RIGHT? That's how i was raised as well and we were also 4. Like how entitled is the brat that he doesn't see that his sister is 4 years older than him and at a dufferent stage in life... He needs to wait 4 years as well if he thinks he deserves the same money...
Load More Replies... I'm glad that they talked it out. It's hard being the younger sibling to a go-getter personality, especially if you have a crappy job with crappy hours. Sounded like he just needed to be told he was good enough for his parents.
Imagine being upset that your parents can afford to spend $800 on you for Christmas.
Though he wasn’t upset by that, he was upset that his parents would give 5x valuable gift to his sister, and I understand that this can feel like the parents value the sister 5x more than the brother. Although the parents, according to them, value the sentimentality more, believing that the little brother actually got a better gift.
Load More Replies... In my country, the law says that when parents give more to a child, the other child is entitled to ask more when it comes to inheritance. In this peculiar case, the parents should have given money to their daughter at any time, except for Christmas. It's not a christmas gift, it's a boost for their daughter's new life. And they should have put aside for their son when the moment comes to buy his own house.
Yes, why not give the sister 800 on christmas, and then 3200 later or earlier, promising to give equal amount to the brother when he has same type of situation where money comes handy? I think the parents are well off, because they don’t understand that money improves young peoples lifes, because they don’t have a lot of money, and thus is more important to them.
Load More Replies... I think 800$ in christmas gifts is a generous sum already. I understand both sides and i fully understand how the parents would want to give the daughter support for her new house. Maybe it would have been better, if they just gave it to her as a housewarming gift instead of declaring it as a christmas gift. Also it would have helped, if they told their son that he would get the same support once he‘ll buy his own house as well.
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! This young man very appropriately and maturely tried to share how he felt. If they would have validated his feelings and then explained themselves I am sure the outcome would have been different. These parents seem like great parents btw, this young man’s ability to express his feelings and trust his parents to hear them is a sign of that. But our society (in the USA at least) cannot deal with men having any feels outside of lust or anger. Thus the only time their experiences are validated is through either f’ing or fighting. I will say it again. ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.
I feel you and your wife are mixing up 'being able to' with 'everyone has to be happy about' because you seem to think that because you want to give your daughter $3200 more than your son that he should happily accept that as your right. Choices come with consequence, this is it. Sure it makes you feel good to give that much at Christmas, that's for you, you could have sent it via transfer before or after and said this is to help with the house, but you decided to lump it up as "son, here's some stuff and daughter, here's a ton of money by comparison! Congratulations!" and now, your son is right, you're justifying it. You're NTA for giving the money, but YTA for how you did it and handled it after initially.
With 2 kids I think they should be equal. I was promised 5k when I moved out of my parents but they said we didn't help the other sisters as much. No negativity towards them. But on the same day giving someone a huge amount of money and the other completely different is harsh! I'm not going to call the person a Ah but it is harsh
I don't think the parents are AH imho. Sometimes when we give our kids what they need some will receive more than others, time, space, money, etc There is a difference between equality and equity. Maybe they could have chosen another day to give the money to the daughter and maybe because the son is going thru some issues the difference in gifts was the straw that broke the camel's back. I do understand the son and also the parents, don't think anyone is an AH.
I think you're about the closest to right I've read so far. Nobody can be perfect and the parents probably didn't think it out highway 500% difference would make their son feel. The mother was a little a hole for being so insensitive and trying to excuse her thoughtless behavior and shift the blame on him. I can't get over the bean counting comment. Like I said to this other guy... Give one a dollar give the other a Ferrari.. it's the same damn difference just more extreme so you understand it. They should have separated the Xmas gift from the housewarming but that was probably unintentional thoughtlessness and when their kid came to them explaining it wasn't about the amount it was about the difference they should have been in tune enough to understand it was just about his feelings of inadequacy and the mother really needs to step up her emotional tuning and give a c**p about her son. She got defensive for herself instead of caring about the deep emotional problem her son was having
Load More Replies... I'm going to say NTA, but there is some unclear expectations on money here. They can afford those luxuries. Good for them. I was never given that amount in gifts or money. There is no way to keep things monetarily equal between children, especially when they're at different stages in life and have different needs. I think the son feels that the sister seems like the favored child when she wasn't. Maybe the siblings where compared too much to each other when they were growing up. I don't know. But I think parents could explain and reassure son that he'll get some support from his parents when he reaches certain timelines. I think that could also have been explained years ago too. I feel like at 22 years old, he should understand that they gifts should be about the love behind, not the amount of money spent. I have two nieces. Young kids (7 year old and almost 2 year old). I don't look at price tags when I buy them gifts. I look at what they need or might interest them.
My parents used to do stuff like this all the time. "When you're that age you'll get something big too" older brother got a car, dad coached all his teams, camping trips, fishing trips... for HS graduation he got a $4000 custom Gibson Les Paul guitar. 5 years later, I got a card with $50 in it. Flash forward 20.years, I barely talk to my family, and never more than a text. My parent's obvious favoritism killed any chance at a good relationship with me. It's not as much about the money as how they alway made him a priority and I had to find my own rides to band concerts and sports. None of it was malicious, but it still hurt. Side note: mom passed away many years ago, and dad went to jail for a little while, leading to my brother not talking to him either. I'm not a parent, but if your son brought these feelings to you, and your wife essentially told him "just be happy with what you got" is very demeaning and guaranteed to cause a rift between son and parents.
the son works full time and lives at home for free, I think that is worth something. His sister moved out younger, he is taking advantage of the free rent. Gifting it at Christmas was a bit much but $800 is also too much. He lives for free, works full time and willing to be he didn't spend that kind of money.
