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32 Men Share How Life Turned Upside Down After They Ruined Things With Their Partners
As a hopeless romantic at heart, I honestly believe in true love, finding the one, and all that jazz. However, I am not blind to the fact that we are all humans in the end, so very likely to make mistakes and ruin things even with our soulmates.
Well, when Reddit user Calm-Jackfruit-8671 asked, “To the men who messed it up with an amazing girlfriend/wife, how is your life now?”, male netizens shared whether life turned for the better or worse. If you have messed up similarly, you might also be able to relate to these stories, so just scroll down to read them!
More info: Reddit
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#1
Broke up at 19, she was a great girl and turned out to be a great woman. I was hanging with so called “friends” that was terrible.
Crossed paths at 32, we hung out and recently engaged, getting married in October!
I appreciate her everyday!
RELATED:
#2
Not the man, but my husband and I separated a little over two years ago due to his alcoholism. He eventually went to rehab, did a DBT program, and stayed sober and consistently went to individual therapy and Smart Recovery meetings for over a year. He took accountability for his choices and then started (respectfully and slowly) courting me again, complimenting me and bringing me flowers when he picked up/dropped off the kids, cleaning the kitchen when I finally invited him to stay for dinner, etc. The rest was history and we moved back in together in late October. I certainly can’t say every relationship is repairable and every woman is willing to forgive, sometimes it’s just too late- but very often all it takes is to care enough to put in the work to be better.
Parmeisan 6 months ago
Having seen the sad way this story can end, I would add that it's entirely possible if you hadn't separated then he would never have put the work in. Sometimes people need a kick in the butt to get their life together, and staying with them hoping to guide them through it will actually hurt you both. Of course - sometimes. The million dollar question is which one is it.
#3
Was too young to know how good I had it so we broke up so I could move across the world to stretch my legs. Four lonely years helped me realise the world was kinda overrated without the right person to share it with. I moved back and we reconnected, and now there’s three of us and I’ve never been happier.
Edit: the 3rd person in this scenario is my daughter. Because we got married and had a kid. Wth are people reading 👆🏽and thinking we’re poly?
In a world that is bringing us closer together digitally, it has become quite difficult to connect with people in real life. However, staying together is more challenging as we often hear stories about relationships ending sourly. In fact, a study has revealed that love remains a main source of regret for a typical American, with 19% of men reporting romance regrets.
Our article today is just about that: how men messed up relationships and how things turned out for them afterwards. While there were a few who were able to find happiness later, many spoke about the regret they felt after ruining things with their partners. Speaking about regret, mental health journalist Maria Cassano writes, "Statistically, men deeply regret breakups."
#4
My life sucks pretty bad. She’s doing well, happily married and has a child, so I’m happy for her. The best thing I ever did for her was letting her go when I messed things up. I still love her even though I’ve not had any contact in years. We were together a long time and I wish her to be happy.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 6 months ago
Dog Mom to Zoe: I agree. I don't know why you were downvoted so hard.
#5
I broke up with an incredibly sweet and caring woman that loved me. While I don’t necessarily want her back, I do still feel like an absolutely piece of s**t and like I don’t deserve another chance with somebody else. She loved me and actually cared but I thought I wanted more, I thought I could find something “better”. I wasn’t as physically attracted to her as I wanted to be and i threw it away. I feel like the reason why so many women have such a low opinion of men and why they don’t trust them. All in all I guess I’m doing alright. Things could be worse.
#6
Broke up due to life reasons even though we still deeply loved each other. Fell into depression for a few years after that and never quite recovered.
That was 10 years ago as of this year. I was in my early-mid 20s when we broke up. I've dated a fair amount since then but never found that kind of connection again.
We might wonder, if men truly have regrets about "the one that got away," what makes them sabotage a perfectly healthy relationship in the first place? Well, it has been observed that there can be many reasons behind it, such as fear, low self-esteem, trust difficulties, insecure attachment style, lack of experience, or other mental health issues.
However, according to Maverick Marriage Therapy, "Relationships can be particularly challenging for men due to a combination of societal expectations and internalized beliefs about masculinity. From a young age, many men are taught to equate strength with emotional stoicism, leading them to suppress their feelings rather than express them openly."
"Another factor contributing to the difficulty men experience in relationships is the weight of expectations. Many men feel an immense pressure to fulfill traditional roles as providers and protectors, which can lead to stress and anxiety when they perceive themselves as falling short. These pressures can cause men to withdraw from their partners, fearing judgment or disappointment."
#7
I screwed things up at 18 with a girl I would’ve been happy to marry. Took me almost a decade to get over her. but in that time I became the person I wished I could’ve been for her.
Finally started dating again about 2 years ago. Now I’m really ready for my forever. Wouldn’t have it any other way—I actually know how to act right now.
ILoveMySon 6 months ago
Wow, so young. I can't imagine being with a life partner at 18. But that is me, it works for some.
