BF Makes GF Stay In The Kitchen When His Friends Come Over, She Leaves In A Rage And They See Her
One of the fundamental pillars of any solid relationship is mutual respect. If your partner does not see you as their equal and they’re ashamed of you, things probably won’t work out, unless they’re willing to do some uncomfortable introspection.
A surefire way to determine what your partner really thinks of you is to see how they treat you in front of their family, friends, and colleagues… that is if they bother to introduce them at all. Redditor u/Rose-thorn6554 turned to the AITA community for advice after her boyfriend unceremoniously hid her in the kitchen when his work friends came over to his place. Scroll down for the full story, in the OP’s own words.
When your partner won’t introduce you to their family or friends, it’s known as ‘pocketing’
Image credits: Luiz Woellner Fotografia (not the actual photo)
One woman turned to the net for help after her partner told her to hide when his friends came over
Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)
Image credits: George Morina (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Rose-thorn6554
The woman was confused by what happened, while her boyfriend tried to spin the situation
If your partner literally tells you to hide and doesn’t introduce you to their colleagues, then there’s something deeply wrong with the entire situation. What muddies the waters even more is the fact that, according to redditor u/Rose-thorn6554, her boyfriend had been fine introducing her to his family members and other friends.
Some redditors thought that, perhaps, he was embarrassed to have his esteemed colleagues meet his girlfriend. Or, some internet users theorized, he may even have another girlfriend at work. Which was why he was so adamant about the OP staying hidden.
However, tired of waiting, the woman left, stunning both her boyfriend and his guests in the process. Confused by the entire situation and accused of acting rudely, she turned to the AITA subreddit for some advice.
In a couple of updates, the OP shared that her boyfriend claims that “they were talking about stuff I wouldn’t understand” and that “he said I should’ve made myself busy making dinner in the kitchen.”
Of course, none of us were there that day, so we don’t know the full picture, but those sound like flimsy excuses. But to cover up what, nobody knows. Bored Panda has reached out to u/Rose-thorn6554 via Reddit to learn more about what happened next and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
When someone avoids having you meet their family and friends, it’s known as ‘pocketing.’ It can be quite hurtful because it indicates that someone’s not serious about the relationship or may be embarrassed how others might change their perceptions of them when they see who they’re dating.
It’s often a bad sign if your partner avoids bringing you deeper into their life
“Pocketing is a situation where a person you’re dating avoids or hesitates to introduce you to their friends, family or other people they know, in-person or on social media, even though you’ve been going out for a while. Your relationship seems non-existent to the public eye,” psychologist and life coach Ana Jovanovic told ‘Better’ by ‘Today.’
“Once the person they are dating meets the friends and family, the facade they worked hard to build will collapse and leave the other person disappointed. By not introducing the person they’re dating to others, they are protecting the fragile image of themselves that attracted the person in the first place,” she explains.
“They may be ashamed of their family and friends and may feel that if their date was to meet them, they would think less of them. This is especially true in cases where there is an educational gap, or big socio-economic or cultural differences,” Jovanovic said.
“Pacing and awaiting the right time to offer an introduction is truly about bringing you and partner closer. Pocketing comes with the intention of hiding away the person you’re dating. Oftentimes the pocketer does not want their partner to meet friends and family; it’s a way of creating space and distance in the relationship,” licensed clinical social worker Rachel Perlstein told ‘Better.’
It’s not hard to notice that your partner may be pocketing you. One red flag is that you both meet up in out-of-the-way places, far away from where their acquaintances might pop up. Another indication that someone’s ashamed of you is that they don’t introduce you to anyone they meet or never mention their family. They also always seem in control of how and where you meet.
Marriage.com also notes that ‘pocketers’ also tend to not invite you over to their place because they don’t want you to know where they live. They also tend to avoid sharing intimate details about their past and will always find some excuse for not introducing you to the other important people in their lives.
The woman shared some more information in the comments
Here’s what some other readers had to say about the relationship drama
Bloody hell! I’ve never heard of such behaviour and he called her rude. What an a*****e! I hope she lost his number.
He is a controlling, manipulative judgemental jerk. She should just sit quietly like a good girl cooling her heals in the kitchen, because "reasons". If bored she should have cooked him his dinner to pass the time, like HELL NO.
Yes! Regardless of whether he’s a cheater or not, he is a certified patronizing control freak living a dream that should have died in the 1950s. “Stay hidden in the kitchen and cook” is an request so ridiculous I don’t know where to start
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Yep, BF'S behavior is totally sus. It sounds like he has a sidechick, or OP has that title. In any case, walking out was the best thing to do in the situation. If she's smart, she won't walk back.