You're also assuming the daughter didn't live there until recently as well. We don't know how much she benefitted from them prior to this.
Load More Replies... I'd say the son was an entitled prick, but it really just seems he was upset about what he thought the money represented. I think it's actually quite good that this whole thing happened, since he was clearly miserable, feeling inadequate, and needed reassurance from his parents. Which they gave him. Yea he's an adult, but they are still his mom and dad. And it hurts to think you aren't living up to the expectations of those you love. One of the few times I think no one is the AH
While I agree for the most part.. the son was feeling low and obviously.. less than his sibling and even told the parents he didn't care if it was less he would have not felt so slighted if it was equal which to me says there's an obvious emotional problem. It may or may not have been from the parents actions in the past or present and may have been from his own but the parents should have caught on to that especially being their own child and the mother was an a******especially with the bean counting comment. I do believe extremes can put things in perspective and would it be counting if he got a stick of gum and she got a Ferrari? It's the same damn difference just more extreme. I don't think that they purposely slighted him especially the father but the mother is an insensitive a-hole
Load More Replies... NTA. First, I want to commend op and wife for taking time to explain and communicate with their son on this. Siblings are different and have different needs at different stages of life. Plain and simple, he needs to understand... daughter got a boost financially when she needed it, as he gets a boost in many ways. It is never a good idea to compare presents and the value...be happy for gifts you receive and be happy for others who receive nice gifts too.
All the wife did was scream and invalidate the sons feelings.
Load More Replies... Like all stories on redditt, we only know part of the story. Adults typically don’t cry, as they have usually developed enough emotion maturity to adjust to life's curve balls. This young man is inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t valid. I am most annoyed with the mother. The father is at least trying to understand and came back to the page for help when it sounds like the mother always had a retort and turned things back to herself (victimizing). He still lives at home, so in a way, he still relies on having guidance. His parents had an opportunity to help him grow as an individual and/or address their misstep. It’s sad when parents are emotionally immature themselves, the language she used was very hurtful and not good for the young person. I hope she treats her son better in future but if she doesn’t see her negative behavior as such, she will continue the behavior.
Why can't anyone see that this was never about the money? This is the son feeling inferior to his sister, as if his parents are burdened by his mere existence; every problem he has pales in comparison to his sister. No one but the mom is an AH. The mom couldn't, for one moment shut her mouth and listen when her son is BLATANTLY saying "I feel like you don't love me, and I always disappoint you". This was a conversation that needed to be had, and instead of hugging their son and assuring him that they are always proud of him and love him, the mom made this about herself. Therapy! The whole family! And then maybe they can develop some emotional intelligence.
My mother died and my father nor sister bothered to call to tell me. My husband happened to find out about it from my nieces Instagram. I was always a very good child never made problems never asked for anything yet my father and sister did this to me and it has caused me irreparable mental and physical damage. They have basically made sure I have no phone numbers for anyone at all.
I can agree with their logic on giving the daughter funds for the new house but they waited six months to do it at Christmas... that was already unnecessary. No the son doesn't need 4k but they could easily have given the daughter the money earlier without making a big Christmas day production of it. Of course he's hurt, they deliberately paraded it in front of him for no reason lol. And then mom reacts by jumping down his throat any time he tries to express his feelings. Was he just supposed to pretend not to notice that her "not-a-Christmas Christmas gift" was 5x more than what he got? Of course he feels hurt. They deliberately set things up to appear unequal then curbstomp his feelings when he feels he's gotten unequal treatment. Both parents suck to some degree for creating this situation but mom is especially awful.
I agree with the parents. He’s acting like an entitled brat and he needs to check his gratefulness. They are giving him a roof over his head that is a lot of money he is saving and is much more than the $4K they gave their daughter to help. Not to mention he is a grown adult and his and his sisters situations are completely different, if he moved out and got a house and didn’t get a similar gift to help with his house and the parents monetary situation hadn’t changed then he has the right to feel unloved. I don’t know many grown adults that still get $800 worth of gifts from their parents, and the gifts were catered to his interests…..sounds like love to me. Grow up and stop being ungrateful.
It is not even just the value of the rent that I bet is higher than $4,000. Add in the electricity, water, sewage, garbage, and my personal fav, food AND a personal cook/maid (cause you KNOW he is not making every meal he eats nor buying the ingredients for it or cleaning the kitchen, living room, etc, maybe his own room but that is it. Probably has his laundry done too. I bet if they calculated it all the sister is being "devalued" Big Time.
Load More Replies... There are some elegant comments here from others which you might take to heart. I would add that whenever you plan on treating your children differently, you take the time to explain your reasoning ahead of time to the other child(ren). Then take twice or three times as much time listening to the reaction.
I would be happy for my sister. He's not happy with his life it's no one's fault but himself. Parents being practical and he's being childish. He has been feeling that for a quite sometime for him to to think that he's loved less than his sister. At the end of the day, he should know that he's getting more than $4000 at his parents house. So in one for him, grow the f**k up.
Oh wow! WOW! This one has some really decent controversy to it. BP authors, what happened? Are y'all feeling feverish or something? Normally you always pick the very clear, boring ones...?
My sister has always been the expensive one. As a child she had expensive hobbies, I liked walking and other cheap and free activities. As adults, she has needed way more. My mum often feels bad they give me less, but I always tell her they give us both what we need. I was probably given more time - a bigger value to me. I think the OP went about this all wrong, it would have been better to talk to the son before Christmas so he understood the reasons.