#8
I’m still dealing with guilt and regret, nearly half a year later. Most of that is from not breaking it off sooner, before some deep resentment took hold. If we had, we might have been able to salvage a friendship.
Chris Jones 6 months ago
Fewer than half remain friends with their exes... so statistically speaking it's unlikely. Not impossible, just less likely.
#9
I wonder how many exes are reading these comments, wondering if the person who messed it up big time with them ever regrets it or misses them. I certainly wonder that at times...
I'm very happy, and I'm glad that ex ended things, because I'm much better off without him. But I do sometimes wonder if he ever regrets the way he treated me. I don't want him to be miserable, but it would be somewhat nice to hear that he wishes he had been better to me.
While there might be valid reasons why men mess up their healthy relationships, the women at the receiving end would surely argue that it's not an excuse that they can use. Sometimes, it so happens that instead of accepting that they have made a mistake, men might put their egos first and completely ruin something that is fixable.
Primer Magazine has listed the 4 common mistakes men make that destroy their relationships: misunderstanding what conflict is all about, giving up the courting process, settling in and letting yourself go, and losing your sense of self and becoming dependent on the relationship.
The best solution would be to avoid these mistakes in the first place, but taking accountability when they happen can actually save a relationship. After all, when women love someone, we try to give them at least one chance before deciding to end things completely, right?
#10
I broke up with my ex a year and a half ago. She was genuinely kind, loving and warm. Saw a future with her.
The most significant flaw was she had a mother who was a narcissist and she couldn't break free from her. I often wonder if she'd been more capable of dealing with her mother if I'd been a better supporter of her but I was deeply concerned she would be reliant on me to deal with her rather than have the strength on her own.
She moved away immediately after I broke it off and blocked me when I tried to patch things up. Which I think for her sake, I'm glad she did. She now loves hours away from her mother and I hope it has given her the chance to escape her shadow.
I think of her regularly, with sorrow.
Dusty's mom 6 months ago
You could very well be correct. It was tough, but your ex needed to be able to stand on her own before getting into a relationship. Well done. I wish the best for you.
#11
It’s been low and dull ever since honestly. I couldn’t have given her the life she deserved anyway.
weatherwitch 6 months ago
Out of curiosity here, give her the life she deserved but that might not actually be the life she wanted? Just an observation 😊
#12
Lost a masterpiece and kept the frame. Wake up each day surrounded by reminders of colors I couldn't maintain, always wishing I could paint over the smudges and learn the medium of patience. Life is now one big study in longing—nothing beats the beauty of what was once vibrant.
When men sabotage good relationships, they also end up messing things up for themselves, as we have read from many of the stories in this list. Research suggests that when relationships break down, men are at risk of mental illness.
It further elaborates that men who were in distress following their breakup used substances, including alcohol, to cope with feelings such as anger, regret, sadness, shame, and guilt.
The team leader of an Australian Family Advocacy and Support Service, Matthew, mentions, "Men are not always good at coping with trauma and loss, sometimes turning to alcohol and other substances as a crutch. These coping methods cause more issues for the relationships and escalate the risk factors for all involved."
"Some men can turn to the internet or online threads to 'justify or minimise' their actions, instead of considering their involvement in the problems."
#13
Things are pretty great. I learned from messing up.
It took quite a few more goes to find the right person.
Don't protect your ego when you f**k up. Feel things and learn.
#15
I’m doing well, but it took a lot of time. Both of us are happily married to other people now.
I feel very fortunate to have bounced back and to see her do the same.
Edit: She will always have a part of my heart, but sometimes love is wanting someone to be happy with someone else, rather than with you.
From all that research, we can definitely glean that it's always better to acknowledge these mistakes and get professional help when it's actually needed. Don't you think so, too? Also, to all our male readers, were you able to relate to any of the stories from our list? Feel free to share your thoughts with us in the comments, and if you have some different experiences, jot them down as well!
#16
I lucked out and found someone just as amazing if not more. Learned my lesson last time and made sure I don’t do d*****s s**t again and I guess it worked out.
#17
Not bad tbh I identified what I was doing wrong and fixed it and my current girl looks at me like I'm the best man in the world. What really bothers me is not being able to make it up to the one who truly deserved it, the person who stuck with me as much as she could during my worst times but now only has hatred in her heart for me.
Sometimes when I'm with my current girl I can't help but think "ex would have enjoyed this so much" and a few times I had teared up.
It sucks but that's life I guess.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
Dude, if you're still thinking "ex would have loved this" while you're doing things with your CURRENT girlfriend... that's messed up. One or two thoughts here and there is inevitable, but still wanting to "make it up" to your ex and thinking about how your ex would have enjoyed xyz thing means you are NOT over your ex, and that's unfair to current girlfriend. ((I know OP can't see my comment, I'm speaking as a generalization to anyone else who might be in this kind of a situation.))