Yes - remember the old adage I wish I’d learned when I was younger, “When people show you who they really are, believe them.”
Load More Replies... I'd say it's equally likely he's afraid of being judged for dating a non-doctor. Which is also not a valid reason to treat his girlfriend the way he did.
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As a career nurse (30+ years)..my strong guess we s that the doctor boyfriend has 'several nurses on a hook' where he works, and his MD friends know it...and the appearance of a girlfriend would've bewildered them. This girl should RUN. I can't count how many times that same old story has unfolded. The doctor- boyfriend has another facet of his life & his world would implode if those worlds collided.
He and his friends are pediatricians. She’s an elementary school teacher. Their common subject is children. Plenty of conversations to be had between her and them. OP’s boyfriend is just a misogynist a*****e.
He left you in the kitchen for an HOUR!?! And then the first thing he tells you is "you were rude"!? He's a gaslighting narcissist and you shouldn't look back from the moment you walked out that door!! Definitely NTA
Are we all just going to ignore the "You should have just started making dinner" comment?
Nope. This is the chauvinistic cherry on the top of his disrespect.
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Hahaha I can’t believe that idiot even thought hiding someone in the kitchen would work, what a doofus! Unless his ’friends’ were dangerous criminals coming to collect money he owed them and didn’t have or something (yes I watch too many movies), I can’t think a single good reason to ask this.
Even if what they were talking about would make her feel uncomfortable because she wouldn't understand, she could've still met them and then go do something else. You know, as normal people do.
First, when you are with your girlfriend, you ask if she minds if surprise company shows up to potentially spoil your dinner plans. If she’s okay with it, you introduce her. Period. Then, if it’s work colleagues, you let her know that she doesn’t have to stick around if she’s not interested in listening to shop talk, but of course she’s perfectly free to stay—she was there first. Donny’s a condescending jerk and she needs dump him yesterday.
I feel so bad for OP. The things that must've gone through her head and the way she felt "hiding" in the kitchen. I'm proud of her for leaving. She did the right thing with what she said also. You have to have boundaries with people and when they cross them you have to stand your ground. I hope she sees this as the walking red flag it is!
He's either cheating or ashamed of her, background/career-wise. There are unfortunately people out there who look down their nose at such things. I'm leaning towards shame, based on his family being aware and meeting you - unless they live long-distance, so could be out of the loop. I wouldn't have even waited the five minutes- and initially would have asked him WTF?
Hiding you is very disrespectful, and the only decent way to not introduce you would be for him to meet them at the door, and say "Sorry guys, this isn't a good time." And then apologise to you, and explain why - eg "If I let them start, they will not leave, they'll stay til midnight." or "These guys are total dickbags, and I have to get along with them for work, but I won't have them around my friends and family or you." That he didn't do that, and is hiding you from work collegues, suggests that he's lying to them or to you. Maybe they think he's single, or he's in a relationship with someone else, or, as doctors, they have treated him for an STD. Or he has lied to you about his work (drama, inflating his responsibilities, fake stories, etc, and doesn't want to be caught out. Or the three of them are doing something illegal, most likely involving prescription drugs, and they were discussing that. This is the time to nope out.
I would have joined the conversation like he invited me and got the answers I needed ... what's Donnie going to say "go back and hide in the kitchen until my friends LEAVE like I ordered you to!?" Nope. He's going to sit there as awkwardly as the few SECONDS I sat in that kitchen. And then he would be the one shooing his friends away before I could get answers and everyone would know something weird was up
Omg, what an absolute bag of dongs! He should be ashamed of that attitude & if that’s how he treats a woman who he’s been with for 3/4 of a year, that doesn’t speak volumes about a good bedside manner. He would NOT be a paediatrician to any of my sisters kids, that’s for sure! Run as far as you can, hon. He’s toxic AF! 🤨🙅♀️
I’m almost positive she’s the other woman. Having met his family and hanging out in public doesn’t mean s**t. My ex-husband’s entire family had met his mistress long before I learned of their affair. They also spent time in public miles away from our home to avoid tuyo to people who might tell me the truth.
Sooo.... No one's gonna mention the "you could have been starting dinner" comment....?
When I had a girlfriend, I was glad to let people meet her because nobody would have believed it otherwise. She shouldn't waste another minute on this dude
He's a snob. She's not good enough for his "doctor" friends, who he probably believes are a higher class than her. He's probably lied about his partner to them, and seeing her, would out him as a liar. Not a good thing for someone in the medical field.
I'm sorry, did he just tell his girlfriend she should have stayed in the kitchen and made their dinner while he hung out with the boys?