Speaking as someone who has spent tens of thousands on life 'milestone' presents. Blech. I've forked over tons of money, time, travel for housewarmings, baby showers, weddings, etc. I've spent a fortune on bridesmaids dresses. You know what I've gotten? An occasional christmas card. Not even phone calls to catch up. I have never been able to afford to buy a house (not sure I'd want to) furnished and purchase all of my own stuff when I moved out of home at 18. I haven't fallen in love to be married. Why do we give gifts for this anymore? They're adults, they already have 2 sets of everything. Why do they need my money? Unfortunately I will never get to have offspring. But because I will never reach these milestones, apparently I don't need presents, or consideration, or contact. I'm just supposed to fork over time and money endlessly with no reciprocity. What is that dad going to do if his son never hits a milestone he feels like gifting for?
Why give gifts like this for Christmas? If you're going to gift someone money for buying a house, don't do it as a Christmas gift where the son had to see it... Give it separately and don't tell the son where you're spending your money. The gift isn't the point, the value isn't the point, and correct the son isn't entitled to their money. However, if we're giving gifts under the pretense that it's a Christmas gift and everyone has to watch you open it, that's different than gifting someone $4000 because they "just bought a house."
My mom wouldn't even let my aunt give me her old car to practice driving when i turned 15-16. I have 4 much younger siblings and my mom demanded that aunt either give all her kids a car or never even consider giving me anything. Made this big huge blow up fight yelling about how "favored" i am (as the oldest "daughter"/live in free babysitter and the only one that's not her husband's and gets shipped off any time i express any kind of "difficult feelings" my mom didn't have time or energy to deal with) and cut contact with her for several months. We only only had one car so my mom didn't want to let me practice and end up wrecking our only car but also didn't want her sister or my dad to teach me to drive because she wanted to do it herself. Fast forward. I'm 26 and still can't drive (part is lack of rural chances to learn without your own car/family support. Part is trauma from when i was 17 and my mom expected me to chauffer her and all the kids to school in the city with no exp)
But the youngest twins both have their own cars (they're 14). One brother drives trucks for fed ex. And another drives a van. My aunt did involve give all of them starter vehicles. Just not me. Cause I'm already "too favored" according to the family narrative. I do think equality between siblings is important. I don't think getting 4k should depend on becoming a homeowner (a status most of the younger generations have little hope of actually achieving) but rather to support any potentially expensive milestone where the kids are more on their own (moving out in general. Going to college. Getting a car, starting a business etc). But there does need to be room for the fact that you can't know the future and kids aren't at the same point in their lives. Sometimes things do end up unfair. Sometimes you can mitigate that. But definitely shouldn't be using a housewarming gift to evade actually getting her any Christmas presents and making the son feel like he's valued less.
Load More Replies... What a sweet, sweet dad. His son has obviously been taught good communication skills. At that age I probably would've acted out or held a grudge and not only would my parents not entertain that kind of"whining" but would never have that gifted that kind of money. I could see both sides and he seems to be fairly navigating both. I'm glad he told him he could quit.
NTA! I think the son in insecure about where he is in life and he's silently comparing himself to his sister. If he's not already happy, no amount of "balancing the ledger" is going to change that. I think Dad did a great job trying to facilitate this conversation & listening to his concerns. However, there ought to be a conversation about material boundaries- no one should be able to dictate how he and his wife spend their finances because they don't have to deal with any of those ramifications. Sounds like Mom and Dad truly did the best they could and its okay that the son expresses his feelings but again, those are his feelings to manage and hopefully he begins to understand that
The parents are both the AH's. The son is crying out for help emotionally and the parents don't even comprehend it.In my circle the son would be under suicide watch
I kinda experienced it but in another way. I was the oldest but I was never showed as a 'positive figured towards my youngest siblings. The age gape isn't big as well (3 years gape with my lil' bro and 5 years gape with my lil' sis). For years like, almost all Christmas I ask for my old man a graphic tablet so I could draw with my PC and started digital art. The cheapest could go for only 100€ but even a 200€ one works well. I wonder received it. For him it was "too expensive". Then, my lil' sis will ask for a very specific saddle for her horse. Wich could go to 600€, almost the double of what I was asking !! It wasn't about the money, it was about the favoritsm, wich my old man refuse to say it was. I always feel push away because of that, plus the fact I was always remembered how much I am like my mother physically and the same personality as her (my old man hate my mother a lot like A LOT). So, I just stop asking for stuff because I know I will never get them.
My 22 yo son who lives at home says they're NTA as different children have different needs at various stages of life. He said he wouldn't have been upset if his older brother needed more for a specific reason (important point) but that he gets everything he needs and most of what he wants (involves mom saving up sometimes but yeah...he does lol they both do). His brother was more expensive at the time (ALL the sports, car to drive them to school, gf so tux for dances) while my youngest is the nerdy gamer (takes after his mom 💜). What we BOTH agree on is the parents are to blame for how they handled the situation initially and the mother is probably the basis for the youngest feeling so insecure overall. It's allllll about her. The father at least cared enough to ask if they were handling it correctly and to approach his son again. Perhaps he should do so without the mother present???
As the eldest of three, I'm surprised people respond so strongly to the difference in gift value? Sometimes we got the same. Sometimes not. It all depended on my parents' finances and if one of us had something special going on. We whined as kids if we felt someone got better, regardless of the actual dollar amount. But as we grew up we gained perspective. We appreciated that our parents invested a lot into Christmas every year when we knew there wasn't much to spend. The year I graduated, I got extra at Christmas. The year my brother became quarterback, he did. I think it's clear as things played out with this family: this wasn't about the dollar amount or even the optics. It was about something else and needed to be addressed that way to solve the issue.
