Man Asks Internet To Tell Him If He Is A Jerk For Telling Girlfriend Not To Regulate How His Daughter Looks
The dating world as an adult is an incredibly difficult one: finding the time to go on dates, trying to get to know the person while looking out for red flags and trying to understand if you’re compatible. If you are a single parent, it’s even harder. Your new partner and child must be at least somewhat compatible so they don’t fight each other daily.
Reddit user u/throwwra__fix399 details his story, wondering if he is a jerk for telling his girlfriend not to order his daughter around.
More info: Reddit Part 1 | Reddit Part 2
Finding love as a single parent is more difficult than you may imagine as the person has to be perfect for you and your children
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual image)
A father on Reddit wanted to know if he is a jerk for not allowing his girlfriend to control the way his daughter looks
Image credits: u/throwwra__fix399
His girlfriend and daughter got along pretty well, till OP came back from a trip and his daughter had been forced to wash off her “provocative” makeup before going out
Image credits: u/throwwra__fix399
Only 4 days after his initial post, OP came back with an update, although not a happy one
Image credits: ROMAN ODINTSOV (not the actual image)
Turns out she made OP’s daughter wash off her makeup because she looked “like a sl*t,” according to her
Image credits: u/throwwra__fix399
OP was having none of this and told her to leave his house, which she did later that evening
Image credits: u/throwwra__fix399
The dad specifies in the comments that he has no hang-ups with his daughter dressing however she wants
OP begins the story by saying that he has been with his current girlfriend for three years now, and six months ago, they moved in together. He mentions that he is a widower and a single parent and that he wanted to make sure that their relationship was serious before she moved in together with him and his daughter.
This had proved successful, as he says that “generally they get along pretty well.” He informed his girlfriend that he wasn’t looking for a stepmom as his daughter was already old enough not to need a new maternal figure in her life. He later clarified that his daughter is 16 years old.
The trouble in the story begins while OP had been away for two days on a camping trip, and his girlfriend stayed at home with the daughter. He had given his blessing for his daughter to go to a party while he was away, but when he came back, she told him that his girlfriend had ordered her around while he was gone. She was told to “wash her makeup off” and put “less provocative” makeup on before going out.
OP mentions that he became furious with his girlfriend. He told her that “she wasn’t allowed to order my daughter around,” especially if he had allowed it before. This caused a huge fight, after which the girlfriend and the father barely talked.
Coming back with an update 4 days later, OP starts by saying that it isn’t a happy one. The following day after his initial post, he tried having a serious discussion about boundaries and their relationship with the girlfriend. The discussion got pretty heated, and OP tells us that the girlfriend revealed the reason for telling his daughter to wash her makeup off.
According to the girlfriend, she looked like a “sl*t.” The father was having none of that and told her to pack her bags. She left later that night and they seemed to have broken up as OP says “I’ll have to remain a single dad for a bit longer.” Since she moved out, they haven’t talked at all, besides the girlfriend saying that she’ll pick up her things next week.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
If you’re a single parent, especially a single dad hoping to find love again one day – you are not alone, says DAD.info. They want to empower dads to find love by talking about the entire process.
The biggest practical problem for single parents looking for a relationship is a lack of time. It’s difficult enough to find time to get into the dating world without raising a child. Another important thing to consider is that finding the “perfect” person is much more difficult as they have to be perfect for at least two people – you and your child.
That withstanding, it is possible to find love, and Men’sHealth has several tips for any dads that may be seeking. The thing to begin is to ease into the dating world as you need time for your child, yourself, and anything else that may require it. Furthermore, your kids should know about it too. They should know that you need someone you can share your interests with and have fun with.
You should understand what kind of person you’re seeking and look for them. They should also know that your children are a priority to you no matter what, and they must be comfortable with it. You shouldn’t tell your kids too much about your potential partner, but you could suggest that they could meet them. Of course, you should prioritize your kids and make sure that they only meet them when they are comfortable.