If I was her I would leave him asap. This is a precursor to his future behavior to her. If they stay together can see him slowly removing her from friends and family basically to become his slave (emotionally if not physically). It's extremely worrying behavior, manipulative and controlling. She did the right thing leaving. I really hope she stays away from him. It also worries me that he's displaying this type If behavior and is a doctor and therefore in a position of power
No matter what reason he could have for behaving like the lord of the manor to a servant, I hope this was the last time she agreed to see him.
Ahhh yes, another 2 year old reddit post that has been closed and obviously has no resolution. Bored Panda is digging deep for content. The most important thing to ask OP is what country does she live in and what ethnicity and culture are they? It almost sounds like OP more showed up at boyfriends house. BF also might have been expecting company. Depending on culture and country, the idea his colleagues might find him alone in an apartment with her, could be a huge deal. Literally, depending, could deeply impact his career or how well she is received in the future by colleagues. There is way more to the story. Yeah, super crappy of BF, but without all the details the picture is painted from 1 perspective.
What an a$$hole! I see red flags waving like the May 1st parade in Red Square.
NTA. I would leave immediately after he suggested that I should hide in the kitchen while he's hanging out with his friends.
This guy sounds really chauvinistic (hide in the kitchen and make me dinner). Wtf. I think the cheating suggestion is likely, since he doesn't want her to meet coworkers. Whatever it is, it's not good. My less likely suggestion is something involving drugs. Doctors can make a lot of money, but most start their working lives out with a lot of debt.
An hour is excessive. Had it been a few mins, then debatable. But an hour is just rude
He’s got a girlfriend at work. Regardless, he’s the rude one.
Seriously, it's absolutely insane that people have to ask the questions. You're not the a** hole. You're with a sociopath,not a narcissist.
Maybe he was hiding her 'cause he's jealous and/or insecure about her "switching" him. Either way, this is a kind of thing that you sit, think about a lot and decide if you want to stay with someone that makes you go through something like that.
Bloody hell! I’ve never heard of such behaviour and he called her rude. What an a*****e! I hope she lost his number.
He is a controlling, manipulative judgemental jerk. She should just sit quietly like a good girl cooling her heals in the kitchen, because "reasons". If bored she should have cooked him his dinner to pass the time, like HELL NO.
Yes! Regardless of whether he’s a cheater or not, he is a certified patronizing control freak living a dream that should have died in the 1950s. “Stay hidden in the kitchen and cook” is an request so ridiculous I don’t know where to start
Load More Replies... Yep, BF'S behavior is totally sus. It sounds like he has a sidechick, or OP has that title. In any case, walking out was the best thing to do in the situation. If she's smart, she won't walk back.
Yes - remember the old adage I wish I’d learned when I was younger, “When people show you who they really are, believe them.”
Load More Replies... I'd say it's equally likely he's afraid of being judged for dating a non-doctor. Which is also not a valid reason to treat his girlfriend the way he did.
Load More Replies... As a career nurse (30+ years)..my strong guess we s that the doctor boyfriend has 'several nurses on a hook' where he works, and his MD friends know it...and the appearance of a girlfriend would've bewildered them. This girl should RUN. I can't count how many times that same old story has unfolded. The doctor- boyfriend has another facet of his life & his world would implode if those worlds collided.
He and his friends are pediatricians. She’s an elementary school teacher. Their common subject is children. Plenty of conversations to be had between her and them. OP’s boyfriend is just a misogynist a*****e.
He left you in the kitchen for an HOUR!?! And then the first thing he tells you is "you were rude"!? He's a gaslighting narcissist and you shouldn't look back from the moment you walked out that door!! Definitely NTA
Are we all just going to ignore the "You should have just started making dinner" comment?
Nope. This is the chauvinistic cherry on the top of his disrespect.
Load More Replies... Hahaha I can’t believe that idiot even thought hiding someone in the kitchen would work, what a doofus! Unless his ’friends’ were dangerous criminals coming to collect money he owed them and didn’t have or something (yes I watch too many movies), I can’t think a single good reason to ask this.
Even if what they were talking about would make her feel uncomfortable because she wouldn't understand, she could've still met them and then go do something else. You know, as normal people do.
First, when you are with your girlfriend, you ask if she minds if surprise company shows up to potentially spoil your dinner plans. If she’s okay with it, you introduce her. Period. Then, if it’s work colleagues, you let her know that she doesn’t have to stick around if she’s not interested in listening to shop talk, but of course she’s perfectly free to stay—she was there first. Donny’s a condescending jerk and she needs dump him yesterday.