Ok your NTA. Your wife is some. Mostly for not listening to your son. She actually does sound like she favors the girl. Your son sounds depressed and lost. It sounds like you guys have a comfortable life. Your son is looking at that life and now his sister's life and comparing himself to all three of you. He is not feeling like he can compete in life. Not really with just you and his sister but in the overall scheme of life. You are going to need to be engaged with him. Not so much your wife. But you as his dad. Man to man have some talks without your wife about life and what he wants and what he can do. Maybe trade school would help him. Maybe there really is something better for him then the swing shift at ... He needs to be able to feel better about himself. And yes at 22 and a man living at home with your parents even coworkers and friends start putting pressure on you. Then you see the obvious gift difference and you think dang they were right.
My parents were always a bit overzealous in making sure all four of their children got the same level of monetary help, which felt odd at times. But reading this, I understand it completely. It's easy to breed resentment when it looks like you're favoring one child over the other. They should've reassured the kid that when he buys a house, they'll give him the same help. Or, if buying a house is not in the cards for him (also possible in this economy), some condition that he can achieve where he gets the same help. That said, it sounds like they made good progress in the later conversation about what the issue actually is, and how to move forward
if I got $800 of gifts that I really wanted, I would be so grateful. Nevermind the $4000 of home improvement that the other people gets. But in this case, it's not about the worth of the gifts. He feels insecured because he feels that his sister is more successful than him at that age, so he's afraid/worried that the parents would love her more than him. The parents need to talk to him and assure him that their feelings are mutual between him and his sister.
The thing that struck me here is the reaction to what the son said by the wife. Logically it makes sense how the parents were thinking but in the moment, it might be hard for a younger child to understand it. In a way the son was more mature by wanting to return to talking when everyone was being civil. This to me sounds like this isn't the first time it has happened. Even if the parents don't realize it, sometimes they do end up paying more to one kid over the other. The situation could have been handled differently and they might have realized without any hard feelings that the son felt trapped in a cycle. Also unless the daughter closed on the house towards the end of December, I would have broken it into a Christmas gift and a house warming gift. By doing it the way they did it, it did make it seem like the son was valued less
Seems ridiculous to me that everyone is saying it's hurtful and the wrong way to go about it. What an entitled a*s, I mean at that age do you really need to spend that much on your adult kid? I can totally see how giving their daughter money like that after buying a home is extremely helpful. It's also a huge amount but if they can afford it why not I guess and Christmas was their choice to do it. I don't think either "child " needed all that to begin with but if my dad gave my sibling a grand gift because he bought a home, which he actually did, I'd be celebrating that because I love my siblings.
Perhaps not a popular impression but I find these two aging parents to be just awful. What's wrong with you?And especially mom. What a b***h. What. A. B***h. I am a parent of two children. 31 and 27 now. There is never a time that i am NOT be responsible for how my actions impact my children. You have a favorite and it is your successful house owning daughter. That is very clear. You almost screwed it up with her. Remember her reaction to the jar the money came in. 🤣 Yup. She was expecting something else. No gag gifts for that princess. Why don't you do what so many parents do - equally distribute your time and resources to all children instead of playing.favourites. In 10 - 15 years when there are grandchildren I can tell right away that unless you change your approach and do a lot of self reflection ( especially b****y old mom) you'll be doing the same with the grandchildren. Hers will get more things, always be first with old granny and be held up as the preferred and better child
I want to say yes and know. I was the kid that always got less and it has ruined Xmas for life. I want to say no because you are giving him free room and board at 22
I would have gifted each child roughly the same as the Christmas present. At a separate time, I would have given the daughter a gift 'for the house', and either tell the son you'll do the same for him when he buys a house, OR a similar amount to pursue higher education, business start-up, or something like that. P.S. The Mom is being particulary snarky about this.
I would have gifted each child roughly the same as the Christmas present. At a separate time, I would have given the daughter a gift 'for the house', and either tell the son you'll do the same for him when he buys a house, OR a similar amount to pursue higher education, business start-up, or something like that.
YTA because this is such standard golden child/ scapegoat stuff. The golden child gets a big gift, the scapegoat gets less. If the scapegoat protests, it all becomes about the scapegoat being greedy, bean counting and not as deserving/ accomplished as the golden child. Notice how the problem got shifted from the disparate gift to the scapegoat’s job problems and difficulty launching? And how it’s now all about how the scapegoat needs to change? Then there’s the classic about how it’s all going to be made up to him with future gifts. I doubt this is the first instance of favoritism but it may be the most blatant and it won’t be the last.
Resentment 101. My sister got a full college ride - room, board at a private expensive college. When my turn came up I was given 1 yr community college and told I could work my way through state college.
I can only talk from the children perspective. I am older kid, my sis is 5 years younger. I tried for college, failed to get in in my desired one, my mother stopped me to go for my 2nd choice (excuse was i suck at math so it wasnt for me), so i stayed in my home town with them and went to local one. My sis, when it was her time to go, went where she wanted (it was a big arguing at home, i fought with all i had in me so she at least can go to her dream school). She is in another town now, she is married, her husband and her make good money and they got a house. In the meantime i helped my parents as much as i can, my gf sadly doesnt work atm so we cant afford to move in together. I know my parents love us both, but i cant help but to feel like an insignificant little piece of s..t when my sis and her husband come over. They are sucsessful, she got married 1st, and i didnt amount to nothing (i got promoted twice at my job, i went from the bottom and now i am in the management, but in my
country that doesnt pay much, or as much as i wanted to). I am trying to get some business started, but i need some time. I got debth (just a little more and i will be debth free) so that is why it is slow to start...