Finally, an important thing to avoid is your children getting attached to someone and that someone leaving your life. It may make kids pessimistic and cynical about relationships, and you certainly don’t want that happening to your little ones.
The original post collected a whopping 15 thousand upvotes and more than 4 thousand comments. OP also clarified in the comments that he doesn’t believe in shaming people for their attire and is perfectly comfortable with his daughter expressing herself through her appearance. What are your thoughts about the story? What would you have done? Let us know in the comments!
Many commenters praised him for his actions and called him a great dad, calling out the ex for overstepping
Image credits: Mauricio Mascaro (not the actual image)
A 16 year old in make up and revealing clothes doesn't look like a 's**t', she looks like a 16 year old who discovers the fun of dressing up and might go further than current society's boundaries. Let them have some fun, FFS. And any man who thinks it's an invitation or justification is a sex pest that doesn't belong into society, period.
Exactly. A tank top and makeup isn't asking for it any more than those dresses grandmas wear to church.
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what the actual f**k a 16-year-old going to a party with makeup on her makes her a s**t???? okay then so almost every woman/person with makeup on, makes them a s**t. OP RUN this is not ok .
GF could've taken a picture and sent it to dad to see what he thinks. If dad thinks it's fine it's none of her business. Besides. Daughter is just going to wash off the make-up and put it back on when she leaves the house anyway. Was GF never a teenager?
You're so right. If GF had really cared about the daughter, she would have asked daughter to get her Dad involved. "I know you think it's okay, but it really, really isn't, come, let's ask your Dad what he thinks". But no, she did all that behind his back.
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I found a new boyfriend when my daughter was 16... she new him as a friend in a group of group of friends i/we have... She and some our friends helped us find eachother... Today my boyfriend and my daughter make eachother so happy. And we have been together for 9 years... He is friends with her father and a supplement to adults / rollemodels in her life...
That's so lovely! I'm at an age where my next partner might have kids that age, and this is what I would want to achieve.
Load More Replies... OP is a great dad. When his gf called his daughter a s**t, the relationship ended right there. He does not need to have a conversation with her relationship is over end of discussion.
Dating with children has to be one of the most difficult things. I've chosen not to have kids myself, but have and have know many single parents trying to navigate dating and more times than not, it's disastrous. One of my best friends recently asked her husband to choose between her or his adult son and I'm sure you see where this is heading. And that may be the most extreme example I have, I have plenty more. Tough.
Word of advice, OP. This is what you get when your girlfriend is only 12 years older than your 16 year old daughter. Start dating more age-appropriate people. In other words, old enough to have 16 year old children themselves—-and I don’t mean giving birth when they’re barely out of adolescence, I mean people who were closer to your girlfriend’s age when they got pregnant. They’re more likely to know not to call your daughter a s**t just because her makeup—-for a party, ffs—-was a bit heavy. You know, like someone who has experience with teenagers would have, unlike some who was still a teenager herself less than a decade ago.
OP is 33. And frankly, someone who was a teenager less than a decade ago should remember what it was like to be judged for expressing themselves.
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Wondering if the ex had some bad experiences and/or was worried the girl would find herself in trouble looking older or something (hell, I know I did)- either way the "s**t" comment was outrageous, no question. I totally get OP not wanting his girlfriend parenting his daughter but it sounds like he just expected her to act like a roommate, a roommate to a teenager at that; how would that work out? The ex would never feel like part of the family. I think navigating all of that is difficult for anyone but ex was only 28. Sounds like OP should wait til the kid moves out before he moves anyone else in. Did anyone catch OP's age?
Despite what the OP called it, his update was indeed a happy one. Sometimes happy outcomes hurt just as much as sad ones. Sometimes more. The difference is that the happy ones are worth it. Sometimes that's the only difference.