#19
Significantly improved my life all thanks to the wisdom she passed onto me throughout our relationship and applied it afterwards. I honestly think of her often and am happy to know that she’s doing well in life too.
#20
My life is pretty terrible. Every ex I've ever had was right to leave me.
#21
It was 30 years ago and I don't act like that anymore. But you think memories will fade over time and that later in your life it will be foggy.
Nope. It's always like it happened just yesterday, no sense of distance. It remains with you.
#22
Chances are most of them never even realized that they lost something great. Just too d**n self- centered. And yes I'm speaking from experience.
#23
We're together now. It only took nine years and a failed marriage for me to work up the guts to tell her how I really felt about her (six years with my ex and 3 years of rebuilding myself emotionally and financially). It didn't take me nearly that long to second guess myself.
#24
I messed up, she also messed up too. We both did some unkimd things to eachother. We went our ways dated other people for a few years. Found eachother again, apologized, talked through things and now we are 3 years strong strong and I plan to propose soon.
#25
Decade later. miserable.
#27
Honestly…it’s really fkn hard. I wish every single day that I didn’t break up with her. So many things remind me of her and there’s still a glimmer of hope that we will be together…I just have no idea how to even approach it and tell her I still love her without opening up previous emotional wounds. I’ve dated after and it just doesn’t feel right.
Hosteshumanigeneris 6 months ago
You'll miss 100% of the shots not taken so even if she rejects you, you will have the solace of knowing that you gave your all (P.S. I'm a woman)
#28
Hey, I'm actually doing really well now. I've learned a lot from that experience and grown as a person. Thanks for asking.
#29
I miss her. Now I'm losing another person right now. Perfect timing for this post. It was in 2018 the first time.
#30
Everytime looking back years later it’s turned out to be a good thing it happened. So good.
#31
My partner of 3yrs left me in November, no explanation just wasn’t happy anymore, I still think about her every day but every day it gets a bit easier. If it’s meant to be it will be. Love always prevails :).
weatherwitch 6 months ago
Not to be horrible but maybe you just weren't hearing her so she gave up trying?
#32
Mutual split. Miss her. Never felt the love from someone like that before. Circumstances prevented us from staying together. Chose to stay in a toxic household with a toxic ex. It is what it is.
What do you think ?
Lyone Fein 6 months ago
I think the most difficult thing men face after a break up is the same thing as the most difficult thing they face while they are in a relationship: taking responsibility for their actions and for their part in the problems in the relationship.
Chris the Bobcat 6 months ago
What happened? I moved on. I made mistakes, I had triumphs. Basically, life went on. Haven't seen her in half a lifetime. Married and divorced since then. Wouldn't take either of them back. The first and I are two different people now. The second is welcome to the past.
JayWantsACat 6 months ago
One of my exes and I were basically perfect for each other...except I wanted to move out of my hometown, at least for a while, and she didn't want to leave her family. She's happily married with kids. And as much as I loved her, and still do, me staying even for her would've been miserable for me and I would;ve ruined the great thing we had. It worked out the best for both of us but, still, it's always "what if...?" with her because we loved each other and were on the same page for most everything. Except where to live.
Craig Reynolds 6 months ago
You were not perfect for each other, because neither of you was willing to set aside your wants for the other. You wanted to leave town, but she didn't! It would not have mattered who set aside their wants for the other; the result would have been the same, so in that regard, there is no "what if" to ponder, and you should free your mind of that. If you two were meant to be, you would have traveled, returned, and found her still single with a chance to rekindle. That didn't happen, so just accept that fate had different destinies for each of you.
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 6 months ago
I think the most difficult thing men face after a break up is the same thing as the most difficult thing they face while they are in a relationship: taking responsibility for their actions and for their part in the problems in the relationship.
Chris the Bobcat 6 months ago
What happened? I moved on. I made mistakes, I had triumphs. Basically, life went on. Haven't seen her in half a lifetime. Married and divorced since then. Wouldn't take either of them back. The first and I are two different people now. The second is welcome to the past.
JayWantsACat 6 months ago
One of my exes and I were basically perfect for each other...except I wanted to move out of my hometown, at least for a while, and she didn't want to leave her family. She's happily married with kids. And as much as I loved her, and still do, me staying even for her would've been miserable for me and I would;ve ruined the great thing we had. It worked out the best for both of us but, still, it's always "what if...?" with her because we loved each other and were on the same page for most everything. Except where to live.
Craig Reynolds 6 months ago
You were not perfect for each other, because neither of you was willing to set aside your wants for the other. You wanted to leave town, but she didn't! It would not have mattered who set aside their wants for the other; the result would have been the same, so in that regard, there is no "what if" to ponder, and you should free your mind of that. If you two were meant to be, you would have traveled, returned, and found her still single with a chance to rekindle. That didn't happen, so just accept that fate had different destinies for each of you.
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