Load More Replies... Hmmm...the son's feelings are coming from somewhere...for some reason, I suspect mum's a bit passive-aggressive with daughter as her favourite and he's picking-up on it - huh, but then, what do I know?
It's a complicated issue. It seems like the son has no-one to talk to, and reached his own conclusions inside his own head. This is one of those situations where another perspective really helps. I think that, while "I can't help it, it's just how I feel" is a valid sentiment in many situations, in this situation it's used instead of looking at the situation logically. When he expressed that he felt his parents weren't listening to him, that's exactly what I thought about him. He was focused on the difference, and not on the reasons. Also, $800 value gifts are not to be sniffed at, and he didn't even say thank you for them until prompted. I do think the parents should have seen a reaction like this coming, though, and should have spoken to him about it beforehand. I'm glad there was a follow-up, where deeper issues were addressed and some of the air was clear.
I'm glad there was a nice discussion afterwards and it seems the dad has really good communication and conflict resolution skills. I'm the younger sister of a teen mom in a poor family and I remember being so angry as a teen every time she got a bunch of cash. We didn't have much and I had a very slim chance of going to college. I understood she needed more help but that doesn't change how you feel atm. I'm glad they got to the root of the problem, the son's sense of failure and job, and were able to reassure the son and come up with a solution. It's amazing how looking past your superficially hurt feelings and not getting petty can do
He wants to make you guys proud. But he's hurting himself thinking he's not good enough and stuck in a job he seems to hate. I would have said see what you can do to move your work hours and if not we got you for 4 weeks to find something new. And that's not a huge resume gap. Sometimes people need a break from working. And if y'all have this much love and compassion I doubt the diff between $4k and $800 matters to either kid with wonderful parents like you guys. Group hug
Gave $50 grand to my son and his girl. Kind of thought funny that I never got a thank you from the fiancé. Ha, turns out she was not gonna marry him. That $50,000 has been ALL eaten up by contracts and early arrangements. And, she and her father ain't gonna reimburse me for any part of the "gift". What a family! She ain't even gonna payback for the engagement ring. Really? WTF!
Technically in many states an engagement ring isnt a gift but an obligation and if the recipient doesnt follow through with the marriage it must be returned to the person who gave it. Check the laws where you are because if that is the case you can get it back through the courts and possibly some of the money as well.
Load More Replies... Son needs to grow up. He's 22 and still living at home? Then he cries because his little feelings are hurt? Give me a break.
lol, I like how this all completely misses the point of xmas. Thus proving the spirit of the day has completely been utterly destroyed and corrupted. I'm not religious at all. I'm atheist by default(But I hate labeling myself that because of the connotations it can come with) But that's besides the point, this is just hilarious.
Disparity is disparity and issues are bound to happen if you have 500% difference in gift price. So despite all the rationalizations this is such silly decisions from the parents. Either agree IN ADVANCE that there will be more money to the daughter so expectations are MANAGED or give housewarming money separately and/or when there is a demand. Also, people should not just leave home or buy a house because they turned certain age and want to show off. If you buy a house, you should be always ready to fix stuff in there. It is calling owning's costs.
The mother sounds like she takes a lot of what he says and turns it around to make it about her or how his feelings are an insult to her. He's not keeping a "relationship ledger" for noticing a $3200 disparity in the Christmas gifts. Why did they need to do this right in front of him? They say they don't want him to move out but dangle a $4000 move-out prize in front of his face so I dunno.
Yeah YTA, You should have given the kids an equitable amount. Shame on you. If you wanted to give your daughter money for the house, you should have done it separately and away from Christmas.
You son has more issues than the money. He's unhappy in his life and the Christmas presents was the staw that broke the camels back. Your talk has started the process of sorting it out. Younger children often feel left out because they see their older siblings seem to get everything first, that resentment is normal. Hopefully things start to improve. NTA as you say it your decision to spend your money how you want. Your son not understanding is ok too, but sounds like you need to talk more and listen even more
I feel like the son is wrong because he's living in his parents house, rent free, so no bills, no overhead, with a part time job (now no job if he quits it), while the daughter is supporting herself and in a completely different place in life. She's older with different responsibilities and different needs. I'm sorry, but the son sounds like an entitled brat. The parents could decide to give him minimal presents for Christmas because they are still financially supporting him. He's a grown man, still living like a child, which is his choice, but he needs to learn to navigate life now. I get supporting your kids, absolutely, but don't coddle them.
NTA. Its their money and they will probably do the same for him too. My parents have done money differences and jt doesn't bother me in the slightest because they have our best interest at heart :)
The son needs to man up.. he got $800 in gifts from his parents at the age of 22!! the $4000 was for repairs for his older sisters new house.. what is the problem.. be happy for her …he sounds like an entitled brat…pocket watching breaks families. I agree with the mother on this fully. He needs therapy or to change careers or something if he feels less then…
Honestly, can that guy's dad be MY dad? He sounds really nice. And sometimes one kid IS the more "expensive" kid...and sometimes they're not. Son sounds like he was already in a darker place when all this happened and that his "semi-entitled'ness" is just a sign of that. I hope he's in a better mindset now. Luck to them all.