Reminds me of when I was a teenager, I was not allowed to wear any makeup at all. My mother lied and said that mascara makes your eyelashes fall out. And when I came home one time after a girl friend had sprayed perfume on me she claimed she was allergic and made me wash it off. That might have been believable except for the fact that she was sobbing at the time. Sobbing is not an allergic reaction, it's an emotional reaction. I am not talking about eyes watering, which could very well be an allergic reaction, but full out hysterical sobbing. She didn't want me to grow up!
i have to say it. i understand that the gf was worried about how the daughter looked but if the OP clearly stated that hes not looking for a step mom for his daughter she had no right to try and control his daughter. she cant step in as his daughters guardian wen hes not around. the fact his daughter is 16 makes it worse too. but even worse then that she called the daughter a s**t which is way too far. wearing make up and party clothes does not make u a s**t. not to mention shes in high school and high school girls wear make up and go to parties its not like shes going to the club and can get picked up by older men. the gf was out of control.
Who the f**k does the ex think she is calling a 16 year old a s**t. So glad dad dumped the biatch
Step-parenting 1A: Your step children have had a relationship w/ your SO LONG before you came along. Choose the hills you're going to die on very carefully- a 16yr-old's makeup isn't one of them. Never miss an opportunity to shut up- your step children will love you for it. NTA & if I were OP I'd re-examine this relationship- it smells off IMO
If your girlfriend moved, she is like a mother figure. And if you trust her enough to move in and be part of your and your daughter's life, you should trust her enough, to correct your daughter or punish your daughter. She is still a teenager and will make bad decisions. That's sad that you would rather have your mother to be there for your daughter instead of your live in girlfriend (now x), that would be right there incase of a life or death situation.
Another woman double standard. There is no way if the roles were reversed that she accept the same behavior from him
That made no sense what so ever. If who did what when? What “double standard”? What are you talking about?
Load More Replies... I'm surprised that the OP/father doesn't see any problem with adding to his family without adding to his daughter's family. >>He's trying to force two separate families to live together with him at the same time.<< That is unless his gf is merely a s*** side piece herself and not a part of his family. He didn't think this through before moving her in.
… What? What are you talking about? Did you even read the post?
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Are you kidding? I LOVE not having to go on Reddit, I think it’s awesome. Keep it coming, BP.
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He never put her in that role, she inserted herself in it.
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A 16 year old in make up and revealing clothes doesn't look like a 's**t', she looks like a 16 year old who discovers the fun of dressing up and might go further than current society's boundaries. Let them have some fun, FFS. And any man who thinks it's an invitation or justification is a sex pest that doesn't belong into society, period.
Exactly. A tank top and makeup isn't asking for it any more than those dresses grandmas wear to church.
Load More Replies... what the actual f**k a 16-year-old going to a party with makeup on her makes her a s**t???? okay then so almost every woman/person with makeup on, makes them a s**t. OP RUN this is not ok .
GF could've taken a picture and sent it to dad to see what he thinks. If dad thinks it's fine it's none of her business. Besides. Daughter is just going to wash off the make-up and put it back on when she leaves the house anyway. Was GF never a teenager?
You're so right. If GF had really cared about the daughter, she would have asked daughter to get her Dad involved. "I know you think it's okay, but it really, really isn't, come, let's ask your Dad what he thinks". But no, she did all that behind his back.
Load More Replies... I found a new boyfriend when my daughter was 16... she new him as a friend in a group of group of friends i/we have... She and some our friends helped us find eachother... Today my boyfriend and my daughter make eachother so happy. And we have been together for 9 years... He is friends with her father and a supplement to adults / rollemodels in her life...
That's so lovely! I'm at an age where my next partner might have kids that age, and this is what I would want to achieve.
Load More Replies... OP is a great dad. When his gf called his daughter a s**t, the relationship ended right there. He does not need to have a conversation with her relationship is over end of discussion.