I feel so bad for OP. The things that must've gone through her head and the way she felt "hiding" in the kitchen. I'm proud of her for leaving. She did the right thing with what she said also. You have to have boundaries with people and when they cross them you have to stand your ground. I hope she sees this as the walking red flag it is!
He's either cheating or ashamed of her, background/career-wise. There are unfortunately people out there who look down their nose at such things. I'm leaning towards shame, based on his family being aware and meeting you - unless they live long-distance, so could be out of the loop. I wouldn't have even waited the five minutes- and initially would have asked him WTF?
Hiding you is very disrespectful, and the only decent way to not introduce you would be for him to meet them at the door, and say "Sorry guys, this isn't a good time." And then apologise to you, and explain why - eg "If I let them start, they will not leave, they'll stay til midnight." or "These guys are total dickbags, and I have to get along with them for work, but I won't have them around my friends and family or you." That he didn't do that, and is hiding you from work collegues, suggests that he's lying to them or to you. Maybe they think he's single, or he's in a relationship with someone else, or, as doctors, they have treated him for an STD. Or he has lied to you about his work (drama, inflating his responsibilities, fake stories, etc, and doesn't want to be caught out. Or the three of them are doing something illegal, most likely involving prescription drugs, and they were discussing that. This is the time to nope out.
I would have joined the conversation like he invited me and got the answers I needed ... what's Donnie going to say "go back and hide in the kitchen until my friends LEAVE like I ordered you to!?" Nope. He's going to sit there as awkwardly as the few SECONDS I sat in that kitchen. And then he would be the one shooing his friends away before I could get answers and everyone would know something weird was up
Omg, what an absolute bag of dongs! He should be ashamed of that attitude & if that’s how he treats a woman who he’s been with for 3/4 of a year, that doesn’t speak volumes about a good bedside manner. He would NOT be a paediatrician to any of my sisters kids, that’s for sure! Run as far as you can, hon. He’s toxic AF! 🤨🙅♀️
I’m almost positive she’s the other woman. Having met his family and hanging out in public doesn’t mean s**t. My ex-husband’s entire family had met his mistress long before I learned of their affair. They also spent time in public miles away from our home to avoid tuyo to people who might tell me the truth.
Sooo.... No one's gonna mention the "you could have been starting dinner" comment....?
When I had a girlfriend, I was glad to let people meet her because nobody would have believed it otherwise. She shouldn't waste another minute on this dude
He's a snob. She's not good enough for his "doctor" friends, who he probably believes are a higher class than her. He's probably lied about his partner to them, and seeing her, would out him as a liar. Not a good thing for someone in the medical field.
I'm sorry, did he just tell his girlfriend she should have stayed in the kitchen and made their dinner while he hung out with the boys?
If I was her I would leave him asap. This is a precursor to his future behavior to her. If they stay together can see him slowly removing her from friends and family basically to become his slave (emotionally if not physically). It's extremely worrying behavior, manipulative and controlling. She did the right thing leaving. I really hope she stays away from him. It also worries me that he's displaying this type If behavior and is a doctor and therefore in a position of power
No matter what reason he could have for behaving like the lord of the manor to a servant, I hope this was the last time she agreed to see him.
Ahhh yes, another 2 year old reddit post that has been closed and obviously has no resolution. Bored Panda is digging deep for content. The most important thing to ask OP is what country does she live in and what ethnicity and culture are they? It almost sounds like OP more showed up at boyfriends house. BF also might have been expecting company. Depending on culture and country, the idea his colleagues might find him alone in an apartment with her, could be a huge deal. Literally, depending, could deeply impact his career or how well she is received in the future by colleagues. There is way more to the story. Yeah, super crappy of BF, but without all the details the picture is painted from 1 perspective.
What an a$$hole! I see red flags waving like the May 1st parade in Red Square.
NTA. I would leave immediately after he suggested that I should hide in the kitchen while he's hanging out with his friends.
This guy sounds really chauvinistic (hide in the kitchen and make me dinner). Wtf. I think the cheating suggestion is likely, since he doesn't want her to meet coworkers. Whatever it is, it's not good. My less likely suggestion is something involving drugs. Doctors can make a lot of money, but most start their working lives out with a lot of debt.
An hour is excessive. Had it been a few mins, then debatable. But an hour is just rude
He’s got a girlfriend at work. Regardless, he’s the rude one.
Seriously, it's absolutely insane that people have to ask the questions. You're not the a** hole. You're with a sociopath,not a narcissist.
Maybe he was hiding her 'cause he's jealous and/or insecure about her "switching" him. Either way, this is a kind of thing that you sit, think about a lot and decide if you want to stay with someone that makes you go through something like that.
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