My parents rule was that if I couldn't have a bike, my brother couldn't get one and he was younger than me. General rule if one of us couldn't have something the other couldn't either. About sharing: if Mom bought candy for example a chocolate bar, it wasn't a chocolate bar for each of us Mom would split the one chocolate bar one piece for me one piece for the bro. I never felt I was given less...you had to deal with what you had.
See this is my problem with Christmas anymore.. #1, why do parents need to spend 100s of dollars let alone thousands??? If a parent gets a $200 toy for 1, they need to get 1 for the other and getting multiple gifts for 1 and not the other isn't showing fairness, the same amount for each kid, if 1 toy costs more than the other you just don't get it, and if your kid throws a fit then take it back, thats not that works, if they wanna throw a fit because the other got more than them than they don't need any of it, sorry but that's how that works, if they throw a fit and you go out to get more than all youre doing is telling them that's ok, if they throw a fit than they'll get what they want, no, hell no, they don't get anything, simple as that. In this situation, they were in the wrong and so was the mom, if you give 1 child $800 in gifts but the other $4000 in cash, I don't care why, it's still favourtism, even if she's struggling, it's not ok they were wrong to do that
Gosh, what a surprise. A couple of parents w too much money raised an entitled brat. Never heard heard that story before 🙄
It wasn't about the money or gifts that made the son upset. It brought up his emotions of feeling less successful, unwanted in the home, that his parents were more proud of her, and that he may never be as successful. (Even though it's probably not true). What's strange to me though is that a 22 year old would not find an adult way to express his feelings instead of acting like a spoiled child. He could have said "Mom, Dad, the gift you gave my sister really made me realize how far behind I feel in life and I feel like a disappointment to you. My feelings are hurt and I don't know how to become more successful and feel stuck in life right now". Also the parents should have given this to her as a housewarming gift privately and given her a small sentimental gift for Christmas since they spent a lot on her. This would have shown the son that Christmas is about the thought of the gift, not the price tag.
It's wasn't his money...they can do whatever they want. Also, his equivalent is free rent, water, heat in winter, air in summerand most likely free food....he needs to get over his "hurt" and move on being grateful for all they are willingly doing.
Not just free food - a personal cook and maid too because you can bet he is not cooking daily or doing all the house work
Load More Replies... They need to look into The Five Love Languages. If the son’s love language is gifts and the mom’s is words of affirmation, or possibly quality time, that explains a lot of what just happened. She is just putting her feelings out there, same as the son. She doesn’t seem willing to hear his side at all, but given that she feels used and unappreciated, that is how most people would be.
Honestly, I think the son is correct; the sister is clearly the favorite child, and I don't say this based on the gift amounts alone. I believe if they had put the same thought into his gifts as they did hers it would have occurred to them that seeing his sister get so much more would probably hurt his feelings, and they would have gone about this differently. Given them equal gifts then pulled the daughter aside and given her the house warming check. Also, their reaction when he expressed his feelings is way, way off. If my child came to me with those feelings the very, very last thing I would feel would be irritation! I would feel guilty. I would tell my child I'M SORRY. This defensive anger tells me the sons feelings are right on the money. "It's my money I'll spend it how I want". Yes we got that you want to spend it on your daughter without thought for your son!
My mom got my little sister a lot of smaller gifts and me a decent amount of large gifts, both being pretty close to equal price- wise. They could've done that
22 years old and still expecting gift from parents? From where I come from, that is so messed up. Gift simbolize honest gestures. That guy is lucky to even had one. At that age you are supposed to help your parents a bit, not expecting anything from them to give you anything. Unless if you are underage, then it will be a whole different story. People have feelings but beggars cannot be chooser.
If it werea small difference, then it would not be such a big deal. Honestly. These parents had no clue what it would do? Please!
My mom and I decided with inflation other items were more important this year and probably spent $10 or less on little things to give each other. No feelings were hurt, I don't get how someone complains with $800 in gifts. The 4k is obviously also a house warming gift and unless their financial situation changes he'll probably get it later in life
The children are GROWN. Tell the son that part of his Christmas present is the rent we didn't charge you to live here. Let's not forget the utilities. And I would bet money little Billy doesn't clean the house either. Tell him to GROW UP.
Maybe they charge him rent. My mother did when I turned 16. I'm not sure how old you are but I was able to afford an apartment by 18 and moved out. Now a studio can be like $2,500 and some young adults can't do that yet. I agree he needs to grow up because he's acting and communicating like a child but maybe it's taking younger people a little longer to move out. Hope they are charging him rent!!
Load More Replies... Nta. Side note, wow rich ppl live different than us poorer ppl. 4000 AND 800? Wow. I just wanted some socks and pants for Christmas xD
A $3200 difference in Xmas gifts is nothing,. Think about all the parents of gay children that do not get married or have children. Parents spend fortunes on weddings for their straight children and then even more when grandchildren arrive and never even give a second thought to the disparity in what they just never even considered to be an issue.
Every person is different and lives differently so I find it weird when people keep tabs on how much family spends on them. However, a gay person could choose to get married and choose to adopt, have a surrogate or artificial simulation. If I had two kids and one chose to get married and have kids, but not the other, I wouldn't scramble to find ways to spend more money on the other child that chose not to. Plus a gift to a grandchild is to that little human, not their parents. Also consider IVF, surrogacy, and adoption are waaay more expensive. Separately, some children just need more help in life. I always told my mother to just not worry about me and help my sister
Load More Replies... Definitely tah. You waited to give your daughter money to help months after she could have used it but instead decided to give it as a Christmas gift instead of just helping. You decided to kill two birds with one stone. And instead killed your relationship with your son. Now he will quit his job and rely on you for money. Christmas isn't about gifts, it's sad that's what people think.