Dating with children has to be one of the most difficult things. I've chosen not to have kids myself, but have and have know many single parents trying to navigate dating and more times than not, it's disastrous. One of my best friends recently asked her husband to choose between her or his adult son and I'm sure you see where this is heading. And that may be the most extreme example I have, I have plenty more. Tough.
Word of advice, OP. This is what you get when your girlfriend is only 12 years older than your 16 year old daughter. Start dating more age-appropriate people. In other words, old enough to have 16 year old children themselves—-and I don’t mean giving birth when they’re barely out of adolescence, I mean people who were closer to your girlfriend’s age when they got pregnant. They’re more likely to know not to call your daughter a s**t just because her makeup—-for a party, ffs—-was a bit heavy. You know, like someone who has experience with teenagers would have, unlike some who was still a teenager herself less than a decade ago.
OP is 33. And frankly, someone who was a teenager less than a decade ago should remember what it was like to be judged for expressing themselves.
Load More Replies... Wondering if the ex had some bad experiences and/or was worried the girl would find herself in trouble looking older or something (hell, I know I did)- either way the "s**t" comment was outrageous, no question. I totally get OP not wanting his girlfriend parenting his daughter but it sounds like he just expected her to act like a roommate, a roommate to a teenager at that; how would that work out? The ex would never feel like part of the family. I think navigating all of that is difficult for anyone but ex was only 28. Sounds like OP should wait til the kid moves out before he moves anyone else in. Did anyone catch OP's age?
Despite what the OP called it, his update was indeed a happy one. Sometimes happy outcomes hurt just as much as sad ones. Sometimes more. The difference is that the happy ones are worth it. Sometimes that's the only difference.
Reminds me of when I was a teenager, I was not allowed to wear any makeup at all. My mother lied and said that mascara makes your eyelashes fall out. And when I came home one time after a girl friend had sprayed perfume on me she claimed she was allergic and made me wash it off. That might have been believable except for the fact that she was sobbing at the time. Sobbing is not an allergic reaction, it's an emotional reaction. I am not talking about eyes watering, which could very well be an allergic reaction, but full out hysterical sobbing. She didn't want me to grow up!
i have to say it. i understand that the gf was worried about how the daughter looked but if the OP clearly stated that hes not looking for a step mom for his daughter she had no right to try and control his daughter. she cant step in as his daughters guardian wen hes not around. the fact his daughter is 16 makes it worse too. but even worse then that she called the daughter a s**t which is way too far. wearing make up and party clothes does not make u a s**t. not to mention shes in high school and high school girls wear make up and go to parties its not like shes going to the club and can get picked up by older men. the gf was out of control.
Who the f**k does the ex think she is calling a 16 year old a s**t. So glad dad dumped the biatch
Step-parenting 1A: Your step children have had a relationship w/ your SO LONG before you came along. Choose the hills you're going to die on very carefully- a 16yr-old's makeup isn't one of them. Never miss an opportunity to shut up- your step children will love you for it. NTA & if I were OP I'd re-examine this relationship- it smells off IMO
If your girlfriend moved, she is like a mother figure. And if you trust her enough to move in and be part of your and your daughter's life, you should trust her enough, to correct your daughter or punish your daughter. She is still a teenager and will make bad decisions. That's sad that you would rather have your mother to be there for your daughter instead of your live in girlfriend (now x), that would be right there incase of a life or death situation.
Another woman double standard. There is no way if the roles were reversed that she accept the same behavior from him
That made no sense what so ever. If who did what when? What “double standard”? What are you talking about?
Load More Replies... I'm surprised that the OP/father doesn't see any problem with adding to his family without adding to his daughter's family. >>He's trying to force two separate families to live together with him at the same time.<< That is unless his gf is merely a s*** side piece herself and not a part of his family. He didn't think this through before moving her in.
… What? What are you talking about? Did you even read the post?
Load More Replies... Are you kidding? I LOVE not having to go on Reddit, I think it’s awesome. Keep it coming, BP.
Load More Replies... He never put her in that role, she inserted herself in it.
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