So the son lives for free with his parents, and get Christmas presents which are thoughtful, but gets upset when parents give money to his sister because the monetary value is much higher?? Sorry, OP is NTA, his wife is also NTA. His son needs to understand that both him and his sister are in different places in their life right now , so have different needs. The son needs to grow up a little bit - if he wants 4k present towards the house, he should buy a house and move out. If he chooses to live with his parents however, they give him accommodation and food and care throughout the whole year - something his sister is no longer getting, so they are not the same and not in the same place in life, so discrepancy in gifts is justified. I think the son is unhappy with his current life and he feels like a failure compared to his sister and difference in gifts value kind of confirmed in his mind that others see him as failure as well. He is an adult, he needs to sort out his issues
You're not the A hole for his present. You're the A hole for raising an entitled 22 year old man baby. If that's the best you could do then you should've pulled out.
Listen. I'm in shock anyone is calling the parents aholes. These are adults. Why is an adult crying over Christmas presents? Why is a. Parent spending hundreds of dollars buying adult children gifts? If they do, whatever it is, should be appreciated. I have only one sibling, a younger brother, we are happy for each other with everything. He would've been so happy for me and probably offered to help with whatever he can when repairs time arrived. He would've probably joked about me squeezing him some of my new found riches which I probably would've given him couple hundred dollars. Why are siblings watching how much another siblings gift cause? Is it something that you wanted? Probably if he had preferred cash but I would've been upset at him talking about the amount. His parents gave thoughtful gifts in my opinion. He has issues about other things and those things he tried to tie to Christmas gifts. His parents seem pretty understanding and supportive to me. NTA
Firstly, an adult is complaining about a gift. The mom, the parents, are definitely NTA. Everyone should be grateful for their gifts especially if it carries sentiment or to their needs and not watching other people. Im the older sibling and my brother would've been so happy for me. He wouldn't even have wanted my parents spending any money for a gift. He would've joked that I give him something from my "riches" and knowing me, I would've gave him a couple hundred bucks. That's how siblings are. I understand him feeling not as accomplished as his sister but he should've spoken to his parents about that separately not watching how much money is spent on gifts. Both my kids are different and the things they like are different, costs will vary. I would've been shocked if either of them start watching the prices of things. Probably if he would've preferred cash and not the amount spent per say, I think that would've been less upsetting to me as a parent. He has great parents.
Wow, this article is terrible, there are people who only dream of having $800 or $1000. The words ungrateful, spoiled comes to mind when I read this I don’t care if they’re rich or not rich or even middle-class. Everyone should be grateful for what they get and not jealous for what they don’t get.
Agree! I got a Christmas ornament that will go on my tree every year now, I gave my sister a $20 gift that is something special to her that she collects and my mother some eye glasses she really wanted ($30). We had a great Christmas and no one cared how much was spent. I think people have lost the meaning
Load More Replies... OP posted an update to another part of Reddit. The Dad seems to really want to help his son and understand his feelings. (The son is very obviously depressed) The mother is emotionally abusive, manipulative, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's a narcissist. She invalidates her son's feelings and makes everything about her and is absolutely horrible to the son. Definitely YTA, because the mom is abusive AF and Dad doesn't stop her.
Thoughtless. The Christmas gifts should have been equal. You could have given her $800 as a Christmas gift. Later, on the quiet, on ANOTHER DAY give an envelope with the $3000 explaining it's a gift for "1st year expenses". I've always done my best to keep Christmas and BDay gifts on a par. My kids have each needed a bit of help in different occasions and different times. That's totally different.
The 4000 dollar gift should not have been given at Christmas with the son's gift. Totally destroyed the son and made him feel small on top of what he was already feeling. The parents most especially the mother are complete YTA.
Bored panda let me save this to my account. That should be a thing. Really resonated with this. The sit down part.
It´s a complicated situation... Everyone is right, from my point of view. The way all the people reacted was quite civilized. The fault of the parents were not having a clue of his son´s unhappiness, otherwise, they seem they would have done something to help fix it at their extent. A smaller gap between gifts would have avoid that issue, but the parents would have never find out ´bout his son´s state of mind... It´s a lack of communication problem on at otherwise nice family.
1) Your son is depressed. 2) This probably should have been discussed with son ahead of time so you could hash it before feelings got hurt. Without info, our minds speculate and usually don't go to nice places.
Not necessarily ah but not greatest parenting either. Kid feels entitled living at home @ 22. Im American born Chinese so i only know from growing up watching my American white friends and American culture of instilling independence throughout 80's and 90's. They're at different stages in between his sister. So logically there'd be different level of support.
Insane amount of money. In our country, is a decent second-hand car. 800 is a new laptop. What kind of parent gives that kind of money to their kids and then wonders why they seem spoilt?
This feels a lot like the type of situation that happens to kids (or adults) with birthdays right around Christmas. They often get short-changed for one or the other because the presents are for "both" celebrations. But there are some cases where, especially for kids/young adults where the recipient with the December birthday gets more presents or particularly large gifts because it's for "both occasions". When other kids see their sibling getting showered with more or larger gifts, it's always going to look unbalanced to them. Parents can't do anything about the timing, but at least by making a clear distinction between what celebration the present is for, it makes it easier for the siblings to comprehend.
My first thought was that the parents are definitely the a holes for having such a disparity between gifts. However, I then thought that if the parents are not charging the son, or charging him very much, perhaps they are seeing it as they are still providing for him on a regular basis, whereas the daughter will probably only get this lump sum for a considerable time. If this is the case, then I do not feel they are a holes. That being said, they could have avoided the heartache if Christmas was more equal and the rest was given separately and it was explained that it was as they were no longer going to be supporting the daughter. Also, if the son follows a similar path, it would be fair to give a similar gift if they are able.
You just inserted your own agenda into the post... Nowhere did it say the parents are providing for him besides a place to stay. It didn't say that he doesn't pay rent, it didn't say that he doesn't pay for food, it didn't say that he doesn't help out around the house, what it did say is that he does work implying that he's not solely living off their food will being a lazy pos. Don't go trying to justify their decision with information that you want to be the case.
Load More Replies... He needs to grow the f**k up. My mom would give my two older sisters 100 each and me and my young sister 50 dollars each and explained it was cuz my two sisters were older. Shut the hell up and be grateful, s**t gets more expensive as u get older and it's not their fault he wants to act like a baby about 800 dollars. Give me ur 800 worth of gifts if it's not good enough for u, Jesus.
My brother and I are 5 years apart. I'm younger. I don't remember there ever being a problem between us or our parents about the different gifts we got for birthdays, Christmas, or other reasons. Obviously, the gifts had many different values since we were different ages with different needs/ tastes. So just from my personal experience, I think the son is a little more in the wrong here and isn't understanding what a gift means. The money is obviously to help the sister with various house-owning things, whereas the son's gifts I'd imagine would be more for a want instead of a need. When looking at it this way, the sister did not really even get a "want" gift, as the dad actually pointed out. If my brother were of driving age and got a car, and I got a video game, how would I complain about that? I can't drive anyway. If I can use that as an example.
NTA... The 4000 was not a Christmas gift. It was a house warming gift. The son lives at home, and it sounds like rent free with probably not much of anything in expenses. Isn't he getting more then the 4000 throughout the year? He also has the opportunity of living at home to find his career that will give him what he wants out of life. But it sounds like he is content to just get by on a job he hates. He is his own obstacle in life and when he see's other people successful he is resentful with his own life and how he doesn't have what they have. He also sounds as if all he wants is a hand out to get what he wants out of life. He is, in my opinion a spoiled brat. If he wants what his sister has then he should go get it. It would probably surprise him if he put the effort into life that he does in feeling sorry for himself, he would probably be in a house right now. Maybe this is harsh to some people bit my son at 22 had his own house. It is easily achieved if he wants it.
ESH a little (apart from the sis), but it seems mostly resolved, tbh I wish my family could resolve conflicts like this, instead of screaming matches
Omg this is absolutely ridiculus. The 22 year old needs to grow UP! He lives at home FREE. they probably already spend a fortune on him. The son sounds extremely immature and so do alot of commenters. Nobody is entitled to anything especially this childish 22 year old.
Really people! Cash in the gifts and feed the homeless. Spoiled brats.
Mmmm, somebody is keeping a ledger and harboring a lot of jealousy towards his sister. Is this the only thing he could point to when complaining? She got cash for home improvements and he got gifts worth nearly 1K bucks? Poor whiney little guy. Does he prefer folding money so he can flash it online, or is a credit card okay for pornhub transactions? I mean it's not like he's paying for schoolbooks... or job training... This is probably not the first time he's expressed resentment, and the parents probably just ignored it. Thus, we get an escalation. I wonder how long he'd shut up for if they did give him money? Betcha he wouldn't make it until Easter.
While I agree with the overall idea, I think it's an oversimplification. What we have here is a micro example of a macro situation. The parents gave presents to their children based on their stages in life. There is nothing here that says they would not do the same for their son should he buy a house. The parents could have handled the situation better, but unless there has been a systematic mistreatment of the son in favour of the daughter, there isn't enough here to say they don't treat their children equally. She got a lot of money, he got gifts with a lot of thought. Calculating value of gifts purely in terms of money is a cold way to go about it. The best gift I have ever received was a book. Not a special book to anyone else, but the thought behind it was incredibly special to me. I value it more than any other expensive gift I have possibly ever received.
Load More Replies... He is spoiled. And he is ungrateful. To NOT say thank you...and then hold his breath and stomp his feet like a CHILD because his sister is getting a once in a lifetime gift due to her NEW house...I mean really?? He is a grown man acting like a 10 year old. My 11 year old has more sense than this MAN. Dad and Mom you did NOTHING WRONG!!!! It's not like you are accused of constant favoritism...it's your money...period.
NTA. This is exactly what has been bothering me about Christmas. Too much focus on what they want and what they get. What did this 22 year old son give to his parents and sister? He got something valuable that not many people get from their parents. It doesn't matter what his sister got. That's their parent's choice and business. If I had a child like that I would not be getting anyone any presents next year. Christmas is supposed to be for spending time with loved ones and practicing your cultures traditions.
Yes and no. Some people just need longer. The parents are fine with him living there.
Load More Replies... I completely disagree that he's being manipulating. I remember feeling the way he does. I still feel that way sometimes. He's 22 and insecure.
Load More Replies... I see a kid lost and not done growing up yet because his parent took care of him. And he is feeling inferior because he feels that his sister is better than him and most probably op always praises or is proud of his daughter but never says anything or much about his son. Of course I understand if op doesn't say much but u gotta be realistic rofl, op can't b******t good stuff about his son.
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